lyrics:

i wish i was brave i-
don't have the confidence to even wave
take my own pace
cause i don't think i could ever meet your face

there's a lot that i'm going through
everyday it's something new i-
look in the mirror don't like the view 
don't think i'm good enough for you i-

i'd like to think i saw you in my dreams
but out in real life you won't ever see me

i'm not your type i-
found that out when i heard you liked some guy
he's bound to hurt you
you won't believe it
but that's what they all do

i'm not better didn't say i was i-
i've sure got a lot of scars i-
can't talk without my guitar
will you accept me with open arms i-

i'd like to think i saw you in my dreams
but out in real life you won't ever see me

you haunt me every night
you're in everything i write
the dream ends before i ask why
that's okay i'll see you tonight

i'd like to think i saw you in my dreams
but out in real life you won't ever see me

in my dreams (voice memo)

LYRICS:
 
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU
THERE'S NOTHING THAT I COULD DO
I KNOW THAT IT'S ME YOU MISS
 I JUST COULDN'T SEE YOU LIKE THIS
WHAT COULD HAVE MADE YOU THIS WAY
MAYBE THINGS DIDN'T STAY THE SAME

OH IT COULD'VE BEEN ME
WITH THE WAY YOU DRINK
I WOULD'VE BEEN LEFT TO SINK
OH IT COULD'VE BEEN ME
WITH THE WAY YOU THINK
I WOULD'VE BEEN GONE IN A BLINK

IT'S THE SAME GOD DAMN THING
EVERYDAY IN THIS HOUSE
I NEED TO FIND A WAY OUT
A WAY OUT

"EVERYTHING I DO IS FOR YOU"
AND YOU DARE TO SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT
OOO WITH THE WAY YOU ACT
YOU LEAVE AND THEN COME BACK
YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU MISSED THIS
BUT REALLY YOU'RE JUST ON THE SAME SHIT
YOU SAY YOU FUCKING HATE THIS TOWN
BUT LOOK WHERE YOU'RE AT RIGHT NOW

OH IT COULD'VE BEEN ME
WITH THE WAY YOU DRINK
I WOULD'VE BEEN LEFT TO SINK
OH IT COULD'VE BEEN ME
WITH THE WAY YOU THINK
I WOULD'VE BEEN GONE IN A BLINK

MOST DAYS LOCKED UP IN MY ROOM 
JUST DOING MY BEST FORGETTING YOU
PUMCHING HOLES IN THE WALL
I'M IGNORING YOUR CALLS
HEAR YOU OUT IN THE HALL
YELL I'M NOTHING AT ALL
SAY THE BOTTLES TO BLAME
THEY'RE IGNORING MY CLAIMS
LIKE THEY CAN'T HEAR YOUR NAME
SAYING I SHOULD BE ASHAMED
BUT I AM NOT THE SAME

ONE LOUD NOISE I GET SO-
SCARED OF SUDDEN TOUCHES
IT'S BEEN SO LONG BUT I KNOW- 
MY MIND WON'T STOP RUSHING

GET OUT MY HEAD
GET OUT MY HEAD
GET OUT MY HEAD
GET OUT

OH IT COULD'VE BEEN ME
WITH THE WAY YOU DRINK
I WOULD'VE BEEN LEFT TO SINK
OH IT COULD'VE BEEN ME
WITH THE WAY YOU THINK
I WOULD'VE BEEN GONE IN A BLINK

What I Have To Say (PROD. Eighteen)

We thought we could fly
Only eighteen and ready to fight 
For our lives
got tired of the wait
Until we could leave this state 
It can’t be too late

Bags Packed, and waiting out your back door
no gas, and runnin’ til our legs swore 
And IF you lose me meet me down in Mexico
don’t ever lose me,  I'll never lose you
no going back to what we used to call home      
You can’t survive a night again, yeah that I know
We’ll have somewhere to go 
Somewhere we'll know
Somewhere we'll grow 

Blood flooded down your face 
You tell me it’s just a mistake 
That you’re okay 
You tell me to get some sleep
Tell me just to breathe 
Like it’s nothing

Don’t you tell me I’m fine I know it’s lie caused i have used that line
Tell me of your pain and I’ll try to let you in on all of mine

You’re trying to talk to me
can’t hear you over the screams 
This is all it ever seems to be
You tell me not to cry
kept believing how he was right 
That I’m nothing 

Don’t you tell me I’m fine I know it’s lie caused i have used that line
Tell me of your pain and I’ll try to let you in on all of mine

Bags Packed,  and waiting out your back door
no gas, and runnin’ til our legs swore 
And If you lose me meet me down in Mexico
don’t ever lose me,  I'll never lose you
no going back to what we used to call home      
You can’t survive a night again, yeah that I know
We’ll have somewhere to go 
Somewhere where we'll both know
Somewhere where we'll both grow

Runaways (PROD. EIGHTEEN)

guitar sample from kirigerbs on TikTok

lyrics:
Tell me am I meant for this
How I could I resist
King of all my excuses
Is there such a thing as bliss
How could it exist 
All this time I’ve been useless
Tell me what you see with those eyes
Blue endless skies
Show me how you were ruthless

“Just stop. you are all the things that are wrong with you.”

It’s time to feel
I have heal
Dissociate until I’m real
No more problems
Too tired to solve them
Dig my way up from the bottom          

Oh I’m ashamed to admit 
How I wish for confidence 
Please show me how you were ruthless 

Been living like a ghost 
It’s all self provoked 
I had the money to get out but I stayed at home 
Stockholm syndrome 
Close the curtains don’t let ‘em see through the windows 
Don’t make their heads turn, stay on your tip toes 
“Oh you’re doing well.” Oh-fuck your innuendoes 
The path of primrose  
If that's my end bury me with the willows

show me how you were ruthless

primrose path

(guitar loop from tekken96141 on looperman : https://www.looperman.com/loops/detail/297394/throwback-fake-nexus-guitar-662-free-150bpm-dance-electric-guitar-loop )

I don’t know where it’s coming from
It’s from the past - all the things I don’t talk about
Stuck in my throat
Catatonic 
Got me stressed out
All these ghosts 
Live forever
Like they devote 

There’s a time and place
For all the pain 
And you don’t need to see me
Relieve the scenes
That haunt my dreams
And I just need some space to breathe
Before I blow my head off clean

I don’t know where it’s coming from
It’s from the past - all the things I don’t talk about
Stuck in my throat
Catatonic 
Got me stressed out
All these ghosts 
Live forever
Like they devote 

Yeah I know we’ve been unstable 
You try to tell me lay my truth out on the table
It’s just a few words but why does it feel fatal?
Communication- yeah- I know it is the staple
I know you’re at your breaking point
I’ll put in work 
Yeah You can go, but sure hope you stay

I don’t know where it’s coming from
It’s from the past - all the things I don’t talk about
Stuck in my throat
Catatonic  
Got me stressed out
All these ghosts 
Live forever
Like they devote 

I know you're at your breaking point
I'll put in work
yeah you can go, but I sure hope you stay

"And also-I-for myself-I hope I get better. With each day, month, year of my life at forgiving myself because I'm so good at forgiving everyone and everything else."

catatonic

piano loop by punkworldthreat: https://www.looperman.com/loops/detail/257616/sad-kawaii-anime-type-loop-piano-bells-free-148bpm-lo-fi-piano-loop

lyrics:
I’ve been waiting for the end
Too tired to play pretend
I lost myself a long time ago inside my own head
But I saw you from a distance
And I swear I knew that smile
The one that reassured me of my own existence  

If our lives had to be rewritten
I would find a way to keep you in it
It’s okay if you relearn my name 
Cause when you do I know it’ll be safe
Maybe I’ll find you out in the islands
Or back in that room with your drawings 
That haunted house were you were honest
About everything right down to our promise

I’ve been waiting for the end
Too tired to play pretend
I lost myself a long time ago inside my own head
But I saw you from a distance
And I swear I knew that smile
The one that reassured me of my own existence  
 
Knew I’d see you again 
Went through oblivion  
Just out of arm’s length
my friends they “give me strength”
Don’t hide your eyes
Afraid of the wise
But I know that our hearts will have the same ties   
Don’t dread guidance 
Trust in reliance 
Maybe your looks new
But I know you’re still you

I’ve been waiting for the end
Too tired to play pretend
I lost myself a long time ago inside my own head
But I saw you from a distance
And I swear I knew that smile
The one that reassured me of my own existence

wayfinder

streaming: https://t.co/LriiXmwtnb

lyrics:
memories still flood my head 
they’re all of you and me
I hate to think of all that
cause it’s not how it use to be

all I can do is wish you the best
cause I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again
I hate to think about old friends
and how I really wasn’t their friend

if you were to meet me now
you probably wouldn’t like me
cause you’re probably thinking how 
I’m not who I use to be

all I can do is wish you the best
cause I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again
I hate to think about old friends
and how I really wasn’t their friend

do you ever reminisce about the stupid shit that we did as kids
late nights when we’d drive in your car up to the hill get lost in the stars yeah
two years- no it’s been about five since we’ve said good-bye 
didn’t know it was the last time

all I can do is wish you the best
cause I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again
I hate to think about old friends
and how I really wasn’t their friend

old friends (prod. EIGHTEEN)

an original song of mine. hope you like it.

All My Friends

a song about feeling like you don't belong.

special thanks to khareel for joining me on this song.

Home (ft. Khareel)

It’s three AM again
And I’m drowning in my own damn bed
Haunted by mistakes
There was no escape
Now I know my place

Tired of being afraid
Blinded by pain
I hope you don’t say my name in vain
I’m okay with that
All of that’s in the past
I’m sorry for all the things I lacked

forgive myself for all of my sins
Let out the monsters under my skin

I won’t let some missteps break me
My fuckups-yeah-they don’t make me
Gotta live with that-gotta learn to let it go
Exist with my past -be someone I wanna know
Started to think I didn’t deserve it
Fuck that- i know that I’m worth it
gonna live my life - gonna start to let it go
Start to love myself- that’s all I wanna know

Tired of being afraid
I don’t want fame
I don’t care if they know my name
Don’t wanna feel ashamed
Trying to out run the rain
Chasing dreams - not goin' insane
 Working that 9 to 5
 tryna stay alive
 I didn’t want this life 

forgive myself for all of my sins
Let out the monsters under my skin

I won’t let some missteps break me
My fuckups-yeah-they don’t make me
Gotta live with that-gotta learn to let it go
Exist with my past -be someone I wanna know
Started to think I didn’t deserve it
Fuck that- i know that I’m worth it
gonna live my life - gonna start to let it go
Start to love myself- that’s all I wanna know

Will you ride the ride
Will you take your time
Will you just enjoy life

I won’t let some missteps break me
My fuckups-yeah-they don’t make me
Gotta live with that-gotta learn to let it go
Exist with my past -be someone I wanna know
Started to think I didn’t deserve it
Fuck that- i know that I’m worth it
gonna live my life - gonna start to let it go
Start to love myself- that’s all I wanna know

ollie c.

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