lyrics:

hey i'm sorry that it's a while,
but please don't frown- you look so down.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry.

the IV drip that was pumping,
my blood went out and i'm slowly,
going out,
tonight.

i just wanted to tell you the truth,
but i'd rather lie to you.
so,

i'm sorry that i'm not here rn,
but i hope you're down and that you always frown,
when you realize-
it was you.

the IV drip that was pumping,
my blood went out and i'm slowly-
going out,
. . .

it's not my fault that you never cared.
it's not my fault that i made you bear-
all that bullsh_t.
all that bullsh_t.

IV drip

i don't do friends anymore because of you.


- lyrics
what if i told you i'm leaving?
what if i told you, i'm fine?
what if i lied about wanting to stay, here?
what if i never wanted to be with you?

maybe if i had kept it to myself
i wouldn't be losing my friends.
maybe if i had learned to be silent
i wouldn't be crying in bed.

i wanna feel happy.
i want to love.
you were someone so dear to me
but now like all of the others you're gone.
and now i can't get you back-
i can't smile at you.
i can't talk to you-
tell you i love you.

because you meant the world to me.

(you meant the world to me)

what if i had just kept my mouth shut?
what if i had just been silent?
would you still be texting me on Discord?
Telling me 'what you doin?'
'where you been?'
'how are you?'
'wanna call? i wanna talk to you.'

because i miss you.
(i miss you.)

but i guess it's my fault-
i can't keep everything.
i guess it's my fault-
that i can't handle my own pain.
because i'm used to fixing others
that I can't fix myself.
now all my problems don't make any sense,
and i'm slowly making you leave

[again].

bathtub drownings

people i love always leave

this is to the girl in my reflection who taught to say "whatever" but with meaning.

lyrics:
i remember the night
you took my hand and said 'lets fly'.
(but) for a while i believed you
held my breath with you.

but then the moonlight came
and showed the silver lining between our worlds.
still i hope you know
-that you look so beautiful.

the girl in my reflection
always seem to be so tired.
she told me 'what are you doing'
'get your life together'
'you know we're gonna be alright at the end'
'coz youre the main character'

well whatever, well whatever.
whatever. 

everyday i'd tie my hair back up
i'll tell myself today's the day alright.
no more fighting, no more struggles.
no more pain, no more hurdles.

i go to school and put my head held high
and the first (few) parents walking by-
and i shrink right back into my little cage
asking the girl if we're gonna be okay
she says, 'whatever'. 

'your height, or your status, doesn't mean your worth.'
'just practice, to be okay.'
'and not to fake it.'

'smile when you please and as you are.'
becoz the day will come when someone will ask you, sincerely from their heart:

whats the matter?
where you from?
whats the issue?
are you gone?

just say whatever. 
it doesnt matter what they think of me
but i can't help cry myself to sleep.
'it's alright we're gonna be okay,' she says.

what about forever?
'what about forever?'

will you forever be the girl in my reflection?
she said, 'i am you as you are'
'but i cant get through to you, can't you see?'

'youre asking for my help like and out-of-body experience.'

i said, it is a sign of my sadness?
she said, 'probably but who cares.'

'say whatever.'

maybe i'll get to you one day
and tell you that we'll be all okay.
hold my hand let's go find the silver lining, between the clouds.

hold my hand, let's fly.
far away. 

'let's fly away.' 

so no more saying 'whatever'.
no more thinking 'whatever'.
no more.

jay

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