spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5lTeS2AOY3NyTELjl5sIHr?si=506ffc3f1c874be7

p. joshwa (@prodbyjoshwa)
inspired by @starfall
mix n master by me
trying somethin different
this song means a lot
i hope you enjoy listening

///
oh ive been wrapped up in this hurt
for way too long
everything that i do man i do it for u
and youve taken advantage
what did i do? i just don't understand it
the mental strain is way too much for me
i ask you to stop and i plead on my knees
the dip in my confidence, what i achieve
everything that you are doing to me

or do you want me taking the drugs like the rest?
fail all my classes and blame it on meds
cause deep in my gut i dont think that you care
look in the mirror and pull out my hair

oh youve been hurting me bad
i want me back
i got all this damn blood on my hands
skip town with a quick money advance
cause you stole me away from me
and i hold on desperately
but my grip is not strong
oh youre in the wrong
ran out of options i have to stay strong

cause i try so hard
do what i can but i can't make it far
no i can't make it far
do what i can and i'm trying so hard

oh youve been hurting me bad
i want me back
i got all this damn blood on my hands
skip town with a quick money advance
cause you stole me away from me
and i hold on desperately
but my grip is not strong
oh youre in the wrong
ran out of options i have to stay strong

tired

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5tAXiV5Ty4zKs0Bjd45qXr?si=075203ff1f204884

p. joshwa (@prodbyjoshwa)
mix n master by me
sc compressor is a pain
my best song, hope you enjoy

///
making up some stupid shit that doesnt matter at all
i fucking hate it here, wish i was never involved
i swear i'll move across the country fucking hate it all
i swear if you were in my shoes you would just take them off
and it's not like i'm trying,
to be what you want
i cannot put up with lying,
or tell me it's my fault
so don't you dare look in my eyes and act like you're so appalled
i get hurt so many times, i guess it's all just my fault

breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so,
breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so,

don't give a fuck bout what the cost is
i've been feeling nauseous
laying in my bed and you would be the one to start shit
don't know where i fuckin' lost it
"what's with you and being honest?"
yea you told me it'd get better, and you motherfuckin' promised
yea i got this dream
that you were nowhere near me
that you would fucking fear me
look in my eyes so clearly,
fed up with you
yea you watch and reuse
how i fall apart,
and i don't know what to do so,

breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so,
breathe
why cant you,
see
that it's all a little too much for me
it's getting hard to breathe
can't do this constantly
oh you've been bothering me so

breathe

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/64GfZxurvekpLsiJLfxm9y?si=2648166d5df14f6d

produced by me
mix and mastered by me
written by me
different from my other tunes, regardless i hope you enjoy

///
blood along the floor
i've been tryna find a purpose
i'm not sure
you've been running round in circles
they didn't mean to hurt you
playing my part i got nothing else to give you
blood along the floor
i've been tryna find a purpose
i'm not sure
you've been running round in circles
they didn't mean to hurt you
playing my part i got nothing else to give you

it crossed my mind
how you break me down
and ruin my life
but its fine!
all cool
i apologize,
if i came off rude
i couldnt help it if i tried to
you know more than i do
i'ma take a walk so i won't be home
but it provided no use for me
eyes darken when i clench my teeth
you find a way to throw it all
i lost my patience i'ma crash and fall

blood along the floor
i've been tryna find a purpose
i'm not sure
you've been running round in circles
they didn't mean to hurt you
playing my part i got nothing else to give you
blood along the floor
i've been tryna find a purpose
i'm not sure
you've been running round in circles
they didn't mean to hurt you
playing my part i got nothing else to give you

purpose

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4lwq80jSYhe7jYi6SQRGpJ?si=3972c9994a224673

p. zbeatz, b2nny, spoder
mixed by me and b2nny
with @b2nny
happy holidays
note: sorry abt the high end, it will be fixed from now on, listen on like 80% volume 

///
[spoder]
every thought up in my brain
every problem that i had
it all comes right back to you
don't you come here and break my rules love

remember what i said bout winter?
i'll have a couple cold nights but i swear that it'd get better
and i'll run back to you
but you've been falling apart
building back my roof, again

why you acting so tough for no reason?
when you're on the damn floor fucking bleeding
dirt up on your name
i don't want to be so pessimistic
all these people lame
but i really feel like i've been missing

a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh
a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh

[b2nny]
don’t know how to contact you
when you way in the back of a filled up room
it’s when you're lost in my mind
caught in my head
i feel the pressure
i'd rather be dead
than be alive at this time feeling nothing at all
i'd rather smash my fucking brain on this whole damn wall
don’t want a second alone
to bathe in my thoughts
thought that i canceled tonight but i guess we can take a walk for a minute
under the flashing street lights
don’t see me winning
this moment never feel right
to me, to you, to any watchers watching
i knew this wasn't the night

[spoder]
a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh
a hug or some human contact and,
i'm falling
and i don't have the will to get back up
so for lack of better words, i'm stuck
i've been praying hard that i get some better luck oh

human contact w/ b2nny

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/6WoXlGle95jkszY3VAWPho?si=2327d7ba423c4d4c

produced by plantcham
written by me
mix and mastered by me

happy birthday 2 me
been incredibly uninspired as of late, sorry for the absence
wanted to try something different, happy tunes after this
i hope you enjoy :)

///
been awhile since i felt something
that felt real
my never ending thoughts
feels like im throwing rocks
can't you hear me?
i'm screaming
do you fear me?
i'm pleading
cause this just don't feel right
i don't want to cause a fight
you should live your final life
you've already ruined mine

am i
a bother?
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer
a bother
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer

can't help but feel stuck
it's all in my head
got this damn ache in my chest
just a minute of rest
is all i ask for
i don't feel bad for the way that i act
when my intention was for you to relax
so calm down
breathe in
what's the point in it
when you're not feeling
been awhile since i've gone without a meaning
i wonder why you talk without a reason
cause you've already ruined life

am i
a bother?
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer
a bother
were you proud then?
what a shocker
a crawler
every day just gets longer and longer

crawler

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5aH6JWfAkWLyEXEwIY3HYP?si=c9882776859943a1
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/trust

produced by roku
written by me
mix and master by me

thanks for sticking with me

///
drop dead
when i said
i'll be back though :)
spending all my days at a microphone
tell em it's all broke, like your old folk
don't lie
said you wna die
give me some time
i'm hurt all over
i'll make it right
in need of a clover
but there's none here to find
is it all a little too much?
my love,
you shouldn't have broke my trust

but who am i?
jus another average skinny guy
go live your life
i can't say i understand it think my brain is fried
oh you're not tht broken
infatuation
in love with the idea of no moderation
5 pints 'fore you lay down
my dear,
rough past make you wanna leave town

heart race like a hundred miles
my fate has been sewn a while
upset when they read the file
disgust, how is it so vile?

jus let it down softly
how could you done harm me?
faceless
sorry
scarred up
hardly
was it all at my fault?
tough luck
i'm done speaking to a wall

drop dead
when i said
i'll be back though
spending all my days at a microphone
tell em it's all broke, like your old folk
don't lie
said you wna die
give me some time
i'm hurt all over
i'll make it right
in need of a clover
but there's none here to find
is it all a little too much?
my love,
you shouldn't have broke my trust

repeat

trust

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/3FeLYX0lYV5CkrFakaqTjj?si=edd3f4d959054cae
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/septembers-burial

produced by ryan (@rywrrd)
 + a little from me

unorthodox and mellow but means a lot, thank you for listening <3
i'll be more consistent next year, i promise 

i know it goes without saying but i hate your guts
spent a couple months, fucked around, came close to giving up
don't show up, right now
i've grown older, i'm not that dumb now
i'll tell you it's fine and i'll leave you to be
you've got no right here to cry and i'm grinding my teeth for you
i've got a lot to say,
but i'd rather not speak 'till you’re up at my grave
the stupid look on my face
you could take it back but i promise the damage won't be replaced
i'll, move far so i don't have a care
that's if i don't die before next year
for the better or the worse,
i flipped my insides out and tried to make it work
won't it be fun when they find out
out through your door and through the gate your quiet speech is like a mouse
tell me, who is laughing now?
there's so much for you to see
i bite down and clench my teeth
there's so much for you to see
i'll be there, give me a week.

september's burial

september's burial (ry)

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4Zb6IFiMkT0WwKw8u9vkcJ?si=ce7a676df2a04657
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/teller


produced by nate & jacob
written and performed by me
twit & ig: @1spoder
nate ig: @__nerc
jacob ig: @jacoblincoln_

something more upbeat for next one i promise
thank you for listening :)

///
i'm failing right down
you're a waste of time, wasted mine
waste of life
keep my feelings fortified
tell the teller if you really wanna die (die, oh die)
would you, would you put your trust in me
would you, would you turn your back on me (i tried, i try)
stay on weird timing (i stole this from humza)
i'm lost but i'll find it
an anecdote alive in
a pit in my stomach
responsible for pain
there's this thought in my-

beaten right down
a waste of life
i'll build a wall of concrete lies
i should've told you
i can't focus well
your soft spoken yell

head on the floor
walk in circles
you're all i adore
i'm still hurt though
is this how it's supposed to end?
is this how it's supposed to end?

i gave my all
you like watching me fall
i don't get it at all
whether right or it's wrong

teller

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/16aPg17al8DKBm8LyMn4eE?si=9f8e74ca0f344527
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/cd-feat-ry-2

guitar by othello
additional production by me and ryan
written and performed by me and ryan
with @rywrrd (show him love please)

i lied i'm sorry next one will be a summer tune <3
thank you for listening always :)

///
a toast,
play your cd
the music brings you peace
alone
so don't mind me
I had a stupid dream again

you thought you had from the start
I don't want have to break your heart
but it broke
and now that cd drowns in static
a sour note
I highly doubt it

your favourite song
your radio I turn it on
we fell in love in your shitty car
with static on your heart
screaming out our favourite part

I made a stupid decision
in my mind, clouded dumb inference
I gave it all that I had
but all I had was indifferent
I'd break my arms off to help you
if it meant that you would listen
I stare and talk to the wall
scratched disc had tarnished the image
I thought I loved you

cd w/ ry

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0IHbekaueGek7nFPKpZpbD?si=89260079818e4242
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/desideratum

produced by 8een & arcane
additional production by me
mixed written performed by me
+ thank you eve for mixing advice

frick north york
thank you for listening, i hope you enjoy <3

///
the more that I try, more that I hide
the more that I try, more that I hide

the past few months I felt like I would die
before I did anything that I loved, oh my
I'll stay strong
eighteen round the corner, how'd I (make it!)
this long
all the pressure makes my head hurt
give it time and it'll get better
and if you hate it well then, know I put in effort :/
I do my best, how dare you say that I don't
still get nervous when there's lumps in my throat

I'm aware no one said it'd be easy
spoke to the teller now everything's clear, see
it all
pretty girl
girl

and if I don't wake up
tell every single person I love
that I put all my heart in
I will be an artist
there'll be people that care and I'll build something honest

go!
don't hide
do you even know who you are?
go!
how'd you even call that shit art? (desideratum)
go back pull your hair out, restart

I can't focus well my darling
got a stutter when I'm talking
you broke the news as I was walking
news when I was promised

desideratum

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/4I9bp9alDC4m9MT4GNLtOY?si=b589387c7a0a444c
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/able

produced by jonah bru
mixed written performed by me
cover art by yinon

valentines day song
hope you enjoy, more stuff soon :)
thank you for listening as always

///
show me how
show me how you love
tell me how
tell me how you feel
stop it love I'm exhausted
don't give it up, I thought you were someone that I-

don't tell me the time that I spent was no use
will I be more than (be more than)
problems to you?
oh I'll carry all my baggage to show you I'm able
you stutter your speech cause it's true

tread fine lines
when I'm with you it feels like there's no wrong or right
sworn by you, we'd grow older
my feelings attached
now I sit like a loner
oooh
I'll make sure that I'll
dooo
everything that you want me to
dumb ear had me in loop
what's there for me to do
don't give it up, I thought you were someone that I loved

don't tell me the time that I spent was no use
will I be more than (be more than)
problems to you?
oh I'll carry all my baggage to show you I'm able
you stutter your speech cause it's true

able

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/5dHWIT5fxB7zBkoykyNIYS?si=ff6b79c35e5146de
all plats: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/spoder/showman

produced by plantcham
performed mixed written by me
cover art by my girlfriend 

sequel to crawler
thank you for listening like always

///
held it open like a doorman
tell me, why's it always pouring here?
she put it on like a showman
was the moment I knew I was scared
I split my head out wide
though incomplete, I try
I know that it sounds boring to you but this is my life
could you cut me some slack I
know that I'm not a good son
I'll wait till we orbit and then I'll wake up
spent 500 hours on screens in a month
let it burn up my skin so my eyes won't cry
a dumb ear I lended a thousand times
put my right hand on your shoulder darling
I'll tell you that everything will be just fine

it's alright
I've come to find there ain't a right time
so lower your conscience down
there's no use in trying to be found
could've sworn that I thought of it all
a bother so big or so small
a crawler that's stuck to the walls
if it's unfeasible then don't hurt me, falling

can hardly rest, don't let me go
my darling
this place not home
I pace around
you shut my mouth
I fall apart, it gets too loud
I don't wanna hold you
you've sewn and you've closed me up
they tried to console you
but my yells don't make a sound

my yells (my yells)
my yells have exhausted love
have exhausted love
I've had a hell of a day
wash it all up in the drain
don't make a sound
everything's gon' be okay

it's alright
I've come to find there ain't a right time
so lower your conscience down
there's no use in trying to be found
could've sworn that I thought of it all
a bother so big or so small
a crawler that's stuck to the walls
if it's unfeasible then don't hurt me, falling

can hardly rest, don't let me go
my darling
this place not home
I pace around
you shut my mouth
I fall apart, it gets too loud
I don't wanna hold you
you've sewn and you've closed me up
they tried to console you
but my yells don't make a sound

(yells don't make a sound
yells don't-
yells don't make a sound)
my yells don't make a sound
my yells don't make a sound
I'd hate to see you frown
I love you with my heart
I'd rather stay with you for now

showman

produced by eeryskies
additional production by me
mixed, written, performed by me

i want to throw up

yeah, all the bad thoughts tend to loop back
i won't stay here longer if it don't matter
i prefer a walk then to call a cab
who knew leaving home would be this sad?
suppose i had it coming, now i just laugh
yeah, it's all fine if you don't think of it
if you do then you'll drown like an idiot kid
don't make me feel dumb again
give it one more try to make things right
tell me one more lie to cover your ass alright
i'd rather just bat an eye

how'd you like your coffee done? i'd do it right for you
lacklustre attempt at the best
i pour the creamer in and suddenly had knots in my chest
told you with honesty and honestly, i'd rather be dead
i told my mom i'm fine, i gave my aunt a hug
i'll spend my night inside while everyone has fun
i'll flip my insides out
i'll make you proud of me
but everytime that i'm down
it seems like you want to leave

what do you want from me?
i'm pleading down on my knees
what do you want from me?
it's getting harder to breathe
what do you want from me?
we'd make it past it i thought
i'll put my heart in a lock
and i'll just plead to god you'll be here

a couple lines across my arms
suppose that time is just a concept and we all return to god
i'd like to say i'm so mature, i did my chores, i handled love, i broke my bones, might take my life it was traumatic, i tried it twice my mind is rapid
i thought i had it all
now i have no one to call my own

i'll flip my insides out
i'll make you proud of me
but everytime that i'm down
it seems like you want to leave

what do you want from me? / take me back, i love you
i'm pleading down on my knees / take me back, i'll give the space that you need
what do you want from me?
it's getting harder to breathe /  take me back, take me back, i love you
what do you want from me? /  take me back, i love you
we'd make it past it i thought /  take me back, i'll give the space that you need my darling
i'll put my heart in a lock
and i'll just plead to god you'll be here / take me back, take me back, i miss you

spoder

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