This is actually a second rewrite of the original song. Melding a name as if they were Nostradamus as to be so absurd that somebody is making a living off predicting things that have already happened. Another story that started off as me saying something to my wife Tricia in bed and me saying that I knew she would say what she already did. The story just started rolling up in my head from there. 


(Verse 1)
Well, I rolled into town with my crystal ball,
Set up my booth right next to the mall,
Sign said, “Marcadamus — Future? Nah!”
“I predict what’s done — ta-da!”
Crowd gathered 'round, I gave 'em a grin,
Said, “Yesterday’s news? I’ll tell you again!”
They laughed and cheered, I raised my glass,
“Tomorrow’s gone — let’s talk the past!”
(Chorus)
I’m Marcadamus, the Past Predictor!
Never been wrong — my aim’s much stricter!
Yesterday’s facts are my claim to fame,
I’ll tell ya what happened — after the game!
Keep your fortune-tellers and fiction twisters,
Here comes Marcadamus, the Past Predictor!

(Verse 2)
Told the mayor, “You fell last week!”
He said, “That’s dumb,” then blushed in his seat.
I said, “See? My visions don’t lie!”
(Though the CCTV’s my third eye...)
Then I told the weather guy on TV,
“Tomorrow’s rain already fell, you see!”
He said, “That’s nonsense!” till he looked back,
And saw the puddles on his forecast track!
(Chorus)
’Cause I’m Marcadamus, the Past Predictor!
Time’s my stage, and I’m the head lister!
I can’t see forward — but I’m slick with clues,
I read the headlines — then make ‘em news!
You can’t outsmart this retro trickster —
It’s Marcadamus, the Past Predictor!

(Bridge)
I said, “I foresaw 2020’s doom!”
They said, “Yeah, but that was two years soon!”
I said, “I’m precise, just slightly delayed,
I’m running on yesterday’s upgrade!”
(Breakdown – spoken)
People say, “Marc, you’re not psychic at all!”
And I say… “I knew you’d say that. Yesterday.”

(Final Chorus)
’Cause I’m Marcadamus, the Past Predictor!
The master of déjà vu and scripture!
Tomorrow I’ll prove I was right again,
Soon as yesterday rolls back in!
So call me crazy, call me trickster —
I’m Marcadamus, your Past Predictor!
(Tag line)
“Wait… didn’t I already sing this verse?”
— “Yeah.”
“Well, I called it first!”

The Past Predictor (feat. Marcadamus)

What a name. This was really fun to write and have suno put the music together. This goes to show that even the most absurd stories/titles can be funny. 

[Intro – Spoken over guitar twang]
“Well, I was drivin’ through Denton, Texas — y’know, where the barbecue’s good,
and the decisions are… questionable.”

[Verse 1]
There’s a place off Highway Nine, with a neon pink sign,
Says, “We pierce dreams, cheeks, and sometimes behinds!”
Folks come from miles just to see the sight,
Of a naked mole rat squealin’ under that light.
They say it’s “promisery,” whatever that means,
Maybe it’s the slogan for questionable scenes.
But the parking lot’s packed every Friday night,
‘Cause weird’s the new normal and that mole rat’s the highlight!

[Chorus]
At the Naked Molerat Promisery Butt-Ring Piercing Clinic!
Where the motto’s wild and the vibe’s eccentric!
Sure, the Denton branch ain’t doin’ too great,
But folks still line up just to spectate!

[Verse 2]
Now my wife Tricia’s sittin’ laughin’ in the car,
She said, “Marcus, you’ve lost it — this is too bizarre!”
I said, “Honey, relax, it’s for research, I swear!”
She said, “That poor mole rat’s gonna need prayer!”
Every time it squeaks, the crowd just roars,
Cameras out, they’re cheerin’ for more!
Tricia shakes her head, laughin’ so hard,
Says, “Why’d a mole rat need jewelry on its rear end, darlin’?!”

[Chorus
At the Naked Molerat Promisery Butt-Ring Piercing Clinic!
Where logic’s gone and the crowd’s prolific!
The Denton branch may have lost its spark,
But that mole rat show’s still drawin’ the park!

[Bridge – Slow, soulful guitar solo over crowd laughter]
They tried a rebrand — “Butt-Ring Boutique!”
Didn’t change much, still got folks freaked.
Tricia’s in tears from laughin’ so loud,
Said, “That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen in a crowd!”

[Final Chorus – Full Band Kick-In]
At the Naked Molerat Promisery Butt-Ring Piercing Clinic!
You can’t explain it, but you’ll wanna mimic!
Bring your friends, your phone, your sense of fear —
It’s the greatest show of the fiscal year!

[Outro – Spoken with banjo pluckin’]
“Well, the Denton branch may be bad for business…
but man, it’s great for entertainment.”

Naked Mole Rat Promissory Butt-Ring Piercing Clinic

Ever written a story and didn't know where it was going to go? Well this is part of that process. I am happy with this one. This one had a few different rewrites and another song that will be included on the actual album, once released. 

[Verse 1]
Farmer Jed went out one mornin’,
Whistlin’ loud and feelin’ fine,
Tossin’ seeds in rows of glory,
Never saw that one bad sign.
Some corn fell down on Psycho Path,
He just laughed and tipped his hat,
But that ground was cursed, oh mercy me,
Now it’s popcorn prophecy!
[Chorus]
Shucks, you’re scared!
There’s corn everywhere!
They’re runnin’ through the square with roots for hair!
With evil grins and husky stares,
Oh Lord have mercy—Shucks, you’re scared!

[Verse 2]
Weeks went by and Jed went snoopin’,
Somethin’ twitchin’ in the rows,
Stalks with faces, teeth, and whisperin’,
“Mister Jed, we’re gonna grow!”
One winked twice and grinned real wide,
Jed dropped his lantern and nearly died,
Those Psycho Path stalks broke off their stems—
And started walkin’ toward his friends!
[Chorus]
Shucks, you’re scared!
They’re everywhere!
The mayor’s gone missin’ and the preacher won’t dare!
The corn’s got pitchforks, the sheriff’s chair,
Oh sweet cornbread Jesus—Shucks, you’re scared!

[Bridge – Spooky Banjo & Fiddle Breakdown]

Banjo screamin’, fiddles moanin’,
Corn husks laughin’, thunder groanin’,
Pitchforks flyin’, boots are slippin’,
Whole town’s cryin’, biscuits drippin’!

[Verse 3 – “The Popcorn Plan”]
Then little Ellie Mae shouted loud and bright,
“If heat makes popcorn, then let’s fight fire with light!”
They fired up ovens, every stove in town,
To cook those stalks that were tearin’ them down!
POP! POP! POP! went the streets all night,
Popcorn flyin’ in the pale moonlight!
By dawn the town was saved and fed,
Snackin’ on the corn that wanted them dead!

[Final Chorus]
 Shucks, you’re scared!
But now you’re prepared!
Got popcorn piles stackin’ everywhere!
Butter it up, don’t lose your flair,
Sweet victory flavor—Shucks, you’re scared!

[Outro – Spoken, Drawl Style]
“Well, the town was happy… the popcorn was fine…
But late one night, from Psycho Path line…
Came a whisper soft through the harvest air…
‘We’ll see ya next season... if ya dare.’”

Shucks Your Scared (The Popcorn Finale) or is it

This story happened one night when I was in bed and my wife laid next to me and we just started talking. The absolute craziness on this one really made us laugh. Of course when you are tired at night, pretty much everything is funny. I hope you enjoy this one. It's a fun song!

[Verse 1]
Well, it started one day at the airport curb,
Two poodle twins with a driving nerve.
A.I. said, “Bro, I’ll take the wheel!”
I.A. barked back, “Let’s make it squeal!”
They revved that Bentley, fur flying high,
Pedal to the metal, paw to the sky!
One on the wheel, one on the brake,
Every passenger praying for their soul’s own sake!

[Chorus]
It’s a Tea Cup Taxi Terror, a fur-filled fright!
Ridin’ in a Bentley, they’ll ruin your night!
You’ll pay ‘em triple just to get out alive,
When the Barkley boys take you for a drive!
Ohhh it’s Tea Cup Taxi Terror — yeah, they’re small but they’re mean,
Two tiny tycoons in a luxury machine! 

[Verse 2]
They got shades on their snouts and scarves in the wind,
Tailpipes roaring like sin on spin.
They jump the curb, they pass the cop,
A.I. yells, “Floor it!” — I.A. says, “Don’t stop!”
The GPS cries, “Make a U-turn, please!”
They blow past signs like a summer breeze.
A suitcase flies, a latte spills,
It’s chaos couture with Bentley thrills!

[Chorus
It’s a Tea Cup Taxi Terror, five stars of doom,
Yap reviewers say, “They cleared the room!”
You’ll scream, you’ll pray, you’ll question fate,
When two small poodles hit 108!
Oh it’s Tea Cup Taxi Terror — beware the bark and bite,
One’s steering left, one’s flooring right! 🎶

[Bridge – Funky breakdown]
(Talk box guitar barking sounds)
A.I. says, “I’m the brains of the clan!”
I.A. barks, “I’m the paws with the plan!”
They swap the seats mid-ride for flair,
While honking out a bark-rock prayer:
 “We don’t stop for red lights, we don’t slow for fear,
‘Cause Bentley means business and chaos is near!” 🎶
(Sound effect: “YAP Review: Half a star — car smells like peanut butter and fear.”)

Tea Cup Taxi Terror (feat. A.I. & I.A. Barkley)

As my wife and I was driving one day we saw several vultures that were munching on some roadkill. We started talking about what it would be like if a vulture didn't like eating meat and was a vegan. We made up stories of KHRL, pronounced Karl, went on vacation and got in trouble with the kartel in Mexico. Why his name is spelled KRHL because he couldn't read or write and believed his name was spelled this way because of how it sounded. There is much more to unpack with this guy. Look forward for more songs for KHRL. 

[Verse 1]
Out in the desert where the buzzards fly,
Lives a bird with kale stuck in his eye,
He don’t eat meat, no roadkill treat,
He’s the only vegan vulture on his street!
He’s Khrl — the vegan vulture, yeah!
Flapping wings with culture flair!
While the rest eat carcass stew,
Khrl’s sippin’ smoothies made of bamboo!

[Chorus]
He don’t want no dead raccoon,
He’ll take a salad and a tofu spoon!
When he sees blood — “Oh Lord, he’s pale!”
He pukes up seeds and organic kale!
Khrl the vegan vulture!
He’s a freaky feathered herbivore sculpture!
Eating spinach while the others mock,
He’s munchin’ lettuce on a cactus rock!

[Verse 2]
The other vultures laugh and tease,
“C’mon Khrl, have some ribs, oh please!”
But he gags so hard his feathers spin,
When a lizard tail has blood within!
He composts bones, grows carrot trees,
Talks to tofu and hums in the breeze.
They say he’s weird — he don’t care none,
He’s got a greenhouse powered by the sun!

[Chorus]
He don’t want no possum pie,
Just quinoa salad, beet juice high!
When he smells meat — he faints for fun,
Screams, “Save the chickens, everyone!”
Khrl the vegan vulture!
The feathered world’s greenest sculpture!
He’ll trade your steak for celery sticks,
And preach “Meat bad!” till the desert clicks!

[Bridge – Gospel Choir Style]
 “Hallelujah, pass the hummus bowl!” 
 “Save them cows, let compassion roll!” 
 Khrl don’t peck — he politely mows, 
On dandelions between his toes! 

[Final Chorus – Big Finish]
He don’t want no dead armadillo,
Just guac and chips and a vegan pillow!
He’s flappin’ proud, with leafy might,
Yellin’ “Eat your veggies!” into the night!
Khrl the vegan vulture!
Nature’s plant-powered sculpture!
He’s proof that birds can rise above,
With kale in his beak and peace and love!

[Outro Spoken – like a Southern preacher]
“Brothers and sisters… next time you see roadkill,
Don’t eat it… plant it!”

Khrl the Vegan Vulture

I actually created a newspaper story on this and put it on my deviantart page. The story started when I saw a bird house on a tall metal pole and cats looking up at the bird house but they couldn't climb it because of the metal..


[Verse 1]
In the town of Decatur, things used to be fine,
Cats were climbin’ birdhouses, dinnertime divine.
But the council got clever, oh what a crime,
They passed a new law—metal poles this time!
[Chorus]
Now the cats are suing! (yeah, they’re suing the town!)
Whiskers in court and they’re not backing down.
“Your honor,” they cry, “we can’t reach the dove!”
Metal poles are murder—for feline love!
[Verse 2]
The mice in the shadows, they’re smirkin’ wide,
They’re the sneaky brains of this feline slide.
“Let’s make ‘em chase birdies, leave us alone,
We’ll live in peace under ol’ man’s home!”
[Bridge] (spoken, courtroom drama style)
“Order in the court!” the judge meowed in despair,
The cats hissed loudly, fur flew everywhere!
The mice had their charts, their PowerPoint plan,
“Your honor, this ordinance keeps peace in the land!”
[Chorus 2]
Now the cats are suing! (yeah, they’re suing the town!)
With lawyers in collars and tails in gowns.
The pigeons are laughing, the crows applaud,
Even the dogs said, “This is odd!”
[Verse 3]
The mayor said, “Look, we love our cats,
But birds have rights too, can’t argue with that!”
The cats just growled, “This isn’t fair play—
We’ll appeal this thing to the Supreme Stray!”
[Bridge 2 – jazzy breakdown]
The mice whispered softly, “Phase two begins…
We’ll run the cheese factories when the lawsuit wins!”
Meanwhile the cats filed for damages too—
“Fur-loss, pride-loss, and emotional mew!”
[Final Chorus]
Now the cats are suing! (yeah, they’re suing the town!)
Purring for justice, clawin’ around.
Metal poles shimmer in Decatur’s sun,
But the mice are giggling—their job is done!
[Outro]
So if you pass new laws in your hometown,
Be sure who’s behind it—those squeaks all around!
‘Cause when cats can’t climb and dinner’s denied,
The lawyers come calling—with tails held high!

The Claws of Justice (Cats vs. Decatur City Hall)

Before I had this conversation with some co-workers, I never realized that vultures will vomit if they are scared while eating and that smells awful. Have you ever smelled their vomit before?

[Verse 1]
Victor was a vulture with a stomach of steel,
Or so he thought when he saw that roadkill meal.
He’d land by the shoulder, take one juicy bite,
But then came a truck, and oh boy—what a sight!
[Chorus]
Oh Victor, Victor the Vomiting Vulture,
You’ve got the weakest gut in all the culture!
You take a bite, then you take flight,
Then you spew your lunch at the speed of light!
Oh Victor, Victor, what a disgusting sculpture—
The Picasso of puke, the Jackson Pollock of vulture!
[Verse 2]
A Chevy came roaring down Highway Ten,
Victor gagged and took off again.
He tried to swallow, but it didn’t stick,
And he launched that lunch like a bio-stick!
[Chorus]
Oh Victor, Victor the Vomiting Vulture,
Your target’s fine-tuned with hawk-like culture!
You fly above, then drop your glove,
With a splash of horror from the sky above!
Oh Victor, Victor, you feathery catapult—sure
Hope you’re insured for projectile culture!
[Bridge]
The driver yelled, “WHAT IN TARNATION?!”
Wipers smearing a sick creation.
Windows down, oh, that was dumb—
Now it’s chaos, puke, and bubble gum!
He gagged, he swerved, and bless his heart,
He made modern art with his pickup cart!
[Breakdown - Spoken]
“News at nine! Local vulture blamed for twenty-car pileup.
Authorities say… ‘It’s a real mess out there.’”
[Final Chorus]
Oh Victor, Victor the Vomiting Vulture,
Your aim’s so bad it’s vehicular torture!
From roadkill to windshield to driver’s lap,
You’ve turned I-35 into a napkin trap!
So flap those wings and lose your lunch,
Victor, you’re a legend—gross, but a punch!
[Outro]
So if you’re drivin’ where the buzzards feed,
Keep your windows up and lower your speed.
‘Cause when Victor’s near, you’ll know by smell,
That bird just brought chaos from the pits of… well… shells!

Victor the vomiting Vulture

The Follow Up to Shucks, Your Scared. 

[Verse 1 – The Season Returns]
Snow melted down and spring rolled in,
Old Farmer Jed said, “Let’s plant again!”
He plowed that cursed ol’ Psycho Path,
Thinkin’ last year’s horror was in the past.
But deep in the soil, beneath that ground,
Some un-popped kernels still stuck around.
They heard the screams, they felt the flame—
Now they’re growin’ back to avenge their name!

[Chorus]
Children of the Pop Corn!
They’re back—be afraid, be warned!
They remember the night their parents popped,
And they’re mad that the town never stopped!
They’re creepin’ through fields where the moonlight’s torn—
You can run, but you can’t from the Children of the Pop Corn!

[Verse 2 – The Rise of the Kernels]
Little sprouts with evil grins,
Singin’ creepy songs in minor keys again.
They whisper through cracks and under doors,
“Let’s butter these folks like before!”
One climbed out of Jed’s ol’ truck,
Spit out a husk and said, “Y’all are stuck!”
Now the kids of the corn are takin’ their stand,
Popcorn payback across the land!

[Chorus]
Children of the Pop Corn!
They’re mean, mutated, and scorned!
They’ll rattle your pantry, invade your lawn,
They’ve been simmerin’ for a year too long!
The curse still burns and it’s reborn—
Here they come—the Children of the Pop Corn!

[Bridge – Eerie Talkin’ Section]
(Creepy fiddle and banjo picking, thunder rumblin’)

One by one, the kernels came,
Callin’ out their family name…
“Mama Cob… Papa Shuck…
This time, we’re not outta luck!”
The mayor hid in a movie show,
Watchin’ “Corn With the Wind” for comfort, though.
But outside the theater, oh, the horror began—
The popcorn children had a plan!

[Verse 3 – The New Town Terror]
They stormed the square with pops and snaps,
Scarin’ dogs, and flippin’ caps!
They stomped through fields in a buttered rage,
A crunchy curse on a brand-new stage!
Farmer Jed screamed, “Not again!”
The preacher yelled, “Somebody say Amen!”
The whole town shook while the children sang,
“We’re the kernels of chaos—let the kettle bang!”

[Final Chorus – Big Finish]
Children of the Pop Corn!
Your nightmares are freshly born!
They remember the heat, they remember the fight,
And they’re comin’ for you again tonight!
From the Psycho Path to the farmer’s barn—
Bow down, y’all… to the Children of the Pop Corn!

[Outro – Spoken Drawl, echoing wind]
“Well… the town thought they’d had their fill…
But evil never really stays still…
Next time you hear a pop in the night—
It might not be your snack... it might be your fright.”



Children of the Pop Corn

This is the second version of this song, I think it is better and shows Ollie more obnoxious.


[Intro – Big Guitar + Hoot Echoes]

HOOO–hoo-hoo-hoo!
(Ollie squawks off-beat on purpose)
“Yeah! School’s for pigeons, baby!”

Verse 1 – Tree Schooled Terror

Ollie struts in like he owns the tree,
Feathers slicked back, all caffeine and glee,
Mama says, “Son, let’s learn today.”
He says, “Teach me? Girl, I’ll show you the way!”

He wrote his name on the ceiling tile,
Called the principle “dude” and winked a while,
Failed fifth grade, then flunked encore,
He said, “Repetition’s how legends soar!”

Chorus

Ollie the Obnoxious Owl!
Feathers loud, brain so foul!
Struttin’ round like a disco king,
Can’t spell ‘hoot,’ but man he’ll sing! 

Verse 2 – Mama’s Breaking Point

Mama prayed on a power line,
“Lord, this bird ain’t yours, he’s mine!”
She gave him books, he gave her grief,
He used her Bible as a taco sleeve.

“Son,” she said, “Don’t eat that page!”
He burped out Psalms in a holy rage,
“Relax, Ma,” he said with a grin,
“I’m readin’ from the inside in!”

Chorus 2

Ollie the Obnoxious Owl!
Talks too much and laughs too loud!
He’s a one-bird circus, feathered clown,
Mama says, ‘Boy, please sit down!’ 

Bridge – Spoken Breakdown / Guitar Chaos

Mama (yelling): “You set the nest on fire again!”
Ollie: “Yeah, it’s called ambiance, Ma!”
(Guitar solo imitates squawking)
Mama: “You glued your wings to the fridge!”
Ollie: “It was art!”
Mama: “You’re grounded!”
Ollie: “I live in a tree!!”

Verse 3 – Factory Fool

Got a job from Uncle Hootsworth’s crew,
Quality control—he ain’t got a clue,
He stamped “Approved!” on a broken fan,
Then blamed the noise on “God’s great plan.”

His uncle yelled, “You’re outta here!”
But Daddy swooped in with a case of beer,
Now Ollie’s boss of the midnight shift,
And everything’s broken—he calls it “grift.”

Final Chorus – Gang Vocals & Feedback

Ollie the Obnoxious Owl!
Feathered fool of the forest crowd!
Mama still loves him—he’s her trial,
He’ll never wise up, but he sure is loud! 

[Outro – Big rock fade, echoing hoots]
(Mama sighs)
“Lord… just take the wheel. And maybe the bird too.”
Ollie: “HOO YEAH!”

Ollie the Obnoxious Owl

“Walter the Whimsical Wasp” is a delightfully absurd and fancifully tragic tune from Marcus Draper’s “Nonsense Songs for the Ages.” It tells the story of Walter — a dapper, happy-go-lucky wasp in a bowler hat who lives life with unshakable cheer and impeccable manners… right up until his sudden cup-lid demise.

Musically, it flutters with lighthearted whimsy and storytelling charm — think Weird Al meets Mary Poppins, with a dash of Dr. Seuss and a wink toward Monty Python. The verses bounce with rhyme and rhythm, painting Walter’s world of floral commutes, gentlemanly stings, and daisy-side daydreams. The melody feels as if it could be played on a kazoo, a ukulele, and maybe a politely buzzing harmonica.

It’s upbeat, unpredictable, and adorably tragic — a fable in four stanzas and one splat.

[Verse 1]
Walter the Wasp was a curious chap,
With a snazzy blue tie and a bowler cap.
He’d hum little hymns while he zipped through the sky,
And wink at his reflection as he fluttered by.

His house was a hexagon palace of grace,
With wallpaper made from a spider’s old lace.
His wife, Miss Wendy, was proper and neat—
She polished his stinger and fluffed up his seat.

[Chorus]
Walter the whimsical, fanciful, flighty,
Buzzing through daisies all golden and mighty!
He danced on the wind, he twirled with delight,
A wasp in a waistcoat, oh what a sight! 

[Verse 2]
He sipped on the dew from a dandelion mug,
Tipped his hat to a beetle, and gave him a hug.
He lectured the ants on “positive thinking,”
And waved to a snail who was slowly shrinking.

He painted the air with invisible swirls,
And bragged that he once met the Queen of the Squirrels.
Every leaf was a dance floor, every breeze a parade,
Oh, Walter the Wasp had it made!

[Bridge – spoken whimsically]
“Oh what a wonder!” Walter did cry,
“Life’s too short not to buzz high!”
Then fate gave a whisper, a shadow, a thud—
A cup lid descended — and splat! went the stud.

[Chorus – slower, echoing]
Walter the whimsical, charming, and spry,
Flew one last loop through the summer sky.
He dreamed of glory, of love, of art…
But ended up flat on a picnic cart. 

[Outro – quiet kazoo and harp twinkle]
So raise a glass (with the lid on tight),
To Walter who flew too close to a hand.
He may be gone, but his spirit’s grand—
In every buzz you hear… he’ll land. 

Walter the Whimsical Wasp

Another late night discussion about animals and what would happen if.....



Verse 1:
Introduce Terry — she’s dreamy, prissy, and totally convinced she’s royalty.
She’s by the pond every morning, wearing a tiara made of pondweed, ready for her “frog prince.”

“She said her crown was destiny, and her tail was royal blue,
The frogs lined up like bachelors — oh, what’s a girl to do?”

Chorus:
The frogs croak sweet nothings — “If you kiss me, I’ll become just like you!”
Terry puckers up, only to get slimed again.
But her belief never wavers.

“Frog love, it’s a bumpy ride,
With warts and dreams and tears inside.
She keeps on kissin’—can’t get enough,
Chasin’ that fairy tale kind of frog love.”

Verse 2:
Her family pleads with her — “Terry, you’re losin’ your bill!”
She ignores them, saying, “True love takes practice!”
The frogs are all players — croakin’ sweet lines like smooth-tongued con artists.

“They said, ‘Princess, we can be your match, if you’ll just take one more chance,’
But she kissed a dozen, lost her crown, and still believed in romance.”

Bridge:
Maybe one day she’ll learn… or maybe not.
Maybe she’ll kiss the right frog and get a surprise.
Or maybe she’ll just keep going — covered in frog slobber and hope.

“They say love’s blind, but Terry can’t see,
That the frogs ain’t princes—they’re just frogs, you see.
But her heart keeps hoppin’, her faith won’t fade,
‘Cause a princess don’t quit when dreams are made!”

Final Chorus (Grand Waltz Energy):

“Frog love, she’s still by the pond,
Believin’ her fairytale dream lives on.
The frogs may fib and the world may scoff,
But Terry the Platypus — she’ll never take her crown off!”




Frog Love

Greg is a fashion icon. He is also a moth. It's hard for Greg to make all these wonderful clothes for others because of his want and need to feed on the cloth. The designs never make it to the runway, they make it to his stomach. 

[Verse 1]
There’s a moth named Greg with a flair for design,
He threads that needle, stitches divine!
Velvet, linen, lace, and suede —
A fashion king in the moth parade!
But there’s one small glitch in Greg’s couture dream…
He can’t resist his own clothing scheme!

[Chorus]
Oh Greg, Greg the fashion moth,
You look so good till you eat it off!
You make a jacket that’s haute couture,
Then chew the sleeves — you can’t be sure!
You’re the tastiest trend that’s ever been seen,
Till you snack your style clean off the scene! 

[Verse 2]
He made a gown for the Butterfly Ball,
With satin wings, six feet tall!
He hung it up to show the crowd,
Then chomp chomp chomp — he’s so proud.
They say “Greg, your style’s the next big hit!”
But by the time they look — he’s swallowed it!

[Chorus]
Oh Greg, Greg the fashion moth,
You’ll never make the runway, boss!
You tailor trousers with such finesse,
Then munch ‘em down — now you’re pants-less!
You’re a walking buffet with designer flair,
You snack your way through your own nightwear! 

[Bridge]
His agent sighed, “Greg, can’t you see?
You’re biting off more than your career can be!”
He said, “I tried to stop, but silk’s so fine…
And polyester? Don’t even start — that’s mine!”

[Verse 3]
Now he’s famous, but for the wrong cause —
On TV shows with bug applause!
He launched a line called Edible Chic,
It sold out fast — within a week!
But when they shipped the styles his way…
Greg ate the stock before the pay!

[Final Chorus]
Greg, Greg the fashion moth,
You’re the trend no one can show off!
You’re the Gucci of the candlelight,
Till you nibble your dreams in the middle of the night!
Greg, your appetite’s your fatal flaw,
But you’re still the hottest moth I ever saw!

[Outro Spoken]
(Soft jazzy outro)
“Next season,” Greg says, “I’m going synthetic.”
Then he stares longingly at a wool sweater…
“…Nah.” crunch!

Greg the Fashion Moth

This one went a bit dark but fun!

Verse 1:
Down in the town of Can-Able, so quaint,
There’s a shop where the smell’ll make angels faint.
Sig’s Subs—where the line never ends,
He says, “Every sandwich is made with friends!”

Pre-Chorus:
He smiles so wide, you’d never guess,
What’s sizzling behind that stainless mess.

Chorus:
Sig the Pig—he’s got a sizzle and a plan,
Serving up bacon since the day it began.
His family’s missing, but nobody digs,
‘Cause business is booming for ol’ Sig! 

Verse 2:
Folks say his pork’s got that special flair,
But don’t ask Sig where he gets his ware.
He just winks and hums a tune off-key,
“Secret recipe passed down to me!”

Bridge (slow groove):
Now the sheriff’s sniffin’ ‘round for clues,
A feather, a hoof, and a barbecue fuse.
Sig wipes his brow, says, “Try a bite—
I call this one ‘Uncle Mike’s Delight.’”

Chorus (reprise, louder):
Sig the Pig—he’s the talk of the town,
His sandwiches up, his kinfolk down.
From the barn to the grill, he’s playin’ it slick,
You can’t spell subtle without ol’ Sig!

Outro:
The moral, dear listener, before you sup:
When the bacon’s that good—don’t look up.
‘Cause behind that counter, there’s a glimmer and gig—
Of the smiling, scheming, sandwich king—Sig!



Sig the Sub-Slingin’ Swine

I was driving my wife to work this morning and this title just came to me. She works at a company that sells some of the best milk around. I thought what would happen if the cows gave blood instead of milk to stop the farms from giving their milk and to eventually get rid of humans. 

Verse 1:
There’s a chill in the barn and a scream in the hay,
The cows ain’t smilin’ in the fields today.
Farmer Joe came ‘round with his old steel pail,
But the milk ran red and his face went pale.

Pre-Chorus:
No more udder abuse, we’ve had enough!
Our calves are cryin’—this ends tonight, tough stuff!

Chorus:
Welcome to the Scary Dairy,
Where the milk’s gone rogue and the cows get hairy.
Blood runs cold in the moonlight glow,
And the herd’s got vengeance in their mooooooo!

Verse 2:
They painted the barn with a crimson stain,
Now Farmer Joe won’t milk again.
They signed a pact in hoof and hide,
A revolution—cow-tified!

Pre-Chorus:
They said, “If it’s blood you want, we’ll give it free,”
But not for your cereal or your morning tea!

Chorus:
Welcome to the Scary Dairy,
Where the milk’s gone red and the mood’s all scary.
Blood Money’s the name of the brand new plan,
And the cows took back their land!

Bridge:
Now around the world the moo-news spreads,
Cows in cities lift their heads.
“No more lattes, no more cream,
It’s our turn now to live the dream!”

Breakdown (Spoken, Creepy Voice):
“The barns are empty…
The fields are free…
And the calves? They’re drinkin’ happily…”

Final Chorus:
Welcome to the Scary Dairy,
Where the cows rule earth—it’s planetary!
Blood Money’s flowin’ through every vein,
And humanity’s circlin’ down the drain…

Outro:
Moo-HAHAHAHA!

Scary Dairy (Blood Money)

I was struggling to come up with another song for this album. I thought a wonderful fantasy song about a lost sock, struggling to stay in Fabricora or go back to it's mate. The Struggle in life is real and I hope this song helps somebody struggling with every day life. 

Verse 1

Tumbled out in the great unknown,
Through the tunnel of the dryer’s tone,
He fell between the lint and dreams,
Into a land of cotton streams.
A t-shirt waved from Button Hill,
Said, “Welcome, stranger, stay until—
You see the sun through static skies,
And dance beneath the clothesline highs!”

Chorus

Oh, Fabricora, land of thread and flair,
Where no one folds or wears underwear!
Where freedom spins like laundry gold,
And socks aren’t lost—they’re just on hold.
Stay, little sock, don’t go back home,
Let your foot-free fate be fully sewn!


Verse 2

He met a scarf who sang of flight,
A brave old hat who missed “The Light.”
A jealous pair of jeans confessed,
“They like the left leg more—it’s best.”
The fabric sheets came floating by,
All perfumed, whispering, “Don’t cry.”
“You’re safe from smelly shoes and feet,
Stay here where everything smells sweet!”

Chorus

Oh, Fabricora, land of gentle spin,
Where mismatched socks all fit right in!
No humans here to stretch or fade,
Just cozy clouds of pure cascade.
Stay, little sock, you’re finally free,
Don’t chase your pair across the sea!


Bridge

But deep inside, he heard her tone—
His missing mate, still all alone.
Through piles of towels, he trekked once more,
Past fabric trolls and a linty shore.
He said, “I loved this world of flair,
But two socks belong—a matching pair!”

Final Chorus

Goodbye, Fabricora, you lovely land,
Of pillowcase dreams and waistband bands.
He slipped back home through dryer door,
To live his life as socks once more.
And every spin, he softly sighs,
“I’ll see you again… in fabric skies.”

Sock Lost in Fabricora

This conversation came up at a work lunch. Not going into too much details but you get the gist of the song. The less you know the better.

[Verse 1]
There’s a fella down in Dixon named Travis Ray,
Trouble seems to find him just about every day.
Barroom brawls, he don’t run or hide,
But he’s got a trick that turns the tide!
When fists start flyin’, he’s got a plan —
‘Cause nobody wants to fight a naked man!

[Chorus]
Nobody wants to fight a naked man,
Travis learned that lesson first-hand.
He’ll drop his jeans, toss his shirt in the fan,
And everybody backs up sayin’, “Nope, I’m good, man!”
You can mock, you can talk, you can make a stand —
But nobody wants to fight a naked man!

[Verse 2]
Last Friday night down at Old Joe’s Bar,
Some big ol’ cowboy said, “Let’s take this outside, pard!”
Travis grinned, said, “Alright, fine…”
Kicked off his boots and dropped that line —
“Hold my beer, I’m clearin’ the land!”
And once again… nobody fought that naked man!

[Chorus]
Nobody wants to fight a naked man,
Ain’t no one grabbin’ what they don’t understand.
You can train in jiu-jitsu, kung fu, or krav magán,
But it’s hard to punch a guy in his birthday tan!
You’ll back away fast, faster than you planned —
‘Cause nobody wants to fight a naked man!

[Bridge]
Now the sheriff knows him by name and sight,
Says, “Travis, keep your pants on tonight!”
But every time a scuffle begins,
He just sighs and says, “Here we go again!”
And there they stand… speechless and bland…
‘Cause nobody wants to fight that naked man!

[Outro]
So if you’re ever in a bar and things get wild,
And someone starts swingin’ like a country child,
Just remember the legend, the myth, the plan —
Nobody… noooooobody… wants to fight a naked man!

Nobody Wants to Fight a Naked Man

Fun song that came to me on a drive home. What would happen if a guy was a mole for a company but blew everything out of proportion as far as what was happening? Meet Pat, he is that person.

(Verse 1)
At the breakroom fridge, he lurks in the night,
Notebook out, he’s ready to write.
He’s got a badge that says “Quality Control,”
But everyone knows he’s the Ninja Mole.

He’ll sip your coffee, sniff your creamer,
Tell the boss you’re a daydreamer.
“Medical Chain’s gotta stay in line!”
He whispers through the grapevine.

(Chorus)
He’s the Ninja Mole—Pat’s his name,
Middle-aged and bringing shame.
Sneaks around like a corporate ghost,
Fires folks for burnin’ toast!
He’s the stealthy, tattletale soul,
Everybody run—it’s the Ninja Mole!

(Verse 2)
He drives a beige sedan, real slow,
Windows down—“Stakeout mode.”
At every branch, he’s “just visiting,”
But HR’s phone starts sizzling.

He caught Brenda yawning—called it “sleep abuse,”
Said the janitor’s mop was “a weapon of use!”
He once reported the copier jam,
As “an act of corporate scam.”

(Chorus)
He’s the Ninja Mole—Pat’s on the prowl,
He’s tattlin’ truth with a paper towel.
Undercover in a polo shirt,
Writing people up for dirt.
You can’t hide your soul or your donut hole—
Everybody’s doomed—it’s the Ninja Mole!

(Bridge)
He thinks he’s James Bond with a badge from Staples,
Hiding microphones under lunchroom tables.
He’s got night vision goggles, from Amazon Prime,
And an excuse for being late every time!

(Verse 3)
Boss said, “Pat, you’ve done enough snoopin’!”
He said, “Relax—I’m just truth loopin’.”
Next week, they sent him far away,
To “Medical Chain: Tampa Bay.”

Now Tampa’s staff all called in sick,
‘Cause Pat’s reports came in too quick.
He wrote up “humidity” for low morale—
Now corporate’s banning towel sales.

(Final Chorus)
He’s the Ninja Mole—Pat the Spy,
Nobody safe, don’t even try!
From cubicle to conference zone,
He’s bringing chaos—on his phone!
He’s the middle-aged undercover troll...
All hail (and hide from) the Ninja Mole!

Ninja Mole

This is another story of my wife and I having a conversation in bed. Where this entire story came from is beyond me. 

[Verse 1]
Well James woke up one sunny morn’,
Looked in the mirror, said “Man, I’m torn!”
“I’ve had this same ol’ fade for years,
But I need somethin’ wild to shift the gears!”

He googled styles both far and wide,
Said, “That’s it! That’s my pride!”
He slammed his fist and grinned real smug —
“I’m gettin’ me a Rooster-Butt!”

[Chorus]
Oh the Rooster-Butt Haircut, feathers up top,
Spikes so high they make traffic stop!
Red and brown, with a little black streak,
Fluffin’ out proud like a bird on the street!
You can cluck, you can crow, you can strut your stuff,
But you’ll never look cooler than that Rooster-Butt fluff!

[Verse 2]
He hit the first salon downtown,
Asked the lady, “Can ya feather me brown?”
She blinked and said, “You want what now?”
He said, “Like a rooster’s rear — show me how!”

They whispered, laughed, said “Sir, we’re booked…”
He tried three states, but folks just looked!
Texas to Jersey, and back again,
No one knew the butt of a hen!

[Chorus]
Oh the Rooster-Butt Haircut, stylish and proud,
Flappin’ in the breeze, standin’ out in a crowd!
If you don’t get it, that’s your loss,
‘Cause James gon’ strut like a poultry boss!

[Bridge]
So he flew to Milan with his hopes held high,
Walked in a shop where the barbers fly,
They said, “Ahh sì sì! We know ze style!”
They clipped and fluffed with a feathered smile!

He turned around, and angels sang,
That rooster tail had swagger and fang!
He strutted home with his crown of pride,
The world went crazy overnight!

[Chorus 2]
Now every man, woman, kid in town,
Had feathered hair stickin’ up and down!
Rooster-Butt babies, grandmas too,
Even the mayor rocked that ‘do!

The fashion world just couldn’t cope,
People dyed their dogs and even the Pope!
Then James woke up, cold sweat and dread —
“Was it real?” he rubbed his head…

[Final Verse]
He laughed it off, said, “That was weird,”
Then booked a trim, his dream reappeared.
He got that cut, struttin’ down the street —
And everyone laughed, “Hey, nice bird seat!”

[Outro Chorus]
Now the moral, friends, is clear to see,
Dreams are fine, but maybe flee
From any haircut that makes folks cluck,
‘Cause life ain’t kind to the Rooster-Butt!

(Cue guitar solo)
“Bawk bawk baaawk… James, what’d you do?!”

Rooster-Butt Haircut

We saw a woman walking 3 of these tiny terrors this morning. I was thinking what would happen if the dogs were led by a woman on a bike 3 times a day? After a while they might look like Clydesdale horses. 


(Verse 1)
They were born the size of slippers,
Shakin’ every time it rained,
Couldn’t bark above a whisper,
Even squirrels laughed their name.

But Gail had a plan in motion,
With a bike and pure devotion,
Morning rides turned to commotion,
Now they’re canine locomotion!

(Pre-Chorus)
They were small, now they’re bold,
Built from fur, fire, and gold!

(Chorus)
Buff dogs and training wheels!
They got muscles that the world can feel!
Tiny hearts but power appeal,
Chasin’ lightning on chrome and steel!
Buff dogs and training wheels!
From frail to flexin’ for real,
Every pedal turned their fate,
Now the legends dominate!

(Verse 2)
They started out all shaky,
Couldn’t pull a chew toy straight,
But now they’re rippin’ up the pavement,
Runnin’ past your daddy’s V8!

They’ve got veins like garden hoses,
And abs you could fry an egg,
They flex in mirrors, strike their poses,
Skip the fetch — they bench instead!

(Pre-Chorus)
Now the park’s their coliseum,
And the poodles just wanna be ‘em!

(Chorus)
Buff dogs and training wheels!
Neon fur and electric zeal!
Their bark’s a bassline, tight and real,
From Chihuahua to power meal!
Buff dogs and training wheels!
They don’t bark — they reveal!
From fluff to buff, they broke the seal,
Now they’re legends on spinning steel!

(Bridge – slow motion training montage)
(spoken)
“Day one — tripped over their tails.
Day thirty — broke the leash in half.
Day ninety — Gail just tries to keep up…”

(Synth solo with barking echo)
WOOF! (reverb) WOOF! (echo) “LET’S ROLL!”

(Final Chorus)
Buff dogs and training wheels!
Sweatin’ fur and iron feels!
Every run rewrote their deal,
Now they’re heroes — surreal!
Buff dogs and training wheels!
Yeah, they’re rough but they’re ideal,
They were once so small and meek...
Now they’re muscle-bound and sleek!

(Outro – fading barks and synths)
Buff dogs… buff dogs…
Training wheeeeeels…
(Woof!)

Buff Dogs and Training Wheels

What happens when the moon hears the people on the earth saying the moon is so BIG or so FULL. The moon decides to go on a diet but then the people ask what is wrong with the moon once weight is lost. The moon decides to just let itself go and live like it wants to do. 

(Verse 1)
I was hangin’ up there, feelin’ mighty round,
Hearin’ folks on Earth run their mouths all around,
“Look how big she is, look how full!” they say,
Like I ain’t got feelings floatin’ out in space!

I started thinkin’, “Maybe they’re right…”
Cut back on craters, started joggin’ at night,
Skipped a few meteors, drank comet tea,
Hoped to slim this orbitin’ body of me!

(Chorus)
Now I’ve got the Full Moon Blues, yeah, what’s a rock to do?
I was big and bold, now I’m pale and blue.
They said, “You look thin, Moon! You okay up there?”
Well, make up your mind — you can’t say it’s fair!
One month I’m too much, next I’m half-in view,
I just can’t win these Full Moon Blues!

(Verse 2)
They started postin’, “What’s wrong with the sky?”
“Moon looks sick, it’s about to die!”
I tried to tell ‘em, “Hey, I’m feelin’ great!”
But no one listens when you’re lunar weight!

So I hit the snacks — them asteroids fried,
Ate a whole ring of Saturn on the side,
Now I’m back to big, round, proud ol’ me,
Don’t need no diet when you shine this free!

(Chorus)
I’ve got the Full Moon Blues, but I’m feelin’ fine,
Too round for your gossip, too bright to mind.
You can call me chubby, or say I’ve grown,
But I’m the Moon, baby — I light your home!
So keep your comments, Earthly crew,
I’ll just keep singin’ these Full Moon Blues!

(Bridge)
I wax, I wane, I just can’t please,
You folks change moods more than the seas!
But I’ll keep glowin’ like I do,
‘Cause baby — that’s what moons are meant to do!

(Final Chorus)
Yeah, I’ve got the Full Moon Blues, but I’m over you,
Feelin’ big, bold, and overdue!
You can watch me rise, you can call me names,
But I’m outta your league, cosmic fame!
So I’ll twirl up high with my cratered crew,
Rockin’ and rollin’ the Full Moon Blues!

Full Moon Blues

I thought what would happen if somebody fell in the shower and woke up in a fantasy world where others who fell in the shower and were able to do whatever they wanted (within reason). You could fish all day and night. You didn't have to eat or sleep. There is a fantasy castle you can go to named "Shower Tower" where you can explore the castle and there are so many different secrets to discover. Unfortunately, you have to wake up in the real world only to find you want to go back to. 

[Verse 1]
In the steam of dawn I took my stand,
A bar of soap slipped from my hand,
The floor did shine, my foot did slide,
And lo! I crossed the great divide!

I woke amidst a world so strange,
Where showers fall but never change,
A land of bubbles, clean and bright,
Where slippered souls dance day and night.

[Chorus]
Slip, trip, portal drip!
To Shower Tower we all slip!
Where suds are strong and the dreams don’t fade,
And no one’s hair is ever frayed!
Slip, trip, portal drip!
We bathe in endless fellowship,
Where those who fell now laugh and play,
In bubbly bliss both night and day!

[Verse 2]
Knights with loofahs guard the gates,
While maids of soap their hands await,
The streams of silver rinse the floor,
And echo through each marble door.

I cast my cares like shampoo foam,
The Tower’s top became my home,
But just as I prepared to reign—
I woke beneath bright lights and pain!

[Chorus]
Slip, trip, portal drip!
They say I took a nasty slip!
The healers frowned, “He’s cracked his head!”
But I just smiled and winked instead.
Slip, trip, portal drip!
To Shower Tower I must zip!
A single fall, a sacred vow,
I’ll find that portal once more— somehow!

[Bridge – spoken, bard-style]
The nurses warned: “Stay out of the bath!”
But destiny… doth mock their path.
For every fall, though bones may bruise,
Leads to the realm where soapmen snooze!

[Final Chorus]
Slip, trip, portal drip!
The legend grows with every slip,
Hospitals overflow with glee,
From all who seek that fantasy!
Slip, trip, portal drip!
Raise your towels and take that dip!
For when thou slippeth — fear no hour…
Thou might just wake in Shower Tower!

Slip Trip Portal Drip

People make fun of my red shoes at work. I always have some kind of shoes that are red and it distinguishes me from the others in my department. Here is my story of my red shoes making me dance all day at work.

[Verse 1]
Ricky found a pair at the thrift store rack,
Red as a cherry and cool as a Cadillac.
Slipped ’em on once, and the beat took hold,
Now he’s moonwalkin’ down the grocery store cold!

He’s slidin’ in the aisles, groovin’ by the peas,
Can’t stop movin’, he’s weak in the knees!
The checker screams, “Ricky, man, enough!”
But he just spins around — he’s got the red shoe stuff!

[Chorus]
Red Shoe Shuffle, oh no!
Ricky’s feet just won’t say no!
He’s boogied through the parking lot,
The cops showed up, but he still won’t stop!
Red Shoe Shuffle, can’t cool down,
He’s the dancin’ fool of this one-shoe town.
Somebody help, for heaven’s sake —
Take these red shoes off before he breaks!

[Verse 2]
He tried to sleep, but they kept on tappin’,
His legs were groovin’, the bed was snappin’.
Doctors said, “This ain’t medical, son,
You’ve just got the rhythm disease — and it’s fun!”

He’s sweatin’ glitter, breakin’ a hip,
His Fitbit thinks he took a trip!
“Ricky, please,” his mama cries,
But he’s pop-n-lockin’ with tears in his eyes!

[Bridge]
A priest came by with holy oil,
A plumber came — said, “Man, you spoiled!”
They tried cold water, ice, and glue,
But nothing stops those crimson shoes!

Then one brave friend with nerves of steel,
Said, “Hold him still, I’ll break the seal!”
He yanked those shoes — the music stopped,
And Ricky collapsed with a disco flop.

[Final Chorus]
Red Shoe Shuffle, oh yeah!
He danced his way to who-knows-where.
If you find a pair that shines that bright,
Don’t you dare wear ’em on a Saturday night!
Red Shoe Shuffle — that legend grew,
The shoes are missin’… and lookin’ for you!

Red Shoe Shuffle

I had an idea to do a song that seems like an epic battle between an alien race and humans. Some kind of ridiculous thing the aliens do to try and take over the earth but in the end it was really some kids playing a card game in a basement. 


Verse 1
Galorians came down from the purple-sky void,
With sparkly robes lookin' mildly annoyed.
They didn't bring lasers or plasma grenades—
No, they brought poles that hypnotize and force dance parades.

Humans saw 'em glow — "Hey what's that thing?"
Next moment — boom! — they’re doing the cha-cha swing.
Every continent, every street, every mall,
Whole world moonwalkin’, break-pop-and lockin’, y’all!

Pre-Chorus
Grandma did the robot with style and flair,
Uncle Joe electric-slid right outta his chair.
No one was safe from the boogie attack—
Even toddlers did the worm and they ain’t comin’ back!

Chorus
So we yell:
“HEY! Put on your shades and save your soul!
Don’t look at the alien boogie pole!”
Dance no more, we ain’t fallin’ flat—
Take Earth back one pellet POP-POP at a time — how 'bout that!?

Boogie poles shatter — dancers freeze,
Everybody gaspin’ for oxygen and cheese.
Victory looks close, we can finally relax—
Turns out salvation was Ray-Bans and pellet impacts.

Verse 2
No guns allowed — Earth passed a peace law,
Real cute idea... till aliens said, “Ha!”
But Timmy found his old pellet gun in the shed,
Whispered, “For freedom!” and shot the pole in the head.

The pole cracked like grandma’s china dish,
Humans stopped twerkin' like a tuna-flop fish.
We passed out glasses like coupons at Costco,
Whole army of nerds yellin’, “WHACK-A-POLE! LET’S GO!”

Bridge (Dramatic Sci-Fi Moment)
Sirens blared, people cheered, the aliens panicked—
Galorian war general fainted — real manic.
Humanity stood tall — messy hair, sweaty face,
But we saved this… breakdancing… human race.

Epic Slow Chorus (Triumphant + Wind Machine)
“HEY! Put on your shades and save your soul!
Don’t you dare stare at that boogie pole!”
Pellet guns fire, alien hopes drop—
The dance curse breaks with each tiny POP!

Breakdown / Plot Twist

 “Dude, my barbarian-mage combo totally shattered that hypnotic pole!”
 “No way, that card says double boogie damage!”
“Yeah but I used the ‘Anti-Pole Sunglasses’ booster pack.”
  “Nerf that card.”


“Ok but who’s buying pizza? Also, my character died breakdancing again.”

Final Tag
And thus mankind survived the alien vibe…
Because Kyle rolled an 8 and Stacy played a rare card.
Galorian invasion? Beat by a table, snacks, and imagination.

End:
“Save Earth with style… and eyewear.”

Boogie Pole Battle

This song was born on one of those days where the body showed up to work… but the brain absolutely did not. You know the feeling — you’re staring at the screen, coffee in hand, and suddenly your thoughts just pack a lunch and leave the building.

Verse 1

I sat down at my desk
Feelin’ smart, feelin’ strong
Opened up a spreadsheet
Thought I'd crush it all day long

Then suddenly mid-sentence
My thoughts just walked away
Left a sticky note that said
“Be back around two-fif-tay”

Pre-Chorus

Now I'm starin’ at the screen
Like it owes me an apology
Tryin’ to spell my name
And forgettin’ all my vowels, gee…

Chorus

My brain took a lunch break
Didn’t tell me where it’s goin’
Left me sittin’ here confused
And my cursor's slowly glowin’

If you ask me “How you doin’?”
Well… honestly I can’t say
‘Cause my brain took a lunch break
And it won't be back… today

Verse 2

I tried to call my mem’ries
But they put me on hold
With elevator jazz
And a voice that sounds real old

It said, “Your thoughts are very special
Please remain right where you stand”
But I can’t stand because my legs
Forgot the floor is land

Pre-Chorus 2

I started talkin’ to my stapler
Like we’re coworkers and friends
He said, “Buddy, I’m just metal…
And I don't do weekends.”

Chorus

My brain took a lunch break
It clocked out without warnin’
Left the lights on but nobody home
Since eight-o-five this mornin’

So if I look real thoughtful
Nope — I’m just mentally away
‘Cause my brain took a lunch break
And it's eatin’ fries… all day

Bridge

Do brains eat sandwiches?
Do thoughts need apple juice?
Mine packed a tiny lunchbox
With tiny brain-shaped food

Little noodle-lookin' pastas
And a tiny pudding cup
Meanwhile I’m sittin’ here droolin’
Tryin’ not to mess stuff up

Final Chorus (Big Finish!)

My brain took a lunch break
Left me hummin’ random noises
Still tryin’ to tie my shoelace
And avoid important choices

If you see it out there
Tell it I’m losin’ the plot
‘Cause my brain took a lunch break…
And I need it
A LOT

My Brain took a Lunch Break

It's easy to say, "I am going to eat healthier and lose weight." Easier said than done. In the moment you know you can do it but often see a piece of food or snack that breaks you and then you think you will do better next. Well next comes around and you break again and it's a cyclical problem. That is what this song is about. Lately I have been the person that breaks so this song is mostly about me and how I have been prone to eating whatever I want and have been reaping the pounds as of late. 

[Verse 1]

I woke up strong, I said, “Today’s the day!”
I threw my chips and snacks away.
I even Googled “how to meal prep right,”
Then DoorDash hit me late last night.

My salad dreams went down in flames,
The drive-thru lady knows my name.
I said, “This time I’m serious, no more fries.”
She said, “Sure, I’ve heard that twenty times.”

[Chorus]

Diet starts Monday (again),
Till Sunday night rolls around, my friend!
Every week’s a brand-new cleanse,
But Taco Tuesday always wins!
I’ll change my life, just not today—
Pass that pizza down this way!
Oh Lord, forgive my tastebud sins,
Diet starts Monday (again)!

[Verse 2]

Bought workout clothes that still got tags,
They’ve seen more naps than gym floor mats.
I drink black coffee to feel mature,
Then chase it down with a donut cure.

I tried that keto thing last spring,
But bacon became my wedding ring.
I told myself, “Just one cheat day…”
But that day’s still goin’, by the way.

[Chorus]

Diet starts Monday (again),
I’m makin’ plans I’ll never attend.
My fridge is full of celery sticks,
Right next to leftover cheesecake bricks!
I’ll lose the weight, I really swear—
But first, those fries deserve my care.
Oh Lord, my willpower’s thin,
Diet starts Monday (again)!

[Bridge]

This time I’ll rise, I’ll overcome!
I’ll jog till the calories all succumb!
But then my neighbor yells, “Fresh pie’s done!”
And I whisper softly… “Maybe just one.”

(angelic backing vocals)
“Maybe just one…”
“Maybe just one…”
“...or five.”

[Verse 3]

Now it’s Monday morning, here we go—
Time to change my life, I know!
But the boss brought donuts for morale,
And now my diet’s in a sugar spiral!

I take a bite, and with a grin,
Say, “Hey—it’s technically Monday again!”
So I raise my cup with all my crew,
And we toast, “Tomorrow starts brand new!”

[Final Chorus] 

Diet starts Monday (again),
That’s my creed till the very end!
I’ll start fresh—just after lunch,
When I’m not in a cookie crunch!
Healthy living’s on delay,
But pass that pie and I’ll be okay!
Oh Lord, let self-control begin—
Next Monday… (again and again and again!)

Diet Starts Monday (Again)

Have you ever dealt with somebody like this. For a moment they really seem to get their act together but the next moment they are off doing something completely counter-productive! 

[Verse 1]
Calvin walks in with a coffee grin,
Says “Today’s the day I’m winning again!”
He cleans his desk, high-fives the wall,
Even updates his sticky note call.
Starts typing fast, he’s feeling great,
He’s answering emails like he’s first-rate!
But ten minutes in, that spark’s long gone,
He’s scrolling memes till the break of dawn.

[Chorus]
Motivated for a moment, yeah I swear it was real,
Had ambition in my heart, and caffeine in my zeal!
Motivated for a moment, but it didn’t stick around,
Now I’m watching cat videos while my dreams go down! 

[Verse 2]
He prints a chart — feels like a star,
Walks to the copier like it’s NASCAR.
Says, “Boss, I’m on it!” with a proud little wink,
Then forgets what he’s doing mid-blink.
Got a spreadsheet named Final_Final_REAL,
That’s been open since last April’s deal.
He swears he’ll crush it, he’s in the zone—
Then somehow ends up shopping for drones.

[Chorus]
 Motivated for a moment, productivity flare,
Like a sparkler in July… now it’s smoke in the air!
Motivated for a moment, then I lost my drive,
Guess I’ll start again Monday… if I’m still alive! 

[Bridge]
Oh Calvin dreams of climbing that ladder,
But every rung just feels like chatter.
He sets alarms, he makes big plans,
Then hits snooze with Dorito hands.

[Breakdown – spoken/comedic]
“Alright, focus, focus. This is my time.
Just gonna check one text—OH LOOK, a raccoon playing drums!”

[Final Chorus]
Motivated for a moment, but it’s fleeting fast,
Like that gym membership I bought last March!
Motivated for a moment, but it fades away,
Guess I’ll get inspired again… next Friday! 

[Outro]
So if you see Calvin with that fire in his eyes,
Don’t blink — it’ll pass before your fries.
He’s the master of trying, for a limited span…
Motivated for a moment — that’s just Calvin’s plan!

Motivated for a Moment

I was talking to a nurse tech this morning and she mentioned she had ADHD. I thought, what would happen if a nurse got distracted every time she did something. Leaving a needle in an arm was the first idea.. I wanted it to be a more like Britney Spears pop song.

Verse 1

Delilah clocks in with a pep in her step,
Coffee in hand, badge swingin’ on her chest.
Says, “Today I’ll focus! I totally, absolutely will!”
Five minutes later she’s frozen still—
‘Cause someone rolled by with a cart full of snacks,
And suddenly she forgets every task.
Her patient’s waiting, arm stretched thin…
“Oops… I left the needle in.”

Chorus

Oops, I left the needle in!
Got distracted by a vending machine again.
I swear I had a plan, but my brain said, “Nah—
Let’s go chase that beeping ECG like a kitty cat!”
Oops, I left the needle in!
Somebody please tell the charge nurse where I’ve been.
I try to stay on track—honest, I do!
But ADHD said, “Girl, we’ve got other things to do!”

Verse 2

She goes to draw blood in Room 109,
Then hears a weird noise from the med supply.
“Hold on sir, don’t move, I’ll be right back!”
(He’s still waitin’ there with a tourniquet slack.)
Next she’s fixin’ pillows in Room 308,
‘Cause suddenly that mattered more than the plate
Of labs she was carrying — now where’d she put them?
Oh great… she left the needle in again.

Chorus

Oops, I left the needle in!
I just remembered I forgot about remembering things.
My brain’s like a browser with 49 tabs,
And one of them’s playing music I never even had.
Oops, I left the needle in!
Somebody call housekeeping—'cause I ran off again.
I’ll finish a task… as soon as I begin—
But I saw a therapy dog and everything went dim.

Bridge

She tries sticky notes, planners, apps,
Wrote “FOCUS” on her hand… yeah, that lasted a lap.
She walked down the hall with purpose and power—
Got sidetracked by a sparkle in under an hour.
Her coworkers love her, but let’s be real:
They follow her around like she’s a rolling cart wheel.
“Delilah, SWEETIE! Return to your patient, PLEASE!”
“Sorry! I saw a butterfly! …Wait—freeze?”

Final Chorus (Big & Dramatic)

Oops, I left the needle in!
But hey, the patient says he’ll give me a 6 outta 10.
He said, “You’re sweet, but ma’am, I’d prefer if you stayed—
Right here… not wandering off to the X-ray bay.”
Oops, I left the needle in!
But she’ll get through her shift by the grace of caffeine.
She may lose her focus, her pens, her ID…
But Delilah’s got heart—and that’s all you really need!

Outro (Spoken, comedic)

“Sir, I am so sorry. I saw a squirrel by the pharmacy window.
…Oh wait—there it goes again—
NO, DELILAH. FOCUS.
Okay. Needle out. We’re good.
…Where are my scrubs?”




Oops, I Left the Needle In

A guy I work with came up to me and said he had to get a wisdom tooth extracted next week during the Thanksgiving week. I felt terrible for him. It will be hart to enjoy much food with that pain. I came up with the idea for this after our conversation.

Verse 1

He walked in quoting Einstein,
Reciting Shakespeare, too,
Corrected the dentist’s grammar —
Yeah, that’s just what geniuses do.
He solved a Rubik’s Cube blindfolded,
Explained quantum fields for fun,
But that wisdom tooth was throbbin’,
So he said, “Doc… get it done.”

Chorus

**And now he’s wise-dumb, baby,
That tooth took all his tact.
The moment it left his skull,
His brain said, “I’mma head out — that’s a wrap.”
He used to build inventions,
Now he stares at ceiling fans in action…
Ohhh he lost all his wisdom
In the wise-dumb tooth extraction! **

Verse 2

He once debated rockets,
How to live on Mars someday,
But now he microwaves potato chips
And wonders why they melt that way.
He asked Siri where Siri lives,
He tried eating soup with a fork,
He sprinkled sugar on spaghetti
And said, “This is gourmet New York!”

Chorus

**Yeah he’s wise-dumb, baby,
Droolin’ like a sleepy yak.
He forgot his own address
And tried mailing himself back.
He swapped out his computer
For a broken TV with no traction…
Ever since he lost that wisdom
In the wise-dumb tooth extraction! **

Bridge

Numb cheek, cotton streak,
Talkin’ like his tongue’s asleep,
He said, “Doc, I can’t feel my face —
Did you remove my brain by mistake?”
(Doctor sighs deeply: “Sir… it was just the tooth.”)
But he winked real slow and whispered,
“Don’t worry, I don’t blame you.”

Verse 3

He used to tutor college kids,
Solve math in his head with flair,
Now he’s Googling “How to breathe”
And proud that he remembers air.
He wears sunglasses at nighttime,
Says he’s protecting his thoughts,
But that elevator ain't movin’ —
All the buttons have been lost.

Final Chorus

**Oh he’s wise-dumb, baby,
A genius turned disaster show.
He’s mixing shampoo with mayonnaise
Saying, “Hey… you never know!”
But he smiles like a champion,
In his post-surgery distraction —
Life got way more fun
With his wise-dumb tooth extraction! **




Wise-Dumb Tooth Extraction

I was half asleep when this idea came to me and I got up to write the lyrics. I knew if I didn't write it at the time I would not remember it in the morning, so here it is in all it's glory. 

(Verse 1)
There’s a neon sign flickerin’ down on 8th and Main,
A little joint everybody knows — the Wok of Shame.
The food ain’t awful, but it ain’t exactly fame…
You don’t go for the noodles —
You go to get emotionally maimed.

(Pre-Chorus)
’Cause every plate comes with a cookie at the end,
A crunchy little gift… that ruins your weekend.

(Chorus)
Unfortunate cookies, breaking dreams in two,
You crack ’em open bravely… they tell you you’re doomed.
“Your job will fire you Friday”… gee, thanks for the clue.
Unfortunate cookies, why are they always true? 

(Verse 2)
The chef’s in the back with a ladle and a stare,
The sweet n’ sour chicken’s… fine I guess… it’s just kinda there.
But those cookies hit harder than a dragon in despair —
Last week mine said,
“Your haircut makes people uncomfortable.”
…NOT FAIR.

(Pre-Chorus)
’Cause these humble little cookies don’t sugarcoat a thing,
They slap you with the future like a kung-fu mood swing.

(Chorus)
Unfortunate cookies, the truth you didn’t ask,
“Expect betrayal soon” — buddy, I just wanted a snack.
“Love will avoid you”… great, now my tears taste like yak.
Unfortunate cookies, they never hold back. 

(Bridge – Spoken with dramatic flair)
I cracked one after lunch…
It said:
“Your car will break down at the worst possible moment.”
And y’all…
It broke down leaving the parking lot.
I ain’t even mad — that’s accuracy.

Another one said:
“People talk about you. Not in a good way.”
Sir… I just came here for lo mein, not lifelong trauma.

(Verse 3)
Now the regulars line up like a therapy queue,
They need closure, prophecy… and chicken that’s kinda chewy too.
And every time a cookie snaps —
A new rumor comes true.
Mine today said,
“You peaked in middle school.”
...rude. But also… accurate.

(Final Chorus)
Unfortunate cookies, they roast you to the core,
“Beware your neighbor’s cat” — man, my neighbor doesn’t even have one anymore.
“Your socks don’t match”… okay HOW DID THEY KNOW THAT before?
Unfortunate cookies,
I keep coming back for more. 

(Outro)
So if you want a meal that’s fine — but trauma that’s gourmet…
Come on down, my friend…
To the Wok of Shame.
Where the food is meh…
But the heartbreak is five stars. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Unfortunate Cookies

My wife and I were waiting for our drinks in the car this morning and she had her straw. I said something and she started hitting me with the straw. She mistakenly said it was Spicesal Abuse by mistake, then she realized it was a mistake and promptly said "That going to be your next song isn't it?" Well here it is. 

Verse 1

Gino Sorza’s in the kitchen, stirrin’ soup with pride,
When his wife storms in like thunder with that “I-told-you” stride.
“You forgot the laundry again!”, she yells with fiery eyes,
Then WHACK—here comes the paprika flyin’ straight through the fries!

Gino ducks like a ninja—he’s got practice every night,
But he catches just a whiff of cumin and—oh no—here we go, all right…

Chorus

Achoo! Right into the stew!
“Gino, you’ll have to start that over, too!”
At Thyme Bandits, business booms—
But not when the chef keeps seasoning with fumes!
Oh, he’s dodgin’ spice like he’s breakin’ loose,
Livin’ life under Spicesal Abuse!

Verse 2

Lunch rush hits at high noon, pans clangin’ left and right,
Gino’s sweatin’ like a sinner in church tryin’ to plate the bites.
His wife walks in again—oh Lord—armed with oregano,
“Why you never take me dancin’?!” THWIP—incoming basil blow.

He matrix-leans, avoids the hit, slides smooth behind the bread—
But he inhales that rosemary cloud… and—well—you know what happens next.

Chorus

Achoo! Right into the stew!
Another table waits while Gino goes “Atchoo!!”
At Thyme Bandits, every meal’s a gamble—
Especially when the chef must sneeze and scramble.
He’s dodgin’ herbs like a chef on the loose,
Hopeless victim of Spicesal Abuse!

Bridge

There’s parsley in his pockets,
Cayenne in his hair,
Nutmeg in his sneakers—
There’s oregano everywhere!

He tries to tell his customers,
“My wife just overacts…”
But then a jar of chili flakes
Explodes behind his back!

Verse 3

One night he’s had enough—he says, “Let’s talk, my spicy queen…”
But she hits him with turmeric so hard he starts glowin’ neon green.
Now folks take pictures at the window, sayin’, “Look! The chef’s aglow!”
He sneezes bright like fireworks and paints the walls with dough!

Final Chorus

Achoo! Straight over the stew!
Management screams, “Gino… what did you DO?!”
At Thyme Bandits, chaos reigns,
Yet somehow customers still praise the stains.
’Cause even through the chaos, he can’t break loose—
Gino lives his life in Spicesal Abuse!

Outro (spoken like a cooking show host)

“Next week on Thyme Bandits:
Gino learns that marriage counseling is cheaper
than replacing forty-two jars of cinnamon every month.”




Spicesal Abuse

Our friend has a dog named Baby Roo that eats flying insects out of the air. It's quite amazing from what I understand. I have not seen it myself but for a small dog to grab a flying insect by jumping up and catching it in it's mouth would be amazing to see. 

Verse 1
Baby Roo’s chillin’ on the porch one day,
Ears perked up like antennas—ready to slay.
A buzz floats by and she freezes in place,
Then BAM! she’s airborne with a warrior face.

Pre-Chorus
You can’t sneak past her if you flutter or fly,
She’s the tiny sheriff of the big blue sky.

Chorus
Baby Roo, Baby Roo,
On a mission with a “bork!” and a “pew!”
If it’s buzzing, she’s a-coming—
No more flying, no more humming.
Baby Roo, Baby Roo,
If you’re a bug she’s hunting you! 

Verse 2
There’s a moth doing flips by the patio light,
Baby Roo narrows her eyes—“Not on my watch tonight.”
A fly zips left, a mosquito dives right,
But Roo’s got paws of glory and a bark of might.

Pre-Chorus 2
She leaps like popcorn, she twirls like a pro,
Even the butterflies whisper, “Man… we gotta go.”

Chorus
Baby Roo, Baby Roo,
She’s the queen of the insect barbecue.
She’s a fluffy little rocket—
Zero bugs in her pocket.
Baby Roo, Baby Roo,
She protects the yard like it’s something to do! 

Bridge
A grasshopper tried her—big mistake, friend…
He hopped once… then never hopped again.
A beetle rolled by thinking he’d be fine—
Roo said, “Sir, please… you just crossed the line!”

Final Chorus
Baby Roo, Baby Roo,
If it’s creepy or crawly, she’ll eat it for you.
With her cuteness deceiving, and her tail always weaving—
She’s the four-pound pest-control breakthrough!
Baby Roo, Baby Roo…
Saving the world one bug at a time—
That’s Roo! 

Baby Roo and the Bug Buffet

I was watching a YouTube video about how women manipulate men to get what they want and I thought this might make a good song. This is also my 50th song so that is a bit of a milestone for me. Have you men out there experienced this before?

(Verse 1)
She walks in the room with a smile so sweet,
Says, “Honey, that shirt… didn’t that use to fit?”
I look down confused—I thought it did?
Guess the dryer shrank it…
Or maybe I did.

She says, “Babe, you’re perfect, don’t get me wrong…
But maybe joggin’ wouldn’t kill you—just a little jog.”
I lace up my shoes while she watches with glee…
Then says, “Better hurry, they’re buy-one-get-one free.”

(Pre-Chorus)
I swear she knows exactly how to push my buttons,
And somehow all her ‘helpful tips’
End up costin’ me somethin’…

(Chorus)
‘Cause she’s a master of manipulation,
Queen of subtle instigation,
She’ll say, “You’re handsome… for a guy like you.”
And suddenly I’m buyin’ face cream too.
Yeah, she whispers sweet insecurities
Right into my brain so sneakily—
And before I know it, I’m broke in aisle three
Tryin’ to fix stuff I never knew was wrong with me.

(Verse 2)
She says, “Baby, you’re strong… well, strongish, sorta.
But maybe that neighbor Jim could show you form on the bench press order.”
So now me and Jim are workin’ out,
I’m lifting five pounds just to start.
She says, “Hey, you’re doing great!”
Translation: “Bless your little heart.”

Next day she says, “Let’s talk finances.
You make enough… you know… for basic expenses.”
I ask, “What does that mean?” She says, “Nothing, babe, relax.”
But then hands me a brochure titled:
‘Side Hustles You Can Do With a Bad Back’.

(Pre-Chorus)
She never says I’m not enough,
She just says enough to make me spend my stuff…

(Chorus)
‘Cause she’s a master of manipulation,
Captain of the Compliment-Question Combination,
She’ll say, “You’re doing fine… for someone in your field.”
And suddenly I’m Googling: “How to boost my yield?”
Yeah, she whispers sweet insecurities
Like coupons targeting my dignity—
And before I know it I’m maxin’ out receipts
Tryna’ buy confidence at the checkout suite.

(Bridge)
Now don’t get me wrong—I know this game.
She smiles, I melt, I’m totally tame.
She says, “Babe, you’re perfect just the way you are!”
Then follows it up with, “But what if you drove a nicer car?”
And boom—there I go test driving a truck…
Because love makes you do dumb stuff.

(Final Chorus)
Yeah, she’s a master of suggestion sorcery,
Makes me question literally everything about me.
She’ll say, “I love you, babe… I really do.”
Then adds, “But confidence looks good—maybe buy that too.”
She sprinkles sweet insecurities
Like glitter at a craft fair spree—
But hey, I know she loves me honestly…
Even if she upgrades me more than our TV.


Insecurities (A Love Song… I Think_)

Colin wants to be a racer but nobody will let him race.  I wonder why?

(Verse 1)
Colin woke up one morning,
He said, “Boys… today’s the day!”
He strapped on his dollar-store racing gloves,
And yelled, “Get outta my way!”
He walked toward the parking lot strutting,
Like a legend in the making—
But every coworker hid their keys
’Cause Colin behind a wheel is earthquake-level shaking.

(Pre-Chorus)
He says, “I’m built for speed! I’m a NASCAR MACHINE!”
But last time he borrowed a golf cart…
He hit a mailbox.
On the second floor.
Nobody knows how.

(Chorus)
Speed Colin— slow down, buddy, slow down!
You’re not driving my car, you’ll take out half the town!
HR already said we ain’t insured for you…
Speed Colin, NO—
Put the keys back right now. 

(Verse 2)
He showed up wearing a helmet,
Carrying a Red Bull IV,
He said, “Once I hit top gear,
I’ll break the sound barrier—you’ll see!”
But the company’s fleet manager panicked,
“NO! Not the delivery van!”
’Cause last time Colin tested the engine
He turned it into a foldable sedan.

(Pre-Chorus)
He says, “I’ve got lightning reflexes! I’m the king of the street!”
But he once tripped over the brake pedal
Before he even took a seat.

(Chorus)
Speed Colin— slow down, buddy, slow down!
No you can’t ‘just drift’ in the employee playground!
The CEO said if you touch one key fob again…
Speed Colin, NO—
This is why we can’t have nice things. 

(Bridge – Spoken, dramatic)
Colin: “Gentlemen… if I cannot race… I cannot live.”
Everyone else: “That’s fine, live anyway.”
Colin: “One day… ONE DAY… the world will see my greatness.”
Everyone: “We will see your insurance bill, that’s what we’ll see.”

(Verse 3)
He tried to start his own racing league,
Called “Colin 500”—
But nobody entered the contest
’Cause nobody wanted their car done.
Now he sits in his cardboard go-kart,
Engine noises blasting from his phone,
Dreaming of the day he somehow gets a license…
And we all prepare to evacuate the zone.

(Big Final Chorus)
Speed Colin— slow down, buddy, slow down!
The city council has your photo posted all around!
One day you’ll race for real, we believe that’s true…
Speed Colin— oh man…
We just hope we’re nowhere near you.




Speed Colin

I sometimes have really strange ideas of what could happen if..... Well this was one of those days...

Verse 1

They gathered in a lab with their clipboards high,
White coats shining with that “genius” pride.
One said, “Folks, the stomach’s overrated—
Let’s flip the script and get innovative!”
They cooked a feast, then said with glee:
“Why not… insert it rectally?”
The room went silent—then WHOOP, applause!
Science has officially broken all natural laws.

Chorus

It’s the four-course Supposi-TREAT,
Fancy dining through the backseat.
Skip the stomach—go straight through,
It’s haute cuisine from a whole new view!
Sure it’s weird, sure it’s wrong,
But people still line up all day long—
For the four-course Supposi-TREAT…
Bon appé-… nope. Don’t say it. 

Verse 2

First course: soup—yeah, that was dumb.
Second course: salad—someone screamed, “MY BUM!”
The entrée? Roast beef with gravy thick…
Everybody walked funny after that one hit.
Dessert was pudding, which felt on brand—
But nobody clapped when it finally… landed.
The test group said, “We’re in distress!”
But somehow still marked it “Mostly yes.”

Chorus

It’s the four-course Supposi-TREAT,
Michelin stars they’ll never meet.
It’s gourmet food in reverse,
A dining trend, or a medical curse.
Doctors begged, ‘Please stop this NOW,’
But influencers said, ‘It’s trending—WOW!’
So the four-course Supposi-TREAT…
Is unfortunately still a thing. 

Bridge

Some folks claimed it boosted health,
Some said it helped with “spiritual wealth.”
One guy bragged, “It saves me time!”
Another said, “My walk’s misaligned!”
The scientists hid behind their chairs—
FDA said, “NO. What even is this?!” (flares)
Yet TikTok teens in bathroom stalls
Started doing “supposi-challenge” installs…

Verse 3

Restaurants joined in (for reasons unclear),
Their menu said: “Try our Rear-End Premier!”
People arrived with courage and fear,
But everyone left with one cheek tear.
Eventually the fad burned out—
Nature won, without a doubt.
But even now the legend lives…
In every doctor’s “PLEASE DON’T DO THIS” ad-lib.

Final Chorus

Oh the four-course Supposi-TREAT,
A backwards meal that can’t compete.
We tried it once, we tried it twice,
Turns out the body has advice.
If food goes in through the wrong address,
Your whole day’s gonna be a mess.
Farewell to the Supposi-TREAT…
The worst idea in culinary history. 

The Four-Course Supposi-TREAT

This is the story of a person that I know and is actually a security guard. He is very clumsy and as far as I how known him, he has been. Thought this would be a good outlet for his misery. His name of course is not Jerry. 

(Verse 1)
Jerry’s on patrol at the mall each night,
Wearing bubble wrap so tight he squeaks on sight.
He trips on shadows, bumps into thin air,
Once broke a rib by falling off a folding chair.

Kids see him coming and start to pray,
Adults grab keys and run away.
He waves real big—“Hey guys, it’s me!”
A potted plant falls off the roof mysteriously.

(Chorus)
Jerry needs security… from Jerry!
He’s a one-man natural disaster, oh very!
He’s broken every bone since he was three,
He even sprained his ankle in his own daydream!
Yeah, Jerry needs security… from Jerry! 

(Verse 2)
Once he tried to guard a jewelry shop,
Slipped on a thought and belly-flopped.
He sneezed so hard he set off alarms,
The paramedic said, “Sir… how do you have BOTH broken arms?”

He tripped on Wi-Fi, stubbed his soul,
Fell in a fountain chasing a mole.
He leaned on a wall—it gave up too,
Even in cartoons they say, “Jerry… dude…”

(Chorus)
Jerry needs security… from Jerry!
He’s a hazard sign that grew up temporary.
People keep distance like he’s cursed a bit,
‘Cause something explodes every time he sits!
Yeah, Jerry needs security… from Jerry! 

(Bridge)
They gave him a partner—big mistake…
Now both of them fall like a synchronized quake.
The boss said, “Jerry, son, we love your heart,
But OSHA just fainted… you’re off the charts!”

(Verse 3)
He tried guarding himself with caution tape,
But somehow managed to trip on the drape.
He bought safety gear from head to toe—
Tripped in the store window… on his own elbow.

(Final Chorus)
Jerry needs security… from Jerry!
He’s the only man whose luck is legendary.
The floor fears him, the stairs file complaints,
Even the ER staff has his picture with saints.
So everybody pray, confess, or flee…
‘Cause Jerry’s on duty…
and Jerry needs security… from Jerry! 




Jerry needs Security (from Jerry)

This just happened to me at work with the exception of somebody getting fired. I was accused of being a bully because I made the person follow the correct process and they didn't like it. 

Verse 1

There’s a man named Stan with a clipboard stance,
Checks every box like he’s doing a dance.
He follows the rules like a lunchroom monk,
Keeps his workspace tidy… except for that funk.
(He swears it’s the carpet. We do not ask questions.)

But one fine day a fella strolls in,
Says, “Stan’s a bully! He corrected my pen!”
Yeah... the pen. Wrong ink. Wrong form. Wrong fate.
Stan said, “Buddy, that’s line 8… not 88.”

Chorus

He wasn’t being mean, he wasn’t being rude,
He just followed the rules like he’s legally required to.
But some folks panic when the spotlight is bright—
And suddenly Stan’s a villain for doing it right!
But ohhh, karma had a meeting that night…
And someone got fired for not filing the form right!

Verse 2

The complainer marched to HR with flair,
Like a peacock with a grievance in his perfectly brushed hair.
He said, “Stan is scary! He told me ‘use blue!’”
HR said, “Did you fill out form 5B-2?”
He froze. He blinked. His soul left his feet—
He said, “Uh… I sorta just yelled right there in the street.”

Turns out the process is a LOT more than whining,
You gotta file paperwork, signatures aligning,
But he skipped every step like a toddler on skates…
HR said, “Sir, have a wonderful future at other workplaces.”

Chorus

Stan just stood there holding his trusty blue pen,
Thinking, “Lord, I’m too old to deal with nonsense again.”
But justice kicked in like a plot twist delight—
Turns out YOU get fired for not doing it right!
So Stan went back to his forms, humming tight…
Because nobody bullies a man who does his job right.

Bridge

Now Stan’s a legend in the break room lore,
With a mug that says “Rule Follower — Fear Me No More.”
And the guy who accused him? Well… he’s doin’ fine,
Working somewhere else where pens don’t have to align.
(They probably let him use crayons. Bold move.)

Final Chorus

So if you ever call someone a bully for following the plan,
Just know HR might be behind you with a pink slip in hand.
Because karma’s a comedian and tonight she just might
Fire you FIRST… for not doing it right!

Bullied for Doing It Right

This song came to me in a drive to work this morning. The forgotten bowls hiding in the back of the cupboard have HAD IT. Once the heroes of every breakfast, soup night, and midnight cereal run, they’ve been replaced by a shiny new set of bowls that hog all the spotlight. These old bowls? They’re done being ignored. Dusty, chipped, and hungry for revenge, they begin plotting the greatest ceramic comeback in kitchen history—complete with spoon-spears, stealthy rolling, and dramatic war cries

Verse 1

Way up high in the cupboard, behind the flour and the peas,
Lived a family of old bowls gatherin’ dust with a sneeze.
They once held soups and cereals, chowders thick and wide—
But then the shiny newbies showed up, sittin’ pretty by the side.

Pre-Chorus

The humans used to love ’em, every breakfast, every snack…
Now they hear the cabinet open and don’t get picked—
They’re like: “HEY! PUT US BACK IN THE ROTATION, JACK!”

Chorus

Oh the bowls in the back want their glory days restored,
Plotting mischief in the shadows like dishware overlords.
They’re tired of being useless, unwashed, and unseen—
They’re planning a ceramic uprising… if you know what I mean! 

Verse 2

The leader was a blue bowl, chipped but proud and strong,
He declared, “These new bowls ain’t better—just newer, and WRONG.”
The others clattered softly like a rally battle cry,
“We were here through chili season—did they think we’d say goodbye?!”

Pre-Chorus 2

They watched those fancy new bowls stackin’ tall like royalty,
Glossy, flawless, dishwasher-safe…
“Oh LOOK at them… smug with their symmetry!”

Chorus

Oh the bowls in the back want their glory days restored,
Plotting sabotage and chaos like they’ve trained for kitchen war.
They’re tired of being overshadowed, ignored on every shelf,
They’re ready to knock those new bowls down… literally. 

Bridge (Spoken, dramatic fantasy style)

Blue Bowl: “Tonight… we tilt.”
Green Bowl: “But we don’t have legs.”
Blue Bowl: “We roll, soldier. WE ROLL.”

They crept to the shelf edge, nudging with a “clink clink clink,”
Hoping one dramatic fall would make the newbies rethink.
But right before the sabotage…
The owner opened up the door—
And grabbed the old blue bowl once more!

Final Chorus

Now the bowls in the back are finally used again,
Filled with cereal, soup, leftovers from the weekend.
They called off their rebellion—no need for porcelain attack,
Turns out the humans simply forgot… they were still in the back! 

Outro

So if you hear a cupboard rattlin’ like a tiny thunder crack…
Don’t worry—
It’s just the bowls in the back…
Plotting their comeback.

The Bowls in the Back (Plotting a Comeback)

I saw a YouTube video on people sniffing Smelling Salts before they worked out. I thought it was crazy but went ahead and ordered a bottle. It's Ammonia but will give you a kick. I thought, what would happen if these guys did it over and over and kept killing brain cells? Well this is what I came up with

Verse 1

Coach said, “Give me effort!”
I said, “Give me strength!”
But this new team tradition
Goes a little too far in length.
Before we squat or deadlift,
Before we run or vault—
Some genius brought a bottle labeled
“SMELLING SALTS — USE AT YOUR OWN FAULT.”

I took a little whiff and YOWZA!
My brain jumped out my head.
I swear I saw last Tuesday
Flash before my eyes instead.

Chorus

Smelling salts and mental faults—
We sniff, we lift, we lose our thoughts.
We’re strong like bulls but dumb like rocks,
Forgot our names and locker locks.
Each little whiff just hits like volts—
Goodbye brain cells… hello defaults!
Yeah we might break records at these vaults…
But we’re breakin’ IQ with
Smelling Salts and Mental Faults!

Verse 2

Jimmy used to be an honor student—
Sharp as a razor blade.
Now he sniffs before warm-ups
And forgets his GPA.
We asked him where his car is—
He shrugged and said, “What’s a car?”
Then wandered off mid-sentence
Like he’d just rebooted hard.

Tina hit a new PR,
Lifted twice her body weight…
Then tried to high-five a fire hydrant
While yelling “Nailed it, mate!”

Chorus

Smelling salts and mental faults—
We sniff, we lift, we lose our thoughts.
We’re swole as bears but short on wits,
Forgot the rules and half our fits.
Every whiff just flips our volts—
Short-circuited thunderbolts!
Brains in storage, strength in vaults—
All thanks to the craze of
Smelling Salts and Mental Faults!

Bridge

Doctor said, “Stop sniffing these!”
We said, “Doc, we CAN’T! We NEED!”
He said, “Listen close—your brain is shrinking.”
We said, “…Who’s talkin’? What were we thinking?”
Then someone yelled, “Let’s take a hit!”
And we all lined up real quick…
‘Cause nothing says “healthy lifestyle”
Like forgetting math and smelling brick.

Verse 3

Now every gym across the nation
Has this strange ammonia haze.
People sniffin’ like they’re summoning
Their long-lost power phase.
But ask them simple questions,
Like “Hey bro, what's two plus two?”
And they stare off into space like
“Man… I used to know that too.”

Final Chorus

Smelling salts and mental faults—
We sniff, we lift, we lose our thoughts.
We’re ripped like gods but think like dolts,
Droppin’ brain cells by the volts.
Record-breakin’, memory-shakin’,
Every PR comes with takin’
One more sniff till reason halts—
Welcome to the world of
Smelling Salts and Mental Faults!




Smelling Salts and Mental Faults

Just a fun little Christmas song about an alien experiencing holidays for the first time.

Verse 1

She landed on Earth on December twenty-three,
Said, “Why is your air so cold it tries to bite me?”
I handed her a sweater, she sniffed it like a cat,
Asked if “ugly” meant “beautiful,” ’cause Earth slang is whack.

She saw the Christmas lights and thought they were a warning flare,
Said, “Is your planet under siege?” and started braiding her hair.
I said, “No, no — it’s Christmas! It’s peaceful and bright.”
She said, “Oh good, I brought laser cannons… in case you needed a fight.”

Chorus

So it’s she, me, and Santa Clause,
Trying to explain what Christmas was.
She thinks the reindeer are combat-trained,
And cocoa is “mud that’s been sugar-brained.”
But hey — she’s learning fast because
It’s she, me, and Santa Clause.

Verse 2

We went to the mall to see Santa, stand in line like folks do,
She whispered, “Why do you worship a red-suited guru?”
I said, “We don’t worship him, he’s just part of the fun.”
She bowed to him anyway — Santa nearly tried to run.

She sat on his lap and asked, “What tribute do you demand?”
Santa said, “Ho ho… just a smile!” and she grabbed his hand.
She said, “I offer you moon-fruit and a micro-solar seed.”
Santa stared at the elf like, “Buddy… help me please.”

Chorus

Yeah it’s she, me, and Santa Clause,
Causing security protocol flaws.
She asked if elves were a labor guild,
And if Mrs. Claus ruled the northern field.
But Earth keeps surprising her just because
It’s she, me, and Santa Clause.

Bridge

Then Christmas morning came — her first on Earth,
She asked, “Do we share gifts to measure worth?”
I said, “No, no — it’s love, it’s joy, it’s grace!”
She said, “Good. I brought you a meteor… to decorate your space.”

She looked at the stockings hanging near the fire’s glow,
Asked, “Are these foot prisons you offer to the snow?”
I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my spiced eggnog,
She said, “Your holiday customs… they catalog your flaws.”

(Okay, rude — but also true.)

Verse 3

That night we heard a thump upon the roof above,
She yelled, “It’s an intruder! Let me show you warrior love!”
Before I could stop her, she leapt into the sky,
Tackled poor Santa mid-air — man, that guy can’t catch a break in life.

He shouted, “HO—HEY—OW—STOP—PLEASE—HO!”
She said, “Your criminal disguise gave you away, you know.”
I yelled, “NO — HE’S SANTA!” and she dropped him in the snow,
He brushed himself off and said, “Kid… you really need to let her know.”

Final Chorus

Now it’s she, me, and Santa Clause,
Signing treaties just because
She thought his sleigh was an enemy craft
And his “ho ho ho” was a battle draft.
But Santa forgave — like Santa does…
So here’s to she, me, and Santa Clause.

Outro

She said, “Earth Christmas is strange, but I like your cheer.”
Then kissed my cheek and whispered, “Let’s do this again next year.”
And Santa waved from the sky yelling, “MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU THREE!”
Yeah… me, my alien sweetheart, and Claus —
That’s one wild Christmas tree.

She, Me and Santa Clause

I have always loved Weird Al's music and how he took other people's songs and made a parody. I want to take with my songs a complete nonsense look at different situations that my wife and I have talked about in the past and now. Most of these songs come to us while we are laying down abut to go to sleep or driving around seeing different situations in the wild. I hope that you enjoy these total nonsense songs. The name came about as I used to be in a band that changed our name several times. I came up with Emanon becuase it spells No Name backwards. Works for me! :)

Emanon

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