Epiphany

Caged by my own thoughts a prisoner of my own mind
The silence screams so loud I search for reality, no sign
The invisible lines of physical and fantasy have been so blurred
I attempt to wake my open eyes but it’s my day dreams I prefer

I am not living, I'm simply existing, in this mess that I’ve created
Can’t go back and erase the past, after all that would be time wasted
I can only go forward, though it feels like I'm running uphill, on quick sand
My chin is up, tears cloud my vision, no sense in reaching for help, no hands

This is my life, my fight, I must be strong enough to do this all alone
As I sit back observing attentively, slowly true colors are shown
While I'm quiet and not speaking, they wonder what I'm thinking
But my thoughts are mine, they’re all I have, let them think I'm sinking

I may trip but I will not fall, I am destined for nothing less than greatness
I take something from every misfortune, that’s why my heart is weightless
Always keep a straight face or dress it up with a perfectly painted smile
I laugh at jokes, engage in mindless conversation, crying inside all the while

I am human on the inside, I believe that’s where it counts the most
But on the outside I'm completely put together, all emotions ghost
No more letting perpetrators in, no more let downs, no more selfless sins
I’ve given too much of what I don’t have away with absolutely no wins

My mind is set, I'm breaking through these bars, after these tears are shed
Taking two steps backwards, out of the picture, to see what lies ahead
When you don’t know what to do, you should simply stand still
That’s what I am doing now, because whatever is supposed to happen will

Epiphany

Screams

Eyes wide burning with tears trying to see through the darkness
I hear the screams the cries for help, but I feel nothing I am heartless
Running away as fast as I can as the sounds become faint
I stop for one second as the sun burns my skin, I turn around, but to late

My thoughts are constantly divided, a playground for good and bad
I must say evil is winning, and numbness doesn’t feel so bad
There are words being spoken around me, don’t know if I should listen
My ears are deaf to repetitive advice, my thoughts a constant contradiction

So easy to pretend I have no control and everything is out of my hands
Float through each day, from one to the next, as if my feet can’t land
I know I used to speak, I used to have so much to say
I open my mouth but the words won’t come, and for a while it’s been this way

With each sarcastic sly remark, shot at me at close range
Backs turned on me, walks in the opposite direction, which always felt so strange
I slowly began to be able to retain all real human emotion
They live inside me haunting my dreams, the ingredients for a perfect potion

Although I meet them seldom, sleep is something I have lost
It was taken away along with my soul, life lessons at an unfair cost
Punishment for giving me to those who could not appreciate sincerity
Is sitting in silence, in the loudest quiet, without one moment of clarity

But why complain, why react, why prove that they have won
That would be admitting I’ve been defeated, something that can’t be done
My strength is my motivation and in the end I will prosper
No matter how long this pain remains my reflection says “she’s here you haven’t lost her”

There’s a voice coming from somewhere in the back of my mind
I find myself not running anymore, but searching for something I can’t find
My heart is racing, I feel the moisture on my face, and I’m running out of time
The voices become louder as I’m getting closer, that’s when I realize all along

The screams were mine

Screams

Exposed

The fool speaks freely of defensive speech
To protect himself from exposure and continue to leech
When you stand for something, when you truly believe
No words need to be spoken, there are no lies to deceive

I observe as I see, who is uneasy with my silence
You are the ones I watch, your actions are mindless
I laugh at your meek attempts to get a rise out of me
And when you fail, I shake my head as I watch you concede

It is a proven fact that while speaking, you cannot listen
You will never learn anything, from constant confliction
Your world must be lonely, it must eat you alive
As your dominoes keep falling, with each plan you contrive

Befriend me you tried, but my intelligence surpasses
So I watched your great show, as the audience you captured
They were fooled by your charm and witty character
They even believed I was caught up in your rapture

Though I was never fooled, I just patiently waited
When you tripped on your own deception, I was elated
I never had to move or speak one word
I was aware of the dark shadows, where jealousy lured

When the windows were broken and the light shined through
Your shadows diminished, you were stuck, no more moves
Game over my dear fool, the hypnosis all gone
The ‘smoke and mirrors’ trick, it was mine all along

You could not even see, that you were my assistant
I only used you to show people, I was consistent
You are a prime example of my personal disgust
The reason there are so many people, that I do not trust

Now allow me to offer you, my deepest appreciation
Without people like you, there would be no distinction
I am who you know I am, I will be who I was born to be
My actions are carefully calculated, YOU CAN NOT COMPETE!!

Exposed

Victory

Without disappointment you cannot appreciate victory
And it’s an ongoing fight trying not to repeat history
Should I say the road I follow is the one less traveled?
I know the choices I make may leave you baffled

Your problems are always the worst, because they are yours
So let me say I’m selfish, life’s become a bothersome chore
Surrounded by people, every minute of every day
Drown myself in others lives, but from mine I run away

Call me a coward, call me weak, say whatever you please
I can’t hear you anyway, you don’t actually speak
What does that make you? It makes you no better than me
You look to me for life advice, where’s your self esteem

Let me turn the reflection side of this mirror towards you
Then tell me if what you see is familiar, is the expression true
Wipe that smile off of your face, you can’t fool a fool
Your expressions are false, what you portray is untrue

You are not immortal, you breath deep and cry tears
So sit tight as you bleed out your own worst fears
use your fears as your fuel without fear all bets are are off
Your chances of winning diminish all concentration lost

Drop your defenses I'm not offending I am speaking the truth
The fictional character you created tricks only one and that’s you
See how easy that was? No not for you to release
But to manipulate you to look at you instead of me

You’re a coward, you are weak, we are two of a kind
Disappointment we know well, but it will soon be our time
Never forget, without disappointment you can not appreciate victory
Find the courage; find the strength to create your own history

Victory

Puzzle

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life
Here are all your pieces, now put them together right
There’s just one catch, you don’t get to see the picture
The end result is a mystery, this puzzle is the perfect mixture

I bet the first thing you’ll do is look for the corner pieces
But there are none, keep your composure as frustration increase
Colors will definitely be next on your list of scavenge
Well look at that stuck again, all these colors but no matches

After some time of focusing so intently on your puzzle of life
You’ll need a break, so you’ll ask a friend to help with fresh eyes
This friend will offer some wise advice, on this or that
But you won’t listen as none of us do, you’ll just believe you’re trapped

Ranting and raving with anger because nothing makes sense
And every time you think something fits you hit another fence
This is when you ask yourself “Is it worth all this trouble?”
“Do I have what it takes and when I finish will I crumble?”

“Will I be so upset that I have nothing left to put together?”
Doesn’t matter, finish the task at hand don’t think about forever
That is the answer to the bigger question that has not yet been asked
Try finishing one thing before moving on to the next task

Take a walk, a few deep breaths, get some air and enjoy today
When you return to your puzzle you’ll see it in a different way
You see the instructions were not included because they weren’t written
They didn’t exist before because the apple of life had not been bitten

You are the author of the instructions to the puzzle of your life
Now that they’ve been written, surely you can put this together right
That’s right, that goes there and this one right here
Look at you, your on a roll, don’t stop the coast is clear

Let’s reflect on what you’ve learned from this tormenting experience
Life is about patience, time and hard work, never convenience
But please don’t be fooled, your work is hardly finished
The key is to enjoy the road you pave and never relinquish!

Maybe some years from now you will finish your puzzle
You can frame it and hang it on your wall, right next to your troubles
If you remember this lesson, I’m sure you will succeed
Maintain your dignity, never lose self respect and your life you will lead!

Puzzle

Exemption

The darkness has set in, numbness has become comfortable
The doors are locked, the chains are tight, emotions incorrigible
A twisted sense of satisfaction is beginning to creep in slowly
Is this what it feels like when victory is approached so closely?

A new question reveals itself, for what are we victorious?
Can we win when we shut ourselves out, who are we up against?
What exactly are we fighting for, and who is the opponent?
We watch the silhouette move in silence, all actions noted

But what are we paying attention to, is this truly the enemy
We've become obsessed with self­protection, we've lost sanity
Lost ourselves behind our guards and forgotten who we are
Alone has become lonely, our vengeance hasn't gotten us far

From the outside it may seem we are so sequentially aligned
All aspects put together, all occupations are designed
The eyes although, however, are the windows to the soul
Look deep inside the eyes we bear as our true stories will unfold

We have been beaten to breathless and damaged beyond repair
We have been used, abused, mistreated and left in deep despair
We would like to take the credit for our solid strong restraints
But it was you who locked each door, it was you who bound the chains

Manipulation has hoaxed us, into believing we are defendants
When factually we are prisoners, locked inside our own dimensions
The time has now come to innovate, the time has come to liberate
We will control our consciousness, and stabilize this death rate

Antoinette Marie