The first track from my  EP entitled "Plasticity"

Sometimes material vices can seem beneficial. Productivity at the cost of partial autonomy doesn't seem that bad, right? Dependence on unnecessary consumption for self confidence can be cool can't it? Isolated instances are one thing, but as you remain reliant on objects or substances for longer periods of time it becomes much more difficult to function without them, sometimes to the point where you don't even have the clarity to see your addiction unless you're looking at it from your position of temporary satiation. Relearning and rewiring your own mind to overcome this is fucking difficult in itself. I'm making small strives here and there, and as I make those strives I learn more about myself and become more motivated to keep moving forward. I have faith that I can do this, I also have faith that you can do this. We're not alone in our struggles and we can all work toward the mutually beneficial end of general betterment. Supporting others' self progress for the sake of fostering our own extended positive community. 

Lyrics:
Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
Regardless that I know it's detrimental

I feel this fluid flowing through my veins
And it may be exactly what it takes
For me to get past this lapse, this peripheral gap
At the cost of my independence

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate
Fighting with this synergy
Acting like I'm independent
Redirecting benefit
Towards this moral rift
(spirit pouring through based off of what I consume)

Realigning energy
Realizing my addiction
Conscious of jaded efforts
I attempt change
Yet I still drink

Is there any way
For me to ascend
Anywhere above
My current location

The answer always comes
Deep from my subconscious
A transfer made so neutrally
From the cause itself

I will win, I will find myself
When I win, what will winning help
Questioning, but not giving in
I'll ascend, I'll refute the urge to further

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate

Hydrate

This is the second track from my  EP entitled "Plasticity"

Exposure to new environments and social situations is absolutely necessary for self progression, if you're constantly stuck in a repetitive routine of thought you're bound to lose traction on outward endeavors sooner or later, there's just not enough depth in introspective stagnation to make it exclusively worthwhile. In my experience, it's been very easy to become overwhelmed and anxious in new situations after spending too much time in my own head, that inevitable return to the "outside world" makes me nauseous, so to speak. I've found that the only real solution to this is to look past myself and see that I'm not going to die, physically or otherwise, by detaching myself from all the recursive sentiment I've developed. There are other things out there that will mean much more to many more people than the thoughts that stem from my own overblown insecurities. Using energy on that sort of thought process is definitely a perspective to keep in touch with, but it's not worth sacrificing the ability to appreciate the fresh air outside. 

Lyrics:
I'm reveling in your compliment
I'm hyperventilating 
Ever so consciously
Ever so aware of my own awareness

I can't breathe
Normal air
Lungs react
And I follow

I never let a thought slip by without prior
Critiquing, and assuming judgement  
Making it an abstract
Straining outward context as it stands

Manipulating, inwardly debating, and
Struggling just to breathe
To breathe
 
So I design my state of mind to reflect itself other times
For the confines of what is mine remind me of the finite line
Persisting past plain fortitude
Maliciously and insecure
Outgrown, outweighed, outlasted, and
My troubles sink below this pristine air

Breath Of Fresh Air

This is the third track off of my EP entitled "Plasticity"

Creativity is something much sought after, through academia and experience we often take what we learn and apply it to our own endeavors in a manner we see fit to share with others. Though creative productivity doesn't directly correlate with the amount of knowledge you gain or satisfaction you achieve, and once you feel you're gaining ground, it's not as easy to back away and say "hey, maybe it makes more sense to approach this from a different angle or wait a while before reassessing this" as it is to try and see your endeavors through to the end right then by more impulsive means. I can't count the number of times I've detached myself from everything else in order to follow every impulse, from overindulgence to blatant self-harm, that I've felt could help me see my endeavors all the way through more effectively. While a lot of them ended up being necessary for growth as an individual (so it seems), there are times I sacrificed unnecessary amounts of energy and well-being in order to try and stay creative in a way that didn't ultimately benefit me or anyone around me. Creativity is something that can definitely be developed, refined, and cultivated, though it's important to be aware of and in control of your impulses and not to chase after just any peripherally cool ideas that happen to cross your mind. Do you control your own life or is your lack of self control a vice?

Lyrics: 
Acting out of implied necessity
So it seems to me
I-
I need to breathe
To breathe and to feed
Off all of the ideas foreign to me
And to have consumed
Past the point of greed
There remains something else I need
Something that I need
My heart invests itself in this
And speaks convinced of urgency
Convinced
So it seems to me
That I am to obtain what I seek
By impulsive means


Impulse

This is the fourth track off of my EP entitled "Plasticity"

This track features Matthew Morden on background vocals. He also created the pedal noise toward the end.

The scenario's nothing new, trying to work and feeling instantly exhausted. You know how much there is to do if you want to make a difference, but for one reason or another you can't bring yourself to do it. You push yourself harder and harder every night, but the results remain the same; staring at the walls and trying to muster up a single ounce of motivation becomes an increasingly arduous task. "I'll dream up something good," "tomorrow's the day, I can feel it'" "there's nothing I can really do right now that will help that much." We all face the feeling of overwhelming adversity in one way or another, but by allowing pessimism and (even momentary) defeatism to disengage us from our endeavors as a whole, we jeopardize our own future involvement with our current endeavors by essentially telling ourselves that we can't be part of something we hold in such a high regard. There's a difference between self awareness of quality and exclusive perfectionism. Now will always be the time for action, we can't stay bogged down by our own distractions. It may hurt our egos, but we have to stay involved with ourselves and each other despite that. There's no power in lazily waiting around for something to change. 

Lyrics:

Awake and staring at the walls as
unfulfilling as it sounds
I cannot concentrate
On anything outside of my own growing lethargy
 
(I'll) just try
To close my eyes and sleep
And sleep

The foundation of my slumber
Hinges on what could be done instead
Of laying my head down
and wondering what thoughts it will evoke

Though it wont amount to much 
Since I've already dreamed

Sweet dreams of love and light
And everything ambiguous that I want

What I need's action not lullaby
Not passive passion

Pushing past my Mismatched reaction
Detaching from distant distractions

Lethargy

This is the fifth track off of my EP entitled "Plasticity"

This is the closest there is to a title track on the EP. All the other tracks develop on a specific problem and the solution to that problem, whereas this track gives a simple affirmation of "I have the power to overcome these problems. I can change my circumstances and my environment." This track is short. They're all short, but this one noticeably more so. It's meant to serve as an minute-long inspirational powerhouse for whenever you need it. Hopefully you see it fit to fill that role! 

Lyrics:

Turning away from my lethargic mold
Pushing towards thoughts of a meaningful reality
I'll rewire and reconsolidate

Redirect my Neuroplastic Envelope
To transcend this objectivity

Catalyzing ethereal flow
Becoming who I promised myself I'd be
Years ago
  

Neuroplastic Envelope

This is the seventh track off of my EP entitled "Plasticity"

Every action is a conclusion based on an accumulation of past experiences. Nothing we can possibly do is exempt from this. All of our compassion, our hatred, our curiosity, our altruism, our pessimism; everything's a result of all the thoughts retained and often long forgotten about. Your future was being shaped since before you were born, so it's not like you ever had the chance to object in the first place; but you are wholly responsible for the outcome, despite your inability to personally influence factors that influenced you so long ago. You are conscious and you are aware that you are the only one that can ultimately act for yourself, despite that action not being in any way totally self motivated. You can take the compassion that I'm trying to project and give it to others as wholly as you interpret it, or you can feed on my contempt for past circumstances and feel motivation for hatred. I can't stop you either way; I can only emphasize self awareness in order to try and evoke as much empathy, positive action, and compassion as possible.

---

On a parting note, I want to personally ask you to try and see past the barriers that you may have built up from decades of mental conditioning, don't be blind to the perspective of others, who I promise want love just as much as you. I want you to think about your actions and I want you to be aware of your dispositions; but again, there's nothing I can do to enforce this other than focus on that awareness. Assuming you've listened to all of the tracks in order, you've made it all the way through this short spanned EP. I honestly hope you get something out of the time you invested in my endeavors by listening to Plasticity and supporting my musical career. I hope this inspires you create and to be aware. I hope you feel compassion, whether or not it's inspired by me. I hope great things happen. I love you dearly. 

Lyrics:

Mind aligned to a meter arhythmic
Pulsating frustration at its stem

I'll waste no time tearing through my 
Sense of stability

Gaining pace at a speed still encumbered
Pushing to dissolve my reaction


Words so dispersed at the top of my memory
Trying to climb through this sensory chokehold
It's been twenty long years since the last time that I remember being able to breathe

Endless instinctual defensive properties 
Forcing me to fight
Forcing me to retort
Taking me further than I've ever been before

Never letting go
Impulsive and devoid
Of any motion backwards and of anything besides this
Strangulating sequence of natural intent
Keeping me away from self-conception
Limiting

My own observation
Or so I'd like to think

It's so much more than these (x2)

Ingrained social reflexes

Weighing in with no sense of rhetoric 
On my own grounds and opposed to my mind
I will act with confidence self-given 
Against all of my past ingrained social reflexes

Ingrained Social Reflexes

A remix of the breakdown in Tik Tok by Ke$ha I've been working on and off on. I've been feeling really motivated to work on it the past couple of days, so I figured I'd show everyone what I have so far! 

Build Me Up (Tik Tok Remix) ROUGH

Rough Draft:
Created between 12:00a - 5:00a 
6/19/15

Sleep from 6:00a - 8:00a
6/19/15

Work from 9:00a - ∞

What a shame.
 
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Aint Scared///Die Young

When you tap into your latent emotion
Know you can't control which way it flows
But you still must conquer each feeling
To further your search for a loving abode 



And once you do, I have but one favor I'd like to ask of you
Watch me Whip
Watch me Nae Nae

Thanks to Bob Chamberlain for recording me making pedal noise on his expensive equipment.

Picture taken in Manistee, MI

<3

Whip//NÆ NÆ ∞ [Purgatory Dream Mashup]

DOWNLOAD CHRISTMASASAURUS 5.5 HERE:
https://mysteriousfriend.bandcamp.com/album/christmasasaurus-vol-55

2015 sure is a time to be alive. This year has been unbelievably chaotic, and while it's easy to wish I had a million finished tracks to show for all that each experience has given me, I've inevitably had to try and fit all that emotion and feeling into the few finished products that I've been able to attend to. 

I gave this classic tune a go for the sake of being involved with Christmasasaurus again for 5.5, since being a part of it in the past did more for me than I can ever truly vocalize. I hope it adds enough to satisfy all the unsatisfied desire for me to release new originals :x

<33

O' Come O' Come Emmanuel

Animal/Cannibal Chipxplosion 2011 (Ke$ha Tribute)

The rough draft of a remix I'm making for the Katy perry song "Circle the Drain." 

This version's not for download, though I'm working on finalizing this remix (as well as a handful of others) for a free release on Bandcamp in the very near future! 

Fall Asleep (ROUGH DRAFT)

track 18 on my 4-way split with Corot Ghost, Dental Work, and Forest King! 

Anguist

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This is the eighth track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

We often find ourselves creatively thinking at seemingly inopportune moments; sometimes as a coping mechanism, sometimes because of odd ways we are forced to push our bodies and minds, sometimes because of our ability to reorganize thoughts when we are away from familiar environments. Regardless of the circumstance, it’s usually recognizable even in the moment that the choice becomes either to cast these creative thoughts aside or to temporarily halt whatever else is happening to bring those creative impulses to fruition. Are these creative thoughts worth putting other obligations to the side, or will better things come at a more convenient time? Could this be the spiral into productivity that breaches the surface and stands as a testimony to the ideas we care deeply about, or will other resources, connections, or physical priorities contribute more to our goals in the moment? Lastly, will the regret eat at you forever if the ideas escape? Because for me personally, I’ve recognized that casting these impulses to the side may be the rational and balanced thing to do a lot of times, but the guilt and frustration that results from letting intense forms of expression and connection escape from me is just as strong of a self-sabotage. Regardless of your conclusion, energy and passion will not stick around and wait for you to utilize them. Our experience is constantly moving forward and if we are paralyzed by indecision we allow ourselves to suffer remorse from both options. 

LYRICS:

Don’t hold back your words
Don’t regret your feelings now 
Don’t let your thoughts disperse

Excessive movement and emotion are all that I need
To redirect my efforts to help someone besides me
Still push past all these barriers whether or not we believe
The outcome of our actions will happen realistically


‘Cause Here I am on the upswing
Clarifying my meanings
Artificially breathing writing words and
Knowing that I’ll come crashing
But till then I’ll be singing
Bada ba ba bada ba
Bada ba ba bada ba

I’m reemerging from bad dreams and waking up 
To a scary existence full of so much potential

That’s always been the case
And maybe it still means nothing
I won’t know till I’m asleep and
Either way I’ll fall asleep


Eventually I know I’ll fall off the grid again
I’m under no delusion this will last forever
Twisting and turning I’ll still ride this spiral ’till the end
Upward and outward, over and over again

I’ll readdress all the missteps
I’m aware of
No one may know the difference
But it’s still insufficient 
Just to let all the damage
That I’ve done 
Remain

Splitting off at the end now
Fortifying in two ways
Trying to keep the pace up
Movement giving me malaise
Emotion causing distress
Not sure about how I’m feeling
Thinking twice before speaking
What the fuck am I thinking

Now, do I remember how to sustain these motions any longer?
Could this ever be an active task, something within my conscious grasp?

Or am I grasping at straws when I should be attentive to the task that I
Hoped would act as incentive to keep on moving forward and keep singing this

Damn
[Bada ba ba bada ba]
Song
[Bada ba ba bada ba]

Now when it’s difficult I have to remember the agony
Of the stagnation I found myself stuck with once I admitted defeat

I won’t admit defeat again

Upward and outward
Keeping the pace up
Bada Ba Ba Bada Ba 
Bada Ba Ba Bada Ba

Coaxial Chaos

Upward And Outward

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The third track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

When we feel stagnant it’s easy to desire a departure from our routine. Familiarity with our environment often leads to comfortability, and comfort can all too easily lead to complacency. Though as easy as it is to recognize this and desire change, navigating forward through life can be overwhelming and devastating. There are many erratic paths all around us frequently intersecting without a clear sense of continuity or purpose. Meanwhile everything and everyone is chaotically moving about these paths at a relentless pace regardless of our action or inaction. We are at a constant risk of collision simply by existing in the world, and while this is frightening and oftentimes harmful it is also the basis of most of our novel and intimate experiences. Because of this inevitability it is common to seek out methods of maximizing our meaningful encounters and creating a sense of control over our circumstances, and one way to approach that is by attempting to remain in perpetual motion to sustain our momentum and utilize our energy as thoroughly as possible. It is easy for this ambition to get lost, though. Remaining constantly moving can deprive us of our ability to reflect on our trajectory, and when everything is uncertain to begin with, being reckless can lead us to exhausting all of our energy maintaining a pattern just as cyclical as the one we tried to escape in the first place. 

If you found yourself in this situation, how would you react? Would you revert to the initial set of circumstances that pushed your patience but required little energy, or would you make an attempt to disembark from your chaotic paradigm and turn even further from what you know? How far is too far away, and what are you hoping to gain from the trials you will certainly face?

LYRICS:
Fervently evading home 
Moving forward by tooth and nail alone
Never looking back on it because I know how this goes
I’m such a stupid sucker for familiar roads, 
Even if I have had ample time to grow 

It’s not like the sentiment is
Erased entirely from memory
Nourishing resilience necessary
For pushing my own boundaries 
To carry on carrying on

Grasping at my own thoughts inside downpours of debris,
Climbing metaphorical dust walls just to breathe
Trudging through this labyrinth-laden league

Scrounging for indicators in the sediment
But when it’s time for fight or flight no one’s got time for that
As if we can hope to navigate our passage away
A proper form of structure will just as strongly attenuate

Brimming with exuberance in prospect of this path
Despite all the frightening fixtures and foreseen death
Simple change in scenery can go a such long way
Acting to rejuvenate a heart in disarray, and

Keep me looking at the process instead of the deviations
Destroying the notions romanticizing vague self-isolation

I might be alone in the forest for a while
Following a road to places I have never been
Though I have an open heart and open mind to others, too
I thoroughly miss companionship but know I’d rather find something new

Coursing through these
Forestal veins
Objecting to
Relishing in comfortability, really it isn’t for me
So instead I

Run, I know I’m getting close
To something besides what I know 
Even though I lost my motivation hours ago 
Maybe then I’ll have something new to show for this hardship
But it’s hard to tell
I guess I’ll just have hope

Winding Backroad

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This is the sixth track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

Friendship is powerful. Interpersonal synergy and collective efforts literally pave the way for personal endeavors to flourish, and it makes sense for us to feel preferential toward others who can appreciate ourselves and our work. Just as any other experience, though, friendship can fade or change. 
Others’ interests alter over time, and with it enthusiasm and support can fade away if not maintained. It’s easy to feel confused or conflicted about these changes, especially if you feel there is still work left to be done for you personally to reach the end goals that brought you together with others to begin with. Redirection is one option, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with redirecting yourself to have more of a place among those who meant so much to you before; though maintaining course and seeing your endeavors through to the end may involve letting go of connections you once held dear. The best friends who gave you support but haven’t had the time of day for years, the family that is interested in your status above your fulfillment, the collaborator that stopped contributing months ago. Especially in the age of social media, there will always be reminders and updates that leave us hanging on to dangling threads of hope. We fixate on this hope to distract us from how terrifying the thought of starting over really is, and all too easily we spend countless hours indulging in all these little strands from different places, ignoring the chaotic web of reality for the potential for any of hundreds of opportunities for reconnection to manifest into something more real again. All the while there is still work we personally need to do. There are things we need to still create, and those things begin by rebuilding momentum and taking those first few forward steps once again.


LYRICS:
Remember all your friends
Who used to show love
Themselves to another
But now just fuck around
Just bitch their time away

No use in playing favorites, 'cause compassion ain't a fuckin' game
No use in holding back either, no use in staying here and afraid

Afraid of being alone
It's bound to happen anywhere that you go

Regardless of your social aptitude
You'll never totally avoid the lack of interaction that you
Hate, and that's not subject to change
You're forced to do something or else you'll be forced to remain
A lifeless imitation of the points you claim

('Cause you're)
Keeping your face down inside of your cellphone
Wasting your whole youth idling on Facebook (fuck that)
Drinking and shit, I don't wanna hear it's because
You're too afraid you'll alienate yourself from

The type of networks that will 
make haste/lay waste
To efforts in extending reach
past anything outside of these

Semi-social social exhibitions
Filled with stagnant inhibitions
In a way that never ends
Be with friends

Friends

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This is the ninth track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

LYRICS:
With energy spent I’m slowed down to a crawl
No way to give back, my reaction is dulled
Unpreparedness is making me visibly sick
And I rationalize being rash will assist
Dense and deflective, I strike at the core
Attacks ineffective and confidence torn
Condensed into chaos with vision obscured
Nobody to save me, I wish I had learned

To focus on the task at hand
I’m in a sea of endeavors and can hardly swim
The water’s always heavier than I remember it as when I last was here

Caught off-guard, bereft of intuition
Blatantly jaded to abrupt motion
Opponents notice my open weakness and
Strike
Frustrated and fixed on absolution
Through wavering faith and self-suspicion
On track to collapse in the tragedy of this
Sidestory

Is this a failure of ego or is it the ego that brought me to this place
It’s hard to tell when I’m still so wrapped up my own daze
Running myself in the ground when I have already found this technique to just push me back
Instead I should be working on restoring what I lack
If that has overlap with anything else that my direction incessantly requires 
cuz if reproach and reclaim are a one-off then maybe I should sit and think about this one for a while

Feeling the pressure because it’s still there
Wont leave me alone ’til I finally fall
The former outcome was so bleak, I’m aware
It couldn’t be broken or dented at all

These battles grow longer and block bigger paths
With longer engagements resulting from them and
As much as my let my identity hinge
On this, conflict can never define who I am 

We all come to know these cruel defeats
With monstrous battles we perpetuate
Within our own lives and against ourselves
This kind of self-conflict creates our own hell 
While moving straight forward is what it’s about
The significance obviously paramount
It’s also important to know when to leave
To let this live on as a tragic sidestory

At a million miles per hours, my continuation of this is something that I regret 
Looking for answers beyond what I’m capable of believing
Knowingly going against my own movements in desperate attempts to attack once again
Held at the whim of my manic emotions I strike and hope it hits

(hope it hits)
This tragic sidestory gets more tragic
Faced with what I know was more that anything I’ve faced before
I rushed right in and nearly met an early end to this

It’s so important to know the difference between your conflicts as they stand in the moment 
No reason to obsess over minimal contests that will benefit nothing besides your conscious desire
And in the same way focus on all the moments that really require
More attention than tasks that appear in your trajectory as minimal victories and eventually evoke

The viral interest that in turn will create these tragic sidestories (x2)

Tragic Sidestory

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This is the fourth track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

If we set our minds to a common goal there is nearly no limit to what we can accomplish. Easier said than done, granted, but it’s nonetheless important to remember the contributions of others around us in the establishment of our identities and sustainment of our passions. It’s easy to look at the progress we create for ourselves and the struggles we individually face because we’re forced to experience those things by ourselves every day, though it is just as vital to look at how far we’ve come and how much we learn and develop through our encounters with others. We wouldn’t even have a frame of reference in this chaotic existence if we didn’t have others working with us and around us. Every interaction is an opportunity for us to strengthen our connection with others or, adversely, to deeper realize our own priorities. 

This doesn’t mean that there is no value in recognizing opposition. The others around us that challenge our wellbeing or the wellbeing of others should act as rallying points that can unify all of those around us with common goals of growth and defense. This also doesn’t mean that personal ideals should all be put aside for the sake of establishing collectivity. We need to maintain our individuality and passions while working with others toward common goals, and need to ensure that the others we work with also hold beliefs that are encouraging of mutual betterment and actualization. There is so much depth to be gained through collective action, and in chaotic situations there is nothing more helpful to salvage direction than a true ally.  

LYRICS:
Collectively we find our start
Stepping forward, gaining ground
So full of feeling, so full of heart
As long as others remain around 

Vulnerability also strength
Adrenaline at a toxic high
Numbers not the only factor
But that’s what makes us feel alive

Here we go, a mass assemblage for a meaningful cause
Every instance of infighting put aside to be resolved
Commonality the social cohesion that we have sought
The bigger the intentions the greater amount of effort to put

All combined actions on the line
Our conscious choice to honestly derive 
Results from our collaborative climb
Toward compassion with all of our drive 

Composite posits compassion
Acting to explain our actions
Maintaining to stand committed
To every word of love we’ve written 

Every fraction finely maintained
Without each other this likely couldn’t function nearly the same

Framework of a future plainly
[Carved through chaos]
To extend out efforts to those
[Scarred and those lost]
Never compromising any
[Demographic]
If you’re hear you simply gotta
[Show compassion]

The thought times we experience alone
Push us down and out till we can’t cope
We search for an end and that brings us here
No matter the cost we will make this our home  

The combination of over a hundred years of work combined
Distilled and comprehensively re-evaluated and then refined
What we spread as a group in no way needs to bear a label to be mine
In fact, the concept of ownership over love or labor will be outmoded over time
Brought to near irrelevance in order to survive  

Collectively we reach an end
Necessary rest ahead
So full of satisfaction now
As long as others remain around 

Our dedication brought us here
Despite the power of those we feared
Our numbers might have turned the tides
What a wonderful time to be alive

Composite Compassion

This is the first track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

LYRICS:
“Staggering” is the only word I can think of
To describe the sensation of re-emergence from such an unfortunately altered state
Standing up for the first time in what feels like a the very least a few years
And falling right back down before even coming close to drawing my first full breath
Every single moment of this experience absolutely with its own unique agony 
But without external reference, so they all end up just kinda blending together
And while it it all hurts it’s not fair to call it harsh or unjust
Because I know I’d probably be just as territorial
If I were some abstract embodiment of existential entropy
Or somethin’

By this point I can’t stand the sensation of silence any longer
The piercing pallet of subtle ambience ever-so-slightly reminiscent of that apathetic hell
And that’s all it really it takes to make a difference
When a month ago I spent an entire week as just a simple shell
(The entire week as just a shell)

Resulting in my body being constantly out of breath
Situationally detached from its own physical state
As I reach out to make my own first forward steps
I’m made to feel like that’s simply a mistake

‘Cuz there’s fingers, needles, nails 
All heavily compressed together and stabbing at me from the past
With power that I never would have given them when they were here in the present
Differentiations in time and location are just perceptual idioms though
There’s no way you can really plausibly ration out portions of eternity like that
So if I feel it now I guess that still constitutes real pain from a real place
And really the sensations are the only things that really force our step

And with my piss-poor track record of sensory interpretation
I find it hard to trust anyone who crosses my path
Not because they’re not authentic or any shit like that
But simply cause that intuition’ s something I’ve always lacked

Though in this time more than ever it feels so much more necessary to at least try
Cuz like twenty fucking fifteen what a time to be alive
Everybody’s problems continuously managing to accelerate and collide 
And with them and their chaos our mutual love’s miraculously revived

And with all the common space these problems will probably occupy 
It makes sense to keep condensed and maintain reverent understanding
Of each other and to rejoice in our resolutions despite  
The regret I have simply that—

This is the second track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

It can hurt to thoroughly correct ourselves when we are wrong. To acknowledge when we’ve held ideas that weren’t based in truth can feel like pulling teeth straight out of our ego. Obviously the deeper the cognitive dissonance we attempt to resolve, the harder it is to accept; though once we manage to push past the misguided notions we have about what is absolute, the more opportunities we have to learn and grow! When the opportunity is right, reacclimatizing to learning and loving in a way we have forgotten can be the warmest feeling. Pushing past our hardened opinions of ourselves and others for the sake of personal and communal betterment will inevitably connect us with energy and ideas we had been cut off from before, and that energy and sense of renewed connectivity can be invaluable in navigating through existing entropy. 

An important thing to remember is that the changes we make for ourselves will not necessarily be reflected in others we choose to associate with. Growth is not linear, and the desire to grow is a personal decision. The hate we refute does not cease to exist just because we refute it, and others will not often choose to simply put down their biases when confronted with dissonance. Even so, it’s necessary to confront hate and challenge ideas of intolerance wherever present. Just as your actions will not convince others to resign their hate, you cannot allow them to destroy your love.

LYRICS:
I could not predict
Quite the magnitude of my desire 
To rush right in 
So
Conclusions eluding as to why I'm lost
Hoping to regain that love
That I once held universally
Firstly must set aside,  
Totally deny
 
Misplaced Mistrust

Counting backward to unravel the act of passionate progress,
As it's stressed under the weight 
Of all of the trauma and the dissension thereof
Hoping to destroy my love

But I can't hate anymore
Nothing to hate anymore

Misplaced Mistrust

This is the seventh track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

The longer we wait to address a problem, the more time we spend building it up to be large, obtrusive, and ultimately unbeatable. The older we get, the less time and energy we may feel that we have to fight back against things that are unfair or untrue. After a point, we may feel inclined to let life fly by without seeking a resolution to the things that tear us down, simply just sidestepping whenever an issue presents itself; after all, what’s the point in changing something that we’ve managed to exist despite suffering for so long? Is it really that big of a deal? Why didn’t we act sooner if we recognized it as a problem long ago? 

Creating resolution for ourselves doesn’t abide by a rigid structure, though. There is no designated timeline by which our own suffering can be rightfully trivialized. There are solutions to our problems, sure, though our capacity to approach and secure those solutions may take longer if our situation doesn’t foster our ability to reach for them. There are so many paths for us to uncover and follow, and sometimes the paths that are the most meaningful to us get lost as we travel in other directions to maintain more established aspects of our lives or as we deviate into unique chaotic paths. This doesn’t invalidate the stressors we ignore, though it is important to remember that ignoring stressors and repressing our feelings of dissonance will not make them disappear either. Things will surface sooner or later, and at that point know it is never too late the embrace the change that you need! 

LYRICS:
She’s just a gabber punk girl
Living in an 808 world and
All her friends are former enemies
Fought and awed till she couldn’t see anymore
See anymore

Outwardly owning her identity
Clipping kicks and piercing melodies
Clearing up any discrepancies 
‘Bout her now and about her before 

Look at that gabber punk girl
Writing out all her secrets 
Full of a million regrets
Wishing time could be reset

Look at that gabber punk girl
Staring at her reflection declaring

“I can still overcome this
It’s never to late to embrace the change I need
And I’m determined to succeed”

Look at that gabber punk girl (x8)

She’s just a gabber punk girl
Living in an 808 world
Been hurt a million times
Getting hit by shifting divides 
She’s just a gabber punk girl
Living in an 808 world
Motivated to get by 
For others forced to sacrifice

Validating something they know
That just conflicts with what they’re told
Like the gender they were assigned
Or that their passion wastes their time
And while she’s struggling herself
To figure out direction still
She’ll never fail to lend a hand
If she’s around and there to give

If only that were all that mattered
A single voice in a deadly violent storm
It’s something, sure, it influences us for better
We’ve got to act more collectively to achieve real reform

Look at that gabber punk girl 
No longer hung up on regrets
Vocalizing her protest
Fighting for common interests

Look at that gabber punk girl
Going for her ambitions
Identical to me cause
I am just her reflection 
Thinking about what could be 
Never should feel the same way
As bringing dreams to fruition 
Cause then others will exclaim

Look at that gabber punk girl

Gabber Punk Girl

This is the tenth track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

LYRICS:
Ever felt like you were trapped in a dream?
Surrounded by 

Things that just make sense to everyone else
But feel way too weird to talk about aloud

Loosely understanding 
That this can't be right
Vividly recounting

Last night in a dream I killed a man 
He was innocent so I ran away, hid the best I could to no avail
I was with a friend, we were both scared
Neither of us wanted to be there
We came to our senses but nothing had changed about
Where we still stood
in guilt nor law
This was our hell

But the landscape was so beautiful that night
What peculiar juxtaposition
Straightforward contravention on my mind
With the wind blowing beneath iridescent light
The burden of guilt of a dreamed-up death still mine
The desert landscape here teeming with life

Circumstantially all my efforts to affirm my sincerity seriously fall shy
Progressing moment by moment into such unsustainable peculiarity 

Wake up and look around to see no sign of desert or no dead body by my side
Renewing my sincerity, enhancing my clarity and comprehension of my
Cognitive lapse and the affected actions that lend to explaining why
It seems to me when I’m trapped in a dream, chaotic circumstances arise 

But now that’s past and now I understand
That struggle supersedes action

Absolute outcome unpredictable 
Until disorder overflows
 
Energy’s finite, but I still feel fine
But that means I’ve got to decide
 
In dreams and in life where do I go?
I’m such phantasmagoraphobe 

 Images with blinding speed dart
At me in sequence

I hope that this is just another dream because I don’t recall

Letting my impulses take control of me that soon after creating
A resolve
To better accept where I am
And the abilities I have
As a basis for taking

Back what I have given myself blindly
When I didn’t deserve it then
I’ll reclaim the

Points of my youth I never even knew had a purpose
Other than forcing me to choose a side
Every decision strengthening divides
Internal injuries inflicted by
Conflicting opinions that don’t matter
THEY DON’T MATTER 

But they still exist 
So I’ll retract the damage that they did
It won’t be easy 
But nothing good is
I resolve to overcome being this
Phantasmagoraphobe

Phantasmagoraphobe

This is the tenth track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

Change comes in waves, violently uprooting long periods of stagnant comfort with a cascade of interconnected dissonance. When we pinpoint problems within ourselves and attempt to address them, we will become more aware of the deeper fundamental weaknesses that have allowed these problems to thrive. Committing to facing these fundamental problems in the moment may be overwhelming in itself, but that is only the beginning. Once we see the capacity for meaningful change, there is a strong desire to grasp at it while the passion is at its peak; though in order to truly sustain meaningful change, practicing new routines and habits over a long period of time is often necessary. Long after the adrenaline of confrontation and the immediate gratification of self-improvement has passed, we must allow ourselves to maintain positive new paradigms at a slower pace of change than we likely desire. And with so many different changes happening simultaneously, the slow juggle of long-term changes may be a more daunting task than the manic attempt to facilitate all possible changes at once. Though we have a greater capacity for change than we may realize, even after we’re well into the process. It is important to remind ourselves of our own dedication to improvement, and to maintain our energy and enthusiasm about our own betterment even when the results are delayed or unclear. As long as we are building toward our success and connecting the dots to overcome our own chaos, it is fair and often necessary to be patient with ourselves. We can’t rush the unlearning of years of self-damaging patterns. 

LYRICS:
Lyrics:
Unable to spot the flaws in the assessment of my surroundings
No matter how clear
They may appear to be, and I know I’m not the only one

Stuck with this intensive dissonance beyond repair
The only difference being that I’m working to prove that it’s actually there

Bringing manmade gaps inside perception of everything that I encounter
Viaduct via synaptic void
multiple steps in the adverse direction to simply step foot into other concepts of 
Ways that the world to many is considered to work (considered to work)

Visual
Hallucinations
Manifest since we’re all born
Fake fortitude in worldly form 

I’m not afraid 
But I’m overwhelmed 
By all of the cognitive deprivation 
That is all that I can think about now

And that’s intense
At least to me
I’m sure you’re aware of my typical routine

I despise going slower than I really have to 
And I hate when things go right over my
Head but it happens when you’re building synaptic 

Connections
And that’s just 
How it must
Happen to come into
Existence
Through all this 
Eclectic
Blast of plasticity 

That’s how it has to be 
Or maybe my dissonant ideals got the best of me 

And now I’m outward looking in
At least I think that’s what I’m doing
Either way the perspective is quite different
But if I truly comprehend, it’s hard to say

It’s hard to say

Synaptic Viaduct

This is the eleventh and final track from my album entitled "Coaxial Chaos"

Lyrics:
Ever felt like you were trapped in a dream?
Surrounded by 

Things that just make sense to everyone else
But feel way too weird to talk about aloud

Loosely understanding 
That this can't be right
Vividly recounting

Last night in a dream I killed a man 
He was innocent so I ran away, hid the best I could to no avail
I was with a friend, we were both scared
Neither of us wanted to be there
We came to our senses but nothing had changed about
Where we still stood
in guilt nor law
This was our hell

But the landscape was so beautiful that night
What peculiar juxtaposition
Straightforward contravention on my mind
With the wind blowing beneath iridescent light
The burden of guilt of a dreamed-up death still mine
The desert landscape here teeming with life

Circumstantially all my efforts to affirm my sincerity seriously fall shy
Progressing moment by moment into such unsustainable peculiarity 

Wake up and look around to see no sign of desert or no dead body by my side
Renewing my sincerity, enhancing my clarity and comprehension of my
Cognitive lapse and the affected actions that lend to explaining why
It seems to me when I’m trapped in a dream, chaotic circumstances arise 

But now that’s past and now I understand
That struggle supersedes action

Absolute outcome unpredictable 
Until disorder overflows
 
Energy’s finite, but I still feel fine
But that means I’ve got to decide
 
In dreams and in life where do I go?
I’m such phantasmagoraphobe 

 Images with blinding speed dart
At me in sequence

I hope that this is just another dream because I don’t recall

Letting my impulses take control of me that soon after creating
A resolve
To better accept where I am
And the abilities I have
As a basis for taking

Back what I have given myself blindly
When I didn’t deserve it then
I’ll reclaim the

Points of my youth I never even knew had a purpose
Other than forcing me to choose a side
Every decision strengthening divides
Internal injuries inflicted by
Conflicting opinions that don’t matter
THEY DON’T MATTER 

But they still exist 
So I’ll retract the damage that they did
It won’t be easy 
But nothing good is
I resolve to overcome being this
Putrid somnambulist

Sentimental Entropy

It's my birthday I deserve praise

~~*Promo for collab set with BgO tonight (3/26/19) at Flowers For All Occasions in Brooklyn*~~

(Mixed/mastered using the speakers in my 2007 Honda CR-V LX in a QuickChek parking lot in NJ)

☺♀♡A.T.M.I.T.B.L.♡♀☺

A song I made featuring some of the Animal Crossing sound fonts I happened to stumble across.

This is a pretty fair representation of my 5-8am. 

It's also for download :x



KK Bumpin'

Aesthetic chambers

~*Headstrong & Heartfelt Digital Hardcore*~

Extensive electronic production, punishing physical externalization, subconscious realization, and constructive manipulation of art and self; all ultimately held together by uncompromising compassion and an aim at ultimately understanding one another. 

<3

Contact:
rebekahjarosz@gmail.com

Watabou

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