While playful putdowns and throwing shade have long been a celebrated form of humor and bonding among gay men, they can sometimes perpetuate cliques, exclusion, and toxic behaviors within the community. Not only does this behavior reinforces harmful stereotypes like the "bitchy queen" or "mean gay," but it also deepens divisions in an already marginalized community, reflecting the way we are often treated by the larger world.

In this episode, we're exploring why mean gay behavior manifests, the impact it has on our community, and ways we can foster kindness and support among one another.

Full Episode:
https://www.ajadedgay.com/135-dont-be-a-mean-gay/

Related Episodes:
Listen to Episode 34. GBF: Gay Best Friend
https://www.ajadedgay.com/34-gbf-gay-best-friend/

Listen to Episode 38. Learning to Accept Kindness
https://www.ajadedgay.com/38-learning-to-accept-kindness/

Listen to Episode 53. Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Gays
https://www.ajadedgay.com/53-stop-comparing-yourself-to-other-gays/

Additional Resources:
The Top 10 Reasons the Gay Community Is So Competitive
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-top-10-reasons-the-gay-community-is-so-competitive_b_7696812

10 Reasons Gay Men Are Hyper Competitive
https://www.pride.com/gay/2016/11/17/10-reasons-gay-men-are-hyper-competitive#rebelltitem1

Op-ed: Are Gay Men A Gay Man's Worst Enemy?
https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/03/11/op-ed-are-gay-men-gay-mans-worst-enemy

Ask a Homo: Bitchy Queens
https://slate.com/human-interest/2014/07/ask-a-homo-why-is-bitchiness-common-among-gay-men.html

When Does a Bitchy Queen Become Too Much?
https://www.out.com/michael-musto/2016/12/27/when-does-bitchy-queen-become-too-much

Gays Behaving Badly
https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jonny-harvey/gays-behaving-badly_b_17824412.html

Culture Slut: Dissecting the 'Mean Gays' Trope
https://www.polyesterzine.com/features/culture-slut-dissecting-the-mean-gays-trope

Matthew J. Dempsey on How Gay Men "Compare & Despair"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S27OXHYaR3A

Support the show
https://www.patreon.com/ajadedgaypod

Get Your Merch
https://a-jaded-gay.creator-spring.com/

135. Don't Be A Mean Gay

In previous episodes, we discussed how gay men often found refuge in mafia-owned private bottle clubs, where they could drink and socialize without the fear of police raids or public hostility. These underground venues, while risky due to their illegal nature, offered a rare safe haven where gay men could express themselves more freely and form a sense of community away from the prying eyes of a largely unwelcoming society.

In this episode, crime writer Chris Holcombe joins us to discuss how gay speakeasies emerged during the Prohibition era as secretive, underground venues where LGBTQ+ individuals could gather away from the scrutiny and persecution of mainstream society.

Full Episode:
https://www.ajadedgay.com/136-closets-cocktails-the-secret-history-of-gay-speakeasies-with-chris-holcombe/

Related Episodes:
Listen to Episode 17. Mobsters & Mos: How the Mafia Owned Gay Nightlife
https://www.ajadedgay.com/17-mobsters-mos-how-the-mafia-owned-gay-nightlife/

Listen to Episode 63. The Stonewall Riots
https://www.ajadedgay.com/63-the-stonewall-riots/

Additional Resources:
Learn More About Chris Holcombe
https://www.chrisholcombe.com/

Follow Chris on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/thechrisholcombe/

Support Chris on Patreon
http://patreon.com/ChrisHolcombeAuthor

Order the Hidden Gotham Series
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09N41NSDB?binding=kindle_edition&qid=1654001598&sr=1-1&ref=dbs_dp_rwt_sb_pc_tukn

Subscribe to Chris’s Monthly Emails
http://www.chrisholcombe.com/sign-up

Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940
https://www.amazon.com/Gay-New-York-Culture-1890-1940/dp/1541699211/ref=sr_1_1?crid=WJSX56HPYMEV&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.CUvBr017OJeT1f5qvGyrCz44QK34Ozr8HOeC8QwAR2A1fG0wOa5ZEXsXhBI0itKjm1VVZ2A-iIA1MuNKGzbZAtfllwS8jsVe5ug33VwAJEObjwCClxb2fLc52yyxNsmb8p7aFzSPIrvtkdD2_74z8iJnVmGdPJmhOQMCD0TQaIk5XY2jjtrQ2XddLSTBKiH2fjk4V57i5I189-8CzYvTniqbV2BdGPJx5qQZ5yc9dQY.hV4SSSrmof_Etfp9sZXN3z-vZfoLYjZEiSGmrhiseHE&dib_tag=se&keywords=george+chauncey&qid=1736167273&sprefix=george+chauncey%2Caps%2C97&sr=8-1

Bulldaggers, Pansies, and Chocolate Babies
https://www.amazon.com/Bulldaggers-Pansies-Chocolate-Babies-Triangulations/dp/0472034898/ref=sr_1_1?crid=8HW7MMDE8P9P&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.iPQRsZuf4wL2ztZUYynvc_7id-54vCg1fQnF21MtDik.7WQj57gOmTRzgGdF6s7s382c4D5Eg9sfRDthEBPvVgw&dib_tag=se&keywords=bulldaggers%2C+pansies%2C+and+chocolate+babies&qid=1736167332&sprefix=pansies+bullda%2Caps%2C116&sr=8-1

Three Plays: Sex / The Drag / The Pleasure Man
https://www.amazon.com/Three-Plays-Sex-Drag-Pleasure/dp/0415909333/ref=sr_1_1?crid=YLHT25D0JY36&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.MkV9frxOw8L9QUIj25sB7NK7Owhs4WJ52EMDEjAth2rjjiEEqjXi30nDxjTiQ0uV9E8qtU6uimz6nwwnYpQCCb4loq6oP-RAZICG1xIhGORHSxmq3Sm0ZDJi7dUEEyh2cadp-9B3V7UmFBGQVrHg4WEunU-DTzUjK320zoG9waDAhLZ-PTTuQinXJvLvpts1mUTONHYFuhSNHxe2GU-bClM6MWEF1M_fjeSrBzbl2Dg.D7-ymoosKPOme53Pdk5orWEa5C9x8mZHJii2Z3mBiVc&dib_tag=se&keywords=Mae+West%27s+the+drag&qid=1736167385&sprefix=mae+west%27s+the+drag%2Caps%2C104&sr=8-1

The Speakeasy Glossary – Queer Slang of the Prohibition Era
https://dannyashkenasi.com/2015/08/26/the-speakeasy-glossary-queer-slang-of-the-prohibition-era/

Support the show
https://www.patreon.com/ajadedgaypod

Get Your Merch
https://a-jaded-gay.creator-spring.com/

136. Closets & Cocktails: The Secret History Of Gay Speakeasies (with Chris Holcombe)

The term "daddy" has been used as slang for over 300 years and was embraced by the gay community in the 1970s, particularly within the leather subculture, leading to the popular phrase "leather daddy." Today, in gay culture, "daddy" represents an older, confident, and nurturing figure, often admired for their authority, maturity, and sexual appeal, while also evoking playful and affectionate dynamics within romantic relationships.

In this episode, For the Love of DILFs star Sal Zambito joins us to explore what it means to be a daddy in gay culture, the journey of embracing the daddy identity, and the valuable lessons daddies and boys can learn from one another within the gay community.

Full Episode:
https://www.ajadedgay.com/137-whos-your-daddy-with-sal-zambito/

Additional Resources:
Follow Sal on Instagram
https://www.instagram.com/bigsaltv/

Follow Sal on TikTok
https://www.tiktok.com/@bigsal.tv

Check out Sal on For the Love of DILFs Season 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tibD2v8q5MQ

Learn More About For the Love of DILFs
https://www.outtvgo.com/details/TV_SHOW/collection/6319503491112/for-the-love-of-dilfs

Conception of a Question: Who's Your Daddy?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/2005/01/04/conception-of-a-question-whos-your-daddy/2537a7cf-a4e5-46da-939a-7aff5d20519b/

Here's an Outrageously Comprehensive Guide to the Term 'Daddy'
https://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/a21529729/internet-daddy-what-is-daddy-explainer/

Gay Daddy (Urban Dictionary)
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gay%20Daddy

Daddy (Know Your Meme)
https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/daddy

S and M : Studies in dominance and submission
https://search.worldcat.org/title/478487523

Support the show
https://www.patreon.com/ajadedgaypod

Get Your Merch
https://a-jaded-gay.creator-spring.com/

137. Who’s Your Daddy? (with Sal Zambito)

We’ve previously examined the history of gay representation in TV and film, tracing its evolution from early portrayals to groundbreaking moments like Ellen, which helped pave the way for greater visibility. Among these influential shows, Will & Grace stood out as a game-changer, bringing gay characters into mainstream sitcoms and normalizing LGBTQ+ identities for a wide audience—though its representation wasn’t without flaws.

In this episode, we’re exploring the conception of Will & Grace, its cultural significance, and the lasting impact it had on queer representation in television.

Full Episode:
https://www.ajadedgay.com/138-will-grace/

Related Episodes:
Listen to Episode 07. The History of Gay Representation in TV & Film
https://www.ajadedgay.com/07-the-history-of-gay-representation-in-tv-film/

Listen to Episode 12. Queer as Folk
https://www.ajadedgay.com/12-queer-as-folk/

Listen to Episode 55. Gay for Pay: Should Straight Actors Play Queer Characters?
https://www.ajadedgay.com/55-gay-for-pay-should-straight-actors-play-queer-characters/

Additional Resources:
Streaming Through Stereotypes: The Progress and Pitfalls of LGBTQ+ Representation in Media
https://www.ajadedgay.com/blog/streaming-through-stereotypes-the-progress-and-pitfalls-of-lgbtq-representation-in-media/

Queer as Folk: A Groundbreaking Journey of LGBTQ+ Representation
https://www.ajadedgay.com/blog/queer-as-folk-a-groundbreaking-journey-of-lgbtq-representation/

Will & Grace
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_%26_Grace

Pilot (Will & Grace)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pilot_(Will_%26_Grace)

Biden Says He is 'Absolutely Comfortable' with Same-Sex Marriage
https://archive.today/20120714223831/http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/06/biden-says-he-is-absolutely-comfortable-with-same-sex-marriage/

Obama Backs Gay Marriage
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/obama-gay-marriage_n_1503245

Support the show
https://www.patreon.com/ajadedgaypod

Get Your Merch
https://a-jaded-gay.creator-spring.com/

138. Will & Grace

Living in a world of fuckboys, homophobes, and inequalities can leave a gay feeling, well, jaded, so tune in for your weekly dose of gay empowerment. We're talking pop culture, politics, and dating hardships, all through the lens of overcoming gay trauma and nurturing our emotional wellbeing.

135. Don't Be A Mean Gay

A Jaded Gay

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