Don't you mistake cold
For fear of warmth
It's a contradiction and it's been 
Drummed into a truth
A window painted black,
A secret, my inside

Uneven floorboards hold me back
A ticket's worth of tears
When I would rather wait for a stranger
Than a mistake made just for me

And the warmth, it spills into my dreams
A tidal wave tried to break the wall
Of a paper world behind my skin
Tell me why the lines in my two hands
Hold different tales, and shroud me in
These metaphors behind my skin

Bend your neck towards a smile
Just make sure it's all a restriction
In the back of your mind
Close enough to worry that you've
Stained the precious sky

Oh strangers take me slowly
A lost mistake, you'll look and say
We made this just for you
It's freezing cold

And the warmth, it spills into my dreams
A tidal wave tried to break the wall
Of a paper world behind my skin
Tell me why the lines in my two hands
Hold different tales, and shroud me in
These metaphors behind my skin

My Two Hands (2021)

On The News (Keaton Henson)

Piece of My Heart (Janis Joplin)

Girls Just Want To Have Fun (Cyndi Lauper)

Seven Nation Army (The White Stripes)

Crazy In Love (Beyoncé)

Don't you mistake cold
For fear of warmth
It's a contradiction and it's been 
Drummed into a truth.
A window painted black,
A secret, my inside. 

Uneven floorboards hold me back,
A ticket's worth of tears,
When I would rather wait for a stranger
Than a mistake made just for me. 

And the warmth, it spills into my dreams,
A tidal wave tried to break the wall
Of a paper world behind my skin.
Tell me why the lines in my two hands
Hold different tales, and shroud me in
These metaphors behind my skin.

Bend your neck towards a smile,
Just make sure it's all a restriction
In the back of your mind.
Close enough to worry that you've
Stained the precious sky. 

Oh strangers take me slowly,
A lost mistake, you'll look and say
We made this just for you,
It's freezing cold.

My Two Hands

The Way You Make Me Feel (Michael Jackson)

A cosy, lo-fi track for winter.

Hand-drawn animated music video: https://youtu.be/EVcAjPpnJ_w

I Ran Out Into the Snowflakes, Laughing

I re-recorded one of the very first songs I wrote. :) 

My Wisdom Young

Please give me a reason why I could not cry,
Cause we'll all be ghosts by the morning time.

Into the ether I'd send out my heart,
And make no mistakes, just to watch from afar.

I'll pass through a screen in parts at a time,
I've lost all my grace to a counterfeit life.

Hand me a shield and I'll write from inside,
Cause words never seem to come out quite right. 

Eyes are arresting and make my head spin. 
So I'll drift through my own, and I will not exist. 

Please give me a reason why I could not cry,
I'm silent and soon will be morning time.


Ether

Well my fingertips up close look like
the world from far away
and I'll make it so they always try
to reach and rest against a kind of light
Well I've never seen a summer storm 
before, but I think it would make me change
Oh, my eyes

So call me out,
My space is overgrown
And all our place
Can feel so long ago

Well sometimes I wish our throats didn't feel 
So much like barricades
And I'll make it so they always try 
To remember they were made in a kind of light
And the things that rush through fingertips
they would never want to be the same
If I had a time

So reach up out and move
From my waking close
And all our life can feel
Sometimes so overgrown

Well sometimes I wish our throats 
didn't feel so much like barricades
And our fingertips up close look
like the world from far away

My Space Is Overgrown

For No One (The Beatles)

Available for purchase on BandCamp: http://aayushimusic.bandcamp.com/track/diamond-child

A pair of old, a sadness to
everything that's found is new,
and someone else's ticket saved
for a time that you know.

And did you see what happened here?
Feel like the diamonds in a room.
They were sleeping when you found them,
made a castle of things that were new.

And when you're free, take a walk
around the building that you drew,
and steal the person from a story
that you think no-one's heard of.

What happened here, oh did you feel?
Don't think you knew how much you were.
Just 'cause heads aren't perfect circles,
and they slept while you woke. 

Wouldn't you like what happened here?
As if you lost something you love.
Look at pictures of the moonlight,
and try to pick out a favourite.

But did you know, like all the rest,
we keep our memories in a safe?
And all the inside is full of writing,
like a ticket you saved.


Diamond Child

Where will I go all this time
I never tried to wander
Guess I never needed to worry
Bout the road that's getting longer

Oh I tried so hard to write a sad song
But my pockets are full of treasure
So I walk myself the long way home
Let my fingers find forever
Love is a sea of gold I cannot measure

Oh yes I cannot count
Love is treasure underground
Oh wishing well
Let your lovers climb
The staircase of your spiral  shell
Been so long since I have let my tongue sing the song
My feet find the way
My love find today I'm moving on

Oh where will I go all this time
I never tried to wander
Guess I never needed to worry
Bout the road that's getting longer

Oh I tried so hard to write a sad song
But my pockets are full of treasure
So I walk myself the long way home
Let my fingers find forever
Love is a sea of gold I

Oh I tried to write a sad song
But it's the shore meets the sand
Waves holding hands, reborn
Oh is the road getting longer
Well it's my heart that's getting stronger
So won't you take me for a ride

Oh yes I tried so hard to write a sad song
But my pockets are full of treasure
So I walk myself the long way home
Let my fingers find forever
Love is a sea of gold I cannot measure

Beach Pockets

An everlasting silence
Ringing through a metal wire
Doesn't have to have a title
Or a place to be sent home

it's the safest place on Earth
no it doesn't mean you're walking now
got two ears both full of singing
and it's all you ever needed just to 

You'll make an old boat
And sail underneath the sea
there are no accidents inside my head
You take a piece of the outside

There were echoes everywhere
And then they fell into a pile
Like a new and only child
There was an echoing before you arrived

And don't you think it's crazy
Oh how everything just wants to be alive?

To Be Alive

Beggin' (Madcon)

I saw god in a teacup finally
I've been waiting for some poetry
What do I do when I see the spinning sea
When it stops do I leave
Am I worthy

To drink from his eye like a bird
Watch out for the leaves
Never stay for too long
When all I really want
Is to wash myself clean

Am I brave enough
For the memory
Oh the memory
Of a submarine
Oh I was just a bead
Just a bead in the palm of the sea

Told my mother she is a willow tree
Hide in her hair and watch
The parade of the seasons
Through her leaves
See the snow join the rain
And the rain join the sea oooh
Been so scared of a feeling
Come to leave

Oooh, oooh
Oooh

Am I brave enough
For the memory
Oh the memory
Of a submarine
Oh I was just a bead
Just a bead in the palm of the sea

Palm Of The Sea


Pressed yourself against red winter coats
Away from a perfect grid of faces you know
Don't you ask them who you are, dear, you already know,
Besides, isn't it different wherever you go? 

No you don't have to smile when you're feeling alone,
You're just fine, darling, wherever you go. 

Three pairs of socks when you're scared of their eyes,
And do you find that while sleeping you feel most alive? 
Don't make yourself nervous from all of these lines,
They're yours to do with whatever you like. 

Don't you ask them who you are, dear, you already know
Besides, isn't it different wherever you go? 
No you don't have to smile when you're feeling alone,
You're just fine, darling, wherever you go. 

I know sometimes you dream that you had a clone, 
But they say something that's dreaming is never alone. 
But don't you worry about being who you made in your head.
You're just fine, darling, wherever you go. 
Don't you ask them who you are, dear, you already know, 
Don't you ask them who you are, dear, you already know. 


Mirror Song

I'm blended in, but stranded out
Like a painted piece of war,
Like a balanced glass upon your chest,
Only you know how I've always loved my irony. 
I'm the air-filled bones inside your head,
And yes, I think you could crack me if you really tried. 

Was I in your way? 
Am I so young and new?
It was an honest mist I could not see through 
Oh was I in your way? 
Do I walk a sacred line?
But honestly, oh honestly 
I sometimes wonder if I'm blind.

Funny how, it never felt like waste 
Drawing maps upon your made-up skin 
You'd glow and fade, yeah it was almost fine 
But only you've seen how I'd always stay, feel it sink and rise 

Oh was I in your way?
Watch you spiral down inside
And I was with a smile
Like a warning sign,
Just was I in your way?
You said that you were almost fine 
I said but in a way, oh aren't we all,
But what do I know, for my first time? 

Said you feel so old ,like you're left to dry 
In an untouched field between lost and found 
Yeah I think I'd like to see you grow 
but not by me.. I'd water you with my insides.

Just was in your way?
Pretend it's almost fine 
Invent my dreams like a desperate child.
Oh just was I in your way? 
Do I walk a sacred line? 
Cause I've been wondering if I'm blind
I feel I was in your way 
should have told you long before
Oh please don't try to draw 
On such a painted piece of war
Cause I really think that you could 
Crack me if you tried. 


Painted Piece of War

I was walking backwards
Through a foreign town
But I just closed my eyes 
Cause she knew where I was going
And even if I'd 
Touched her traffic and died 
She'd have whispered a language 
That I somehow can speak
"My dear, this is only whatever it means 
To be free"

Oh, but don't you think 
That I'm getting so far? 
I've been trying to practice 
My smile in the dark
Oh and just for a while,
You can feel it for miles
It's a curious art.. you know
I'd like to think - 
Oh, I'd like to think 
About so many things...

Oh and every time that you're 
Talking to me
You know, I cannot help 
Staring carefully 
At the words falling out 
From your accident mouth - 
They're a strange type of poetry 
I've never felt.. 
But my god, this must be what it feels like 
To know yourself

Buy here!

Accidental Poetry

Hand-Me-Down 

Her father, 
he doesn't keep still for too long, 
I feel him stumbling ahead,
an open net to catch his thoughts. 

And her sister,
her punchlines always hurt, 
everyone laughing as she says
"I wanted the ground to swallow me up". 

And her brother, 
he stole some clothes when he was a boy,
so he didn't have to feel anything
through himself anymore. 

And their mother, 
she doesn't tell them when she's scared,
instead she moves with an imaginary
cloud above her head. 

Hand-Me-Down

The dust in your ashtray resembles a shape,
earth slipping away from a rising face. 
The telephone wires send a farewell parade
down your unlit street, and they cry all the way. 

The wind on your balcony used to be shy,
it's too late in the evening to feel it come by.
"There's nothing to worry", you lied in my ear,
"I always feel like leaving around this time of year." 

The songs that you wrote have been teasing me,
they poke at me with their honesty.
The figurine man has been stealing the keys...
I knew he would take them eventually. 

Now the wind in your clothes is seducing the night,      
the sound that I hear is a fluttering sigh. 
I saw your name on a keyring today, 
and it laughed at me until I walked away.

An Update

You know, you left a couple spaces here,
I filled them in with my favourite colours
in case you look back over it in a few years,
it's no big deal, I cannot help myself from wondering.

But one night I was feeling awful clever  
so I spent it looking for your clues. 
And I thought "this sure is something hopeful,
wish I could do more than visit you."  

But the future, oh it's different,
we'll be so much more than two tourists waving hands.
Yeah, there's a halfway homeland 
in the middle of the ocean, where we'll stand...
oh, what's between us anyway? 

No you don't show yourself much at all round here,
but I'm a master of a builder,
And I've been wondering how we can disappear to somewhere
floating free, just like the secret that we sink into.

But you told me you were leaving, 
and all I said was "yeah, me too." 
But I found a famous poet,
and I think he looks a lot like you. 

And the future, oh it's different 
we'll be so much more than two tourists waving hands.
Yeah, there's a halfway homeland 
in the middle of the ocean, where we'll stand.. 
what's in our questions, anyway? 

It's no big deal, I was just wondering
do you like to see your projects through? 
Cause we're just the past times of two strangers 
who like to split themselves in two.
But no, don't mind me, it's such a dream,
I saw the middle of an ocean view
and I was feeling awful hopeful...
do you think we'll both be travelling soon?

Tourists

If you look closely at this freeze-frame
you’ll see my fingertips were tired and bruised,
stretched and uncurled all the way 
to the other side of the room.

Because whenever we’re talking to each other,
you know that all we’re really doing 
is tapping on an eternal case of glass,
trying to mouth “maybe I hurt the same way as you”. 

So I stay inside, I hang from my spine,
wondering how anyone can stand at all,
when there’s nothing here to whisper through
except the dark and the kind ocean floors.

No, I never want to walk outside 
between the world’s hospital walls,
how I wish they weren’t smiling at me 
so sickeningly bright anymore. 

Because the truth is in a rootlessness,
a motto that I unveil,
even when you’re standing in the middle of a crowd,
still everyone’s just walking away. 

The Truth is in a Rootlessness

Something has come
and I am spilling over
an endless ceramic edge
Later some feet will come
to slip and fall on
part of me

And if I'm lucky
there'll be friends in the sewer this time
yeah if I'm happy
I'll see leaves in the currents tonight
Oh baby you are so big now
you play so sweetly in this hour
we have together

But how can I complain?
When I can always hear you laughing
as she spins me away
You'll ring with me
through this now saintly place
it's all I need to keep me 
living until tomorrow

No-one slipped today
they let me stay
inside their home
So from in-between the floorboards
I will pray 
for jealous rays to leave me alone

So I can sink and seep through 
to where you're sleeping
yeah I like to keep kissing you
from the ceiling 
until your father throws me out
in the morning he will feed me to the flowers

But how can I complain?
When I can always hear you laughing
as he spins me away
You'll ring with me 
through this now saintly place
it's all I need to keep me 
living until tomorrow 

And when I join the others
I will tell them
of that time you called me mother
And we'll rejoice in tunnels 
loud and grateful
Yeah, I know you were looking at her 
but it was my neck
your clean arms held on to

But how can I complain?
Oh I am blessed to hear you laughing
as she spins me away
You ring with me
through this now saintly place  
it's all I need to keep me 
living until tomorrow

Drain Song

Lyrics:

I can feel another snowstorm coming
one that would shake me until I'm barely moving
one that would chase me around children playing
while I'm trying to call out
And even if they'd somehow hear me
they'd mistake me for an unfinished snowman
and cover and leave me barely breathing
underneath the piercing layers

So I will tunnel underground 
into caves that hold me tight
far from the chaos of white
that is descending from the sky
like an exodus of foreign lovers
crashing down
oh it falls like nervous eyeballs
that are spinning all around

And it's quite easy to convince myself
that I'm not hungry for someone else
that I have no more prosaic tales to shout
over those frozen seas
Because, even if someone would hear me 
and start to skate across to join me
a dancing child would come and take their hand 
and they'd both glide away laughing

So I think I'm okay with the cost
of a muted tunnel, bored and lost 
inside the vacuum of a paradox
where nothing can mistake me
But now snow is seeping through
and it is dripping from the roof
and there are voices that are stepping
on my porcelain head

But before I watch these walls collapsing 
under the weight of all my expectations
I will close my eyes and dream of kind communion
carrying me away
And until then, I'll stay down here, contained 
in the fleeting space of an unborn page
I don't know if I'm scared, or if I couldn't care less
about whether I'm closer or further away

Prosaic Tales

I saw a couple 
at the station,
they were trying to say goodbye.
They reminded me
of my family
in the mornings at Christmas time.

But no matter how hard they pressed themselves together
they still remained separate and untethered,
she was asking "is this the closest we can get?
do you know what I mean...have you ever known what I meant?"
he said "Baby, you know white light, it's always hidden,
and everyone's just like a prism..
even if it's never said out loud,
you know it's true."

And I was sitting across
from a man on the train,
as I listened to a song, I felt alone.
Someone was singing to me 
about the futility
of a synonym inside a snow globe. 

And he looked up at me over his glasses,
I'd never been so sure of kindness,
he said "do you wanna know what I found out? 
Even though it's always a translation,
we're reading from the exact same page, and
it's a crazy thought but you know it's true." 

So I make my way
down my street,
I swear it was a path I used to dread.
and all the people I used
to try and pass by, unseen,
now they kiss me on my forehead. 

And the corner shop's front sign is dying,
so for one last night it is wise and winking, 
with a glorious, untroubled casino smile. 
I walked on through it's yawning doors
and threw my thesaurus on the floor,
saying "wherever we are going, I'm coming along."
And I ran out into the snowflakes laughing,
both to myself and everyone.

standing barefoot just outside
watching cars slip backwards through the drive
I lost your eyes in the hedge
didn't expect to keep them past midnight 

and without them to light the street
the leaves are feeling out for anything 
but twigs just argue when they touch
they cross and make the darkness look so intricate

making a wish to disappear 
to sink into the gravel every year 
but the front door stays open wide
I'll blink and I'll follow my brothers back inside 

the moths are meeting in the porch 
to worship the caged candle on the floor 
oh god you are as beautiful
as the balloon that's blue and clinging to the wall

Birthday

SOS (ABBA)

Engine (Neutral Milk Hotel)

These threads, they hold their hands so close
And nameless.
They hold to memories of when
They learnt to close their eyes again.
And all they did is search for more
Between their broken sleeves
They saw their frailty and fled,
But even then I could not see.

No, I could never look away,
I saw no weakness, I see dreams.
We tell our friends oh, don't you follow
What you see, it has no strength.
But it will lift them off their feet,
And all these things deny their breath
And set them low beneath their dreams.

Well underneath these threads I see
All that makes them so pure, but oh
Tied to the window since the sun.
Oh they hid their depth and they formed their lines
But I wish they'd only know
I could not see.

No, I could never look away,
I saw no weakness, I see dreams.
We tell our friends oh, don't you follow
What you see, it has no strength.
But it will lift them off their feet,
And all these things deny their breath
And set them low beneath their dreams.

Threads

Better Together (Jack Johnson)

Beautiful Girl (Sean Kingston)

Aayushi is a folk singer-songwriter from the UK. She writes strikingly tender songs, delivering them with an intimacy that has often been described as the sonic equivalent of a warm hug. Her songs often explore childhood memories, family, and her recurring dreams of the sea.

Her latest single, Beach Pockets, is about celebrating the things we treasure in life.

Aayushi

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