all the unfinished projects laying on my bed room floor are waiting to be brought back to life
the canvas that i painted doesn't match the colors anymore so i tore it off the wall and went for a drive
to clear my mind
to clear it

the pile of gifted journals from my mother and a few good friends haven't been touched in a while
and i lack the time to sit down and be creative and let the words flow out so sticky notes, voice memos take up all the storage on my phone

i need so much more time, its been so long since i last felt alive
maybe i dont know how to make myself slow down
and feel the things im feeling
maybe it's better that way
just avoiding the pain
but i always end up feeling it anyway
mmm

lately ive been so scared to take up space in the upstairs of my parents house that only i occupy (i'm the only one that lives upstairs lolz)
i feel the need to clear it out and make sure it's not too loud
cuz its better if no one knows you're there
so much inspiration wasted, shoved my dreams in the basement
an avalanche of emotions gone unspoken

pov: ur my therapist

pushed aside everything i wanted to be
i didnt think it was a possibility 
and now that i'm here and i'm doing it
im already burnt out

wish i could hold you
that's about the only thing i crave these days
everything else feels like a chore
and im bored and im sick and im tired of being sick and tired
all the fuckin time

why dont we
just leave our lives behind
why dont we
go write our own story line//ride the ocean tide, see every skyline
why dont we
just say screw society, they all lied to me
and we can go make a life for ourselves just you and me//how living was supposed to be

do you ever wonder why were here? 
whats this life got to offer me? 
think ive read a million crazy simulation conspiracy theories
a boring 9-5, we work until we die
over my dead body would i live in the same city for my whole life, nonono

why don't we :/

my mind cant grasp it
my mind cant understand it
when you say you want me 
and you say you need me
and then you leave

my mind cant take it
my expressions cant fake it
when my heart is torn apart
in a million little pieces

baby why cant we just slow it down
can we slow it down
baby why cant we just work this out
can we please work this out
oh im begging you 
and i know im barely getting through 
but wont you please see me 
just this once see me
im running after you 
and im getting tired of chasing you 
so would you please wait for me 
please dont give up on me
even though i know you want to
oh i know you want to
dont you
dont you

your laughs got quiet
please dont try to deny it
cuz im watching you fall out of love
meanwhile my heart is screaming ur the one

and all ive ever wanted was your time
and a little bit of effort would be nice
give me nothing, dont come through, now i watch myself fall out of love with you
oh i hate it but its true 

and i know that you’re allowed to change
and i know that i cant make you stay
but ill do anything ill do anything 
ill let go if its best for you
that seems like all i ever do
i always do whats best for you

beggin u

i wish i knew
if you were made for me
if it was meant to be baby
cuz i dont wanna waste my time
and i dont wanna waste my life
loving someone else’s baby

i wish i knew
if one day id see your face
in a crowded place in fancy city
and would id think bout how you broke my heart
wishin the universe would’ve just done its part in telling me that you weren’t my baby

or would dance the night away 
and maybe be okay
and our lives would be like a movie
or would you hold my hand
kiss me again and again
until i forget how to be lonely

but im just so scared
that things wont go as planned
my heart burnt again one day
im scared you’ll find someone too love you
much better than i do
and ill be left to find my baby

but i just dont know
and i never will
until
my last day
if you're sitting right beside me
our hair white and memories many
then i'd know you were my baby

someone else's baby

i dont wanna be just another girl on your kiss list
but i think i may be so id rather just
so i can tell you what ur missing out on
and you can tell me where it all went wrong
go on and ghost me like you didnt really mean it but i did

sunseeker big dreamer a little late sleeper
look in my eyes and youll see im such a keeper
youre a heartbreaker risktaker baby you're such a faker id rather you just leave me in the dust

kinda makes me wonder why im not enough for you to keep around i wanna hang around
i write u love letters u ask for dirty pictures
boy ur bringing me down
its all about wyd and wbu
how are you im doing fine me too
oh my god you're boring as hell 
but im under your spell
mmm

oh you heartbreaker risktaker oh ur such a faker
not a conversater(look i know thats not a word but i made it one>:( definition- someone that dont know how to hold a conversation!!! i know it's stupid but i promise it makes sense in my head and that's all that matters)
baby ill see you never
go on and kiss me like you mean it oh so i can leave you in the dust

so when you wonder where i ran off too all you have to blame is you and your inability to see things through
dont be to sad about it although i really doubt it affects me like it affects you
so while i have a dramatic breakdown and cover it up by leavin town and drown myself in teenage angst
you go on with the other girls you drag into your little world of pity misery and mind thats blank

i hope they're heartbreakers big mistakers oh such fakers
and theyll teach you to see all you are is a player
i hope they never really meant it oh so you get left in the dust

leave me in the dust!!!

pretty boy do u wanna come fall in love?
ur so mysterious it kinda makes me wanna throw up but i think i'd let you break my heart a few hundred times , and when u got done i'd apologize 

take me on a date i mean ur vibes are kinda sketchy, u look like u skate and i should know damn well that's a red flag 
but maybe im down bad
down bad x3
but the thought of ur cologne in my sheets doesn't make me mad... haha what?

emotions like a roller coaster
ur just about anything but sober come a little closer
i gotta figure you out
before you let me down
you might be worth the trauma tired of the drama gettin yelled at by my mama
maybe you could be my escape and i could be yours even if its only for a couple days
only for a few days 
oh

maybe im not youre type but you're just what i like and i know that you might be feeling lonely too
maybe im what you need, and it could be agreed that pretty boys like you could break my heart in 2, but thats fine by me

over there with your fancy little shoes and silver rings making me think too many things that i dont needa be thinking
theres no way we dont have something in common? i garden, never been to wisconsin 
hey, you like girls? well i like them too
but we're not talkin but them we're talkin about you

abby frances

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