My dysphoria is literally more painful than the torture I experienced WTF LMAO 😂😂😂🔫
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When the dysphoria so bad you fucking derealise 🧚‍♂️
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DISSOCIATING CONSTANTLY GOES HARD 🗣️💥💯💯
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Hahahaha I’m done for. LikemelikemelikemelikemelikemelikemelikemeLIKEME!!! THAT’S ALL I FUCKING LIVE FOR!!! FUUUCK!!! YOU SAID IT WAS FINE! YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!! DO YOU HATE ME? DO I DISGUST YOU? DO YOU THINK I’M A FREAK? FUCKING KILL ME FIRST!! WHY WHY why..! I can’t do it anymore! I’M NOT EVEN A PERSON ANYMORE! IT’S JUST ANOTHER THING YOU HATE THAT I CAN’T CHANGE! I FUCKING DESTROYED MYSELF FOR YOU! JUST LIKE ME! LIKE ME LIKE ME LIKE ME!!!! I’m hollow. I’m nothing anymore. Why does it hurt so much! Fuck..!! No amount of pain can fix this. I want you to slam my head into the wall until my face bleeds!! I just want to hate you, you fuck! I can’t feel a single bit of resentment towards you! Whywhywhy. Why is there nothing. Why am I nothing. Why aren’t I good enough. That’s all that I want. I just want you to like me. Just like me. Just like me. I can grind my bones into nothing but I can’t do the same to who I am. Am I worthless garbage now? I wish I could cut out all the pieces you don’t like. What would be left? If you’re going to hurt me, at least enjoy it. At least let me be of some value, damn. I’m literally just an empty, desperate puppet. I’m such a damn loser. I only know how to be an object. I only know how to be an obedient, timid little pet. I only know how to do what you say. There is nothing outside of you. There is only you. I only exist for other people.
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77798 minutes listening time :P 
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Venting, TW: SH, Suicidal thoughts, inferiority complex:

I’m worthless scum anyway, so maybe I deserve this. I’m nothing more than a slave for you to push around. I have no say in what people do to me, or what happens to me. Maybe I’m in hell, and everyone else is a demon here to aid in my torment. … I wish I believed that, it would be easier. I’m not even human, anyway. I’m a hollow, with a shallow soul. There’s nothing in me at all. Is this what you wanted? To strip me of my humanity? Is it fun to dehumanise me? Does it get you off? Is that all I’m worth? If I had ended myself earlier, it would’ve been better. The only thing I regret is not kicking the chair earlier, and not transitioning earlier. But I guess that wouldn’t happen anyway. I feel like a robot; borderline emotionless, malfunctioning/defective, an object, only here to serve other people’s whims. Why are people impossible to please? It’s irritating. I’m even willing to go so far as to mutilate myself for your enjoyment, but you still won’t stick around. What is it about me? I let you have everything you wanted from me. Why wasn’t it enough? I often used to dream of being organ trafficked and such. Perhaps it would have been a better outcome, had it turned out that way. If you had just wiped me out before I would come to realise the hopelessness of my situation.. I hate that I feel this way; I’m so disgustingly inferior, even if I were to become a literal god, I would still be inferior. It’s my designated role, inescapable. Regardless of power, money, status, or anything else, I’ll always be inferior. It must be written into my flesh, is that why my appearance is so abhorrent to other people? My life is only up to other people to decide. I deserve to be miserable, so it doesn’t matter even if it causes me distress. It’d even be less painful if you were to just stab me over and over; I’d prefer you just wrap your hands around my neck and snuff out my existence. Pointless, abject agony. You should just kill me. Go ahead and laugh some more, since I’m just entertainment to you. I hope it makes you feel better. There’s nothing more to be done about it, since you’re so demented you can’t even feel guilt for what you do to me, so just laugh away.

i have no sense of self (Jay)