I have such a hard time accepting change to myself. It feels like I won’t really be me anymore. If I lose my misery, if I shift to new interests, I’ll be someone else.
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I feel like I’m locked into a rollercoaster that’s destined to crash. It can only get worse!! 🔥🔥💯🗣️
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Voidpunk 🟪🔳🟩‼️‼️ He/they
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77798 minutes listening time :P 
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I've decided that I don't want a funeral. I'll do the coffin and that's it.
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I’m literally not allowed to express emotion at home haha >w< !!!! (I want to die)
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I'm only now just realizing how much my parents hate me 💀 (they unironically think they own me)

Nah, cuz they’ll bend over backwards to accomodate my sister, if she so much as cries, but if I ask for a small favour, they’re like, hell no. They have no time for me btw. I can’t even go outside, because I’m not allowed out by myself, and my mom refuses to take me outside to the park or anything, and dad’s time is taken up by my sisters soccer games (three times a week, I think). And my school is indoors, so I never see the sun. I’m not even kidding, I literally miss going outside, and I hate the outdoors. I honestly feel like I’m going insane in this household. No one goddamn listens to me, or cares about my wellbeing in the slightest. My mother also won’t stop making snide comments towards me.

I’m also planning my funeral. (They aren’t invited🥰)
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YOKUNE RUKO SUPREMACY RAHHHHHH 🛐🛐🛐
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I hate my family so much 🥰🩷
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(Old⬇️)

TW: Venting (if you don’t want to hear about it, you can click out of my profile now /pos), Su1c1d4l thoughts

In all honesty, I don’t really want to be here anymore. People are just such huge, flaming piles of dogshit, everywhere I look. The amount of scummy people outweigh any decent ones. It’s just really disheartening that almost every person I meet is a horrible piece of garbage.

Plus I don’t know if therapy will fix it (I don’t think I’m comfortable with disclosing exactly what “it” is because like I said some people are trash and I can’t deal with people potentially using that against me/exploiting my weaknesses) and if I can’t fix it.. …
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Well.. there’d be no point in living. I can’t live like this forever, and I’m scared that I’ll never be able to exist like a regular person. I just want to be able to feel like a person, I don’t want to feel indescribable anxiety from people *looking* at me, I don’t want to let you exploit and manipulate me, taking everything that I have, making me feel like I’ll never have anything that’s just *mine*, I don’t want to feel like some sort of puppet, and I don’t want you to treat me like one, I don’t want to have to suppress and hide my likes, interests, dislikes, fears, or pain because I’m scared that you’ll just mock me, and I don’t like that my anxieties and worries are valid, because you do do this, and I wish it was just in my head, needless worrying, but it’s not.. and you’ve proved that time and time again, and I’m just sick of it. And if.. if it comes to that.. it’s just.. unfair. You get to live on as if nothing happened, without a care in the world. You might not even remember what you did, how badly you screwed with my head, how much you screwed me over, and I may never be able to speak about it, to move on, to get rid of this constant agony. It sticks with me. It’s 𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗪𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗗 into my very 𝗕𝗘𝗜𝗡𝗚. This isn’t something I can just move on from. Not like this. Not when I’m in this state.
.
. 
There’s still more. So, so, 𝙨𝙤 much more. But I already feel bad about dumping this on you. Im sorry, I just can’t get this out at therapy, no matter how hard I try to. I.. I just, just 𝙘𝙖𝙣’𝙩. It jams in my throat and I pretend to be fine, lying through my teeth, pushing it all down.

Soo I’m Sorry. I hope you don’t think of me differently or anything.

i have no sense of self (Jay)