cover by www.instagram.com/0006_am/ (artwork) & twitter.com/CatEnjoyer (paper design)

vast collection of all of my limits and my feelings, centered around a common theme of things being taken from my life, the colors i live in, and the love that grows ever more

I'm Anew, Because of You

if you dont wish to find things under their artistic sense that is ok
if you don't wish to take me seriously because you don't see me as anything more than my presence (maybe in a form you don't understand), do not listen, or listen with the intention of changing
if you wish to change my mind on "quitting", this is not that. i am not an impulse of my actions but a planned caregiver of my genuine identity.
I'm 18 years old, I read a lot, I study my friends as best as I can. i cant help it but I psychoanalyze everything around me. the more I surround myself in community (which feels like a society of hierarchies within a musical world), the more I fear what could be around me. the genuine feeling of 5 people that care for me will always feel 1000x better than putting out music. the feeling of expanding my emotions and putting words to them will always feel 100000x better than trying to care for my presence on the internet. i want to have influence that isn't ambiguous. i want my ideology to be heard, not misinterpreted. i want to make music for myself, and I want to make words and feelings for other people. 

to write down words that have an impact is a greater feeling within community than constantly disconnecting my identity to allow myself to post music for other people to interpret in their own ways. music is selfish, it doesn't deserve this treatment. we are selfish with our own music, we want our ideology pure. we reflect this by trying to enforce what is around us. when we let ourselves go, we become selfishly a reflection of the society we wish to get away from. almost a complete inversion, but not an inversion because it will always be the original state. when we want our voice to be heard, we go to labels. this is so so so so awful I never want to do this. i never want to be accepted JUST because I appealed to authority. 

when we want to force ourselves into influence, we don't realize how deep the conscious responsibility is and how much it will constantly affect us. an artist will absolutely never find harmony within a fanbase. the artist will absolutely never find harmony within themselves through influence, they will find it through things more domestic. music is domestic when it is created, but it is never domestic when it is put into the world.

i have so many friends and I have so little enemies and I want to keep it that way. i love everyone that changed me so so so much I really genuinely do. i cry when I think about it.  i cry when I see people struggling through the things I struggled. i want to help you. it is not safe to make music for society if you are neurodivergent. you will be stripped of your identity as I have almost been mine. you will be forced into aesthetics, which should be a balance of emotion and logic. i feel extremely terrible for anyone that has influence and feels awful. if you want to talk to me, I want to talk to you. but only if you have a genuine intention beforehand. only that. 


please take something from this

happy 2025 and please be happy

2025 New years dump deconstructing myself as much as possible (FINAL POST EVER)

bubbles

fingerprint

spotify :)

liminary

loving every second as i go along

@cvrsed1 @alongthewalls in cover 
happy birthday @alongthewalls love you

enter

💕
with @myabandonedhome
in association with @verrymae

absinthe

we rule in this life 😃

footing

hurt in its purest sense

planned to be a collab with reidenshi, I did nothing else to advance this

happiness in a sense of artificiality (but not worrying about it)

photo by @chewy

🦊

This green Earth can't hold me
I'm folding myself in paper
My clothes tattered
You're water, and scattered
See you, your problems

somewhere i could never be; someone i could never become

loneliness and trying to dig myself deeper into it; unhealthy

Here I am

feeling uncomfortable in any sense and trying to find names for myself that dont make me feel awful

with sounds from @gromzomb @harpfr and trinity
cover by Open End

🦊

Break my wake 
I hold onto a song 
I make sure it won't be long 
I take away my lungs
And try to breathe 
I try to breathe 
I'm aware of my own love 
I try to breathe x2

break my wake

guitar by @angelworm

🦊

My face, I hide, awake
I break a bone, or two
I lapse until the day
I trace it back to you

I know you see me hide
I hide away from you
I know you see me crying
So, what would you do?

Today had a new brain
It told me to go away
I use my legs, I run as fast as I can
I'd talk to you, but you wouldn't understand

I had a friend, he told me that life's alright
I wish I knew what he meant before he died
I had a dream, thinking if I weren't alive
I wouldn't care, but that you might

I wish I didn't care as much as people do
I wish my brain did things that that were normal, too
I wish I had someone that loved me to the moon
I wish I had someone that cared about my mood

I wish I talked to you, but I was in a hurry
I wish my mood was happy when outside was stormy
But its pitch-black outside and I feel really sad
I wish for someone to love me really bad

I know its desperate, but I suffer way too much
I know it takes a while for me to get out muck
I wish I had a brain that didn't give a fuck
I wish I had a brain that didn't get me stuck

I know I'll never go back to a year ago
I wish I went through all my life and didn't know
I know you know that you see me alone
I know you know, but you never text my phone

i wish i knew

guitar by @vai22

🦊

I'm sure I could walk today
I'm feeling great, and my lungs just won't give out

I wish my friends knew my mind the way you do
I think everything would just work out

I know you're sick and tired
I think I could just sit behind, let you calm down

But I'm just way too happy
Thinking about chances I could fulfill if I spoke out

I know my love for everyone could just be great
If only I had a mouth
I know my love for everyone could work out
just let me scream, let me shout

Sorry I lashed out today
I didn't mean it, please just hear my words
I know you hate me, it hurts
But please just keep it inside, I don't want to hear the worst

it hurts

unhealthy relationships and building off of them again

🦊

God save my child by the river
Do your work, I'll deliver
My eyes see it, new
A braver girl
Who shares her world

God save my life, my environment
I'm struck by love, with none I've given
I wish I could be another woman
But I live my life that I am given

"Autumn Passage" by Elizabeth Alexander, and my outtake roll

Destiny Saved Me

🦊 guitar by @vai22 🦊

My ears, as they ruffle through the wind
I fear that I'm always sticking out too much
Mulch wet, as it covers the pavement
Destiny, I got things to do
You gave me, you gave me a bruise
See-through (Like glass, like glass, like glass)
See-through

Green and purple stripes, as they cover the sky
The day came, and I wish I hadn't wanted to die
Unpredictable, over-emotional
Loser! (Just a loser, baby)
You gave me a bruise
See-through (Like glass, like glass, like glass)
See-through

(Like glass, like glass) 
(Like glass, like glass) Seeing it through
(Like glass, like glass) 
(Like glass, like glass) 
(Sister, my mind) Opaque soul
(Sister, my mind) Seeing it through
(Sister, my mind) Oh, oh
(Sister, my mind)

I've been given a task
That I have to ask 
That if I loved you baby, would you love me back?
Would you hold my hand, please? 
As I knock the foam of the sea 
I'm happy, would you be happy with me?

Gave Me a Bruise

i made this in a call with my friend kara and it reminds me of her a lot

Lily Bug

Before I could speak, I had to learn to listen, kind of like you are listening now

Sacred Place, Reach Me Here

Acapella by @addivt, melody loop by @flamingoflamingoflamingo

You can't see my eyes, I'm set free
My soul, bright, fills the moon, it helps me

And I knew from an instant
And I knew from an instant
That it was love
That it was love, oh

Getting love was my only problem, my blue moon red
Getting there is my only problem, and I bare to see the wake

[Me & Addivt singing together]

Instant

Samples "Change" by Alex G

No words, I fell hard to a fallen star
Can't speak, haven't had it since I fell so hard
Never knew I could break when I came so far
Wish for a hopeful day but I know it won't be tomorrow

I'll **** myself cause I'm lost to a broken cycle
Hurtful words won't make u quit, but I know that I will
Only got a little more before I lose my mind to
Fears deep in my mind I can't seem to hide, too

I know I tried to be your friend I know its lost
I'm scared to take the pain and later I suffer the cost
I'm scared I know my brain and know what happens when I'm lost
I'm scared ill bite the bullet, leave me out in plains to frost

I *** my skin, 'cause I'm scared, don't know what to do
It's all over, I regret it, then I start anew
Brains a ship, in a storm, I'm only the crew
Have a lot to fix, but u don't even think it's true

That's a life and it comes with pain
Stick with something, watch it sink and go down in the drain
18 years, to feel normal, get it from my pain
Live 2 lives, and let 1 ruin everything

That just shows how well u depend
Live a life, doing nothing, will it all end
My emotions barely come, but they times 10
Get too much, had to redo it all again

Do it all again, life restart
rethink everything, pick and choose your life apart
you had nothing better to do, stick with something
stick with something that u can do, then you're really smart

Great way to get into a rut
Emotions all expressive and full, till they get shut
If you can't handle the trouble, then good luck!
I got 2 or 3 years to get my shit tucked

Fallen Star

Savior

cover of the cabs, drums & vocals by me, guitar by artisama, bass by cloud @worstmistakeyet on ig

綺麗な服に火をつけて燃やしてみたい、
その答えが間違いでも同じようにまた。
生まれ変わったらもう僕は救われたくはないな。
神は死に君は錠剤を砕く。
どうしたら優しくなれたと思う？

Kilche no Rasen - The Cabs (Bonus)

wishing for expectations of love

the feeling of talking within a metaphorical or literal reverbed chamber of nothing

(with artisama) smooth things like plastic and skin and the color biege

the first time i felt like i belonged

i loved evergreen by richy mitch as well as me going to montana in 2019 and nostalgia

grass and things in that nature that tear me apart positively

rendition of an old song reflecting how i felt when i lost love

im 18 years old and my favorite color is light red and ive been making music for 7 years and my political stance is post-marxism

achorda

Pinned to spotlight

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