x3 BlockCakes (F) – A block-shaped confection baked with petrol and love. Usually comes in groups of 36, but occasionally groups of 3.

HLP - 15

x3 BlockCakes

PinkPastry (G) - A jelly-filled strawberry eclair.

HLP - 21

PinkPastry

Daffydil (G) - A lovely green flower that heals 3 HP every 3 seconds. May your negativity wash away!

HLP - 3

Daffydil

[ Spamtina marvels at the ornate flower she purchased from Nelgod. It's aroma is very faint, but sweet. She places flower she's placed above her right "ear" (more like a mask strap), and is as giddy as a schoolgirl. In fact, she does actually feel strangely happier. There's not really much to be so content about besides the pleasant head decoration, but she supposes it's enough. She barely has time to ruminate in this feeling before a sharp and horrible cackle assaults her and Spanton's senses. ]

← OohlaLAlaLA~! It seems I've spotted a pair of unbelievers in my sight!
← Of course I have. I see everything. Rubies and rhinestones, LaHaHa!

( , oh, )
( umm, ,, spamtina,, this is princess, )

← Horrid mute creature!
← Um. Spanthony, was it?

dude wut is with u do u jus kno everybody??
#NETWORKING ?

← Beyond my illustrious visors I spy my degenerate roommate laying most uncomfortably upon thee.
← His blasted stench precedes him!
← Hand him over, little plaything!

[ A faint aubergine whisper tickles Spanton's mind. ]

* jesus fuck don't let her take me bro.

[ Mike's body is drawn magnetically towards Princess's hand. It is no longer in Spanton's inventory.]

* visit our house later dude.

princess

[ Princess sings a haunting melody. Rather, she belts it out of tune. ]

← OOOHLALALA! The KING will have your heads!
← Taste my BLACK FLAME!!

um. its lik red or orange or smth?

← SILENCE! Dance, puppets!!

waltz of iloveyou

HΣRΣTICS!!
FΣΣL OUR FURY!!

ǁ I ALONE rule over this wasteland!

AS DO I!! HARK!!

[ Spanton and Spamtina instinctively huddle close together, just barely able to process the distraction among their burning situation. ]

ǁ You're from beyond, are you not?
ǁ Realer than real? Unblinded by hell?

A WORLD UNTAINTΣD BY HIM AND BY US!!

[ The chained beasts attack violently. They are much too strong to take down. ]
jeez span i sure hope u kno these fkn guys :|

( um,, p,,pperhapps,, wecc,,an,,m str,,tikr e a ,,dd,,de,all?? ?, )

ǁ Speak up, RODENT!

JUS DONT KILL US PLEASE?!!! WE GOT MONEY IF U WANT !!!
|> Top 10 Reasons To Please Let Us Go

( w,WHAT DO YOU,, WANT ? )

HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA!!
WΣ APPROACH WITH A SIMPLΣ DΣAL!!

( omygod, )

I AM BRUTΣ!!

ǁ I am Undisire.
ǁ You both, with your feet to the fire and your flesh charred to match this world's viscous blood.
ǁ You must know more than most.. the suffering we face at the spears of justice...

OUR BONDAGΣ SΣRVΣS TO DIM OUR VAST POWΣR!! OUR STATUS STRIPPΣD!! OUR MINDS SHATTΣRΣD AND MOCKΣD BACK TOGΣTHΣR!!

[ Their attacks slow just slightly. Healing items keep Spanton and Spamtina just conscious enough. ]

ǁ "You" Heretics carry our ultimate salvation. For better or for worse.

SΣΣK US OUT AGAIN WHΣN THΣ TIMΣ STRIKΣS!! WΣ WILL WAIT ANOTHΣR 1,431 YΣARS IF WΣ MUST!!

ǁ Break your chains so that we may break ours.
ǁ You will meet the Terrible King. He will not take kindly to you.
ǁ To be free from this viscous prison, you will have to destroy him.
ǁ Doom us. Or deliver us.

[ Brute and Undisire cease their barrage and slink backwards into the shadows. It's as if they were never here. ]

slag

[ Spanton and Spamtina emerge victorious, if only pyrrhically so, from their path of burning hopes. They smell of smoke, sweat, and blood. Spanton feels the embers underneath his incendiary cloth start to die down, still stinging and prodding. Spamtina is able to pat her hair enough for the remaining cinders to fall from her head, leaving only ashes that blend in well enough with her manufactured curls. The two are singed and coated in a dark layer of soot. They feel they lost more than HP in that fire pit. It's of no use to dwell on it, they silently consider. What they need now is a break. ]

🥊 Spanton - 50 HP / B. Armor / N. Screwdriver / L. Lily
* 46 Salesmates
- Caterpillar Token (1)
- Snailmail Spores (1)
 - QuickLime (2)

🌟Spamtina - 66 HP / Daffydil
* 26 Salesmates
- PinkPastry (91)

jesus christ
where the fuck r we

( well,, i t,,s eems like, ,a world,, of, ooil an

no i mean
what is going on
why r we here
whats hapening
how r we gonna get out of here
are u figuring that out rn

( you,, wer the one,, tellin,,g me,  to do,, that )
( i, ,mm just,,as lost, as, ,you )

[ Spamtina's voice trembles. ]

god damn it
this place is horrible
i don like this
#FUCKTHIS

( i ,,do ,too )
( bu,t,, i,m sure,, ther,e is a w,ay out,, )
( apparn,,etly, the,,,eking is  a peros,,n called,, jablok , )
( if he,s,s who i ,, think,,he ,is,, )
( well ,,,, ,, , ,      i k,no wh im,, )

oh
so u ARNT completely worthless :D

( um ,, , sure, )
( i ,c,can pro,.abbly ,, fi,g,ure ,simthing, out,,w ith him, )
( fo,,rnow we,,wcan,s just focus,,s on,, how we,a,rent, ge,,eting chased,, or killed,, ri,thg now, )

i
ig

( are,, yo u ok? )

obv not no
…
but
thx 4
…
nvm

wellness check #1

[ A path of literal fire and brimstone is not a typical suburban driveway by any means, but nothing is typical when the world is powered by Oil and avarice. The shared residence of Mike and Princess lays just ahead of the Heretics, and as much as Spanton and Spamtina detest these two figures, sitting on the couch of the Devil is a sweeter deal than standing in his lava field. The two approach and, before they can knock, Princess violently swings the door open, mumbling something to herself in an ostensibly frustrated tone. Something about a nasty flower seller? She can barely look at the two, opting to stomp off to the left  into another room, leaving the meager Spanton to push the door closed behind him, having let Spamtina enter first. ]
[ The house… stinks. It's not the most offensive smell, but it's far from pleasant. The floors creak, the paint on the walls is chipping visibly behind the lines of roaches crawling up and down them. A silver chandelier affixed the center of the ceiling threatens to collapse from its perch and leave dents and wounds in its wake, and holes in the ceiling reveal layers of insulation. Probably asbestos, Spanton assumes, judging that the house is likely a very old construction. If this place collapsed, he and Spamtina would have a serious case against whatever body is governing building standards around here. Still, the unruly mess of cloths and miscellaneous garbarge coating the floor like the tide does the sand makes a hell of a lot better accommodation than petroleum-based hellcliffs, so any complaints are hundreds of miles from here. ]

* oh hey! you actually showed up!

[ An inviting and unusually humble voice cuts through the unhomely scenery. Spanton and Spamtina both turn their heads sharply right and peer into a doorway. ]

* you two are seriously bros.
* well, sorry. a bro and a sis.
* except i feel weird calling you that, girly. ur just a cool chick.
* either way get over here.

omfg i am NOT goin in there
#FUCKTHISSHITIMOUT

( spam,,tina, ,,give him , a ch,acne, )
( he,,s, no,,tt, exa,clty ,a, geen,tleman but,,, he,s,g, ot, someth,,ign to tell us, )

ugh
fine
only because ur doin it 2

( alr

AND NOT LIKE
LIKE YK
because ur gunna b there wit me
I MEEN LIKE LIKE
SUFFERING WIT ME

( i get it spamtina, )

OK GOOD

[ The two step cautiously into the adjacent bedroom. It is just as horrendous as the main foyer. ]

* aright bro and broette.
* now we can just hang out if ya want.
* whaddaya wanna do first?
* we could discuss how to kill the blockhead in charge.
* we could-

OMFGGG DUDE CLEAN UR ROOM >:O

( i wasn,,t go,ing to bri,,gn it, up, )
( b,ut th,is is ,, , repulsive )

[ From rooms away, the muffled yelling of an angry woman is heard. She seems to be making urgent demands to someone on the phone. It sounds like she wants someone dead. And whoever it is, she must has wanted them dead for years. This is going to be a very unpleasant stay. ]

disgusting insect room

* may i interest you in one of my more niche…
* interests?

ew? as if >:/

* great, lemme' tell you about it.
* so first of all, the king. right?
* ol madblok's gonna get your ass one way or another. you gotta bring the hell on him.
* i mean theoretically. you could try to talk him into helpin you guys escape this place.
* in fact, makin peace between yourselves, him, the people, and the oil would be like. the perfect quad vic roy.
* and would surely lead to you gettin outta here.
* but uh. he don't seem to keen on turnin back on the oils these days.

[ The room dims. ]

* i like to dabble in. a sort of mythology.
* the kind that tells of grandeur and escapism.
* this world is a slow-acting poison, and i've found my antidote in the tales of a swift and ultimate "way out".
* a fantasy as far as others are concerned, but...
* eh. anyhooch.

[ Tunnel vision... ]

* i've heard a little whisker on the wind.
* that somewhere in the dark recesses of the dark recess we call home.
* there's a chance. a will that's waiting for the right person.
* and, paradoxically, it's already here.
* this place puts anyone thru mean and nasty sacrifice.
* makes ya' think the wait ain't worth the wallowing.
* but the plucky climbers who die to the mountain would still argue otherwise.
* and i'd like to have my name in writing somewhere, even if it's just the funny pages.
* the very notion of such things has driven some peeps insane.
* heck. maybe the mad oil king's more well-versed in it's defiance than we give him credit for.

[ The world returns to focus. ]

* i gotta' hand it to ya'. the tenacity with which you trek thru this hellhole.
* is nothing short of. well.
* maybe its stupid. but i like to admire it anyway.

wow thx! #SARCASTIC #GTFO

[ Spanton grimaces, his arms lowering just slightly as he glances to his side, then back to Mike. ]

* heh. but that said.
* there's a path you can take. lined with glass and pain.
* you'll know your there when the sound of metal dragging across the floor is deafening, but your heartbeat'll drown it out.
* if you two are really the heroes you say you are.

MISLEADING TITLES | we havnt said that

* it might be worth the trouble.
* but uh. do be warned.
* i've seen a lumbering figure shuffling around in the dark down that way.
* if ya' do decide to go there and try.
* just beware of that very scary imminent death thing.
* wink.

the very notion of

[ A long-winded diatribe leaves Spanton and Spamtina somewhat changed. A renewed sense of determination fills their nostrils and bodies as they leave the house and wave fairwell. The feeling is actually kind of short-lived. Maybe Mike is just a really good orator or something. The dread sets back in pretty quickly as they face the dreary outside world. Still, they stick to their hearts and to each other. ]

hey uh
@.Spanton?

 ( y,es,,? )

what did u
make of any of that :o ?

( , )
( hm, )
( it rem,,idns, me of,, a drea,m i had,, )

rly?

( m,h,hm )

[ A low rumble. The animal breaths. ]

( i,,ve kn, own mask,, for a reall,y log,n time , )
( he has,,   isusses, )
( an,d he,s ,,doen, som,e,  ba d th,,ings, )
( but he,,,e is reall,y, smart, )

uhuh :/

( wh,a,tteevr it is,, he,s ,on about )
( i,, think, we ,e,should trust hi m, )

hm
u think so ?

( , )
( h,ey, spamti,,na ? )

yea?

( forgiv,,e me if,,thi,s is rude,, )
( ,but,, hav,,ve you,,  gottn,e nice,e,r ? )

!!! IM
im
…
im sorry
i hav been. kinda a bish havnt i? :(

[ The rumbling grows. The animal gasps. ]

( i,, i would,,n,t s,say tha

no
i have been. i kno i hav
i uh
u like. have helped me a LOT since i got here
and like. ur here 2. ur just as lost as me
but insted of bein scared or angry or confused like
well. u are thos things
u put those things aside to mak sure im ok
and u don even KNOW me

( well,, mayb,e not, before,, )
( but,, i l,,ike,, to, thi,kn  i,,      kno ,,w you, now )

:(
im sory im mean
n annoyin
n im rude n i kinda push u around
ive uh
had to put up kind of a front. my whole life

( h,,ahve you ?, )

yea
n its not ur fault
its like
bein the person i was
doin the things i did
jus bein me was always a struggle
i don wanna get into it but
i always felt like. i had 2 be all assertive n bossy 2 survive
i kno thas stupid n not true
i jus had bad company
n it made me always hav 2 think about myself befor any1 else
idrk how to stop bein those things
i kno i have 2. n im tryin
even if it doesn seem liek it

( , )

u remind me of her
so does he
everything does

( who?, )

oh
its. nothing. dw about it

( a,lright,, )

…
u can call me @.Tina

( i can, ? )

yea
i know my names kind of a mouthful :P
n i gues ur gunna be sayin it a lot if were stuck here

( i, see,, )
( w,,ell you can,, abb,e,reviate m,y name,, to you,,r conv,eeinen,ce, )

heh
u got it uh
@.Ton?
no
@.Anton?
nah
uh
@.Span
yea
:)

[ The animal coughs. ]

hey wtf is all this noise
#BUZZKILL

[ A horde of Cyclons, behind some tall rocks, run and leap in the opposite direction. They seem to be set on some sort of goal. A bizarre striped flag waves behind them, seemingly for several feet. A familiar, cumbersomely long flag. ]

oh

x3 BlockCakes

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