It’s me, Tonya Khoury, and I am so grateful it’s Friday. This is the first week in ages that international headlines have smothered South Africa’s election rhetoric. There were floods in Dubai, Oman, Saudi and Afghanistan. When I say floods think swimming camels. Swimming camels in what was once a desert. Camels battling to find their breaststroke or doggy-paddle ability. That’s the kind of weather I’m referring to. There was an earthquake in Japan and a volcano erupted in Indonesia and there were several tsunami warnings. Russia claims that fifty thousand troops were killed in the #Ukraine War. #Sudan, however, overshadows Gaza and Ukraine, as nine million people are displaced, and no one has bothered to count the dead. Several Google employees were arrested for protesting about software that will aid the war on Gaza. New York Times issued an editorial guide to tell their journalists to avoid the word #Genocide. Meta (Zuckerberg) has been hiding a little project with the name #Lavender where they’ve been silently ingesting all your Whatsapp conversations to introduce their new AI product to Whatsapp users. The Brits issued a warning to their subjects about SA. Allegedly we are a terror threat. Have you been to South Africa man? We eat terrorists for breakfast.

#WorldWarThree, Allegedly

And you thought we didn’t have a President. We do, and he’s fighting and feisty. He won’t be bullied and for the first time in years he’s made me smile. My President wrote a #DearJohn. But let’s look before we leap (or jump) and take a step back to see how we got here #DearJohn.

The DA, my favourite party, not, has been strutting around like a rooster with a puffed out chest. #BaasJohn has had a smile so wide you’d swear he was in Alice in Wonderland, tagging along with Zille who has been shouting #OffWithTheirHeads more than any #QueenofHearts possibly could. She has apparently been stomping across the GNU like a hippo on a trampoline. She is doing what Helen does best, push buttons. One would swear the DA actually won the elections, they didn’t, in fact they lost at least 100 thousand votes, yet here’s GodZille playing #hoofMeisie (head girl) across the cabinet. They made ridiculous demands which included #DearJohn be deputy president and  them wanting at least twelve cabinet positions. The Prez finally agreed on six cabinet posts for the DA, one of them the coveted DTI. This was gracious of Cyril, because according to the constitution he chooses the cabinet: no Ifs, Buts or Maybes. Did you read that Helen? You should have taken it and ran but no cigar. So queen Helen wrote a scathing and insulting letter to uncle Cyril and she got what she rightfully deserved, a can of whoop ass and the DTI was replaced by Tourism in the form of a #DearJohn. That’s not the final word, though, good people, late last night it appeared that all talks had broken down between the DA and the ANC. #DANC Squid.

#DearJohn, The #HoofMeisie and #RamaFORCE

Have I Got GNUs for You. It’s been an incredible week South Africa, a week where we saw the polar opposites in our government come together as the electorate forces our country to work together. It’s Friday, I want to keep it light so let’s begin with our new Sports Minister, #GaytonMacKenzie.

Gayton, the darling of social media has had us smiling all week. He’s so excited with his new post isn’t he? He’s like a kid on the morning of his birthday. It’s very cute to watch. My favourite part of the week was when he was sworn in as minister of sport. He took his oath and then Judge #Zondo asked him to “sit down” to sign his promise to the nation. Gayton said: “The last time a judge told me to sit, I got ten years.” The crowd and social media roared with laughter. Since then, Gayton has been enthusiastically tweeting how he is officially on diet (because no one wants a big sports minister); he said that “spinning” should become a national sport, he’s jogging in the morning and may be joining Tumi Sole; he will build swimming pools in all schools in the first one hundred days of his tenure. #GaytonYouBiscuit, thanks for making my week! Who would have thought an ex-con in government could make us so proud? #SACabinet.

#BossMoves #Shuffling and Murder on the Dance Floor. #SACabinet

Our top story this week was not the weather, no, my friends, the top story this week was the #Springboks’ win over Ireland. I don’t pretend to know anything about sport, however, as a citizen of SA I will always be a sports fan every time the #bokke get on the field. Over a million engagements created a wave of social media that carried the term #Springboks. #Rassie Erasmus, the coach, is so vocal and the audience laps it up. Signs of #Rassie’s face saying, “He’s in your head” or big banners with the comment: “Hulle weet nie wat ons weet nie” covered the stadium. It was thunderous, in a good way. A good weekend for many, if you weren’t Irish.

#Springboks, #NewBrooms and #WildWeather

Yes, dear reader, I’ve been away, far away from the madding crowd I’ve been on a boat chasing bait balls and apex predators in the magnificent Transkei. But I am back at the news desk and this week’s banter is not unlike the #SardineRun. The #SardineRun is a race to catch the underwater action as the world’s biggest feeding frenzy takes over the wild coast waters. It’s incredible … but it’s the same energy that is used by our parliamentarians, except the objective is different: it’s the country’s purse, and in some instances, a clunky mayoral chain, a ketang!  #MakeitMakeSense.

#MakeItMakeSense – Unravelling the Media with Acumen

Tatjana Smith, the nation’s princess, brought a smile to each South African as we watched her cut through the water like a dolphin. If you’ve seen a dolphin’s smile, you’ll know this is a great analogy. Tatjana, with her infectious smile and pretty eyes, brought us to tears. Yesterday was her last Olympic race as she gracefully exits from the sport. Thank you #TatjanaSmith for your grace, your spirit and your humbling words at the end of a magnificent career. You’re one good thing to come out of France. #OlympicHorrific.

#TerrificTatjana Salvages #OlympicHorrific

I’ve always had a sweet spot for Julius #Malema; I think it’s because he is a marketing genius. Who will ever forget the day when the red tide entered parliament dressed in overalls and donning red berets. I don’t agree with his ideology, but you can’t help but admire a man that painted South Africa red. Although yesterday, I felt sorry for Juju. #FloydResigns.

#FloydResigns and Joins The #DarkSide of the Moon

This week was not #demure, not #mindful and not #cutsies. Yip, that’s the line I’ve chosen to start with. Blame it on the super-blue-red-moon. It’s Friday and I insist on staying cheerful as we scratch the surface wide open on an exhilarating week in South Africa. I have to start with #Dricus, you biscuit.

He did it. He thrashed Nigerian-born #Adesanya in a title defender fight. Dricus won by submission, such an interesting word, submission. This fight kept us revved up all weekend until the early hours of Sunday morning where most of us clung onto, the now infamous, #HulleWeetNieWatOnsWeetNie! Originally, the quote was used in the context of farm murders, but today it is used to say that we South Africans are made of magical stuff. We are unique. Dricus had also been for some serious media mentoring, and he put on an impressive performance outside the ring. He turned the locker room banter into a class act when he showed, not good, but great sportsmanship and grace after winning one hell of a fight. I like him, and even though it took two famous Springboks and a national anthem to rectify any previous reputational damage, he did it. The comeback PR kid is still the king of the ring. Between #Dricus and #MissSA’s #Chidimme debacle, the Nigerians are a little peeved at us, peeved enough to start a xenophobic turf war.  Albeit childish, Nigerians and South African nationals are now booking each other #Bolt rides and cancelling after the driver makes his way on a fake call in either Nigeria or South Africa. Bolt drivers in these two countries are literally being fleeced day and night. It has gone so far that food deliveries are being added to #Bolt drivers’ instructions which, in turn, is making an impact on fast food outlets as this trend snowballs . Not #Demure. We can be the most mindful nation on earth and we can also really be not #cutsies.

#DemureDricus and Other Cutsies South African Stories

Maybe you don’t really wanna know how the SA story goes. Maybe you’re the same as me and we see things they never see. #DefinitelyMaybe.

Welcome to the weekly Acumen Media report, I’m Tonya Khoury and I’ve been climbing the #Wonderwall of news and social media without a harness. My journey ended with #Ramaphosa’s Q&A which was pointless. Julius #Malema asked cupcake where the one million houses were that he promised to build in Alexandra back in 2018. The prez had to confess that a million houses would not fit into Alex and that this figure was quoted with the whole of South Africa in mind. He went on to tell us that 250 thousand houses were built across the country. You all know that’s nonsense, regardless, he never said they built a single house in Alex in six years since that crowd in Alex rose up to push the DA out of the election race. Those people in Alex were played. Our President is no #RockNRollStar. This is not an oasis, it’s a desert. And we may very well look back in anger.

Look Back in Anger? #DefinitelyMaybe

You’ve seen the horror story that is #HelenJosephHospital, and we all felt Tom’s trauma. SA has raised two hundred thousand rand to help Tom get thoracic surgery to scoop out the pus that has fermented in his lungs after he suffered neglected pneumonia and suffered through a two week stay in hell.

There’s no need to rehash the story, the video says it all. We are all Tom London. This is the Acumen weekly report; let’s scratch the surface on the human struggle for the right to stay alive.

We are all #TomLondon. The Emperor Was Always Naked

Let me start with what I know for sure. Pravin was a fighter. In the #Zuma years, this man led us to safety. Well, he tried. I remember Pravin tearing chunks out of Lynn ‘face-like-a -spanked-bum’ Brown, who was in charge of #Eskom at the time. I remember Pravin making #AnojSingh literally hop in and out of the court room to escape the daggers of questions being tossed at him. Pravin was the man of the moment. Yet, one meeting sticks in my mind more than others. It was Ahmed Kathrada’s birthday, sadly Uncle Kathy’s last. Just writing that makes me emotional. Pravin stood up at the celebration and told us exactly who #Zuma and his chommies were and what they were up to. This was so brave because this was while Zuma was still in power. That took courage and I wanted Pravin to be our President.

#Babel Collapses; #Gordhan Passes; and #SocialMedia Decides

#ScratchTheSurface on media news with Acumen media

#WorldWarThree, Allegedly

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