I Wish I Didn't Turn You Away

ALMOST SENT IT

Been a long night,
Or a long day,
Don't know what to call it
When you been awake
For days.

It feels just like that…
Unraveling, run ragged—
This is not the same.

Fractured sleep
Leaves more cracks in the day,
In and out, now and then,
I wrote it out,
I almost sent it.
Carved it in clay.

Ready for the kiln,
Is there more to say?
Heart-hardened in the flame.
Made of the same earth,
Memory baked and banked,
Just a number and a name—
It was never ours to claim.

Woulda meant it too,
Can't afford to have it
Any other way.
You brought it on yourself,
I don't even know your name.

I
Already
Ripped you apart.
Don't even know
Who I'm talking to,
Who's hearing me?
Drain the hatred from my heart…

Don't pour it down the drain!
Put it through the liver,
Like gas to flame,
Metabolize the anger,
Only way to live here
And free the beast from its chains.

I got mouths to feed:
Pride, wrath, envy, and greed—
These feelings ain't free.
A glutton still stuffing
Face, nothing's
Ever enough—
Keep me lusting,
Just tryna eat,
Can't stop once
I had a taste.

Hurling curses at the devil,
He's feasting on me.
Gladly trades my power,
Grants me numb rage.
Fits the script,
I put it on the page.

Pleading with God—
More like a phase,
Came and went.
Now I'm older,
Wiser, only children pray.
Hard to locate myself,
Cycling between heaven,
Hell, in between,
Avoiding mirrors—
Myself, I ain't seen.

3 AM, sitting outside CVS,
Open for 24 hours, god bless.
These hours grown Godless,
What's left?
It ain't right,
I've been awake longer,
Searching for that morning light.

I almost sent it,
Drafted the whole thing,
Carved it in clay.
Ready for the kiln,
Heart-hardened in the flame.
Made of the same earth,
Cooked in my memory—
It was never ours to claim.

Bending time,
It ain't collapsed yet.
Yet.

Amost Sent It

When I Close My Eyes

Little Too Late

When Your Smile Returns for Me

Goodbye My Friend

[Verse 1]
They say I’m calm, say I’m clear in the storm,
Say I speak like I’ve seen it all before.
But inside my head it’s a maze, not a map,
I just pause longer before I react.

They call it wisdom, I call it delay,
Trying not to break what I don’t understand.
I don’t feel above it, I don’t feel in control,
I just learned how to sit with the weight of it all.

[Pre-Chorus]
They hear answers when I’m asking out loud,
They see overview where I’m lost in the crowd.
Maybe clarity’s just doubt slowed down,
Maybe silence sounds smart when you don’t freak out.

[Chorus – melodic, reflective]
They call it wisdom, they call it sight,
Say I see the dark and the light.
But I don’t feel steady, I don’t feel wise,
I just learned how to look fear in the eyes.

They call it overview, say I “get the whole game”,
But half the time I’m just naming the pain.
If this is wisdom, then let it be known:
It feels like walking alone with a cracked backbone.

[Verse 2]
People come for advice like I got it on lock,
Like I don’t still freeze when the pressure drops.
They hear confidence in the way that I speak,
But confidence ain’t the same as certainty.

I don’t have answers, I’ve got patterns and scars,
A lot of late nights staring up at the stars.
If I sound grounded, it’s ‘cause I’ve been low,
You don’t get perspective till you’ve lost what you know.

[Pre-Chorus]
They call it overview, I call it zoomed-out pain,
Trying to connect dots just to stay sane.
If I sound calm, it’s not ‘cause I’m free,
It’s ‘cause panic already lived in me.

[Chorus – deeper, more honest]
They call it wisdom, they call it grace,
Say I bring order to chaos and space.
But I don’t feel whole, I don’t feel complete,
I just learned how to breathe when my heart skips a beat.

They say “you see it, you’re always aware”,
But awareness don’t mean I’m not scared.
If this is wisdom, then here’s the truth:
It’s just surviving without losing your youth.

[Bridge – spoken, intimate]
Maybe wisdom isn’t knowing where you’re going.
Maybe it’s knowing when to stop pretending you do.

[Final Chorus – quiet strength]
So call it wisdom, call it overview,
I’m still human, still breaking through.
If I help you see, that’s cool with me,
Just don’t mistake my calm for immunity.

I don’t stand above, I stand within,
Same fog, same doubts, different lens.
And if this is wisdom, then let it stay raw:
It’s not having the map — it’s accepting the fog.

[Outro – fade]
They see the overview…
I just learned how not to run from the questions.

They Call It Wisdom - Say I see the dark and the light

[VERSE 1]
Seem like they might be lying about the economy —
More cars on the road than ever,
Rush hour, more like a rush that never leaves,
Another example of their violence against reality,
Nobody rushing here, just like the election, count again, guess we’ll see 
just a parking lot where nobody's going anywhere.
Burning fuel to stand still, paying for the privilege,
GDP rising while we sitting in the wreckage,
Makes me think of when I used to chain-smoke just to survive these streets,
I'm not saying it's like the hood,
But it ain't anywhere you wanna be.

[VERSE 2]
Wanna take a pill, teleport, let a Cybertruck drive me,
But we all stay stuck,
And I don't really know why we buy it.
Sold us on mobility, but look at what it got us —
Financing the freedom to go nowhere faster,
Every lane a trap, every exit just another entrance to the same disaster.

I been mixing the Xans with more master plans,
A little bit of Molly, a little bit of green,
Liquid courage and a little bit of kitty,
As you can imagine, things ain't gone to plan.
Empty the capsule, put together a little mix of whatever I could —
Poly pharmacist for the polymath,
Gotta hit all my interests to make sure I'm good.
I know that sounds a little arrogant, but it's true,
Neither bad nor good, just more expensive than you knew.

[VERSE 3]
See the pattern now — we medicate the traffic in our heads,
Same gridlock, different lanes,
External stuck, internal stuck, it's all the same game.
They sell the problem, sell the cure, sell the escape from both,
And I was buying wholesale, thought I was being smart,
Just another customer who couldn't tell the cart from the heart.

Now I'm sitting here sober in the same slow crawl,
At least I feel it now — the weight, the wait, and all.
Still ain't anywhere you wanna be,
But at least I'm actually here to see.

Rush Hour

I Want You On Planet 9

Jag är en svensk snubbe på 67 år som gillar att göra texter och musik och dela med mig till musik älskare

I Want You On Planet 9

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