Death Is Forever (the Fool)

All We Do, We Do Out Of Love

Mercurial Hearts

But They Didn't Know The River Bleeds!!

Heroine

Suicide Pact

Over 100,000 people die of overdose every year in the US alone. In March of 2021, I was nearly one of them. Not everyone is lucky enough to get into recovery. This song is for my friends Kira and Ellie, who were among the unlucky. I'll miss you forever, guys.

+ The Blue Madonna Wept

is this night?
or is it day?
I can't make up my mind.
heaven's opened up on me,
+ I've left the world behind.

but after my vigil,
when darkness falls,
heaven will flee
+ I'll lose it all.

I just need the moment--
I just need the rush.
don't care about tomorrow;
I just need the push.

I just need the edge--
I just need today!
tomorrow's demons
can't scare me away.

I spoke with God
+ She told me to stop,
but I refused
+ slyly eavesdropped.

whispering with the devil,
she sold me to him!
no I'm damned
+ bathed in such grim
revelations, you see,
because heaven,
to me, 
was right in my hands,
but the devil
demands.

I just need the moment--
I just need the rush.
don't care about tomorrow;
I just need the push.

I just need the edge--
I just need today!
tomorrow's demons
can't scare me away.

when you're in hell,
the fire doesn't burn.
you don't thirst--
no water will you yearn.
it's simply the shame
that hurts the most,
'cause God sold you out,
+ left your poor ghost.

I just need the moment--
I just need the rush.
don't care about tomorrow;
I just need the push.

I just need the edge--
I just need today!
tomorrow's demons
can't scare me away.

The Moment

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

I never thought I'd be the type
to subtly go insane--
I thought you needed drugs or booze
or a poorly wired brain.
but, since I was a kid, I knew:
those fractured things in my head were true;
my heart saw iridescent blue,
so I'll count all the crows
for you.

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

my mind made a cage
for my head to house its rage;
but, if I close the door too tight,
I'll get stuck right inside.
+ my thoughts scream, 
+ I'll scream, too.
those fractured things in my head must be true!
my heart saw iridescent blue;
my heart seemed iridescent, too.

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

is this blood,
or is it wine?
am I damned,
or am I divine?
if it was quieter,
maybe I could tell,
but if it was,
it might be hell!

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND
(or, SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)--
I've got a bullet in my pocket,
+, if you make a sound,
I'll shoot you dead.

BE QUIET MY RESTLESS MIND (or SHUTUP YOU HEARTLESS HEAD)

when the war was over,
the battle lost,
you sent a branch
to pay the cost.

but it bore no olives,
+ the dove,
it died in flight!
you called it love.

the dove has died--
it lays in dirt.
if this is love,
why does it hurt?

I cannot rest,
always alert:
why does your love
always hurt?

+ in the peace
that couldn't last,
you burned our saints--
iconoclast!

+ the branch, it turned
into a stake:
a fitting cross
for a sinning saint.

the dove has died--
it lays in dirt.
if this is love,
why does it hurt?

I cannot rest,
always alert:
why does your love
always hurt?

+ I, a prisoner of war,
I fought, I fought, to fight no more.
but the dove has died, it lays in dirt.
your love has only ever hurt.
your love has only ever hurt.
your love has only ever hurt.

the dove has died--
it lays in dirt.
if this is love,
why does it hurt?

I cannot rest,
always alert:
why does your love
always hurt?

why does your love
always hurt?

Wars Of Religion (The Dove Has Died)

"I am, I am, I am."
-- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, pg. 283

the glass lifted + I was alive
after my deepest, darkest dive
into the cellar, the hole there--
inside The Bell Jar, there is no air.

+ in The Bell Jar, our sickness lasts.
there is no wind, there is no draught.
+ when the darkness can't escape
it shrouds us in a dismal shape.

this ain't no Bell Jar:
death is not who we are.

this ain't no Bell Jar:
death is not who we are.

sometimes I think of you, Joan:
frozen in the woods, alone.
I wonder who you could've been--
was it I who did you in?

+ then I think of the boy,
hypocrisy in every ploy.
your purity was just a game--
hypocrisy in deed + name!!

this ain't no Bell Jar:
death is not who we are.

this ain't no Bell Jar:
death is not who we are.

remember the rain,
the way it fell,
when I wished myself
to hell?

maybe a doctor,
maybe a priest,
could save me from this glassy beast.

maybe a doctor,
maybe a priest,
could lift the jar
+ I could breathe!

this ain't no Bell Jar:
death is not who we are.

this ain't no Bell Jar:
death is not who we are.

The Bell Jar

mercurial hearts are apt to shatter.

After the Martyrs is an indie/alternative rock artist in Houston, TX. Her influences include Kate Bush, Florence + the Machine and Tori Amos.

After the Martyrs

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