Pisses me off when those who have immigrated, or are just not on the scene shove a ton of opinion about what's going on or what should be or how it should be. 

No you don't get a vote

Wrote this four years ago. Will resonate with those who are telling a solo story and nobody is listening or paying attention even though they're drowning in friends. 

Never could sing it properly. And thanks to a.i. it found a voice!

AkeliKahaniAF

Here's the lyrical flow that hit me in January 2024.

It’s not like I don’t care
Just that you’re not there
You
The feeling I’ve been chasing
Of being wanted
Of belonging
I’m attached at the hip with the cast that plays on my streams
Their lives their drama their hopes and their dreams
Of course I care, I cry, I laugh, eyes well up and then there’s nothing
I just don’t want 
transactional, unemotional, clinical relationships 
I’m in I.R.L.
Doing nothing for my self 
alone and numb and number by the minute
Being nobody for the ones I truly should belong to 
work with 
live by
It’s not like I don’t care
You’re not there
You
The feeling I’ve been craving all my life
Of being good enough 
just enough to be me, myself and I
It’s not like I don’t care
You’re not there
You the feeling I’ve been missing 
Am I living if I don’t have you?
I must be dead!

DeadAF

November 25, 2021. 
Heard news of someone's death. Didn't feel sad. Felt a wave of relief. And then, the journey to heal began.

Easy in hindsight, 
to label what happened, 
and happened 
and happened again 
and again
as 'abuse.'
Of course what you can name, 
you can measure 
the long and short of, 
to get a grip 
and maybe control extent of 
the damage that was done. 
Or was it? 
Really? 
The abuse 
as you now call it since everybody does, 
almost as lovingly as the you 
who was loving every second 
being very into the wondrously novel 
those sensations 
in discovery were.
Admit it, 
you'll be faking recovery 
all your life, 
pretending it never shaped 
or warped 
your psyche 
or lack 
or inability to form connections 
ever ever again. 
It's easy coping, 
when you're taking, 
responsibility for enjoying yourself 
instead of distancing, 
isolating, 
clinically switching off emotion, 
blaming, 
what happened as what happened to you.
Reframe 
and quit the blame game. 
For what you went through you can't rewind, 
re-live, 
reset!
Time flows in one way 
and one way alone.
Just like it was ONE 
experience. 
One of many since
that taught you 
ONE way 
of interacting 
with ONE type 
of person.
Since then you've had more, 
you've let a lot of people in
and to others you've shown the door.
You've grown so much more!
What happened, 
happened. 
Internalize, move on, let it go.
Look in the mirror and appreciate 
who you are 
in the now.
Look very deep into your own eyes 
and save that smile from drowning in your own pain.
It doesn't matter what you call it now. 
You're so far from it, 
it can't affect you anyhow.
Call it an 'experience' if you need to refer back.
Keep an open mind 
for a few more shades of darkness, 
before you step into the light and find peace.
Allow yourself to heal. 
It's your birthright.

It happensAF

This one's from June '19. Another abuser turned to dust. And a reassuring flow came from within.


you were young 
home was loud 
they were kind 
you never said yes, 
you didn't say no,
you couldn't understand 
what you felt or why or how
you went through 
what wasn't right
the red hot guilt 
kept you quiet
their public smiles 
got you feeling sick
you held your breath
as if it was all your fault
you didn't like you anymore
and then it happened again
and again
and again and again
you simply shut down and forgot
pretended it didn't happen 
because it hurt a lot less
thank god you weren't young for long 
then years later 
you found out they had passed
floodgates opened
of oozing, 
tar black disgust 
you felt a little guilty
for not feeling sad
but then you smiled, 
a little glad
you could finally let that breath go
they were gone
you were home

Relief Again AF

Rain

Put this together in 10 minutes (hiding in my bathroom) as a valentine's surprise for my wife...obviously because I had forgotten to get reservations for dinner :)

Sway

Kahani destroyed over karaoke

not my music, just my mix
the two songs reminded me of each other

Bandu sakha hone na de

Triggered by a friend's unhappiness and an instinct to disrupt his mood with words that paint ecstasy. Some day, this will be track one of our album #MatlabKuchBhi 

Akeli 
kahani 
paheli 
kisi ne suni hee nahi 
phir ye kese banay 
koi dastaan? 
Akela 
ssitara 
bharak ke bujha 
per 
na dekhe 
koi to 
ye kese 
kisi kee banay 
kismaton ka nishan? 
Akeli leher 
aansuon ki 
meri 
ankh se muskurahat ka darya baha de 
nahi tar 
ho koi 
nafas 
mere gham ki ghata se,  
kisi ki bala se 
mein dooboon 
ya sahil 
ko choo loon 
kinaray lagoon 
ya nahi. 
Akeli kahani 
kisi ko 
sunaoon 
ke wo bhi chalay in ghamon ke kinaray 
nishan apnay 
peron 
ke choray 
mitanay 
ki fikron 
se aazaad 
doobay leher mein 
leher per leher ho 
kabhi na 
khatam ho 
koi na gawah ho 
to phir kya gunah ho 
ke mein apni 
doobi hui dastaan 
ke kinaray 
dubo ke khatam kar loon 
khud hee 
mein apni khudi ko 
fana ker ke ho jaon
toota sitara
hay jis ki
kahani
akeli
kahani....

Akeli Kahani Track 01 MKB

No, you don’t get a vote. Not if the deepest green isn’t the color of your passport, no you don’t! No, just plain no! You don’t get to voice your opinions. Sit out the arena and just comment on the millions who have no choice had the choice or made their own to stay when you ratted them out and ran out  all the way for all the money and the moonshine.
No you don’t. No no no no! You don’t get to call yourself ‘Enlightened ‘or ‘Moderate’. When all you want is just the sanitary sanity in the name of the dual nationality you enjoy all the perks of selling out and raising your children on the outside.
No you don’t. No not your money not your worldly experience,  no not your travels and the stories and the billions in saved taxes, no not high fashion not the coffee and bagels. 
No it’s not making an ounce of a difference who’s daughter you are or who’s son you are not or what you married into or what comes out of your mouth just plain No. All that jazz will not take this place, make this place what it could be what it’s supposed to be a safe haven for all who believe.
So shut up already. You don’t get to vote. You go back to driving that cab of yours or go suck on that careers of yours and keep on trying to mould your kids into what you think gave you legs to ran away from the truth when you were young. 
Wait a li’l while I check up on what your brood is tweeting. You’d be surprised in more ways than one. Because your sons are going queer and your daughters are whoring around right under your nose. No you don’t get a voice there either. Here, here’s that duct tape that your tweets and your updates need. What you are plowing is what you put in as seed.
No no no no. No you don’t get a say in what comes or goes our way if you don’t have the strength to stay and make your way the way we’ve made it through staying true. No you don’t get a vote if you don’t believe what you say and say what you do no you don’t.
Go back to your lie of a lifestyle and your occasional reality checks.
No you don’t get a vote or a say. 
The ones who turn this place around are the ones who decided to stay.


abuaarib

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