Kristine Blond - Love Shy 🇮🇪🕺

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This track was born out of exhaustion — not just with the scammers and fake gurus online, but with myself for still clicking. It’s about the digital circus of “experts,” everyone shouting louder than the next while quietly drowning in the same confusion they claim to fix. It’s satire, yeah, but it’s also confession. I’ve been hypnotized by the glow of certainty too.

Welcome, seekers of truth
Today, I’ll teach you how to make six figures
By selling a course on how to make six figures
Step one, look confident
Step two, never answer a real question
Step three, trademark the phrase “Step Three”

Got a Lambo in the thumbnail, leased it for the shoot
Sells a morning routine but wakes up after noon
Relationship coach, five marriages deep
Finance king still Venmo-requestin’ for the groceries he eats

“Follow me for wisdom” — they barely graduated
“Life hack millionaire” — they barely gettin’ paid yet
I roll my eyes and scroll, can’t believe they still persist
But I’ve watched every clip — yeah, I’m part of this

All these prophets, all these priests
Selling snake oil to the lost and weak
And I’m buyin’ it too — on repeat
’Cause I want to believe that it’s easy and cheap

Everybody’s an expert, but nobody knows shit
Got a blueprint for success, yeah, they printed it legit
They’re preachin’ like they’re prophets from a mountain of lies
But their crown’s from the dollar store and truth’s in disguise

Step one — believe the lies
Step two — monetize
Step three — repeat the scam
Then teach it back on Instagram

Click, subscribe, bow, obey
The Algorithm knows the way
Pray for views, confess your sin
And sell the secret once again

Step one, gratitude. Step two, buy my course
Step three, manifest a yacht. Step four, manifest divorce
Chakra cleanse for credit, yeah, I’m still in the red
I followed all twelve steps — still broke, still misled

“Eat raw liver, quit your job, and start a million-dollar brand”
From a guy recording videos in his mom’s minivan
Guess I’m part of the system, I’m feeding the beast
Screenshotting quotes from a dude with no teeth

All these prophets, all these priests
Selling dreams they don’t believe
And I’m buyin’ it too, like a dopamine hit
’Cause if they’re all pretendin’, maybe I can fake it a bit

Everybody’s an expert, but nobody knows shit
Got a blueprint for success, yeah, they printed it legit
They’re preachin’ like they’re prophets from a mountain of lies
But their crown’s from the dollar store and truth’s in disguise

Step one — believe the lies
Step two — monetize
Step three — repeat the scam
Then teach it back on Instagram

Click, subscribe, bow, obey
The Algorithm knows the way
Pray for views, confess your sin
And sell the secret once again

Repeat after me, I am powerful
I am wise
(four hundred ninety-nine... ninety nine!)
I am powerful
I am wise
(four hundred ninety-nine... ninety nine!)

I am powerful
I am wise
I am powerful
I am wise

Just four ninety-nine... ninety nine
And I’m still broke

Everybody’s an expert, but nobody knows shit
Even me when I’m yellin’ from this digital pit
We’re all selling something we don’t understand
Building castles of certainty on quicksand

Everybody’s an expert, and here’s the bitter twist
We all bought the bullshit, then called ourselves specialists

“Step three… trademark the phrase ‘Step Three’…”

Lockdown 2.0(Deep House Mix)

Aidan Morgan

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Scott Winters

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