Snow Songs 2 - Koko Tenno, for Prepared Piano 4 hands and Voice

Valse Aberrant, for Piano Solo

i guess i daydream about experiencing death with a close friend - not they they would die, but just that i could cease to exist and them holding my hand all the way. are they a demon who steals my consciousness as i fade into bleakness or are they a ghostly lover, lifting my fragile soul from this decaying body?

Ixtab 9 - Daydreams, for Voice and Piano

but you know, i'm scared to die - i don't really like pain and i've always been uncomfortable with loneliness - and i've heard that each man dies alone, even when surrounded physically by so many friends and family.

Ixtab 8 - Loneliness, , for Voice and Piano

and so, i live - i even try to relieve the boredom and frustration with innumerable distractions - but i must admit motivation can at times be sorely lacking. what else can i do? i've never wanted to hurt anyone else by my intentional actions. thus, i continue - passively suicidal - praying nightly that i won't awake the next day or that i might be unexpectedly delivered early into death's forever arms.

Ixtab 7 - Resignation, , for Voice and Piano

whose selfish wish is more right? i selfishly long to pass - the dead are my brethren and attest to my validity. you selfishly long for me to remain; the masses validate your desire, appealing to your convenient sense of mortality. these social expectations, not to mention the true bonds developed over my short lifetime, pin me in place, granting me no quarter beyond the pale of convention.

Ixtab 6 - Selfish Desires, , for Voice and Piano

and yet, i did not ask for this - i was dragged into this world fussing and struggling.

Ixtab 5 - Ungratefulness, for Voice and Piano

my mother and father were and continue to be kind and just; they have spilled all blessings that they could afford and even more that they could not on me their precious daughter. i am moved beyond expression; i feel numb from the overwhelming debt i know i can't repay. and worse, i would money them with my death - o selfish desire. they, who endured the death of their parents and feel their own mortality suffused throughout every muscle - should have to bear also the descent of their only daughter?

Ixtab 4 -  Parents' Love, for Voice and Piano

it's hard to be happy except in brief moments. i think i'd even settle for contentment, but i've never had the opportunity to. i think i knew some naive happiness as a child, which ultimately set me up for pain and disappointment.

Ixtab 3 - Happiness, for Voice and Piano

think about the people remembered - we memorize dry facts and dates, the real essence of that person ever fading from popular knowing. do you wish to be immortalized thus? a famous composition and its date of rendering - devoid of all the things you held dear - devoid of all the things that were you? no one remembers if you were a good father, a kind mother, that your wistful smile moved those who loved you and caused their hearts to ache. you will become but a name and number, orphaned from all those who experienced all those things that loosed your wild pen on staff. your music will become dusty and incomprehensible, its meaning obscured by a population obsessed with its own expression and ignorant of the impetus for your archaic offering. happy those who die with their own people, ever understood, even if through common oblivion.

Ixtab 2 - Remembered Things, for Voice and Piano

the feeling of pointlessness - the futility of all things - even grand accomplishments beyond the span of one man's life are insignificant as compared with the vastness of time and space - and even if they somehow could endure forever, your body and consciousness cannot, so what kind of momentary vanity compels you to try so hard? your efforts are meaningless as is your existence.

Ixtab 1 - Vanity, for Voice and Piano

Transfigured Etude, for Piano Solo

Hi!  I'm an artist/singer/composer living in Japan. I studied Voice and Music Composition in graduate school and Meteorology and Mathematics as an undergraduate. I then studied traditional Japanese music (gagaku and shamisen) in Kyoto, Japan. I'm currently learning how to play the accordion.

Some of my favorite musicians and composers include:
Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau, Dmitri Hvorotovsky, Jessye Norman, RudolphSchock, Vladimir Horowitz, Zara Dolukhova, Gustav Mahler, Aleksandr Scriabin, Samuel Barber, Gyorgi Ligeti, Francis Poulenc, and Steve Reich.  
Some favorite bands/artists include:
Radiohead, Traffic, YES, Steely Dan, Cake, Opeth, Oasis, Radical Face, Tori Amos, The Beatles, Bob Dylan, AudioSlave, ISAN, Shugo Tokumaru, The Wallflowers, Keane, Santana, and Katchmare

I also love painting. Check out my art here:
https://annamorrelfineart.wordpress.com
https://www.instagram.com/anna_morrel/

aitai

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