my feelings start numbing
whats the cost of livin>
ive shown my friends my ugly
it still don't feel no different
i just started sippin
fightin this war by myself
lonely soldier 
fighting this war by myself (x2)

LONELY SOLDIER

I've I'm beaten down by my own mistakes, my heart is blue like the darkest lake, my vocal chords vaporize, I swim to your luscious eyes.

I won the prize, i told you a thousand times
you have luscious eyes

Your Eyes

I LOVE YOU ALL 
lyrics below

hook: 
good things come to those that wait
im awake, impatient to see a new face
a new face
new face
new face
these angels wont stray
man they wont stray
man they wont stray
they will never go away. 

verse:
i found my spirit
can i deliver it to you?
just give me an instrument
and maybe a minute or two?
life has certainly been giving me problems
my momma said "see a doctor" because i can see chakras.
im a lost boy im homeless, i don't need dollas
lets just.. keep talking or keep walking I'm a cheap talker
Julian, hopefully you watchin above
nothing but love lets all give hugs.
my confidants would call me a hippy my confidence dropped
and i did drugs.
i starved my self till i was Tara Reid skinny.
thats ridiculous...
haven't looked in the mirror the same since them oxycontin withdrawals
im throwin' up in the bin
but its all good it'll work out in the end.
i just need money, a house, and a girlfriend
i dont know about a job
because my hair
you know..my grades
my work ethic etc.
the color of my skin
you better run cause im him
im babbling on the beat
the swing's intense 
i can't even rotate my head again
i can't rotate no more.

hook.

bridge:
ima lead that path, till my followers die.
yo nigga thats yo ass
if you get entrapped by the lies
you tryna be sane
but your demons colide
don't worry about leavin ya
we'll be by your side.

hook.

New Face

Winnin!

For My Luv <3

U like it when i show U off? sugar
I <3 it when U take it off, sugar
do not get ur friends involved, sugar
and if U want it, then give me a call///

SO I CAN BEAT THE BRAKES OFF THAT THANG BABY (x4)

U da freak, don't ever change it
and if you go than i might chase ya.

*HOT ASS BEAT DROP AKA "B r a k e s (sloppy-toppy-mix)"*

BEAT THE- BEAT THE BRAKES OFF THAT THANG BABY 
SO I CAN BEAT THE BRAKES OFF THAT THANG BABY (x3)

U da freak, don't ever change it
and if you go than i might chase ya.


b r a k e s

Left foot first, right foot next 

U dont feel so free
blinded U cant see
dissapear into thin air
as soon as i count to 3
or will U stay, babe?
or will U leave me?
or will U stay?

Left foot first, right foot next

*hot ass beat drop occurs*
OH LORD! OH SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
BITCH!

Left foot first, right foot next
(right foot next)

Baby do ya-do ya dance
don't tell my momma
[that] this marijuana
baby do ya-do ya xans
nothing for something
something.

*ROBOT MARU (((:*

I've been searching for U
I've been wishing for us.


keepgoinggg♥

im waiting for this cute ass girl to hmu :/

ily <3 (update 4-16-17)
my homie AK wrote the hook

AY IF U WANNA DL THIS SONG ITS JUST $1 <3
https://akamaruxoxo.bandcamp.com/track/i-dont-deserve-u-at-all

remix:  https://soundcloud.com/akamaruxoxo/dont-deserve-u-at-all-remix-feat-melissa-leathem

we've been going through some shit, i don't even deserve her. (6x)

baby am i the one
that you think about
when you lie alone?
baby am i the one
that you dream about
when you sleep alone?
i'm the one that you dream about when you lie alone?

We've been going through some shit..
I love you, I don't wanna lose you.
i love you babe, i love you babe.
i love you so bad.
so bad.

we've been going through some shit, I don't even deserve her (4x)

I Don't Deserve U At All

produced by my homie "g r u g a"
me on the bassline


Go follow my nigga's soundcloud
https://soundcloud.com/gruga
https://soundcloud.com/gruga
https://soundcloud.com/gruga
https://soundcloud.com/gruga
https://soundcloud.com/gruga
https://soundcloud.com/gruga

someone get this crazy bitch off my phone

i just wanna show her my luv

(verse 1)
my heart is ginormous 
my pockets are empty
would she want a broke boy like me?
i don't have much to give, no.
but i can make you laugh, so.
but you're with him
that makes me sad...no..
I'm strollin, im lonely
my love is homeless
there has to be more when im with her!

(hook)
this might be the only chance i get
and if i make this move
would you still be with him?
its unfair...oh its unfair.

(verse 2)
this other side of the moon is a sign that i move towards
this world just lies to my face, i sigh 'for i move foward.
i walk this road with chains dangling from my ankles
aching, painstakingly pacing just hoping that you are home.
this bedroom is winter cold without nobody to hold
just please save me from this prison...
destroy these thoughts in my skull..
wait..
these days every morning has been so shitty.
afternoons are dull, and the sunset just aint as pretty.
"Hour Glass Vs. The Magnifier"
just when an hour passed
i then had a magnum fired
at my direction
my mouth shut like a baby with its pacifier.

(idk what this is called in music)

I said i been here before
i'm just hoping that i can leave soon
im sick and tired of this empty ass room

******sample from the movie "Her"******

(hook)
this might be the only chance i get
and if i mess this up 
would you still be with him?
its unfair...oh its unfair ):

it's unfair...

I Don't Deserve U At All (Remix) (ft. Melissa Leathem)

bring yo fine ass over here.

lyrics: 

you're the only one i want
you're the only one i need
you're the one that'll make feel complete
you're the the only girl i need

I said come over and hold me
show me, what you wanna do to me
and you not sober, you tipsy
i said come over.

unconditional love
for her, the distance don't matter
you can be 1000 miles away, ill still stay
what you gotta run from?
we both insecure and we both scared of something.

hook again niggas.

END

bae come over, my parents ain't home.

featuring the homie @ChanceThrash on guitar <33

produced and written by myself

lyrics:
you look so good in your slumber
but i miss you
i wanna talk to you
i wanna conversate
i wanna.. (HUH)
i wanna talk to you
i wanna conversate
i wanna... (HUH)
I wanna talk to to you
i wanna conversate
i said

wake up darling
its beautiful today.
wake up darling
it better when you're awake
wake up darling
oh your eyes remind of summer

lets go to the beach when the sun up 
ill race you
just wanna run with you
smoke a blunt with you
i wanna.. (HUH)
just wanna fuck with you
have fun with you
i wanna... (FUCK)
make love w you
just 1 & 2
please wake up darling
speckles on your face my dear i said
wake up darling 
i found us a new place round here i said
just wake up darling
before you leave can i grab your number?

wake up darling <3 (ft. chance thrash)

lyrics: 

and that's how it was
when you were breaking my heart
why you acting so tough?
i know just who you are
i know who you are
you lying to me
and tellin on me
leaving me on seen..
baby why you green?
that is your favorite color at the moment
can we talk bout feelings for this moment?

hook:
bitch i'll walk 
down this road
got my boots
and they will
travel on

verse 2: 
missin my phone calls
i thought bout ending it all
ignore me again..
and i won't hit you at all
because 
i cant waste no time 
i got chicks that want me too
you better hit back soon
you better hit back soon
you were active 1 minute ago..

hook:
bitch i'll walk 
down this road
got my boots
and they will
travel on

this bitch left me on seen!

New Joy True Joy

have you ever felt like you been livin on this earth for too damn long?
have you ever felt like you can;t never open up to dad and momma?
have you ever wished that you were dead when you woke up in the morn? or will you lay there?

hook: 
have you been afraid before?
have you spent entire lifetimes wonderin who the hell you are?
do you have a self-esteem?
have you looked inside yo future just wonderin what it means?
i wanna be safe 
i wanna be safe
i don't wanna be scared all the time
i wanna be safe 
i wanna be safe
i don't wanna be scared all the time

verse 2: 
have you ever wanted that meal
but you broke so then you starve?
have you ever wanted to run away and take a trip to mars
my momma never raised no bitch
but my father raised a star 
always

have you ever been afraid before?
have you ever been alone in the dark?
have you ever been bombarded by thoughts?
have you ever been alone?
alone?

AFRAID

mane fuck this job nigga im bout to quit.
i don't get paid enough to deal with this bullshit
come in at 5AM? im tryna sleep
who the fuck called me in? you mofuckas is weak
nigga i don't kiss ass for employee of the year
my boss stay yellin in my ear
theres too many old mofuckas that be stuck in this place
you ain't never switch gears get the fuck out my face
tryna diss me as a person cause i didn't take the trash out?
im 19! all i do is chill and cash out
i don't fucking slave at dollar stores until i pass out
do the work yo damn self, ill exit with this ass out
cause im a introvert so don't talk to me
nigga i don't really fuck with yall
yall know my dick ain't free
yall can gladly suck my balls
yall take this job too seriously
i don't really get involved
cause this is just a Dollar Tree
all i gotta do is stack chips
all yall do is kiss ass yall got chapped lips
DUDE, our manager don't really give a fuck about you
im an artist not a stocker who is you?
you old as hell witcho dusty shoes
i don't belong in a crew ima be myself
and as long as i be myself i can't lose.

fuck that job 
fuck that shit
fuck the manager
fuck that bitch

mane fuck this job

recovered all my old tracks from 2012-2016 because my laptop broke last year. AND NOW WE BACK MOFUCKAS, we takin back to 2015 when i was in high school talking about coping with my grandfathers death, trying to finish school and dealing with a abusive relationship at the time. hope you guys enjoy

lyrics:

when i was a youngin i wanted to play baseball
just runnin those bases while my pawpaw was smilin
now my heart is divided cause right now he ain't here
he died last year, and i still ain't got over it.
yo my face filled with tears. when i heard the bad news
he said it's only the rain, it'll be over soon.
i learned alot from him right now he ain't right
under this mask that i wear, the only color is blue
and i'm a failure i know you see it

yo.. right now i'm not passing high school, graduation my be delayed, i can't get a diploma with a 1.8 GPA im sorry momma
i can see the dissapointment on your face
im sorry momma
i wish i was a better son but
hey, im gonna make it out, but am i gonna stay whole?
i'm trapped in these self doubts.
my teachers say Elijah, please be realistic this music shit is just a dream.
go graduate and go visit a fucking community college and be hopeless when finished, and then go live out your life blindfolded with no direction, but hey i get it
we work a part time job just to get a little money thinkin thats our future life we stubborn with the teen's perspective that you're supposed to swim in an ocean of failure and depression, you're envious of others askin all them niggas questions like


HOW YOU MAKE IT OUT?
YOU AIN'T GOT A CAR
HOW YOU GET AROUND?
YOU AIN'T GOT A JOB MY NIGGA
HOW YOU SAFE AND SOUND?

i never understand because im not optimistic
they told me to make a plan B but you know i never listen
tell em it's "build or destroy and it's my decision"
and i'll find a way to fix it, if i make a mistake
you should've seen the fucking look on my face.
when the white folks clapped their hands while i performed on the stage
but when i went home i stayed in my room until late, and i wonder if fame will be my fate and will tomorrow be the date that i pass away?

life is funny will i pass away tomorrow?

i'm dancin with the devil till im starin at the dirt
life is funny, i always laugh at her
she's really sensitive, i can't get too mad at her
cause you know afterwards, there ain't no after her.
if you know what i mean
i mean you live, you got your dreams, things aren't really there as you see
the depressing part it's so hard to achieve 
you start to burn your own jersey and start leaving your team
you gettin desperate like it's do or die
you're stationary like you crucified
friends ain't friends no more you're un-unified 
so you say fuck it, i might as well commit suicide 
but you don't love it

when i decide to sign off, and it's my turn to settle down, i won't return, promise that you will dream about me
promise that you will dream about me

(interlude with my granny)

i made some fucked up mistakes
i wish a time machine was real so i can rewind the tape
stress and depression got me
caught my soul, wiped the grin off my face
cause im a failure and a liar i get it
tell your friends that i said it,
that your boyfriend's pathetic, and he's ugly as fuck.
and cosmetics won't get him to a attractive nigga 
bashin my own damn genetics, but aye im grateful i said it.
my heart should be broken, like a mirror in shards, why don't you just OD and die nigga, it isn't that hard, take a pill and then snooze
drown the candy with booze, too bad i always stay sober, i never win i just lose, i never win i just lose.
bought a new necklace. the "noose"

im a good for nothing son a bitch and my life don't een matter
hurt me back, keep repeating that pattern, sometimes to get rid of pain i wanna load up on drugs, but im just kidding inside.. what i want is a hug.

why am i in my feelins why am i in my?

you shouldn't be without me

you a pussy nigga elijah

kill yourself

im sorry momma (feat. granny) prod. knxwledge (2015)

memories
memories
memories
use my head
to lay me down
these melodies
these melodies

is all i had when my sky was getting dark
all i had when i had no beating heart

it seem like we all grown up
i miss yall niggas so much

it's hard to believe when you only got yourself
how do i escape when you live in a cell
and all these memories
all these memories
all these memories
all these memories

i miss being a child
i really miss when i young
but what i miss the most was
being naive

this..
i wonder
i wonder
i wonder
is so important to me
this naivety used to run in my bloodstream

oh it was like a drug to me
but i can't find it anywhere
where was the plug when i needed her the most?
im having these withdrawals im feigning for this naivety.

this naivety used to run in my bloodstream

Memories /// Naivety

my friend deangaling did the artwork <3
follow her on ig please: artsy.faartsy

nananana fuck kota
nananana fuck amina
sweet baby darlin'
i don't have to ask no one 
how you feeling tonight cause'
i can feel it in the air
i don't have to ask no one how u feelin babe

Darlin'

feel like i don’t love me mane

i havent told my parents im miserable yet.
lost my homie
lost my partna
lost my passion
i wonder who will come next
smoke don't get me high no more.
i guess it doesn't matter.
you say you was proud of me
when was that?
it must've been spring.
this lady spring

number one worst time of my life
an inch away from giving up this time
all i want in my gift wrap is your support.
but it is what it is.
you won't see my face no more

Hey
1998 Lovejoy
momma used to drive a Prelude
back then when i had nothing
but an incubator just to breathe through
dads 2K3 Corvette
eyes lit up when we breeze through
face hidden by the black tints
so a nigga couldn't even see you.
thats when granny had me over
playing round w my cousin nem
before pawpaw in the coma
before my homie commit suicide
before the 04 Land Rover
before i lost my childhood home
before i took a step away from sober
im so gone
when i first heard the song Bedrock
i was just a youngin in the 6th grade
before i grew up with the dreadlocks
before i dropped my first mixtape
before i had my first girlfriend 
before i knew how pussy lips tastes
before i had my first 20K
and all homies were just DSK
i've been hoping for a long time
that me and fam can converse
18 and a young adult
in the center of my universe
im too broke to pay my momma bills
so they don't wanna hear a word
why the fuck you bitchin dawg?
say something when you gotta work
you gon be just like yo uncle
drug addict and hes immature
in your 40s in your fucking room
that shit made me insecure.
i don't like these comparisons 
you want to me to be just like my friends
but i came out lil different
blame someone then blame god
blame someone then blame god
(dont forget to show your anger)
blame someone then blame god
(god)

BLAME GOD

im upset!!! (maru remix)

why don't we fly away right now?
why don't we go somewhere else?
anywhere we can go
anywhere but here
anywhere goes
hoping i can find my happy home
don't wanna spend the rest of my life all alone
hoping i can find my happy home
watch it burn in front of me
am i supposed to stand there and watch?
watch it burn right in front of me?

WE CAN GO ANYWHERE

i've been really depressed lately so i kind of lost my will to create lately but i'm trying for you guys

there was life before me
there will be after
im a phony
i don't matter
ask my father
to find a mentor
but i don't have one
i surrender
to my master
cradle me god
return to sender
burn my body
make me cinder
sniff my ashes
muscles tender
mind molasses
stomach empty despite my dinner
red state town boys call me "nigga"
but i accept it cause, im trapped here boy
this place is no place for these poor black boys

im unsure bout my dreams
are my dreams only dreams?

im so jaded 
only happy when im faded bruh
only 20 
feelin like my ass was fakin bruh
where my passion go?
where my colors go?
this shit ain't fun no more
this shit ain't fun no more
maybe if i had
some friends at my level
or they love music like i do
my nigga i don't know
maybe im hypocritical  
maybe my love conditional
but thats my question bro
is it though? really though?
i look in the mirror and hate my relfection still
im too scared to tell my friends how i really feel
i hate getting serious so i tell jokes
to hide the pain bro
dang bro
and i don't trust easy see thats my thang bro
thats my problem

(lyrics from Curtis Mayfield - The Making Of You)

add a little sugar
honeysuckle
a great big expression of happiness
boy you couldn't miss
with a dozen roses
such would astound you.

REACH 4 U

i wrote this while sad af at work just thinking about shit. thank u so much @tiffi for the back vocals <3

lyrics:

sometime i don't even know anymore
i think i left my soul on that 4th hospital floor
or did i seem to lose it about last year or so?
when i was working 4 per diem at a damn dollar store
i wasn't making no dough
shit, i try to keep my lyric unspecific
but i thought my pawpaw hated my guts
cause im not religious
so after his living license finished
i held resentment
all toward myself cause i was keeping my distance
i really love my friends i really wanna hang with them
but im too scared of rejection 
thats why i ain't read your message
saying "im real busy dawg"
bitch i'm layin in bed
thinkin why they take my fam nigga?
take me instead
aw yeah
well at least i got bread
and a full head of dreads
im glad my parents around
well at least i can say i ain't dead
aw yeah
money don't make me smile

money dont make 
money dont make 
love (4x)
ooo babe

i might dabble in drink
nowadays i can't handle no weed
THC be givin me anxiety 
then i forget im not 17 anymore
it just ain't the same anymore

$$$ don't = <3 (feat. tiffi) (Prod. Whoarei)

sorry i've been gone so long, i took a vacation to California. i have some new music tho

“it saddens mewe can never be
i wish you came around more
it saddens me
we can never be
i wish you’d spend more time on me 
watching the sun 
cuddle with the mountain tops
all the smoke in the sky reminds me of
that little boy inside searching for love
waiting for the time when God just beams me up”

More Time...

cover of Thom Yorke - Unmade

this isn't perfect i got some of the timing wrong but w/e it's good enough babeeeeey

Come under my wings, little bird
Come under my wings, little bird
Come under my wings
Unmade, unmade
I swear that there's nothing up my sleeves
And then back again
I swear there's nothing
Unmade
There's no faces
Won't grow back again
Broken pieces
Unmade
I swear there's nothing
Won't grow back again
I swear there's nothing
Come under my wings
Come under my wings
Come under my wings
Under my wings
We're unmade

Unmade

i don't see no light at the of my tunnel
sometimes im like "boy just stop tryin"
i don't know if healing takes time
i can't shake the feeling that somebody lyin
you been feelin this way since you were 18
you just need to grow up so you can stay with me
you just need to grow up so you can stay with me
dont abandon me
dont abandon me
i feel guilty for feeling empty (feeling empty)
i feel guilty for expressing me (expressing me)
i get jealous when i see hope (when i see hope)
this shit right here is not normal (this not normal)
i only think about myself (think of myself
where the fuck was i when others needed help?
where the fuck was i when you needed my help?

1 - 800 - HELP

starry night
lets take some psilocybin 
go to mars tonight
let me take the mask off you
you can see through me too
let our souls blow like dynamite 
baby that sounds alright to me

but naw im sleeping alone
without you babe 
i feel so cold
this bed right here it feel like stone
play with my soul like tic tac toe
theres nothing wrong with us
but we don't hang around enough 
and this feeling right here so tough

baby something's wrong with me
(im sleeping alone)
just starin at my empty sheets
(wishin you were in my home)
911 emergency
(somebody get them on the phone!)
cut my heart like surgery
losing my mind like where did you go?

(synth shits)

on the 5
2 hour drive 
hoping i don't crash
didn't sleep last night cause you were on my mind

baby something's wrong with me
(im sleeping alone)
just starin at my empty sheets
(wishin you were in my home)
911 emergency
(somebody get them on the phone!)
cut my heart like surgery
losing my mind like where did you go?

where you go? where you at?

LIKE STONE

just for fun i wanted to release my cover of Noel's Theme from Final Fantasy.

i also sampled this for STAR FRUIT by caim
link: https://soundcloud.com/burycaim/starfruit
 
artwork done by caim 
ig: burycaim

maru.

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