Oh, Darlin there's a problem
Yeah, it's time that we sat down.
You took all of our money,
And spent it all over the town.

Well, ever since we married, 
You've been selling me your lies.
You stole most of my income,
And gave it straight to other guys.

Our love's as phony as U.S. AID.
I keep getting poorer, and you keep getting paid.
Give back my money, stop writing checks,
Your spending spree is getting exed.

You cleaned out my whole wallet 
To go and get some bread,
But now you're running psy-ops,
Trying to get inside my head.

I'm starting to suspect that
I've been played right for a fool,
Buying comic books for Pedro
And condoms for Abdul.

Our love's as phony as U.S. AID.
Oh, I keep getting poorer, and you keep getting paid.
Give back my money, no more paychecks,
Your spending spree is getting exed.

And while we're on the subject,
Sweetie, could you please explain,
Why you drained out all our savings,
To stage a coup inside Ukraine.

I cancelled all your payments,
Couldn't take it anymore.
So why is Maxine Waters
Trying to barricade our door?

Now our home's as empty as U.S. AID.
The Swamp's spending spree has been indefinitely delayed.
No biolabs, and no NGOs,
Those deep state operations are all permanently closed.

Our love's as phony as U.S. AID.
Yeah, I keep getting poorer, and you keep getting paid.
Give back my money, no more blank checks,
Your spending spree is getting exed.

Your Spending Spree is Exed

Out on the lilypad late at night
Something in the water aint quite right
Pesticides flowing down the stream
Are turning all the frogs into amphibious drag queens.

Chemicals from the factories are dumped 
Into the pond where the frogs once jumped
But now all the little tadpoles want to be 
Is a slimy variation of Liberace.

Maybe it's the chem trails, maybe it's the vaccines
Maybe it's the fluoride that they say will keep your teeth clean
But I can't believe a single word they say 
Ever since the night that the frogs turned gay.

Old Mr. Croaker used to splash in the fountain
Till he took a trip up to Brokeback Mountain
Now when he swims it's such a sorry sight
Cause his ass is no longer watertight.

Maybe it's the chem trails, maybe it's the vaccines
Maybe it's the fluoride that they say will keep your teeth clean
But I can't believe a single word they say 
Ever since the night that the frogs turned gay.

Well I don't know if there's reason for alarm
A little DDT never did no harm
Except for the night every little girl and boy
Suddenly morphs into Sigfried and Roy.

Maybe it's the chem trails, maybe it's the vaccines
Maybe it's the fluoride that they say will keep your teeth clean
But I can't believe a single word they say 
Ever since the night that the frogs turned gay.

No,  I can't believe a single word they say 
Ever since the night that the frogs turned gay.

Something in the Water

On a grassy knoll in Dallas right off Houston Street
A young man set a stand up selling smoke-cooked meat.
He made a meager living pulling pork and carving beef,
Till men in dark suits showed up, armed to the teeth.

One came up to the counter, rifle in his hand.
He said "Sorry but we order you to move this stand.
In the name of Uncle Sam we have to commandeer your spot."
But the next day news broke that the president was shot.

A tip line was established by the FBI
But the young man kept his mouth shut and he told a lie.
He knew it would be wiser if he didn't risk it.
Because the Feds don't come to Texas for the brisket. 

No they weren't there for the burgers or the barbecue
They didn't want no ribs or no Brunswick stew,
They went there for one reason, and it's still a mystery,
But it wasn't for baked beans or sweet iced tea.

He met a girl from Waco and she stole his heart,
So he headed south to make himself a brand new start.
At the New Mount Carmel Center he set up another store,
Till the day when Janet Reno showed up at his door.

She told him that the Government would be there soon.
And her flamethrower told him there was trouble brewin'. 
So he gathered up his wife and they got out of town,
As the Branch Davidians compound got burned down.

Well Congress called the man to come and testify,
But he knew it would be wise to tell another lie.
It didn't matter how much all them lawmakers insisted,
Because the Feds don't come to Texas for the brisket.

They headed farther south and bought a plot of land,
At a cattle ranch near Brownsville, by the Rio Grand.
The old man paid his mortgage selling barbecue and cowhide
Till illegals started swimming cross the other side.

He tried to put a fence around his property,
But was paid a call by the Homeland Security.
In the name of Uncle Sam we commandeer your home,
For migrant refugees to freely roam.

The wire cutters told him trouble had returned,
But with nowhere left to go, he finally learned,
There'd be no peace unless his family resisted,
For the Feds don't come to Texas for the brisket.

No they weren't there for the burgers or the barbecue
They didn't want no ribs or no Brunswick stew,
They went there for one reason, and it's not a mystery,
To confiscate his civil liberties.

Some may get preemptive pardons, and some may get convicted
But the Feds don't come to Texas for the brisket.

The Feds Don't Come to Texas for the Brisket

Due North of Kalorama, where Nebraska meets Connecticut,
There's a little pizza parlor where the Obamas ditch their etiquette,
Eating hot dogs on a deep-dish, like the ones in Chicago.
Then, after dark, the shindig starts in the bunker down below.

It's a Deep-State pizza party and the DNC's all there,
So gather up your groomer friends for an elite D.C. affair. 

Although there's MAPs aplenty, it may still be hard to seek
This hideaway speakeasy if you don't know Wikileaks.
The hustlers in the pool room don't play games with any cues, 
But pour a drink for poor Seth Rich, who left plenty of clues. 

It's a Deep-State pizza party and the DNC's all there,
So gather up your groomer friends for an elite D.C. affair. 

At the backdoor, strangers simply use the password, 'Frazzledrip' 
And Carlos Danger leads them on a subterranean trip. 
A revolving wall leads down the hall as tables disappear,
To a secret stairwell tucked behind the one-way bathroom mirror.

It's a Deep-State pizza party and the DNC's all there,
So gather up your groomer friends for an elite D.C. affair. 

Slick Willy's in a blue dress on his sax to lead the band,
As the hanky girls yank visitors off to Never-Never Land.
There's Peter Pan and Wendy, Johnny P. and Big Mike too, 
While Hillary feasts her eyes upon a Spirit Witch's brew.

It's a Deep-State pizza party and the DNC's all there,
So gather up your groomer friends for an elite D.C. affair. 

The Lost Boys yearn for a swift return to Mexico or Kyiv,
But a taste of Chef Tony's walnut sauce and they never seem to leave.
There's Forrest Gump with a hand-held pump for Wilson on the right,
As Media Matters chatters to a Cambodian catamite.

It's a Deep-State pizza party and the DNC's all there,
So gather up your groomer friends for an elite D.C. affair. 

The night will be concluded as the Feds all take the stage,
With lovestruck seventh-floor spooks shredding every guest-book page. 
Then Big Jim gets amnesia about the whole lurid event, 
For if this fever dream were real, he might still fail to prove intent.

Yeah, a Deep State pizza party and the DNC's all there,
So gather up your groomer friends for an elite D.C. affair. 

Albert X. Jonze