A Portrait Of My Love On Her Knees Ethel Cain

waco,texas by ethel cain

lyrics:

I sing the lord’s euthanasia blues
When I take you and your brother in the back pew
Drive into the median, keep myself from eating and wonder why I feel so sick
Tradition’s ligature marks always yellow through


I lied when I said I didn’t want you
In no time, you’ll forget the way we were supposed to be
Asking what I’m on this time, holding on to you like I do
Like we’re the only people in the world god left to mind to

Two drowning coals won’t ever light
But if I ask you to, you’ll warm the night


If I want you like I said I’d never do
I would hold my breath and sit down next to you
Terrified you’ll bite the hand that needs you
And right now I need you
I don’t know what happened
I don’t know what happened
I was young and sweet
And then something happened
Something overwhelming
Something everlasting

Time drags on
I hate him for the time he’s gone
I’ve been here for weeks, I’ve been here for years
I’ve been here too long
I forgot what stop means
Either I drink it or the boat sinks
It’s easy for him to get out of me
What I’ve been praying will get out of me

Will I always be crying during sex with you
All my dreams take place in heaven where it’s quiet, lying next to you
Heavy breathing and sighs, bruises between my thighs, look me deep In my eyes like I’m a river worth wading
And if I’m crying, it’s because I’m in love

[Outro]
And I could love you if I tried
And I’m trying
I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying

crying during sex - ethel cain

half-cocked ‘cause he’s not a big boy….
& I don’t wanna know that half of him

Demo by hayden anhedonia/ethel cain

half-cocked - ethel cain

one of her best that’s for sure

Sunday morning and I’m wasted
Had too much to drink again
Preacher’s saying God will save me
If God is real, He’s a fucking bitch

Tell my baby that I love her
But, right now, mama’s gotta go
I didn’t ask to be this crazy
But since we’re here, I’ll give them a show

Always run from the best of them
But I’ll fall for a piece of shit
Half-cocked ’cause he’s not a big boy
And I don’t wanna know that half of him

If you try to hurt me, I won’t stop you
But there’s something you should know
It’s that my daddy’s fucking crazy
And always ready to blow

The first boy I ever loved
Was a brother I never had
I thought, with him, maybe I’d make it
Maybe it’d be half as bad

Spеnt my nights under the covers
Just wishing hе was there
Draw his portrait in my diary
Just to hold when I got scared

Now I’m fucked up and I’m nasty
But they say I make it look good
I don’t do what my mama told me
I just do what my mama would

I don’t starve ’cause I hate my body
I just starve ’cause I’m fucking broke
And on my mama, I hate this country
America is a fucking joke

What’s gonna scare me when I’ve seen it all?
Been too sick to walk, so I had to crawl
When you leave, turn off the light
I leave my door open at night
To be strung out and still be stone cold
To reach the end, but never close to old
I don’t feel good, but I don’t wanna cry
If I can’t live, can I just fucking die?

half-cocked - Ethel Cain

ethel cain - fear no plague

v1:

i used to be, i used to be that kind of girl like
picture perfect when she speaks
and bats her lashes sweet
but i’ve been feeling coming over me 
an affliction
some addiction
cause my mouth says no
but my neck says please

chorus:

i think i wanted you dead
fell as an angel just to please no matter where you want it
fighting my way up to your tongue so i can die up on it 
and show you what it really means to need somebody
beyond their body
telling me “baby, it’s sweeter for me giving what you want from me
so take what you want from me”
so i’m not letting up
cause when i’m under you
no matter what i do
i’ll still find my way to your tongue

v2:

would you judge me for my prayers if i said them on my knees

but i am flesh and blood
and this flesh has needs

chorus:

i think i wanted you dead
fell as an angel just to please no matter where you want it
fighting my way up to your tongue so i can die up on it 
and show you what it really means to need somebody
beyond their body
telling me “baby, it’s sweeter for me giving what you want from me
so take what you want from me”
so i’m not letting up
cause when i’m under you
no matter what i do
i’ll still find my way to your tongue

chorus:

i think i wanted you dead
fell as an angel just to please no matter where you want it
fighting my way up to your tongue so i can die up on it 
and show you what it really means to need somebody
beyond their body
telling me “baby, it’s sweeter for me giving what you want from me
so take what you want from me”
so i’m not letting up
cause when i’m under you
no matter what i do
i’ll still find my way to your tongue

Hectic (afterlife)

Avocalien

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