i dont want to do this anymore
but you can't say that part out loud
so i pretend im getting better
but all ive done is learn to lie

there is nothing, no
that you can do
oh try and try and try as you might
i think it's falling for you
there is nothing, no
that you can do
whatever happens it will happen
with or without you

i dont want to feel this anymore
so draw the blinds and blow my mind
growing up is just growing the heart
to ask just where your childhood died

there is nothing, no
that you can do
oh try and try and try as you might
i think it's falling for you
there is nothing, no
that you can do
whatever happens it will happen
with or without you

i want to be a homing star
shining down on where your dreams are
i want to be the night sky
on those evenings you wish you would die

Shades of Puyi

Yurei

nestled in my heart are the twin beasts of:
the primal panic that comes from prey
and the scent of the heart

of a throat crushing terror within me
the molten and primeval urge of
a dying, writhing beast

nestled in my heart and
deep in my veins
the cortisol comes bearing tidings
"you are just livestock"

and so it will arrest and it will consume
the ever omnipotent being
is within myself now

even if i try i could be cut down
by a fate who had no plans for me
cut down by less than scum

it will destroy and it will consume
just even waking up to livin', is a pain in the ass

i didn't spend my life getting here, just to end up getting slaughtered, 
by a pathetic clown
by a shitstain, barely human life
by some mother's forever regret
by someone less than scum

Less Than Scum

when green, green pastures reveal their eyes, and open their arms to us
when every single person can rejoice in the splendor we have found

when every ill-actor's found their grave
and when every piece of shit
has found a rope on from which to hang
may we all dance and send them off

yes we will rejoice in all the same
in a splendid chorus of heart
that bursts forth from the crucible of touch that burst forth from your love

oh yes there will always come a day
when death will come for those
who have no knees on which to pray
forgotten by time
and spit from the earth

A Thousand Days (Of Bamboo Nails)

health in life or love in death
makes no difference to me

atlas shrugged or sisyphus
makes no difference to me

oh, as long as i know someone wept
for what it meant to me

oh, as long as someone felt alive
because i happened to be

oh pure and noble thoughts that come out of just meat
oh aged and sweet bleeds the wine deep inside of me

tagged out early 
or while gripping hard at deathbedsheets

warm with smiles or a nihilist
no difference to me

oh, if i ever pierce the heavens 
that's a smile to see

oh, if i ever spear the moon
that's a smile to see

oh pure and noble thoughts that come out of just meat
oh aged and sweet bleeds the wine deep inside of me
oh forever and a day etched deep where it bleeds
cut me open for yourself if you wish to see

Where It Bleeds

I've always held it closely
my ticket down the avenue
I've always held it highly
it is my soul and it is my will

with all the life pumping deep inside my veins
I will construct a picture and my blood will be the paint
oh, deep inside the heart that's always trembling with fear
I will use every heartbeat to go bring my future here, cuz

some heartbreaks last forever
and sometimes heroes give up
and the only thing I've ever wanted
was just to mean something

I never lost its pulse
it's always crept back into my soul
I've always held it highly
it's in my blood and it is my soul

with all the life pumping deep inside my veins
I will construct a picture and my blood will be the paint
oh, deep inside the heart that's always trembling with fear
I will use every heartbeat to go bring my future near, cuz

Printemps in Vogue

a fitted picture
a verbose "take me by the hand"
a flight of fancy
the things that turned boy into man

oh even if i cry, don't take it as a sign of pain, I'm
just madly in love with the way the days get away from me

a lazy daytime
a daydream fed from Eden's breast
a kiss placed upon
the place where nothing ever rests

oh even if i cry, don't see it as a sign of pain, I'm
just madly in love with the way the days get away from me

a proof of life
a proof of ever having had a heart
contagious laughter
the proof that life never really starts

oh even if i cry, don't see it as a sign of pain, I'm
just madly in love with the way the days get away from me
oh even if i cry, don't see it as a sign of grief, I'm
just madly in love with the way the days slipped out of reach

Nineteen Ninety-Two

what heaven is to me
is a brutal love and a cross to prove it on
so goddamn saccharine
that i, i can barely stomach it

a rose will make you bleed
and there's no greater high than prey getting itself caught
so goddamn saccharine
so precious, how truly sick it makes me

lowered into the Earth
kissed into oblivion
oh, all loves must die
and sex is but a shade of death, so

what heaven is to me
is a brutal love and a cross to prove it on
so goddamn saccharine
that i, i can barely stomach it

a rose will make you bleed
and there's no greater high than prey getting itself caught
so goddamn saccharine
so precious, how truly sick it makes me

lowered into the Earth
kissed into oblivion
oh, all loves must die
and sex is but a shade of death, so

what heaven is to me
is a brutal love and a cross to prove it on
so goddamn saccharine
that i, i can barely stomach it

a rose will make you bleed
and there's no greater high than prey getting itself caught
so goddamn saccharine
so precious, how truly sick it makes me

All Loves Must Die!

it's honestly something that's hard to understand
how having another could make things not so bad
I think it's just something that dwells inside of me
a piece of my puzzle that's never been complete

I can't stand no love
there's something inside, that's tried and tried
and it just wants to be known
who can bare no love?
there's something inside, very alive
that just wants to be born

I know it's something that's always been with me
it stood when I stood and, it cried alone with me
I think it's innocent, and sometimes corrupting
it sits in the room waiting for someone to sing

I can't stand no love
there's something inside, that's tried and tried
and it just wants to be known
who can bare no love?
there's something inside, very alive
that just wants to be born

No Love?

close your eyes and drift to sleep
above the clouds, atop the trees
there's a world where dreams do keep
a little bo-peep said to thee:

"no, I do not lie
I will bend the world to my will
while I'm on this Earth
believe me I will, get my money's worth"

close your eyes and drift to sleep
a humpty dumpty said to me:
"you will break, most completely
but who isn't missing a piece?"

the purpose of life
standing with the world in her eyes
love begging to be
I yearn for it, with all that's in me

Alice Autumn Hymnal

I carried it, I carried it far
the heavy stone that threatens to slip away
and I know that this will not stay
but I know the dam just has to break

but I stare at the black cloud above me
the acrid rain that always stained my tongue
i try to say it's there but I say
a lot of things that I'm ashamed of

stare it down, it'll tell you to stay
get to your feet, and then it'll run you down
mother's hand it came down with weight
the weight of which broke my heart and scarred my soul

no oblations can ever sate 
that which has no guts, certainly has no entrails
true evil exists i should know
i should know, cuz i felt her heart beat

all is well when the world goes to sleep
and we are all clean in our hearts and souls

Puritan Streak

oh, if I die will you bury me
in a place where the sun cries?
where poppies grow and the poppies know
that more friends are always coming

cuz if I die it will be despite making Babylon look poor
we can't find food and we can't find rooms
and we're just supposed to believe that?

a complete and total embarrassment
of an almost unreal degree

oh, if I die will you please not cry
cuz we have enough of that
we need less gloom and we need more tunes
that can destroy all the fascists

cuz if I die it's under the stain of
the red, the white, and blue
where all the serfs gladly broke the plains
with the plow that broke them too

a complete and total embarrassment
of an almost unreal degree

oh, if I die will you bury me
in a place where the sun cries?
where poppies grow and the poppies know
that more friends are always coming

cuz if I die it will be despite making Babylon look poor
we can't have food and we can't have rooms
and we're just supposed to take that?

Poppies

well yeah

madam madam is weeping
for the vanguard has passed away
the custodians of love
are now a love letter to the grave

thoughts of one's mortality always on the mind
they close the lid and then grow closer to the light
well yeah

father tries to console her
but how? our birds no longer sing
madam just sobs and shudders
and father, well he just, he just drinks

thoughts of one's mortality always on the mind
they close the lid and then grow closer to the light
just see beyond their bows and curtains drawing tight
and see that all good mornings start with a good night
well yeah

madam madam so gentle
madam was cursed with a big heart
madam so sentimental
thought that in everyone there was art

thoughts of one's mortality always on the mind
they close the lid and then grow closer to the light
just see beyond their bows and curtains drawing tight
and see that all good mornings start with a good night
well yeah

Closer To The Light

heaven isn't that far away
it's always been within your grasp
you just need learn how to relax

and don't be overcome or dismayed
no matter what becomes of you
it lives on deep inside

i tried so hard
just to be the one
the one you loved
the one you want

but it's so hard
really does me up
I'll try my best
if that's enough

heaven isn't that far away
it's always been within your grasp
you just need learn how to relax

and don't you ever dare hesitate
with both hands you hold the blade and press
deep down inside

i tried so hard
just to be the one
the one you loved
the one you want

it breaks my heart
so damn much
you're turning away
but it's just tough love

Tough Love

and you laughed as we would walk away
"this is my peppermancy"
oh so sure that everyone would sing
your dirges while they cried to sleep
sha na na

From Peppermints To You

there's still room amongst the stars
for someone who's like you
good company for someone who
always had to choose

I know there's a star
but what else can I do?
I know there's a reason
but it simply cannot do

bless the world inside your eyes
that colors your whole view
so sorry for everyone
who can't see what you do

I know I'm a star
but what else can I do?
I know there's a reason
but it simply cannot do

Faythless

we've been waiting for this forever
never felt like we'd ever see it get better
but i always knew that we'd go far
the Peppermints are the sweetest stars

well, we knew it was lost
and no amount of pretend can fix 
what is meant to break
but it's not all that bad
it's something that's gonna stick around
for a long, long time

oh will you let me take your the hand
and lead you through this merry land?
i know there's no good in goodbyes
but sometimes you just have to cry

but they know that you
always love them

and they know that you
will always be there

and they know that you
loved to build them up

and they know that you
cried

i now know what i want
and god help anybody who tries to get in my way
the sum of our parts
the undeniable proof that we were here

we've been waiting for this forever
a little ribbon on all the pain we caused together
they closed the lid, grew closer to the light
the Peppermints bow and say goodnight

let's summer in my field of kin
where i have you hand in hand again
i've always sang my hearts accord
and will for as long as my body affords

so let me take you by the hand
and lead you through this merry land
i want to live the life i wish
and so with heavy hearts we split

there's nothing good about goodbyes
but there's no good in living lies
just turn a smile towards the end
don't think i didn't have this planned

Dear Perfection

welcome to a world that only those who believe can see
leave your preconceptions at the door, this is a new reality

left right left
we shall take the streets
peppermints are god
fight, and it shall be

now that all the parades have gone home who's to dance with me?
who's to get drunk off all the wine we've stomped in our pretty marching?

left right left
we shall take the streets
peppermints are god
fight, and it shall be

hey, will you still love me?
i sometimes lose my head
hey, will you still love me?
even if we end up dead?
hey, will you still love me?
we're trying oh so hard
hey, will you still love me?
even if we go too far?

left right left
we shall take the streets
peppermints are god
fight, and it shall be

hey, will you still love me?
i sometimes lose my head
hey, will you still love me?
even if we end up dead?
hey, will you still love me?
we're trying oh so hard
hey, will you still love me?
even if we go too far?

L'inévitable

long ago I was a blank sheet
could paint anything on me
but my little trembling hand
couldn't hold the brush, you see

the guilt of the heart
oh, the body that has no real master
oh, marionettes dance so wildly with such great abandon

there is a haunted house in me
all the ghosts of what I've seen
oh being alive does not mean
that you are living

the guilt of the heart
oh, the body that has no real master
oh, marionettes dance so wildly with such great abandon

here's to someday, passing away
having said all I wish to say

long ago I was a blank sheet
could paint anything on me
but my little trembling hand
couldn't hold the brush, you see

the guilt of the heart
oh, the body that has no real master
oh, marionettes dance so wildly with such great abandon

Great Abandon

What am I to do?
Now that I know you are in this world
Now that I know the truth:
That the good in all was all lost inside you

Love you all the time, if there's time enough to be
Love you all the time, in my life of agony
I know the things I want, are what make it hard on me
Love you all the time, even if you don't love me

Love you all the time, if there's time enough to be
Love you all the time, in my life of agony
I know the things I want, are what make it hard on me
Love you all the time, even if you don't love me

When all is said and done, it's you who I believe
When all is said and done, you will see
If heaven's filled with whores, and hell is no relief
Then I will walk the Earth for my peace
Until you call my name
Until I am released
Until my paradise is conceived
Know this one thing for sure:
My love for you is complete
When all is said and done, you will see

Life of Agony (For Anna Karenina)

Stole the sun and held it to my chest
Dreams of fire, will await you when the morning begins
Now I know, there is no other chance
Dreams of fire, some people live and the rest just pretend

Baby if you cry, won't you cry along with me?
I'd die a thousand times, just to be sure I saw thee
So hold it near your breast, let me know just what you think
I'll say the day is done when there's nothing left to become

It's been so long, I put my heart in debt
Dreams of fire, and my nightmares are all filled with regret
So it goes, on up until the end
Dreams of fire, a sadist and a phoenix's best friend

Baby if you cry, won't you cry along with me?
I'd die a thousand times, just to be sure I saw thee
So hold it near your breast, let me know just what you think
I'll say the day is done when there's nothing left to become

Dreams of Fire

Silver Platters

what will take to earn my life?
I promise I'll pay any price
I will not live
I will not die
until I hear you tell me why

I deserve to bear this carnage

just hurry up and kill me now
just hurry up, I can't myself
year after year, the pressure mounts
year after year, hesitation melts

why do I deserve this carnage?

what will take to earn my life?
I promise I'll pay any price
I will not live
I will not die
until I hear you tell me why

Carnage

We hold these things to be true:
"we are going to be screwed"

Not till all of their heads are rolling in the streets
will we be safe, hide your kids away
how the fuck do we eat if we need guillotines?
Robespierre was not a saint
don't mean that I can't pray

Oh cowards, liches of the Earth
Sacks of shit in cloaks of skin

Not till all of their heads are rolling in the streets
will we be safe, hide your kids away
how the fuck do we eat if we need guillotines?
Robespierre was not a saint
don't mean that I can't pray

Black Tuesday

Life is learning to dance on a knife's edge, baby
life is learning to walk on a goddamn tight rope, baby

Yea every single fucking day it eats away
yea every single fucking day

I'm not tryin' to be neurotic, promise
I'm not tryin' to set fire to all my friendships, promise

It's just every single fucking day it eats away
yea every single goddamn day

Yea every single fucking day it eats away
yea every single fucking day

Time goes and with people will pass away, all of the time
too true, but why does it have to be the people I know the best?

Every Single Fucking Day

Oh in the heart there
there is a hunger
a creeping dread
that loneliness might be forever

and there exist those
who prey upon that
can you really
call it lucky if you survive?

Oh, the fire dies slow
but it's still there
I try and I try but
I can still see the glare

When will it go?
and render me blind
show me the day is borne
out of the night

I've been trying to
forget about you
it's hard work but i think it's
finally happening

And I'm aware that
this contradicts that
but this is the last song
that you're ever getting

[chorus]

Oh woe was me
the first time I
saw those sleepy eyes
that sarcastic sneer

In all of my days
the word fear
had no weight
then you appeared

Wane Poetic

no matter how not in control of my life i ever am
i can ease it, i can freeze it, i can give it a raincheck

if it feels good
it it works fast
i will put it in my blood

if it hurts me
if it's nursing
if it's dopamine (it's love)

no matter how much you hurt me i can always push it back
but what's good today is weak tomorrow
and that's how it is until the end

if it feels good
it it works fast
i will put it in my blood

if it hurts me
if it's nursing
if it's dopamine (it's love)

if it kills me
if it saves me
if it just does anything

if it hurts me
if it's nursing
if it's dopamine (it's love)

Dopamine (It's Love)

all those summers back, i had regretted much, i regretted often
yea all those summer back, i didn't really know what to do with myself

but in the summer heat, i believed that there was more than suffering
in the summer heat, i promised that i would someday rule the world

so how about going out and doing something yea? doing anything
to get my mind off, off of the constant fear, of the constant panic

and maybe if we do we can plead for a blissful ignorance
often sick to death with ennui and with a crippling sense of dread

i said by 25, i said by 30
i'd rather be dead than not achieve a thing
i didn't want to fail, i didn't want to face 
all my fears and suffocating anxieties

all those summers back, i was haunted by a ghost of my own making
all those summers ago, i wished to be something, just to feel anything
yea in the summer heat, i believed that i could really be something
yea in the summer heat, i saw a dream of a world in which i could be fine

Summer Kills

my big words, yea my innocence speaking
"i will build you a house, i will live next to it"
i will catch the reaper and the wolf in the flock

but i never became a carpenter
so they're lying in wait, always promising it
always are and are not yet upon us

and all that i ever wanted was all the world, all of the world for you
all of those little things that you never got, i would give you
and all that i ever wanted was to see you, was to see you happy
and yeah i can't say for sure that there's a God, so i'll be him

can't recall exactly when i stopped caring
i just got overwhelmed, i just got sick of it
isn't it strange that all my heroes killed themselves?

but i'm not, no i'm not giving up yet
"i will build you a house, i will live next to it"
even if it's the only thing i do

The Death of Me

All Those Little Things

heard he burn out long before the flame kissed the wick
learn to love and romanticize the end of it

on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein
be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love 
drives me completely insane

never want to say goodbye to my heart racing
an orgasm in the chest and soul, echoing

on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein
be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love 
drives me completely insane

always kept in motion by
the notion that there may lie
a home somewhere in between
beauty and brutality
in the hand of it's architect
holding but not holding back
find a place where pleasure lies
strike hard and splinter the mind

on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein
be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love 
drives me completely insane

Das Gemeine

i'm just like giles corey, sentenced to death
i got this burden placed upon my heart, every single day
yea i got scar upon scar on my self-worth
it's barely recognizable even to my own self

and every evening, it's there for me
and every morning after it failed to kill me

cuz im stubborn as all hell, i won't die yet
and i'm addicted to the feeling of losing total control
i got the fleeting feeling nothing's real
i got the butterflies for no reason at all oh yea

and every evening, i'm scared to death
and every morning, it gets a little worse

i'm just like giles corey, crushed to death
and i have many hatreds in my heart, all full to bursting
but im not really hateful, i just hurt
i just had my rose glasses all scratched up, at least they look good

so every evening, i go to bed
and every morning so on, until i can't

The Death Of Me

The Butterflies

do you accept me if i hate myself
do you accept me if i'm nothing else
do you accept me if i'm killing time
do you accept if i just stay alive?

even if i, break down inside
know that i do try from time to time

will you accept me if i get fucked up
will you accept me if i never talk
will you accept me if i want to die
will you accept me if i don't know why

even if i, break down inside
know that i do try from time to time
even if i, forget to cry
know that i do want to stay alive

do you accept me if i hate myself?
do you accept me if i'm nothing else?
do you accept me if i at least try?
will you accept that i want to survive?

alice.

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