i dont want to do this anymore
but you can't say that part out loud
so i pretend im getting better
but all ive done is learn to lie

there is nothing, no
that you can do
oh try and try and try as you might
i think it's falling for you
there is nothing, no
that you can do
whatever happens it will happen
with or without you

i dont want to feel this anymore
so draw the blinds and blow my mind
growing up is just growing the heart
to ask just where your childhood died

there is nothing, no
that you can do
oh try and try and try as you might
i think it's falling for you
there is nothing, no
that you can do
whatever happens it will happen
with or without you

i want to be a homing star
shining down on where your dreams are
i want to be the night sky
on those evenings you wish you would die

Shades of Puyi

Yurei

I love you more than all the flowers
that are floating in the breeze
and I love you more than all the birds
are in love with all the bees
and I love you more than all good things come
all come in sets of three
and I love you more than pain when it feels
when it feels death's release

and i do mean it, it's not hyperbole
how sick to death thinking of this shit makes me

so i swear to God that i will find a way to excise the rot
there is a bouquet in my heart, and i'm gonna get it out
break every single rib that guards it, open my sternum up
if that cherub is that bad a shot, then i shall help him out

and i do mean it, it's not hyperbole
within a heart there is only so much room
and it's filling up, with all my hopes for you
so i gotta act fast, before all the air leaves the room

Within A Heart

nestled in my heart are the twin beasts of:
the primal panic that comes from prey
and the scent of the heart

of a throat crushing terror within me
the molten and primeval urge of
a dying, writhing beast

nestled in my heart and
deep in my veins
the cortisol comes bearing tidings
"you are just livestock"

and so it will arrest and it will consume
the ever omnipotent being
is within myself now

even if i try i could be cut down
by a fate who had no plans for me
cut down by less than scum

it will destroy and it will consume
just even waking up to livin', is a pain in the ass

i didn't spend my life getting here, just to end up getting slaughtered, 
by a pathetic clown
by a shitstain, barely human life
by some mother's forever regret
by someone less than scum

Less Than Scum

health in life or love in death
makes no difference to me

atlas shrugged or sisyphus
makes no difference to me

oh, as long as i know someone wept
for what it meant to me

oh, as long as someone felt alive
because i happened to be

oh pure and noble thoughts that come out of just meat
oh aged and sweet bleeds the wine deep inside of me

tagged out early 
or while gripping hard at deathbedsheets

warm with smiles or a nihilist
no difference to me

oh, if i ever pierce the heavens 
that's a smile to see

oh, if i ever spear the moon
that's a smile to see

oh pure and noble thoughts that come out of just meat
oh aged and sweet bleeds the wine deep inside of me
oh forever and a day etched deep where it bleeds
cut me open for yourself if you wish to see

Where It Bleeds

close your eyes and drift to sleep
above the clouds, atop the trees
there's a world where dreams do keep
a little bo-peep said to thee:

"no, I do not lie
I will bend the world to my will
while I'm on this Earth
believe me I will, get my money's worth"

close your eyes and drift to sleep
a humpty dumpty said to me:
"you will break, most completely
but who isn't missing a piece?"

the purpose of life
standing with the world in her eyes
love begging to be
I yearn for it, with all that's in me

Alice Autumn Hymnal

well yeah

madam madam is weeping
for the vanguard has passed away
the custodians of love
are now a love letter to the grave

thoughts of one's mortality always on the mind
they close the lid and then grow closer to the light
well yeah

father tries to console her
but how? our birds no longer sing
madam just sobs and shudders
and father, well he just, he just drinks

thoughts of one's mortality always on the mind
they close the lid and then grow closer to the light
just see beyond their bows and curtains drawing tight
and see that all good mornings start with a good night
well yeah

madam madam so gentle
madam was cursed with a big heart
madam so sentimental
thought that in everyone there was art

thoughts of one's mortality always on the mind
they close the lid and then grow closer to the light
just see beyond their bows and curtains drawing tight
and see that all good mornings start with a good night
well yeah

Closer To The Light

Intro (Variations)

heaven isn't that far away
it's always been within your grasp
you just need learn how to relax

and don't be overcome or dismayed
no matter what becomes of you
it lives on deep inside

i tried so hard
just to be the one
the one you loved
the one you want

but it's so hard
really does me up
I'll try my best
if that's enough

heaven isn't that far away
it's always been within your grasp
you just need learn how to relax

and don't you ever dare hesitate
with both hands you hold the blade and press
deep down inside

i tried so hard
just to be the one
the one you loved
the one you want

it breaks my heart
so damn much
you're turning away
but it's just tough love

Tough Love

and you laughed as we would walk away
"this is my peppermancy"
oh so sure that everyone would sing
your dirges while they cried to sleep
sha na na

From Peppermints To You

there's still room amongst the stars
for someone who's like you
good company for someone who
always had to choose

I know there's a star
but what else can I do?
I know there's a reason
but it simply cannot do

bless the world inside your eyes
that colors your whole view
so sorry for everyone
who can't see what you do

I know I'm a star
but what else can I do?
I know there's a reason
but it simply cannot do

Faythless

we've been waiting for this forever
never felt like we'd ever see it get better
but i always knew that we'd go far
the Peppermints are the sweetest stars

well, we knew it was lost
and no amount of pretend can fix 
what is meant to break
but it's not all that bad
it's something that's gonna stick around
for a long, long time

oh will you let me take your the hand
and lead you through this merry land?
i know there's no good in goodbyes
but sometimes you just have to cry

but they know that you
always love them

and they know that you
will always be there

and they know that you
loved to build them up

and they know that you
cried

i now know what i want
and god help anybody who tries to get in my way
the sum of our parts
the undeniable proof that we were here

we've been waiting for this forever
a little ribbon on all the pain we caused together
they closed the lid, grew closer to the light
the Peppermints bow and say goodnight

let's summer in my field of kin
where i have you hand in hand again
i've always sang my hearts accord
and will for as long as my body affords

so let me take you by the hand
and lead you through this merry land
i want to live the life i wish
and so with heavy hearts we split

there's nothing good about goodbyes
but there's no good in living lies
just turn a smile towards the end
don't think i didn't have this planned

Dear Perfection

welcome to a world that only those who believe can see
leave your preconceptions at the door, this is a new reality

left right left
we shall take the streets
peppermints are god
fight, and it shall be

now that all the parades have gone home who's to dance with me?
who's to get drunk off all the wine we've stomped in our pretty marching?

left right left
we shall take the streets
peppermints are god
fight, and it shall be

hey, will you still love me?
i sometimes lose my head
hey, will you still love me?
even if we end up dead?
hey, will you still love me?
we're trying oh so hard
hey, will you still love me?
even if we go too far?

left right left
we shall take the streets
peppermints are god
fight, and it shall be

hey, will you still love me?
i sometimes lose my head
hey, will you still love me?
even if we end up dead?
hey, will you still love me?
we're trying oh so hard
hey, will you still love me?
even if we go too far?

L'inévitable

long ago I was a blank sheet
could paint anything on me
but my little trembling hand
couldn't hold the brush, you see

the guilt of the heart
oh, the body that has no real master
oh, marionettes dance so wildly with such great abandon

there is a haunted house in me
all the ghosts of what I've seen
oh being alive does not mean
that you are living

the guilt of the heart
oh, the body that has no real master
oh, marionettes dance so wildly with such great abandon

here's to someday, passing away
having said all I wish to say

long ago I was a blank sheet
could paint anything on me
but my little trembling hand
couldn't hold the brush, you see

the guilt of the heart
oh, the body that has no real master
oh, marionettes dance so wildly with such great abandon

Great Abandon

What am I to do?
Now that I know you are in this world
Now that I know the truth:
That the good in all was all lost inside you

Love you all the time, if there's time enough to be
Love you all the time, in my life of agony
I know the things I want, are what make it hard on me
Love you all the time, even if you don't love me

Love you all the time, if there's time enough to be
Love you all the time, in my life of agony
I know the things I want, are what make it hard on me
Love you all the time, even if you don't love me

When all is said and done, it's you who I believe
When all is said and done, you will see
If heaven's filled with whores, and hell is no relief
Then I will walk the Earth for my peace
Until you call my name
Until I am released
Until my paradise is conceived
Know this one thing for sure:
My love for you is complete
When all is said and done, you will see

Life of Agony (For Anna Karenina)

Stole the sun and held it to my chest
Dreams of fire, will await you when the morning begins
Now I know, there is no other chance
Dreams of fire, some people live and the rest just pretend

Baby if you cry, won't you cry along with me?
I'd die a thousand times, just to be sure I saw thee
So hold it near your breast, let me know just what you think
I'll say the day is done when there's nothing left to become

It's been so long, I put my heart in debt
Dreams of fire, and my nightmares are all filled with regret
So it goes, on up until the end
Dreams of fire, a sadist and a phoenix's best friend

Baby if you cry, won't you cry along with me?
I'd die a thousand times, just to be sure I saw thee
So hold it near your breast, let me know just what you think
I'll say the day is done when there's nothing left to become

Dreams of Fire

We hold these things to be true:
"we are going to be screwed"

Not till all of their heads are rolling in the streets
will we be safe, hide your kids away
how the fuck do we eat if we need guillotines?
Robespierre was not a saint
don't mean that I can't pray

Oh cowards, liches of the Earth
Sacks of shit in cloaks of skin

Not till all of their heads are rolling in the streets
will we be safe, hide your kids away
how the fuck do we eat if we need guillotines?
Robespierre was not a saint
don't mean that I can't pray

Black Tuesday

Life is learning to dance on a knife's edge, baby
life is learning to walk on a goddamn tight rope, baby

Yea every single fucking day it eats away
yea every single fucking day

I'm not tryin' to be neurotic, promise
I'm not tryin' to set fire to all my friendships, promise

It's just every single fucking day it eats away
yea every single goddamn day

Yea every single fucking day it eats away
yea every single fucking day

Time goes and with people will pass away, all of the time
too true, but why does it have to be the people I know the best?

Every Single Fucking Day

Oh in the heart there
there is a hunger
a creeping dread
that loneliness might be forever

and there exist those
who prey upon that
can you really
call it lucky if you survive?

Oh, the fire dies slow
but it's still there
I try and I try but
I can still see the glare

When will it go?
and render me blind
show me the day is borne
out of the night

I've been trying to
forget about you
it's hard work but i think it's
finally happening

And I'm aware that
this contradicts that
but this is the last song
that you're ever getting

[chorus]

Oh woe was me
the first time I
saw those sleepy eyes
that sarcastic sneer

In all of my days
the word fear
had no weight
then you appeared

Wane Poetic

no matter how not in control of my life i ever am
i can ease it, i can freeze it, i can give it a raincheck

if it feels good
it it works fast
i will put it in my blood

if it hurts me
if it's nursing
if it's dopamine (it's love)

no matter how much you hurt me i can always push it back
but what's good today is weak tomorrow
and that's how it is until the end

if it feels good
it it works fast
i will put it in my blood

if it hurts me
if it's nursing
if it's dopamine (it's love)

if it kills me
if it saves me
if it just does anything

if it hurts me
if it's nursing
if it's dopamine (it's love)

Dopamine (It's Love)

all those summers back, i had regretted much, i regretted often
yea all those summer back, i didn't really know what to do with myself

but in the summer heat, i believed that there was more than suffering
in the summer heat, i promised that i would someday rule the world

so how about going out and doing something yea? doing anything
to get my mind off, off of the constant fear, of the constant panic

and maybe if we do we can plead for a blissful ignorance
often sick to death with ennui and with a crippling sense of dread

i said by 25, i said by 30
i'd rather be dead than not achieve a thing
i didn't want to fail, i didn't want to face 
all my fears and suffocating anxieties

all those summers back, i was haunted by a ghost of my own making
all those summers ago, i wished to be something, just to feel anything
yea in the summer heat, i believed that i could really be something
yea in the summer heat, i saw a dream of a world in which i could be fine

Summer Kills

It's only natural I love you so much
it's only natural my heart simply jumps
it's only natural I'd join the sky
down to the Earth so that heaven knows why

so I'll punch the wretched world in it's fucking throat
snuff out all evil in all corners of the Earth
so that you can live a life of perfect peace
I'll bring the world to it's knees

I want to give you all that you should have
a heart that is free and two lungs full of breath
in your cocoon of dreams passing the days
always keep safe in mysterious ways

so I'll punch the wretched world in it's fucking throat
snuff out all evil in all corners of the Earth
so that you can live a life a perfect peace
I'll bring the world to it's knees

so I'll kick the chair on every blackened heart
I will carry every burden on my soul
so that you can live a life of perfect peace
I'll show you what you mean to me

Alice

my big words, yea my innocence speaking
"i will build you a house, i will live next to it"
i will catch the reaper and the wolf in the flock

but i never became a carpenter
so they're lying in wait, always promising it
always are and are not yet upon us

and all that i ever wanted was all the world, all of the world for you
all of those little things that you never got, i would give you
and all that i ever wanted was to see you, was to see you happy
and yeah i can't say for sure that there's a God, so i'll be him

can't recall exactly when i stopped caring
i just got overwhelmed, i just got sick of it
isn't it strange that all my heroes killed themselves?

but i'm not, no i'm not giving up yet
"i will build you a house, i will live next to it"
even if it's the only thing i do

The Death of Me

All Those Little Things

heard he burn out long before the flame kissed the wick
learn to love and romanticize the end of it

on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein
be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love 
drives me completely insane

never want to say goodbye to my heart racing
an orgasm in the chest and soul, echoing

on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein
be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love 
drives me completely insane

always kept in motion by
the notion that there may lie
a home somewhere in between
beauty and brutality
in the hand of it's architect
holding but not holding back
find a place where pleasure lies
strike hard and splinter the mind

on a bed of roses, hope i open every vein
be so sweet to bleed out before this love i love 
drives me completely insane

Das Gemeine

i'm just like giles corey, sentenced to death
i got this burden placed upon my heart, every single day
yea i got scar upon scar on my self-worth
it's barely recognizable even to my own self

and every evening, it's there for me
and every morning after it failed to kill me

cuz im stubborn as all hell, i won't die yet
and i'm addicted to the feeling of losing total control
i got the fleeting feeling nothing's real
i got the butterflies for no reason at all oh yea

and every evening, i'm scared to death
and every morning, it gets a little worse

i'm just like giles corey, crushed to death
and i have many hatreds in my heart, all full to bursting
but im not really hateful, i just hurt
i just had my rose glasses all scratched up, at least they look good

so every evening, i go to bed
and every morning so on, until i can't

The Death Of Me

The Butterflies

There will come a day
when your safety blanket can't stay safe
all the friends that you loved
and your old haunts, will have to change

but that's a necessary thing that comes with growing older
and caterpillars are ugly before they're really something

everybody hurts
everybody's living in fear
everybody thinks, that
everyone else sees everything clear

but that's a necessary thing that comes with growing older
and caterpillars are ugly before they're really something

go away, if only for one day
things you lost
and things you tried to make stay

There will come a day
when your safety blanket can't stay safe
all the friends that you loved
and your old haunts, will have to change

cuz that's a necessary thing that comes with growing older
and caterpillars are ugly before they're really something

Caterpillars

sometimes i want to spread eagle on the train tracks
sometimes i want to give the reaper a break but

my mortal drive, keeps me alive

even when i can't get myself out of bed and
even when i wish everyone would just fuck off

my mortal drive, keeps me alive
it keeps me going even if i don't want that

when i get sad i tell my problems to my songs
really pretty melodies make real good headstones

my mortal drive, keeps me alive
it keeps me going even if i don't want that

My Mortal Drive

do you accept me if i hate myself
do you accept me if i'm nothing else
do you accept me if i'm killing time
do you accept if i just stay alive?

even if i, break down inside
know that i do try from time to time

will you accept me if i get fucked up
will you accept me if i never talk
will you accept me if i want to die
will you accept me if i don't know why

even if i, break down inside
know that i do try from time to time
even if i, forget to cry
know that i do want to stay alive

do you accept me if i hate myself?
do you accept me if i'm nothing else?
do you accept me if i at least try?
will you accept that i want to survive?

alice.

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