Just because you don't actually feel hurt about something doesn't mean you can't piss and moan while being televised, and that's where this inspiring little number comes in! Remember, when you're listening to the All Systems A GoGo, everything is about you, and you're the real victim. The only "real problems" are the ones you have. Anybody who says otherwise is being totally inconsiderate of your right to be totally inconsiderate.

Sweet Pretender

It's true that you just can't please everybody no matter how hard you try, but that's no reason not to turn somebody's disdain for you into publicity. If somebody spreads a  vicious rumor about you, that means you're still relevant! So, who's better off, the guy who defects from the British Empire to become a famous communist traitor and Soviet spy, or the guy who "did the right thing" and worked at a liquor store for the rest of his painfully ordinary life? When you're listening to All Systems A GoGo, you know the fucking answer. 

The Peanut Gallery

What do you do when you're hopelessly homely and, instead of lighting up a room, you make people want to shut the curtains? You listen to All Systems A GoGo, pick up a fucking blowtorch, and figure out from there. That's what you do.

Sucks To Be You

This is what we sound like. We literally can't make the description any simpler than that, for those of you who are unworthy and braindead. 

Replace me

Everyone around you is going to let you down eventually. Hell, they're going to let themselves down, and it's good to remember that when they crumble and float away like sand, it'll happen underneath your heal. Survivors get it. Victims don't.

I Just Destroy

Dirty Pissers

There's nothing like spitting on a rulebook, nothing at all.

Tiptease

When all of your friends screw up (and they will), the stage is set for slaughter. Their heads are on plates. Where are you dining tonight?

Yes, we do think we're better than you, but we're also willing to teach; and such fine teachers and disciplinarians we are.

Chris Twist is an embittered sociopath who uses his serrated sense of humor to disect jumblies, testes, and lady parts until you cry olive oil and spit hamburger. His best trick is getting people to think they're special to him so they fall in love and think they're immune to whatever savage shit he's in the mood to pull. David Copperfield was stunned at this talent and said, "I have NO idea how he does that." 

Mono Haywire steals your wallet while Chris Twist creates his hysterical diversions. Other side effects of your failing to notice her punk ass may include: having your tires slashed, your drink spiked with PCP, or getting a finger bang from her ninja grip.

We're All Systems A GoGo. Bleeding heart vaginas need not bother us with their sensitive bullshit, but if you're so strung out right now that you can't tell the emotional difference between a glass of lemonade and a dead kitty, then welcome home, friend, welcome home.