"If she only knew...how much I need her".

MUSIC VIDEO 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06c2VsltRL0


LYRICS


CHORUS 
Girl your so fly, fly, fly,
Girl your so, girl your so fly, 
Would you be mine baby, 
Would you be mine lady.

Girl your so fly, fly, fly,
Girl your so, girl your so fly, 
Would you be mine baby, 
Would you be mine lady.


VERSE 1
I don't care if you're 79, cos age ain't nothing but a number (number).
Wanna take ya back home, take your clothes off, rub some butter on ya (on ya), 
Dont worry about your wig, don't worry about your teeth, you won't need those tonight baybeh
Just let your tongue roam free all over me, be liberated lady
It'll be one of those nights, everythings right, everything tight...well.
You can't be choosey, think about it loosely, yea it ain't heaven, but it SURE ain't hell
Come on baby,
I KNOW you want me, 
You've been of dreaming of this,
Since you were forty, I know you're naughty (I know you're so damn dirty)
They say you're wrinkled and your skins lose so you wont turn me on,
But they know me. 
I like stretchy-aii-iaaa


CHORUS
Girl your so fly, fly, fly,
Girl your so, girl your so fly, 
Would you be mine baby, 
Would you be mine lady.

Girl your so fly, fly, fly,
Girl your so, girl your so fly, 
Would you be mine baby, 
Would you be mine lady.

VERSE 2
Yo baby i'm more then lust, I can be a romantic too yea,
We'll hit the grocers, grab Rich Tea and matching coasters,
baby try and stay focused.
I know it's hard yo,
I ain't talking bout you, no.
So lets skip the bingo,
Put on our own freak show, 
but baby just promise you'll keep it on a d low 

I'll help you get undressed cos your freedom pass let's me explore,
Then you'll let them loose, they'll fall out, roll out, hit the floor, 
and BOOOM shakalakalakalakalakakaaaaa
shake the room shakalakalakalakalakakaaaaa
Then we'll pull up the ting and mash up the ting, and smash up the ting, then share out the ting etc

So Fly

I couldn’t afford a cleaner so my sister took the gig.

MUSIC VIDEO: https://goo.gl/arf4SV

VERSE 1 

when I need eradication
my one solution is my cleaner
she don’t take long (oh no)
she is always in the corner
right there when I want her
all these other are expensive
and it’s filthy when they’re gone, yet they say

will you feed me
do you think it’s cleanly
will you pay me for my cleaning
I’m like no, not really cos


CHORUS

oh I think that I found myself a cheap cleaner
she is always right there when I need her
oh I think that I found myself a cheap cleaner
she is always right there when I need her


VERSE 2

she smells like a camel
she cleans my dishes with fake Fairy in a bottle
(yea yea)
cos she’s wizard with those gloves
and she’s got the magic touch
all these others are expensive
plus it’s stinking when their gone, yet they say

will you bath me
do you think it’s shiny
will you pay me for this cleaning
f*ck off man


CHORUS

oh I think that I found myself a cheap cleaner
she is always right there when I need her
oh I think that I found myself a cheap cleaner
she is always right there when I need her


BRIDGE

she gives me hugs and affection
sometimes a whole lecture
she’s the best cleaner for me
no, I don’t need a Dyson
mama loves you too, she thinks I made the right selection
now all that’s left to do is just for me to pop the question.

Download the original, 'Cheerleader' by OMI, here: https://goo.gl/21SYZ8

Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineering by Damian Hozier.

REUMIX - Cheap Cleaner  (originally 'Cheerleader' by OMI)

It's time to admit our male ‘public piss privilege’.

Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineering by Damian Hozier (https://soundcloud.com/damian-patrick).
Download the original, 'Pretty Girls' by Britney Spears feat. Iggy Azalea, here: https://goo.gl/NnXSLu

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LYRICS...

CHORUS

All around the world, Pissing Guys
On the floor, in the skies
Behind the club, aiming for flies
They just keep pissing.

All around the world, Pissing Guys
Do a line, get real drunk,
Piss where they like, just like a tramp
They just keep pissing.


VERSE 1

Hey, don’t you know that it’s always the same?
From Glastonbury round to LA
You can bethca’, wherever these guys piss, girls don’t go
They'll be pissing avoiding their toes
They’ll be full of MD and on coke
Just you watch, they’re so pissdictable

Drunk guys roll up
Trousers roll down
No time to fuss
Cocks to the ground
Watch them flow
It’s just not funny
(It’s Golden like honey)


CHORUS

All around the world, Pissing Guys
On the floor, in the skies
Behind the club, IN disguise
They just keep pissing.

All around the world, Pissing Guys
Do a line, get real drunk,
Piss where they like, oh what a c*nt
They just keep pissing.


VERSE 2

Tell me, is it true that these men are from mars,
Is that why they all aim for the stars?
Everytime I see a pissing guy i’m like “OH JESAAS!"
They don’t see me rolling my eyes
As they piss right here in broad daylight
With no sanatizer in site
(Some things just don’t change)

Drunk Guys roll up
Windows roll down
No time to fuss
Cocks to the ground
Watch them flow
It’s just not funny
(I question their mummies)


CHORUS

All around the world, Pissing Guys
On the floor, in the skies
Behind the club, EATING FRIES
They just keep pissing.

All around the world, Pissing Guys
Do a line, get real drunk,
Piss where they like, even on MONKS
They just keep pissing.


BRIDGE

Daaamn, he’s pissing so softly
Calm and confident like it’s just another hobby
He prays that all these people turn away their glance
But Pissy Chrissy must not know he's pissing in their camp
See, it’s a thin line between the beauty and the beast
Make haste, urinate, the whole world see’s you pee
Bad guy, worse (ooh) make you lose your mind
All of the girls begging quickly, snap him one more time...


RAGGA OUTRO

Yo yo, let you me tell you sumting
listen
it's not jus the mandem that piss on de road
Some girls piss on the street der ya simmee?
At the back of de shop and dem ting

Come round ere you wanna piss up de place
pissing like a doggy you a big disgrace
overtime you piss me smell wiff
You wanna piddle in the middle of a road like you're Paula Radcliffe

You need fe piss no more
Gyal need a diaper after cider or pickle rum, rum
you nah respect anyone
you a fully grown women
just put away your dutty
PUM PUM

REUMIX - Pissing Guys (originally 'Pretty Girls' by Britney Spears / Iggy Azalea)

If I don’t take my meds, people feel the consequences.

Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (https://soundcloud.com/damian-patrick).
Download the original, Classic Man by Jidenna, here: https://goo.gl/X2meeE

SUBSCRIBE to join the madness ► https://goo.gl/f1pdtq
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LYRICS...


VERSE 1

My face gives them a fright
I don’t play the fool, I just do what I like
Ghandi, bald as a shite
I’d slap my own mother if her dress was too tight
Why me, Why me Oh my?
I know many women want out of my life
If you owe me even £1.35
I’ll kidnap your kids till you
GIVE. ME. MY. MONEY.


CHORUS 1

Even if she GO away, even if she GO away
I will set my DOGS on her, they will fetch her ANYway.
I’m a drastic man
You can be me if you’ve killed about three
I’m a drastic man
Fuse so short, I see red swiftly
I’m a drastic man
These fools get taught with a slap or three by my drastic hand
Yeah baby I'm a drastic man


VERSE 2

If you divert my calls
Then act like you didn’t know
I will follow you home
And SHIT on everything you own

I got qualms with everyone, motherclucker
They’re all clucking with the wrong motherclucker
(listen)
If you’re standing on an escalator
Stand to the right or DIE motherclucker


CHORUS 2

Even if she RUNS away, even if she RUNS away
I will numb her legs that day, then I guess she’ll have to stay?
I’m a drastic man
You can be me if you’ve killed about three
I’m a drastic man
Fuse so short I see red swiftly
I’m a drastic man 
These fools get taught with a slap or three by my drastic hand (and feet)
Yeah baby I'm a drastic man.
(Gold teeth)


VERSE 3

If you indicate left
But then go and take a right
I will pull up your car
And urinate on site.

I got no love for your crew motherclucker
I'm the I’m the man
Who are you motherclucker
(listen)
If you don’t look like you did on Tinder
I’ll just swipe your face to the left motherclucker


CHORUS 3

Even if she DRIVES away, even if she DRIVES away
My satellite keeps track of her, it’s hidden in her poonarnai!
I’m a drastic man
You can be me if you’ve robbed a few priests
I’m a drastic man
You’re an OAP? That means SH*T to me 
I’m a drastic man!
These fools get schooled cos i’m always tooled up
Drastic man,
(Trust this)
Yea baby I'm a drastic man.
(oh shit)

REUMIX - Drastic Man (originally 'Classic Man' by Jidenna)

I ask for directions in the very colourful world of Dalston market. 


Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (https://soundcloud.com/damian-patrick).
Download the original, What Do You Mean by Justin Bieber, here: https://goo.gl/EHlWj9

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REUMIX - What Do Ya Mean? (originally 'What Do You Mean?' by Justin Bieber)

A deeply moving story about a struggling urban fox.

Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (https://soundcloud.com/damian-patrick).

Download the original, Hometown Glory by Adele, here: 
https://goo.gl/MA1cci

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LYRICS...

I left my house yesterday and I walked the streets
I walked and I walked and I walked till I couldn't feel my feet
Then then I came to a stopas I saw my good friend crying on the road, he said

Just cos i'm fox
Why you gotta,
treat me so cold?

All I eat is rubbish
All I feast on is vomit
I just wanna be respected (yea yea)
Like the common dog is

(then I said)

Don't worry little Fox
I'ma take you home and take care of YOU
(yo)

- interruption - 

Ima wash your tail in some special formulated fox shampoo
(lard-ah-mercy)

- interruption - 

You can trust that i'll treat you better than those f*cking dog owners do
Will you come with me and be my first pet please

(then he said)

FOX:
They used to call me fantastic
But now I just chew plastic
(spits)
They say I eat small babies,
but check the stats please
Dogs do that more on average

(and then he cried)

AARGGGHjhsdfksjdhf

Don't run away bushy,
Don't run away from, what you know is true
I'm here for YOU
Don't run away from ME
I'm here for YOU
Don't run away from ME

I"m here for yououou--ooohh-yeeeaa--aaahh
I"m here for yououou--ooohh-yeeeaa--aaahh
I"m here for yououou--ooohh-yeeeaa--aaahh
I"m here for yououou

Then I grabbed him by his nose and I said

I'm here for...Yoouuuuououuo0--yayay--yayaya-ayaya--yeaaa


FOX:
IOh my good. You seem so sincere.
I think I trust you.

Then we got to my house
Opened the door
He wiped his little fox paws on the floor and he strutted in
with a glimmer of hope in his eyes
hope in his eyes,
then he FROZE
I said YO
Why have you FROZE?
He said rarrhh
I said WHAT?
He said YOU
You got a DOG you liar!
You lying bastard, you got a dog you liar!

- end scene starts -

REUMIX - Misunderstood (originally 'Hometown Glory' by Adele)

My life changed when the bed bugs came back for me.


Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (@damian-patrick).

Download the original, Bad Blood by Taylor Swift feat Kendrick Lamar, here: 
https://goo.gl/7fbSGT

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LYRICS

Verse 1

Remember when you thought I was a dead BUG
(nerhhhh)
Nah I was sleeping cos I am a BED BUG
(yea)

Remember when you tried to sweep me out
But now i’m back in town
with my whole family now
And I don’t fear no more
Go get your cream you whore
I’ll eat your body raw


Chorus 

Yes, were so shiny
And were so tiny
But we want BLOOD.
(yes)

(Shit)

Look baby, now we’ve got Bed Bugs
I guess we’re blessed with this sh*t luck
We’re scratching like we’re dogs on crack
Cos baby, now we’ve got bed bugs

(Hey!)

Now we got problems
And no the council can’t solve them
They bit my ear off like Tyson
Cos baby now we’ve got bed bugs

Verse 2

(yeaaah)

Remember when you tried to wipe me off?
(aha)
Remember when you thought that I was crushed?
Don’t you remember?
When you denied my threesome?
You won’t give me some, remember? 
Now where i’m from that treason

So now I MUST
Bite your face
Bite your nose
Bite your eyes
Bite your Toes
Bite your Gums
Bite your teeth
And even bite your damn MUM.

When I see you it’s time to chow down
Cos you got live with the bed bugs NOW


Chorus 

Yes, were so shiny
And were so tiny
But we want BLOOD.

(Can I eat his foot daddy?)

Now we’ve got Bed Bugs
I guess we’re blessed with this sh*t luck
We’re scratching like we’re dogs on crack
Cos baby, now we’ve got bed bugs

(yeaaar)

You tried to stamp me out
You tried to spray me out
You tried to fan me out
And even FLICK me out
You tried to dog me out and cat me 
But now i’m back as a dad, just trying feed my family

(bedbugs cry)


Bridge (God)

Bed Bugs don’t give aids you know
Plus they don’t bite testicles
Why can’t you guys get along?

(Let's forgive and forget and just let it go)

I am God. And i'm here to tell you that the beg bugs are just like you humans. They’ve been through many hardships and they only bite you because they love you. Please humans, look after the bedbugs.


Outro

Oh my Gosh, God has spoken. They bedbugs only bite me cos they love me. What have I done?! I've killed so many. God please forgive, I'm gonna change...

YO

I’m gonna fly high with the bed bugs
I’m gonna GET high with the bedbugs
I will do time for a bed bug
LIFE!
You think I won’t die for a bed bug!!!??

You’re mad
Im bed bug man
Call me the big ass bed bug dad of the bed bug town
When i'm round, put it down
I’M A BED BUG NOW
Tell my mummy i’m a bed bug now
and tell the feds i'm a bed bug now
and tell my wife I don’t care about her life I wanna do this shit right
I wanna change my whole face, cos i’m a BED BUG no disgrace

REUMIX - Bed Bugs (originally 'Bad Blood' by Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar)

Dating women was too complex so I turned to animals.

Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (@damian-patrick).

Download the original, 'One Take' by Ghetts X Rude Kid, here: 
https://goo.gl/guRJv8

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LYRICS

I don’t date chicks
Cos they just waste dick
I don’t know about you 
But i’m heading to the zoo

I don’t want no stress
I just want HANimal sex
Stop hating on my preference
Or you're next

I’m wicked and bad
Come tru smelling like rat
I whine all de dogs to de floor
With my indian soca flow

See your mouse knows me
Your frog knows me
Even ask your damn monkeys they know WE
You wanna come see
bedabedabeda
Shit shit, i’m gonna calm down
Slow like Batman now

See...

I’ve dated some white gyals
Three of four lighties
Five or six darkies
seven or eight brownins

But they just stress me out
That weren’t AROUSING

So...

I dated a Yeti
Who looked worse than Freddie
Plus she smelt like a DONNNKEY
Nuff said already

(bleuuur)

Then I dated a hippoooo
hungry for white balls you know
Plus she drunk too much on weekdays
So I cut that bitch off

Then next was an OWL
Who’s mouth was foul
She tweeted and twootted each day for an hour
And when I left the bed she kept turning her head
and starring me ouwwwwt

Browsing
In the animal section
Everything get lock off
When they see me get an erection

I’mmmm an animal lover
I’ll go public i’m not undercover

Animals aren’t needy
They just love then feed me
Plus they don’t get jealous
So It’s nice and easy

Then I dated a HELEPHANT
Who said she did belly dance
Then her belly flopped out and mashed up de floor
No chance.

Then I dated this snake
Highly sexed and irrate
She just kept choking and spitting
and swallowing me whole each day

Then I dated a crab ting
One of those i-don’t-wear pant tings
But she kept stepping sideways and ting
And kept on crashing

Than luckily
I met this duckling
Who rocked high heels with a lot of bling
I said baby girl you’re the duck for me
She said “touch me"
Touch you?
Yea?
Cool.

Then the rest got jealous
So they came to attack
The Owl, the hippo, the yeti, the crab-ting, the snail all swinging a bat

I said what you all doing round this way?
Then up pulled the RSCPA
So I tried to make a swift get away
But now i’m in pen
like a battery hen

REUMIX - Animal Hype (originally 'One Take' by Ghetts x Rude Kid)

I've worked in retail so many times, but I just can't do it anymore. I mean, I'm broker than ever before, but whatever.

Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (@damian-patrick).

Download the original, 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse, here: https://goo.gl/hB7aPj


SUBSCRIBE to join the madness ► goo.gl/f1pdtq
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Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (@damian-patrick).

Download the original, 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse, here: https://goo.gl/hB7aPj


SUBSCRIBE to join the madness ► https://goo.gl/f1pdtq
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LYRICS


CHORUS 1

They tried to send me back to retail
But I said no, no, NO
Yes I am broke
But retail's no joke
So no, no, no

I ain't got the time
To be treated like a swine
They tried to send me back to retail
I won't go, go, go


VERSE 1

I'd rather beg on streets all day
I ain’t got spare life to waste
Cause there’s nothing,
retail can e-e-ever teach me
That I can’t learn,
from any slave movie

Didn't get a lot in class
But I know sales time means
i’m f**cked in the ass


CHORUS 2

They tried to send me back to retail
I said no, no, NO
Yes I owe doh
But retail's no go
So no, no, no

I ain't got the time
And if my bookie think’s i’m fine
They tried to send me back to retail
I won't go, go, go


VERSE 2

The man said, 'Why do you think you’re here?'
I said “JSA is easier"
They tried to, make me work in women's
So I always kept a tazor near
He said, “I just think your deprESSed”
Damn right, it was those daily,
discount requests


CHORUS 3

They tried to send me back to retail
I said no, no, NO
Yes I am broke
But i'd rather get choked
So no, no, no


BRIDGE

I don’t wanna work weekends again
I want, oh, I wanna see my friends
I’m not gonna do door greets
While everyone blanks me, like i’m not there.

It's not just my pride
It’s just till that old manager dies


CHORUS 4

They tried to send me back to retail
I said no, no, NO
Yes I am broke
But retail’s no joke
So no, no, no

I ain't got the time
To be treated like i’m nine
They tried to send me back to retail
I said kiss my BALLS.

REUMIX - Retail (originally 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse)

I've tried everything to make my legs grow, to no avail. It's a depressing life.


Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (https://soundcloud.com/damian-patrick).

Download the original, Thats Not Me by Skepta, here: https://goo.gl/dTAESI

SUBSCRIBE to join the madness ► https://goo.gl/f1pdtq
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LYRICS...


CHORUS 

My legs won't grow
My legs won't grow
FUCK MY LIFE (man)
My legs won't grow
E-V-E-N though
I squat real low like J LOOOO
They say NOOOOO
You shall remain a FLAMINGOOO


VERSE 1

I look like a pelican
Shins so delicate
Ain't no telling when
these ankles are gonna give WAY
I best get on my kneeeees and pray
That summer is COLD
Put those shorts on hold
Cos truth be told
WHAT WHEN THE WIND BLOWS?

(look)

He's holding on to a lampost
Legs dangling like string under some gale force
Girls are harsh on the streets these days
Got a man feeling like a SNACK these days (listen)

LOOK - It's the TWIGLET MAN


CHORUS 

My legs won't grow
My legs won't grow
FUCK MY LIFE man,
My legs won't grow,
E-V-E-N though,
I squat real low like J LOOO  
They say NOOOOO
So I cry in my room ALOOOONNEEE


VERSE 2 

Leeggssss!!!!???

Why you never grow for me ooo?
You got me singing all sad like Neo wearing jeans in the hot sun thus B.O
takes over my life and girls run...

This ain't fun
This ain't fun
They see me and shout 
"Skeleton on de the run"

Oh No.

I better call the doctor
And get into that line
I better call my mum
to pray another time

 (Do come in Mr Christian, now tell me, how can I help you?)

D'D'Doctor
I've got a little problem
my legs won't grow man
I need an operation
a calf injection
ANYTHING bredrin
You know what doc
just inject CHEESE in them
fuck the procedures,
call in Jesus
Anything doctor
ANYTHING please
I just can't take these...
Flamingo KNEE's!

REUMIX - Flamingo Riddim (originally 'That's Not Me' by Skepta)

I came home from holiday to realise that all the food in my fridge was rotting. I know many people that turn up to events just for free food - so I invited them over for a feast.


Written and performed by Reuben Christian. Sound engineered by Damian Hozier (@damian-patrick).

Download the original, 'Often' by The Weeknd, here: https://goo.gl/thbVHC

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LYRICS

Oh yea,
Oh yea,
Oh yea,
Oh yea,

VERSE 1

I usually love eating all alone
This time around I'll bring my friends over
But i ain't really gonna to eat at all
You ain't gonna catch me with them insta pics
In my kitchen I'm a young God
My pussy pie be so vicious (smell like fishes / be delicious)
My Gaviscon, he in my pocket
He got me covered I’m so careful I don’t take chances

CHORUS 1

Ask me why I'm not eating today, this food, "Rotten."
Ask me does this happen usually — "Not so often."
Free loaders will scof it either way, rotten
Baby I can make those bowels rain, rotten
Rotten, rotten, all this food here rotten
Make those cheapos vomit, teach them all a lesson
Rotten, rotten, I don’t do this often
So please keep this a secret, don’t tell Nigella Lawson
Rotten

VERSE 2

Infatuated by Waitrose hummus
They wanna dine inside the free-food buffet palace
They come around, but they’re not here for general Chit Chatter
That girl been starving all day, she don’t want salad
She’s just happy that chef Reubs back in town
She’s bout to scof shit down for a whole HOUR
When i’ve fed her, you can have her, man it don’t matter
This is cheese is sour, cos it’s older than the Queen Mother

CHORUS 2

Ask me why I'm not eating today, this food, "Rotten."
Ask me does this happen usually —"Not so often."
Free loaders will scof it either way, rotten
Baby I can make those bowels rain, rotten
Rotten, rotten, all this food here rotten
Make those cheapos vomit, teach them all a lesson
Rotten, rotten, I don’t do this often
So please keep this a secret, don’t tell Jamie Oliver
Rotten

BRIDGE

Oh, the fun’s liven’n up
The night's almost up
They're time's almost come
But I see their eyes
They wanna go again
Cool, I'll go again
Here, have more Plantain

CHORUS 3

Ask me why I'm not eating today, this food, "Rotten."
Ask me does this happen usually —"Not so often."
Bitches may have well been feasting straight from a dustbin
Eat it up
Yam it up
stuff it down please guys
I just want you all to have a good time
Rotten, rotten, I don’t do this often
Doggy bag what you fancy, but don’t tell GORDAN RAMSEY
Rotten

REUMIX - Rotten (originally 'Often' by The Weeknd)

A restless comedian experimenting with music.

https://www.instagram.com/reubenchristian1/

AllDayHeDreams

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