A spot-on impression of that aggravating recorded voice behind practically every business phone system.

Automated Phone System Voice

Just a quick Smeagol/Gollum impression. :P

THE PRECIOUS!!!

Recorded (albeit late) in honor of Brent Spiner's birthday.

    Felis catus is your taxonomic nomenclature,
    An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature;
    Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses
    Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses.

    I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations,
    A singular development of cat communications
    That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection
    For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection.

    A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents;
    You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance.
    And when not being utilized to aid in locomotion,
    It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion.

    O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display
    Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array.
    And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend,
    I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.

"Ode To Spot" (Data's poem from Star Trek: TNG)

My audition for the role of the Wicked Witch of the West in an independent Wizard of Oz radio play.  I ad-libbed a few lines for fun, gave them my own spin, and got the part less than 24 hours later. :)

Ding Dong the Wicked Witch

___________READ ALONG______
Hello there, this is a courtesy visit to you
I wanna tell you what all the cool kids do
Because I wanna make a cool kid out of you
I'll tell you the things I believe to be true

   Hello there, kind sir, can I make you see
   What other kids do doesn't matter to me
   There are so many things a person can be
   Go swim in your oasis; I'll stay in this tree

But ma'am, you really should show some respect
The things I can show, you might not expect
On all that I stand for my actions reflect
A grave, grave sin it would be to reject

   But sir, I hope you'll try to understand
   Diversity is worth trying to comprehend
   Please, sir, don't cross my line in the sand
   From across this line, I still shake your hand

So you really won't try what the cool kids do
And try to enjoy all these things I hold true
I hope you get it, my favorite color's blue
So if you join us, it can still be yours too

   But I like my rainbow of my own choice
   I prefer to tune out the background noise
   As I try to figure out my own equipoise
   I'm so sorry to disappoint you, boys

But please ma'am, if you simply believe
All of this goodness you soon shall receive
That's all you need to do, then you can leave
To come back with joy, bearing your sheaves

   Aha, I see what you're doing there
   Think you can use my words anywhere
   Twist 'em and turn 'em, think I care?
   'Coz I know what works for me, so there!

But ma'am--

   Have a nice day.

______________SOUND CREDITS___________
Birdsong and Footsteps - Sowelu Sound Effects
Door - FX Sounds
Doorbell - doorbell.wav by Corsica_S http://freesound.org/people/Corsica_S/ Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0  http://creativecommons.org/licenses/b...

Poetry Reading: When the Cool Kids Come Knocking at My Door

Here, have a poem.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.

Text: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/42889

"Hope Is The Thing With Feathers" by Emily Dickinson

Just a small snippet from an upcoming fan project (produced by moi)....

12/11/55, episode 192

my awesome radio announcer voice :P

So I'm apparently pretty okay at imitating Nora from RWBY :P

Nothing bad ever happened EVER

Chapter one of CLICHE, by Allison Rose with Aerin S. Grey. Read for you by Allison Rose.

Free background music and sound effects, unless otherwise enumerated, from David Fesliyan, www.fesliyanstudios.com

Soundsilk.com:
"Cat Puking Hairball Free Sound," recorded by "steviegeisel"

SoundBible.com:
"Cat Meowing 2," recorded by "Mr Smith," licensed under CC Attribution 3.0

"Cat Scream," recorded by "Ca9," licensed under CC Attribution 3.0

Cliche

CLICHE: Chapter One - Xander

An abridged reading of "True Facts about Morgan Freeman," originally composed and performed by "Ze" Frank -- and incredibly difficult to read with a straight face.

"Morgan Freeman was born in 1937. He narrated his own birth, saying as he left the warm comfort of his mothers womb, 'I Morgan Freeman enter the world.'

The first time that Morgan Freeman saw himself crying in the mirror he became old and he remained that way his whole life. From then on, every time that Morgan Freeman cried it rained in heaven. 

When Morgan Freeman makes a documentary film, he narrates it first and then nature makes it so. Penguins didn’t exist until Morgan Freeman made that movie. He’s that good. The only reason that the sun rises each day is because Morgan Freeman narrated that sunrise in his dreams the night before.

The only reason that you’re alive right now is because Morgan Freeman is narrating your life as he does for billions and billions of others each day and when you have a bout of indigestion, Morgan Freeman narrates it so you’ll appear noble at the mercy of nature ... and a taco. 

Morgan Freeman goes through four or five microphones a day because his voice turns them into bars of gold which he uses to fund his quest to create a real Santa Claus. Morgan Freeman can not be cloned because that will require unicorn tears.

If you are having a rough day think about Morgan Freeman because he is certainly thinking about you. Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman Morgan Freeman. "