FOOL // savior

When I first wrote this song, I was living in my friend’s grandparents’ basement, and only owned what would fit in my car. I had no job, almost no money, and the only remaining possessions I really had were studio equipment. Nonetheless, I found time to record when nobody else was home, and kept producing and writing music whenever I could. 

Vertigo embodies the mentality I tried to maintain throughout that difficult period of my life. I had to buckle down and give everything I had. I got a job, started making money, and—with a ton of support from my friends—I managed to get out of the rut and stabilize myself enough to finish the record and start to really take care of myself. Now that FOOL // savior is about to release nearly 4 years after I wrote Vertigo, it feels more relevant than ever. No matter what life throws at me, I will not give up on what I believe in, and this album is the living testament to that fact. 

We're told a lot of things by society about how best to live our lives, and many of these messages are toxic or demeaning. Consumerism and corporate interests constantly put us down or try to manipulate us into believing certain things about ourselves, regardless of the harm or dishonesty of their claims. 

If one is going to truly be motivated, one has to really accept the existence of this harsh negative atmosphere, and learn to breathe in spite of the toxins. We can't persevere if we can't even acknowledge what we're fighting against. I wanted the lyrics to embody the spirit of the toxic aspects of our modern culture, because I think it's more meaningful to keep fighting with a keen understanding of where we are a society. 

You are and will always be enough, no matter what the adverts tell you. 

I'm undeserving of a purpose, but I will battle 'til I'm burning up.

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Evoke - Vertigo

Life is—in some ways—like a war against the natural violence of the natural world and the constructed hardships of human society. 

Our peace of mind can be completely shattered by revelations about the potential suffering that is available to us. We find ourselves in free-fall. Up is down. Down is up. Reality becomes contorted. The experience is distancing, disorienting, and exhausting. Through it all, the only stability we have comes from the people we choose to surround ourselves with. Luckily for me, I have some of the best friends in the world and they’ve supported me in some incredibly meaningful and selfless ways. 

Even though we’re told that we’re hopeless if we falter for even a moment, and that we need to respect the authorities imposed upon us—we are hunkered down, crawling our way through the trenches of life, watching each other’s backs and often worrying that we’re not doing enough for each other. Everything is on the line, but at least there’s a line for us to hold. Together.   

Savor the shrapnel. Remember to breathe. Moments like these are fleeting.

Lyrics:

[verse] 
We’re gonna crawl now—don’t let your guard down 
Don’t let anybody see 
Give the act up—it won’t protect us 
It’s no time for empathy 

You’ll be alright—we’re on the same side 
But don’t you ever think of burning me 
When you taste blood, stay with us 
And keep your chin up, oh 

Don’t fret now—just keep your head down 
And don’t let it get to you 
Don’t put your hands up—it won’t protect us 
Remember who you answer to 

There’s no remorse and no reset 
Please acknowledge that I’ve made that clear 
If you choke up then you’re hopeless 
And you won’t leave here 

[Chorus] 
Looking at you, looking at me 
Pieces of mind float freely 
Savor the shrapnel. Remember to breathe 
Moments like these are fleeting 
In the aftermath 
In the aftermath 
In the aftermath 
Of a revelation 

[Verse] 
When we get through this and you review it 
Will you ever forgive me? 
Will I do enough, or maybe too much? 
Will I fight or fly or freeze? 

Are you still alive? Are you alright? 
Don’t you think of giving up on me 
Say something—stay with me 
Please just wake up 

[Chorus] 
Looking at you, looking at me 
Peaces of mind float freely 
Savor the shrapnel. Remember to breathe 
Moments like these are fleeting 

In the aftermath 
In the aftermath 
In the aftermath 
Of a revelation

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ALDEN GROVES - Aftermath

[verse] 
Last night was a failure 
Deep down in a pungent chamber 
I awake to the thought that I’m losing sleep 
Great… 

And I can’t remember 
How I came to depend on a savior 
Or why I let it get to me 
OK 

Divide into fractions 
Conversations dry like the rations 
A little salt goes a long way 
It’ll all be OK 

Each verse is a lie of omission 
In the dirt in the fetal position 
I’m on a journey one way 
I’m emerging unscathed 

[interlude] 
Nothing on the frontier is without a definite purpose 
No individual is without a definite purpose either 
Survival’s too difficult 

[Chorus] 
Better get somebody for the end of days 
Somebody who can lend a blade 
When the world is a war zone you’ll know 

Somebody who can mend a wound 
Somebody who depends on you 
When the walls are asunder you’ll know 
I’m your liability 

[Verse] 
No more questions 
I’ve had enough of your goddamn questions 
Maybe I’m a sucker for irreverence 
Maybe I will suffer from irrelevance 

Each life is a type of decision 
In the mud I am one with resistance 
I’m on a journey one way 
I’m emerging unscathed 

[Chorus] 

[Bridge] 
There are no perfect people 
I know you’re only trying 
But I’ve forgotten how to be 
Alive 
[End Chorus] 
Better get somebody for the end of days 
Somebody who can lend a blade 
When the world is a war zone you’ll know 
You’ll know better 

Somebody who can mend a wound 
Somebody who depends on you 
When the walls are asunder you’ll know 

You better get somebody for the end of days 
Somebody who can lend a blade 
When the world is a war zone you’ll know 
You’ll know better 

Somebody who can mend a wound 
Somebody who depends on you 
When the walls are asunder you’ll know 
You’ll know better 

You’ll know better 
I’m you liability

Liability

ALDEN GROVES - Liability

This song is about loving somebody who can’t emotionally reciprocate. Being in love is exciting, but also often stressful. When the relationship is unhealthy or communication isn’t solid, it can be a really tumultuous experience. 

All of my most intense emotions tend to manifest in my music, and this is no exception. I channeled all of my codependent angst into this one. It was really cathartic—belting my head off about my unrequited affections. Hopefully you can feel the same release singing along. It also reminded me how much I love rapping. Expect more of that soon.

I’m shaking the limbs on every oak tree I thought that you might have been hiding in.

Lyrics:
[Verse 1] 
I’m taking a look upon the castle 
I built for you with rough and ragged hands 
Am I a slave or an apostle? 
Cause I can’t seem to stand 

I’m shaking the limbs on every oak tree 
I thought that you might have been hiding in 
Was it poetic or insipid? 
The way I feared it might have been 

Cause I’m 
[Prechorus] 
Stuck in a cage looking to gain your favor 
What can I say? What can I say? 
I’m carving your name into the nape of my behavior 
But lover know that every day 
[Chorus] 
I can hold you down 
You can pull me under 
You can claw my back 
Like I’m the last you’ll ever know 
I can hold you down 
We can roll like thunder 
You can pull me close 
We’ll make it last forever 
Past forevermore 

[Verse 2] 
I made the decision not to face it 
But that decision never got me much 
All of my echoes rang complacent 
So I hung up 

And now I’m 

[Prechorus] 
[Chorus] 

Your medicine honey—medicine honey 
Has been sending me to bed in the morning 
Better report it to a medic 
But it’s never distorting never contorting 
And I’m betting 
I’m inanimate in animals and annals it’s unanimous 

Art speaks and I’m planted on a planet with 
Weak knees when I speak of your features 
At least I’m appeasing a beast 
But I need what I need and it seems you’re my weakness 

So let me shriek you a secret 
Iterated by the queen bee keeper 
This hive is alive with a fervor 
Buzzing with the hum of the mind of the server 

It’s at your service 
Quite right that it’s not quite perfect 
Set alight by you—I’ll do right by you 
All night till we reach the surface 

[Chorus]

ALDEN GROVES - Your Favour

I went back to my roots with this one. The classic evOke sound was characterized by more intense bass lines and edits, and I still love that stuff in the right context. 

I wanted to play off the double-meaning of “windows”: windows into houses and windows on a computer. In one sense, when I’m really upset I retreat into my online life. I can’t seem to close my windows. Similarly, when I’m really emotionally raw, it feels like I can’t close my emotional windows—all the weather from outside just pours into my house. His holiness Au5 gave me a lot of pointers when it came time to mix this one down, particularly with the heavier sounds. 

[Verse] 

Face the divine 
I shouldn’t have gotten involved 
Left me alive 
So I could receive the signal 

I can’t decide 
Whether to wither or wander 
Seasons go by 
And I can’t seem to close my windows 

[Verse 2] 
Taste the profound 
Stirring and energetic 
Lost in the cloud 
I’m ebbing along the static 

I can’t be found 
Whether I wither or wander 
Seasons go round 
And I can’t seem to close my windows 

[Verse 3] 
Come up for air 
This is the day you’ve longed for 
We’re almost there 
Just skirting the edge of a thunderstorm 

I can’t be scared 
Whether we wither or wander 
Seasons don’t care 
That I can’t seem to close my windows

Windows

I think the lyrics on this one speak for themselves. I wrote them after a pretty painful breakup, wherein I had been accused of a lot of things, most of which were unfair or outright untrue. I channeled all my anger and confusion into this tune. 

The original draft of this beat is actually the oldest part of the album, having originally been drafted up in late 2014. In mid 2015 I had a friend come over and record trombone layers in my apartment. My neighbor was pretty unhappy with that decision. One of my favorite parts of the whole album is near the end of the song where all the different vocal melodies layer up on top of each other.

Lyrics:

[Chorus] 
Remember 
Who you were 
When you were just one of us 
I don’t care 
Where you’ve been 
I’ll accept you as you are 

[Verse 1] 
Leave what you want 
Take what you need and 
Make a scene if you gotta make a scene and 
Long story is the short one’s indecent 
And I’d be wary of the meaning 

But if you’re ready to receive it 
I’ve been watching you demean your demeanor 
And my former lover wouldn’t have believed it 
It’s like I’m sleeping with a demon 

[Chorus] 

[Verse 2] 
It sounds meaner than I mean it 
But I’m certain there’s a serpent in the cedar 
There’s a poison apple I shouldn’t have eaten 
The botanicals of Eden 

Remember how you were a dreamer 
I’m a chemical reaction to your ether 
I’d be silent if I thought you couldn’t resurge 
From the chasms of the sea girl 

[Chorus] 

[Bridge] 
Don’t know you anymore 
Dissolve into the petrichor 
You know you’ve changed—you’re paranoid 
From the serene into the voice 

And what am I to say of loving? 
When I don’t even know the person I’m in love with 
My perception of that person doesn’t function 
Unreflected on the surface of the ocean 

There’s a blurring that’s too casual to cope with 
In this flurry of affliction and emotion 
Can we manage not to damage our devotion 
Or are we just to leave it broken? 

[Verses, Bridge, Chorus, all layered]

ALDEN GROVES - As You Are

This was originally supposed to be a 30 second beat at the very end of As You Are—sort of a small interlude between As You Are and Catacombs. Obviously that didn’t quite end up being the case. New layers kept popping up and expanding until the song was as long as anything else on the record. Oops! 

The lyrics are—funnily enough—inspired by the meme of the dog sipping tea in the burning house (you know the one). “Chin up cause the room’s on fire. We don’t know that tomorrow’s gonna come.” I find that idea comforting. If everything is going to hell anyway, I might as well do my best. This is fine.

Lyrics:

Chin up cause the room’s on fire  
We don’t know that tomorrow’s coming  
Chin up cause the room’s on fire 
 We don’t know that tomorrow’s gonna come
credits

ALDEN GROVES - Chin Up

This song is really wacky from a theory perspective—pretty unintentionally. There’s a couple key changes and a time-signature change. I can tell I’ve done something like that right when nobody seems to notice that I’ve done it. 

I played all of the guitar on this song (I did everything on every song so that’s a bit of a moot point, but I digress). The last solo I wrote note-by-note slowly, picking individual notes on the guitar, and it took me weeks to learn to play it up to speed. It actually improved my guitar playing quite a bit.

Lyrics:

You must be mistaken 
You must be mistaken—oh 
Hear the rattles in the cave 

And why'd you have to take it? 
Why'd you have to take it all? 
I'm tracing shapes 

You must be mistaken 
You must be mistaken—oh 
Hear the rattles in the cave 

And why'd you have to take it? 
Why'd you have to take it all? 
I'm tracing shapes 

Not a hieroglyphic 
Not to get specific but 
I'm pedantic in a way 

I am but a vision 
Underneath intention oh 
The catacombs awaken

Catacombs

ALDEN GROVES - Catacombs

I think the lyrics on this are potentially my favorite on the album. It’s about the profound existentialism of feeling bored and alone—mundanity and everyday problems. Fittingly enough, almost the whole song got lost in mid 2018 when my computer crashed. Thankfully I was able to salvage the midi and re-record the guitar parts and it sounds better now than before the crash. Blessing in disguise? Maybe. It was definitely a pain at the time. When I started taking vocal lessons at the beginning of 2018, this was the song my vocal teacher and I started my training with.

[Verse 1] 
This is just another long day 
For a self made martyr or an infidel 
I don’t need another one of your damn lectures 
Do I? 

Crawling on the face of the moon 
Like a hamstrung Armstrong nare-do-well 
With a bottle at my side 
In the twilight 

Guilty as charged 
Guilty as charged 

Just a day’s ennui 
For a kid wth a penny at a wishing well 
Doesn’t wanna let another mundane hour cruise by 

Staring at the face of a clock 
Like a listless lover at a ship set sail 
Clutching a bottle 
With a goodbye on the inside 

Guilty as charged 
Guilty as charged 
[Chorus] 
Undone—undone—undone 
Wasting away and you’re 
Undone—undone—undone 
Wasting your time on yourself 

[Verse 3] 
This is just a made up game 
For a cold night in when the truth is dead 
You don’t even have a decent reason to lie 

Banging on a mirror all day like an ape in a rage 
Or a newlywed 
In an offbeat rhythm I like 
For a lifetime 
[Chorus] 

[Bridge] 
Here we come, tedium 
My whole week’s been eaten up 
Pull the curtains, abandon sun 
I’ve seen enough 

Here we come, tedium 
Sleepwalk off your animus 
If today’s not sweet enough 
Take it back for a new one 

[Chorus]

Undone

This is one of the stronger tracks on the album in my opinion. I had the idea to take the film metaphor and run with it for all the lyrics. Fortunately, I got a crash course in camera lingo. At one point in 2016 I really wanted to get into cinematography, so I got a 1-on-1 lesson with SoBroNo3 to learn camerawork. It pretty quickly became apparent to me that I was way out of my depth and out of my element, but I did learn a ton of cool camera and film terminology that I was able to incorporate into the lyrics. Plus, he was just a really professional and cool dude, so props to him for that. I’m still not savvy with a camera though, tragically.

Lyrics:

[Verse 1] 
You float like a slow pan 
Look ma, no hands 
Look pa, no frame—no shame 
Numb me up like cocaine 

Can’t focus—shaky cam 
Which moment makes a man cause 
I’m hoping it just began 
I’m hoping it just began 

I'm kissing that green-screen goodbye 
Frame left—no light 
Frame right—floodlight 
No stops in the highlights 
Just noise over twilight 

No love for the close-up 
Dolled up for the dolly shot 
Do you want the part or not? 
Do you want the part or not? 

[Prechorus] 
Places everybody—you’re out of frame 
Places everybody—I’m out of place 
Places everybody—you’re out of frame 
Places everybody—I’m out of place 

[Chorus] 
Long exposure 
Open my aperture 
Tear me open until you’re sure 
You’re sure 

[Verse] 
Just tear me open 
I’d kill to expose the film 
I’d die for a highlight reel 
Of the times you and I had a smile like 

Just spare me the details 
Low light low ISO 
Is this it? I dunno 
Is this it? I don’t know 

[Prechorus] 

[Chorus] 
[Rap] 
When the cast and the crew can’t act 
And the cameraman is tracking action backwards 
Cruel producers use and abuse the actors 
And rumor has it they could switch directors 

Know that I’ll be backstage sitting 
With a passé rhythm and a massive grin 
Looking like a humdrum bum 
With “I need you” in my lungs 
And “I miss you” on my tongue 
That’s love kid 

Action—this one’s tragic 
Here I want the acting to be rapid and climactic 
Could you cry a bit or do a funny accent? 
Picture it as paramount if you want a reaction 

Let the walls down 
You can ham it up a notch 
Tell me everything and I could be your confidant 
I could be your agent 
We could be a juggernaut 
Places everybody cause I’m hoping for another shot 

Action 

[Bridge x2] 
Two steps to the left 
Two more for effect 
Two steps to the right 
Last take of the night 
Take two steps back 
We gon’ fade to black 
Two steps to the front 
For the cinema 

[Chorus x2]

The Cinema

Cut Off

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FOOL // savior

EVOKE