not much to say other than im grateful for the fridays we spend together and the minimal social interaction gained out of it has saved me a lot of trouble

dedicated to the 2nd friday of each month

much love <3
-cryul

A Serious Lie About Addiction

Hand Holding in a Vibrant Hue

Extraterrestrial Lights

sitting for too long
A, M, J, and L, truly hope to see you all again

...

I Don't Want to Die

i dont wanna say much

im in a shitty mood. im in the worst headspace. i havent seen my friends in a long time. i havent seen my dog in a long time. ive been sober for what feels like too long even though its probably not. im making bad decisions. they dont feel like decisions. they just happen. im trying to cope.

this songs the 4th track on ep2 "neurosis" coming out on september 2nd. the track is about feeling so insane that things start to make sense. its about seeing a version of yourself that you aspire to be and feel incomplete without. its about noticing a way to just maybe fix your problems but not knowing how to go that way. 

fixing is difficult

i know im not okay right now and im really scared


...

I Saw Myself Without a Reflection and Fell to My Knees

A Cycle of Hollow Joy and Vicious Self-hatred

An Overwhelming Fear of Death

An Overwhelming Fear of Life

"my gut is killing me
my head knows migraines better than just anything

yet here i lay a stupid mistake
nothing feels right nothing is bright
just let me decay
away

wasted
hopeless and
yearning for self-care

wasted
hopeless and
yearning for self-love

wasted
hopeless and
yearning for some
bullshit to just tell my brain that
my body is enough
when its not

i see your body
the way you walk around gets me
fucked up over little things that
were decided by a fucking coin flip

i envy that pose
i envy that wardrobe
full of clothes
that fit your smaller waist and cuter shoulders hotter face and longer hair

that couldve been me"

But Maybe in the End it Will Be Okay

"for as long as i can remember ive always had such a difficult time with falling asleep i used to have the thought of like oh i wish that days were like 25 hours long instead of 24 cause what i would do is i would basically every time i slept i would shift my sleep schedule by an hour so i would wake up at like 4am one day and the next day i would wake up at 5am the next day i would wake up at 6am and so on it continued like that so for basically half the month i was nocturnal it fucking sucked it was really hard to change as well but anyways one day i wake up at 7am it was one of those days and that was fun cause the around here thats like around when the sun rises its a yknow sunrise its fun but im hungry as fuck so i end up like first thing i do is i just go to the kitchen cause i obviously i wanted something to eat so im downstairs and my sisters down there too she is consistently waking up in the morning im really jealous of that but shes up there or shes down there in the kitchen and um she opens the sliding door that we have by our kitchen cause our kitchens in the back of the house she opens the sliding door she lets herself out and she lets our dog out and closes the door so i grab whatever i want to eat i forgot i ate something who knows doesnt matter um then i just go ahead im i go ahead i look out the glass sliding door that we have just looking for something to look at and just on the porch is my sister sitting on the top step and our dog sitting on the top step together just looking at the sun rise and i look at that for maybe 20 seconds about that time and then i just like do a little weird gasping motion i suppose im like kind of taken aback and i go to the next room and i just kind of sit there i just kind of sit there lights arent on i just kind of sit there i think thoughts i was like i was kind of fucked up it was a really nice sight and i i wanted something to change i wanted to stop doing what i was doing i wanted for something to change i saw that sight and it was a really nice sight and i wanted to change myself"

Change Yourself - Bonus

your favorite mess 
features for free music for fun
you probably know me as gigadyte but i wouldnt know
honzi rose records

Amber Brook

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