Giant Robot:

giant robot

giant robots make you cool
giant robots break the rules
giant robots crush your school
sorry school

giant robots are real big
earthquake-causing laser kick
fire missles at some kid
sorry kid

giant robot

giant robot

Giant Robot Week Theme Song

A poem about reality. Artwork generated by thispersondoesnotexist.com/

You expect me to believe that?
I’ve seen a photoshop or two in my time
I’ve seen a deep fake, deep state watercolor airbrush mail-in rebate
Second hand reversing on second-hand keepsakes
I know what you’re trying to do
Trying to sell me on some Orson Wells
Instagram live of War of the Worlds II
Ballot glutton presedential election
Executive produced by
Clickbait face reveal in 2022
You expect me to believe that?
Up next
A vaccinated water mandate fighting tooth decay
Satellite truth array
High above the… flat earth?
You expect me to believe that?
Bigfoot reacts to middle school shooting false flag
Family ain’t just coworkers ain’t just Zoom screens peppered with all natural lag?
I don’ think New York City is back
I just think these virtual waiting rooms look a lot better now

I know what you’re thinking
I see you spreading rumors about me
Like you’re whispering nude body parts
“He’s not all there”
Yeah, you neither
You, pieces of self
Scattered about the countryside
Name on the lips of strangers five years too late
Bloodstain on the lip of a curbside San Diego sunset strip skate
Two-faced in a powder room in Tuscon via Facetime
Cover of a song you wrote
Butchered after bar close
You, in a different time zone
You, pending address change for a last name
Driveway fast lane
You, a hundred million different memories
All slightly disremembered
Cauterized in youtube twitch streams
TikTok broadcast bursting at the inseams
Digital meteor showers and bitstreams
Everywhere all at once
Raining down from somwhere high above the ether
Yeah, you neither
I’m out here on that doom-scroll, doom-swerve, doom-splatter
On the con-crète-crete
You’re out here on that hashtag no lives matter
Existential bomb threat tweet
I want to believe that we’re not so different
But they won’t let me
And you still ask your shrink why you feel
So goddamn empty
Like it’s your fault

I keep having these dreams where
Where the only way to log off
Is to fire a pistol at my laptop
But I can kill all my friends by clicking End Meeting
Where my best friend looks like a polar bear
And he’s drowning
And I try to call out but I can’t remember his name
And all I hear is someone shouting
“You expect me to believe that?”
And it sounds like my voice
Where I’m at my own funeral
And I see the priest lower my body into the ground
Point at the hole
And say “He’s not all there”
Where
Where I’m frantically trying to finish this poem
But no matter what I do
The only thing I can write down is
“It’s real
It’s all real”

Real

Mr Grrrinch

Deckin

At The Door

Chimney Flames

Make It Reindeer

Grandma a Thug

Chocolate Bunny

You my chocolate bunny, you my you my chocolate bunny
You my chocolate bunny, you my you my chocolate bunny
You my chocolate bunny, you my you my chocolate bunny
You my chocolate bunny, you my you my you my you my

You my semi-sweet
I wanna keep you close at all times like you my enemy
Melt you in my mouth like a shot of cold Hennessey
I hope you decide to stay, you could be my Embassy
Suite-heart, remember these treats are
Easy to come by, but harder to keep
Mostly finished in a minute like a couple of peeps
I wanna make it last longer than CVS receipts
And start an all-you diet, yeah I'm watching what I eat
Mmm

Yeah I see you in the holiday aisle
Your style got me immobile
I mean I'm talking entirely beguiled
By that smile
Straight out of a catfishing profile
Dial me up and I'll annihilate even a hint of denial
That I wouldn't fly all the miles in the world
Girl I'll stand on trial and testify
All of the vile things that I'm trying to rile up
So won't you come on and stay a while?

You my chocolate bunny, you my you my chocolate bunny
You my chocolate bunny, you my you my chocolate bunny
You my chocolate bunny, you my you my chocolate bunny
You my chocolate bunny, you my you my you my you my

You my girl
You the center of my world
I'm talking hazelnut
Licking creme filling out the middle
Used to hate it but
Now I can't get enough
Lay you down, hands around your waist
Hands above your head
So you don't even notice that I've tied 'em up
Make sure that you can't make a move
Or a sound
As a grin hooks the sides of my mouth
Look around
We in the middle of nowhere, baby
What did you expect?
You thought we were having sex?
Incorrect
Hold your neck still
Baby I ain't eaten in a week
If I'm gonna go down
Then I ain't going down to the market stop
Just to get that meat
I'm a need that fresh
Like I told your before that I got red wings
And I told you I know how to make a woman scream
Though I think by now you've figured out what it means
Ain't no running from the moment that you finally agreed
To the deed
Settle down
This 'll only take a minute
This 'll probably hurt a little, then a lot
You can wriggle and resist all you want
It'll only make it harder to stop all the stabbing and chopping
The snapping of bones tearing open the chest
Watch you open your eyes as I'm raising the heart to the sky
Then I'm gonna eat the flesh of the thigh and the breast
Tear the limbs, burn the rest as an offering to God

You my chocolate bunny

#unleavened

Chocolate Bunny

The Hunt 

I'm going to tell y'all a story
About the most terrifying Easter experience of my life

Sunday
8am in the morning
Put the church clothes it's courtesy
HIt the lights, bout to step out the door then
Without warning
Letter on the side of the doorstep
Egg hunt, really fun
1pm
If you wanna join, text me before then
8 digits
Typo or something suspicious?
Text still goes through in minutes
What came back make a skeptic religious
"Yo, this is JC
Below you can find where the place be
Try to finish the hunt in 18
Just remember there will be no escaping"

Something is off
Already had plans to play golf
Already forgetting about it at church but  
I'm sitting and waiting the service is taking too long
Alright fuck it, I'm on
Sneak out the back and I'm gone
Making my exit during prayer
Sorry God
Make it up to You later I promise I'm
Driving kinda fast to be honest I'm
Telling myself there's nothing I should be astonished by
Kidding myself that I don't wanna win the contest I'm
Hoping that I'm not a novice 
Wondering how the hell'd I get involved in this
Ominous shit

On to the hunt
Hit the place early, smoking a blunt
Dude shows up so I pass him a puff
Ask if he's knows what's up?
Dude just shrugs
Few minutes later we hear something move in the shrubs
Move a bit closer to see what it was
Pause
A silvery glint from below got us dropping our jaws
Nah, nah, this ain't silver, it's gold
Straight from what Aesop's Fables had told
115K, what a sight to behold
Boutta ball out later when I get it sold
I think that I'm done
I know it's tradition to hunt 
But I feel like I already won
Suddenly I hear it, clock strikes one
Game has begun

Still feelin like something ain't right
Dude disappeared
But when I turn around, he's back and he's holding a knife to me
"Hey man, relax, this is just a game!"
"Maybe to you but to me it ain't
Got a kid in the hospital, bills to pay
So if you take that egg, you gon' taste the blade"
Now I'm wishing that I would have stayed
Back at church, where I should have prayed
But I'm praying now, and I see the knife
And I see the dude, and I see my life
Flash before my eyes
Then I feel the ground move
See a hand punch through the dirt
Then a crown of thorns rise 
And I'm crying out loud
Holy shit, it's Jesus Christ

Back from the dead, and he's back for revenge
Grab hold of dude, so he can't move an inch
Throw him to the ground, kicks away his knife
Takes three nails, literally crucifies him
To the ground
Now He's looking at me
Wound in his side, two holes in his feet
Flesh hanging off of the side of his face
Got a look in his eyes like he's looking to eat
Takes one step forward and I freak
Run til I feel like I might overheat
Stop for a sec and remember to breathe
That's when I look around and notice the trees
Bodies, at least seventeen
Hung like Christ, what a horrible scene
Jesus seizes me from behind, and I scream
Oh my god! He is risen indeed

The Hunt

Crackin'

Let's get it cracking
You see all this Faberge that I been stacking?
You see all these ovaries I been attracting?
I ain't double bagging, let's get it cracking

Do you want a frittata?
I got these puppies farm fresh, I'm taking vida da gadda
I don't want to crack 'em early so I got a pinata
But I don't want the chicks neither like I bought a Miata
I cook it up with some onions and a bit of ricotta
Get you a slice, top it off with a green avocado
Right now it's hotter than a summer day in Reno, Nevada
You ougta let it cool down just like a meat empanada

So do you like it or nada?
You can tell me what you think, it's all Hakuna Matata
Does it pair altogether with a sip of horchata
Or keep your arteries corotid with some carne asada
I mighta let it cook a bit longer than the time we've allotted
But if you take a sec, appreciate the wholly exotic
And out of this world nature of the omelette, you gotta
Admit it's pretty great - let's hear the studio applaud it

Let's get it cracking
You see all this Faberge that I been stacking?
You see all these ovaries I been attracting?
I ain't double bagging, let's get it cracking
Let's get it cracking
You see all this caviar that I been packing?
You see these lemon meringues that I been snacking
On and relaxing? Homie, let's get it cracking

Eat an eggs benedict if you been a dick to me
Or been addicted to 'em over pipes full of nicotine  
You can try and count 'em, I got about infinity
And you can't take 'em from me 'less you're doing oophorectomies
It's pure eggstacy when I got a dozen next to me
Thinkin I can't let a great fall be my legacy
Stuff 'em in the fridge after exchanging simple pleasantries
Or pass 'em to the kids just to satisfy the peasantry
I wanna do something grand, crack 'em over the pan
Until there's nothing left but eggshells stuffed in the can
20 pounds of toast, top it off with some jam
And an olympic sized swimming pool of coffee from France
Yeah it's breakfast or bust
I'm making a fuss
And hustling 
Just like we discussed
I'm leaving the crust
I'm deviling the eggs til their puffed
And properly stuffed
Believe me
The meal ain't over, until it's over-easy

Let's get it cracking
You see all this Faberge that I been stacking?
You see all these ovaries I been attracting?
I ain't double bagging, let's get it cracking
Let's get it cracking
You see all this caviar that I been packing?
You see these lemon meringues that I been snacking
On and relaxing? Let's get it cracking

Hookline

Popular tracks