It's been a while since I have wrote my last love song. Maybe because my heart's been so empty for so long, deprived of all the knowledge necessary to survive in this world of loneliness and in my lonely life.

I'm not supposed to feel this way about you.

Should I even ask you how you feel? How do you...

Can you feel futility?

Well today I saw a leaf falling from a tree and it was beautiful, just like whenever I see you smiling. And in your eyes the sky is reflected in the bluest of the seas.

And I'll wait for the change of seasons. I will wait for the first leaf to fall to the ground. Like in shadows that cloud before it begins to pour, I sit waiting on my porch, thinking of you, watching the storm.

It rains and it pours but the ground has never been drier before. My eyes have never been drier before.

Should I take this leap of hope and walk this way? Should I risk falling thirty feet on to my face again?

Even though I know that bones heal stronger than before, the current of my marrow is pushing on the door.

I'm not supposed to feel this way about you.

Despite the hundreds of times I'll try, you'll keep on living, never knowing.

so long

Was anybody listening when I said you'd never be alone? They could not believe us, but you said, "I'll never leave you. I'll never let you go."

[Letting go]

I try to release, but instead I find that when you are away there is no peace-of-mind. All in time I'll be shallow, a sea of blue. 'Cause there's no place for me in this world without you.

My life one year ago today? Just another chapter on confusion in the pages of a book about when I tried to define a "normal life." Somethings will never change, and I won't listen to what they say.

I'll never live this life as a life spent trying to avoid a bitter end. Instead I'll throw my caution to the wind and trust my beating heart to get me through this pain. And in vain I reach my arms and try to hold you. Can you feel me in your veins? Does your body start to shiver when you hear my name?

Four months to grow and any weakness is weak. I gave my heart to her, is that so hard to believe? A reflection of you is reflected in me.

Now that I can't be there when I really should be, I'm so sorry.

Can you forgive me for this burden on your life? But I know that someday everything will end up right when your heart's close to mine and I'll sing about how wonderful life turned out to be.

Shallow. A sea of blue. 'Cause there's no place for me in this world without you.

so long

anakadote

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