You got it bad

Hallelujah  at Portland or

say something stay at Portland, Or

The worst

Say something

All along it was a fever...

It was a fever

I won't give up

My new at Portland

If people could only learn to not be so self involved and embrace those willing to love them. . . I think people would be more truly happy as opposed to putting on their look good. Peace we're blessed

Even though therz pain my children give me a reason to keep breathing.

what's wrong with people???

  *Born unto an unexpecting mother who was surly not wanting me, my first lesson lived was cries will never bring answers.          

  Therfore I quickly developed my own coping skills to endure the loneliness of a dark room & being cold (as I was always soaked in my own mess with no blanket and disturbed by my own smell)I resorted to my deepest roots for comfort reckelecting the womb I'd curl into fetal position with my knees down and rest my head on my hands... I must've only been 6 months to a year... my focus was always the light under the door and the motions of people passing on by, I would always gain a moment of excitement hoping someone was coming to see me, love me, change me or feed me whenever a shadow was going by. I never seemed to lose that hope even though rarely was a shadow for me & when so, the visit was quickly short lived. 
  
  My point being, this was just the beginning of becoming the warrior woman I am and although my life and road has been full of pain, loneliness, tears, numbness and regrettable hard learned lessons, my experience has a purpose, I am blessed to say in this such first year I was introduced to my higher power, as I remember those days in my crib so vividly I still feel my most significant memories of all as if they were today. 
  The ones that first seemed the most sad and lonely, was in those moments that the heart would start to race with ache the mind crowded with confusions and hurt feelings on why nobody cared or just remembered me in that back dark room.
 This face would become hot and heavy, eyes would begin to swell burning with sights becoming blurry, stomach so sick making ways with turning my soul was yurning and just before those crocodile tears were fully coming to the fall something lay it's hand upon my back and slowly caressed away all such pains from my head, my heart, my chest and I could only feel the message that it's all going to be ok in the end and all I felt then was genuine love and care yet nothing was there when at times I'd quickly get up wanting out of the crib, soon I became aware that as I am not alone, I am. Because this supernatural love bomber wasn't going to let me feel such ways as it did all together seem agonizing because I did know for certain I was being neglected, I just couldn't understand why or what was wrong with me for them not to like, love or nurture. 

  My premise to this knowledge gained from full fledged experience is that
 
 1. We must be ascended from some past existence because my knowledge base was fairly large and logical at such an age. It was just that my physical body was not trained yet to operate and expel the knowledge. 
 
 2. I could guarantee anybody in doubt of a higher being, that there most definatly is as I have not only been nurtured by it in my most essential years of needing. But I have been shown so many spiritual experiences and shown in sobriety folks. 

 3. It is said that God will bring suffering because it is at the most agonizingly desperate and lonely times that mankind will come and seek him and once again know him and ask him for guidance and help. Therfore so be it if that's what it takes.

 4. We have to learn to appreciate the darkness of this world because if it wasn't for its existence we wouldn't know there's light and that there's things to be grateful for. 

I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE HAD AT LEAST THAT LIGHT UNDER THE DOOR BECAUSE IT WAS THAT LITTLE BIT OF LIGHT THAT ALWAYS KEPT ME HAVING HOPE and FAITHFULLY OPEN TO STAY LOVING AND APPRECIATIVE. 

IF IT'S ALL ONLY LIGHT, WE WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO APPRECIATE. 

IF IT WAS ALL DARKNESS, WE WOULDN'T KNOW HOPE TO KEEP OUR FAITHS. 

    *<3 IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ THIS, I HOPE YOU RECIEVED THE MESSAGE THAT IS MEANT TO BE GIVEN THROUGH MY FIRST JOURNEY AND SURVIVAL.*<3

     PEACE, 
           Angela Marie Monson


Ang3laMari3

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