Question: Male Ages 18-21 I recently had a breakup with my girlfriend. I was told that i would get over it and stop this numbness that I feel. Its been a couple months. I still think about her everyday, I look at my phone every couple hours just to see if I’ve heard from her. I don't want to hear from her and don't want to think about her, but I can't stop. How do I get over her quickly and for good?

Angellica Waters Advice: It's hard to get over relationships, but you have to be willing to invest more time in yourself than you do thinking about her. 

Stop looking at your phone. 

Start to spend more of your time around your family or your friends or doing something enjoyable where you lose track of time in a good way. 

Ask your friends and family to change the subject if you bring her up to help you get thoughts of her out of your head. 

The more you do things that you enjoy, the less you will think of her and the quicker you can stop those constant thoughts, the faster things will become easier for you.

I hope this helps you. Breakups are not easy, but people get through them all of the time. It is possible, it's just a process to get to the end of it.

Angellica Waters - Relationship Love Dating Advice - Getting Over A Breakup Quickly

Question: Female Age 23. 

I have a huge problem, 

I have been married to my husband for almost 4 years, but it seems like all we do is argue. I usually get mad about small things and it will cause a huge fight and we say hurtful things. I don't know what to do or why I get mad so easily. I love my husband very much and I believe with all my heart he loves me but I am afraid that all the arguing is starting to take its toll on our relationship. I don't want to lose him.  I just don't know why I get angry so easily. How can I change that?

Angellica Waters Advice: Living in a constant state of conflict is not good for anyone, let alone for a relationship. 

Eventually your arguments will cause marriage problems if they have not already. Try thinking of it from your husband's perspective. Would you want for him to always react with anger towards you? Would you enjoy living in a house where your spouse was angry all of the time? I don't think anyone would enjoy that, even if they did love their spouse very much. 

Eventually it would get to be too much and they would have to get out of the situation. This is and will be a deal breaker in any relationship. 

Because of this, you really have to find out why you are so angry and do something about the way you are handling your anger. 

First try to figure out why you are angry in general. Have you always been this way? Is it just that you don't know how to react any other way or is it a more recent issue? The good news if it's more recent is that the habits you have now in regard to dealing with your anger will be broken more easily if you try very hard to do so. 

Try not to react immediately or talk with your husband when you are feeling angry. If you are in the same room as your husband, tell him you love him, but you need a few moments to collect yourself and calm down before talking with him and then leave the room. 

While in another room, take a seat, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Try to calm down first. Then think about what is making you angry and figure out why it's making you so angry. If it's just a small thing, then you are giving something insignificant power over your emotions. Why would you want to give anything or anyone so much power over you?

You are a strong person and you can control how you feel. Try to think of a solution to the problem that is making you angry. You are strong and in control, you can handle it! 
After doing this, try to think of something positive to counteract the negative feelings. 

Think of the sweet and wonderful things your husband/family do for you or say to you. 
Once you feel calm and can speak to your husband in a loving and kind way, go talk to him about the issue that you are having (if it is with him) and always keep in mind that the next argument you instigate could be the one that pushes him away and ends your marriage and that is the last thing you want. Treat him with love and respect and always try to communicate with him only when the anger has left you and you can do so with love and respect. 

Life should be joyful and marriage should be something that makes both you and your husband happy. Do something nice for him, do something nice for you as well and even when you don't feel like smiling, do it anyway while thinking of the sweetest things in your life, because even if you are not happy, you are powerful enough to change your emotions and make yourself happy. A positive attitude is one of the most attractive qualities someone can have and the easiest way to change your quality of life.

You have complete control over your life, your happiness and your emotions. If something doesn't make you happy, change your attitude and change what isn't making you happy. Having a positive attitude is essential and the more positivity you have the more positivity you will attract.

Testimonial for this advice: Thanks so much Angellica, what you said really made a lot of sense. 
I think I started being angry as a child because I was abused by a family member, then I was used by guys in my teens.
I think I just have anger toward men in general because of what has happened but I think what you said will help! 

Angellica Waters - Relationship Love Dating Advice - Anger Issues Over Things He Does

Question: Female Ages 30-35  I’m very confused.  I broke up with my boyfriend in a text message this weekend.  I couldn’t get ahold of him on the phone.  I know this wasn’t a very nice thing to do and I regret it.
We were in a long distance relationship.  I know that means we need to make extra effort to communicate and spend virtual time or time on the phone together. He was always very sweet by text, but he told me he found it hard to talk about verbally. 
Anyway, he has been texting me normally since then, as if nothing has happened. I can't decide if he didn’t receive my text or if he’s ignoring it and is in denial. He seems to be acting as if everything is normal and he hasn't mentioned my text at all.

As far as I am concerned we have split up. I contacted him today to ask him if he received my text.  I am waiting for his response. However, I feel like I am in limbo because I still love him, yet find this lack of real communication so frustrating. 

We get along well, we didn’t have any fights.  I just felt at the insignificant amount of communication.  The communications that I do receive from him are just the same as they always were - lovely and full of concern for me but too few and far between. 

We are still communicating with each other so the channels of communication are still open, but I just don't know where we are now.  As I said earlier, as far as I am concerned we have split up (but I wish we hadn't) yet it appears he either didn't get the text or is in denial.  I am not sure where to go from here!




Angellica Waters Advice: You are absolutely right about the biggest problem here being communication, but it's up to both of you to communicate. 

Throwing in the towel on a relationship and not communicating why isn't going to lead to long-term happiness for you in any relationship. You have to tell someone what the problem is before a relationship reaches the point where you want to end it. Then you have to work towards solving that problem together. 

It's good you have realized you made a mistake in doing so, so now it's time to talk with him and tell him what the problem is. If a lack of good and frequent communication is a dealbreaker for you in a relationship (as it should be in any relationship) you need to tell him this. 

Then you two need to make an agreement about how much more communication you need and how much he is willing to give you. If he is able to keep the agreement, that is great.

If he cannot increase the amount of communication, then he isn't going to make you happy in the long run. If this is the case, for your next relationship, absolutely be open and communicate what you are looking for from the beginning and if the guy doesn't match up, move on. 

The point of dating is to find someone you are compatible with (their ideas, morals and interests should match yours) and the point of a committed relationship is to coexist happily with someone you are compatible with. 

Angellica Waters - Relationship Love Dating Advice - Bad Communication and Breaking Up Via Text

Question: Female Age 20 

Hi Angellica, I have only kissed two people before, the first guy was at this party I went to (it was only a few months ago) the guy took my number and never called me.  It took me a while to understand why he didn’t call, but I just thought he was only looking for fun, so I realized he wasn’t what I wanted and moved on.

Then the same thing happened with another guy, I even asked if he was the type to not get back to me and he was like 'No don’t worry, course I’ll text you.'
 
You see, I don’t want people to look down on me, but I am surrounded by couples, and have never dated and so think I fall for the attention I get from others easily.

I felt real bad after the second guy, and feel a bit like a fool. I AM young, so I guess its okay, and lots of people do it right?

So can you offer help and tell me why didn’t they get back to me?




Angellica Waters Advice: It seems like you are looking for a relationship like your friends have. If this is what you are looking for, you will need to go about things a bit differently. 

Try thinking of it this way... if you were interviewing for a job as a waitress position you would act like a waitress to get hired...but if you were interviewing for a job as a business women, you wouldn't go to your interview acting like a waitress. 

Your actions are not matching up with what you are looking for, this is the problem with the guys you meet not calling you. 

If you are looking for a relationship and a boyfriend, you have to go into each social situation acting like a girlfriend and not a party girl. 

Party girls 'hook up' and kiss/have sex with guys who show no intention of forming a relationship. 

Girlfriends go on dates and they don't kiss unless they are on a date. You are a prize that a man has to win, in order to get what you want (a relationship) you have withhold what a man ultimately wants (sex/hooking up) for long enough that you can establish an agreement of a relationship. 

Do not give the prize that is you away to just anyone. A man that respects you will date you, get to know you and treat you like a princess while waiting for you to give him his prize.

Angellica Waters - Relationship Love Dating Advice - Inexperienced And Being Used By Guys

Question: Female Age 24 

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years two days ago. He had been extremely controlling and our relationship was very rocky. I was at the point where I had completely changed for him and could not even be myself around him because he would always criticize me, although when I was with my friends I would let go and be my usual goofy and fun loving self... which I can be all the time now and absolutely LOVE!!
Well, now I don't know what to do dating-wise. Is it too soon after the break up to start checking out my new prospects? Keep in mind I had lost all feelings for my ex about a month or 2 ago. I just turned 24 years old and it's time for me to finally live for myself and have a good time, and my mom told me she thinks I should start dating and getting to know other guys so I can find one who finally treats me the way I deserve. But the problem is I’ve been in a relationship for a long time, so I don't really know what "dating" means. One guy at a time, how long should I wait to make it serious?? These are all things I don't know the answers to because I have been living in a bubble for almost 4 years.

I have a few good friends who I managed to get back in touch with through facebook (I never made one when I was with my boyfriend because he was jealous and would start fights over it) but I don't know what to tell these friends. They will ask me where I've been and why I lost touch with them and I don't want to give them a sob story because I really don't even feel bitter about leaving my ex, but I also don't want to have to beat 
around the bush and lie to my friends. 

The only regret I feel about leaving this relationship is that I waited so long to do it...


Angellica Waters Advice: Dating someone long-term who you are not compatible with would be a waste of your time. It is a good idea to enjoy some casual dates and to see what is out there and get a good idea of the qualities you would like ideally. Finding out that someone is not what you are looking for after forming an attachment to them isn't the best way to do things for your own happiness.

Date casually and think about what you are really looking for. When going on more casual dates, make a point to really get to know the men you are dating as well as you can in a short amount of time without forming a serious emotional attachment. Have fun, but keep things light and more so like a friendship. You should be ultimately looking for someone you are very compatible with. If a date isn't compatible enough, cut him loose. 

A compatible man would be someone who shares your values, interests, either shares or fits into your future goals and has other things in common (hobbies etc). 

You should also be looking for someone who is completely honest and is themselves. Someone who is a bit too charming isn't being themselves and you won't know who they really are until much too late in the dating process. 

Ultimately someone you are truly compatible with should be someone possessing the qualities I mentioned above whom you feel very comfortable with and who you are emotionally passionate about.

Angellica Waters - Relationship Love Dating Advice - Dating Again After Long Relationship

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