I sometimes record rehearsals. And oddly (but thankfully), I recorded the first time my friend, Maxim Lubarsky, and I tried this song together. An early winter morning, in a piano room at Berklee, on my phone. He clicks his tongue when he plays piano sometimes :) to keep time. The 'laii laii' part is for an audience to sing with me and harmonize.

Years have passed since this recording, and during parts of this year (2019) I've begun to feel really low. Especially about my voice and my own art. Realizing that for years now, I've become so busy 'doing' music, that I stopped 'making' it - I kinda stopped singing. That sounds weird, perhaps. But it's true. There's so much to music besides the practicing and expressing part that I feel I've somewhat forgotten how to on my own. It frightens me. And makes me very very sad. 

Today, a Thursday, when I woke, I felt compelled to find an old recording. I didn't hate all of it, so I posted a little improv moment I got to try with the one and only Imogen Heap (another story, for another time) with a little caption... 

"TBT to wearing blue and making stuff up with Imogen. My heart was heavy, and I hadn’t wanted to sing all day, and then suddenly... she’s really a beautiful light and spirit ❤️"

A friend (from long, long ago in Delhi) wrote me. "May you always have a song in your heart and soul, and may you always keep singing. After reading on your post that you don't feel like singing it was impossible for me to not reach out and change that." ............ It struck a chord. Deeply. Moved me. Surprised me. 

A few hours later, another friend (also from long, long ago in Delhi) wrote me out of the blue for a totally different reason. And before he went to bed, said, "Send me something you've recorded. " And I said, "I haven't. In forever." And then, I remembered this old voice memo on my phone from way back with Maxim. So I listened to it. And I remembered how it FELT to sing. I began to toy with the idea of letting him hear it. 

And THEN, a dear friend, soul-sister and confidant texted and said she dreamt of me - I was going to have a baby, and I was moving to London. And I had a beautiful pregnancy glow. WOW! Okaaaaay?!?

I realized, maybe it was symbolic. I was birthing (the old/the new) me. The me that used to sing. For joy. No other reason. Simple. It felt good. And it felt right. 

It's time.
To release. 
To grow. 
To unshackle. 
To start anew. 

So here we go. 
Soundcloud created. Aug 29, 2019. 
Raw. Unedited. Unmixed. 
"Spirit Eyes"

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Maxim Lubarsky, is an incredible pianist from Ukraine. We met at Berklee in Boston many years ago, and we've always enjoyed playing. We had a teeny show coming up, and I suggested we try "Spirit eyes" written by another dear friend and brilliant singer-songwriter, Hannah Christianson. Something about this song and its colors and imagery has always haunted me, drawn me in, made me believe in life, and light, and energy and music. 

Thank you to the angels in my life who helped me start again, afresh. And thank you Hannah and Maxim, for sharing your gifts. Love you darlings. So much.

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https://www.musicofhannah.com/
https://www.maximlubarsky.com/

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Spirit Eyes

I sing. I write. I feel. I cry. 
I cook. I dream. I grow things. 
And somehow, along the way, I'm learning not to take myself or life too seriously :)

Annette Philip

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