A performance of my piece Bertha at The Silver Lining in Sacramento, Ca on 7/11/2024. 

Thanks to Anthony Robles for the recording

Pickles And Bertha AXJ

Half Buried

Fear of Sleep

Patrik Glassel: drums, bass • Paul Wiggin: guitar • Jon Watkins: guitar ~ Perplexions 2025

Samurai Librarian of Nunzealia

Writhing

Smother

Purloined Header

The poem Trauma 3- The Ghost, revised for performance. This poem is available in my book of poems known as The Razor of Your Smile.

Ghosts

Day 4 (Revision)

Mistakes imbue a certain charm

Nail me to a rock 
My liver is warm 

My ears won’t interpret much but harm

I said nail me to a rock
My liver is warm

Mistakes?
Mistakes you say are pure

Well they’re mistakes my darling
Are you quite sure?

Mistakes I made
Carving into my own arm

Nail me to a rock
The eagle will come

Searching for anything
To fill this gap
Between my corroding teeth

I’m searching for anything
To fill this space where 
Your love used to eat.

Mistakes I made
Climbing out of Hell

Mistakes I made
Lifting Death’s Bride Veil

Naively bleeding profusely
Just to prove
To prove God loved me

Mistakes are lessons 
You see I’m still in school
Fidgeting in my seat
I raise my hand
I drool
But I can’t be excused


Mind the gap now 
A vicious maw 
Reveals the religion of trauma
Bonds is inherently flawed

Mind the gap now
Denying that love is the law

Mistakes are mirrors
Reflecting either
Serenity or insanity
I’ll sit right here in the tub
And when you sully the water
I’ll pretend  that it was me
Put your face right up to the window, lick it freely 

When you ride the roller coaster
Of your bipolar
I’ll be screaming
Senselessly
Seamlessly
Right next to you

It’s just the thing we do

When searching for anything
To fill this gap 
Between my corroding teeth
Searching for anything
To fill this space where
Your love used to eat

Day 4

Oblivion

There are fifteen crooked paths
That lead to your trauma
Fifteen cracks in the sidewalk
To break your back on
Fifteen dreams where your father blesses your affair
With a stranger
There are fifteen ways to run
Run away from danger

I know you think you’re some kind of Casanova 
Like one of Joseph Campbell’s
Unmasked heroes
Off on some kind of 
Magical adventure
Chasing the tail feathers
Of every wayward angel
Drinking from the bottle
Though it’s labeled clearly
I’m poison do not touch me
Taking the bait
Taking the bait
Knocking on the door to oblivion 

Stop
Before it’s too late.

There are fifteen days I never called you
To explain the fifteen doves 
That died released in the name
Of our love in flames
At its funeral
Fifteen sad songs I refused 
To sing, fifteen tears that never
Went missing.
Fifteen days I ignored 
All your texts
Fifteen nights I laid up
Haunted by your sex


I know you love
Pretending you can climb 
Electric fences

I know you love pretending 
That that third rail
Well it just isn’t dangerous

Fifteen lifetimes 
It’s always the same
The same dark path down
Which we’re walking 
Will you hold my hand
As I’m knocking
Knocking on the door
To oblivion 

Stop 
Before it’s too late.

Oblivion

The loop

I make weird music for weird people… 
Obviously.

Primarily, I am a published poet who is active in the Sacramento poetry scene.
I use Ableton to craft my beats and sounds.
I also play guitar, bass, drums and some keys. I am not a singer, but I do write songs. 

My goal is to make clear as day the visceral emotions life has shown me, to honor healing, to promote play, to flirt with your senses, to seduce your activism, and encourage your own creativity!!!

I am a long term recovering addict who has survived homelessness. I am a survivor of childhood trauma. I am a drug counselor aspiring to become a licensed therapist or open my own recovery home.

I believe wholeheartedly that music heals.

I keep most of my demos private, but you can message me with requests to hear them!!!

Influences: Edward Ka-Spel, Legendary Pink Dots, Tear Garden, Talking Heads, Marvin Gaye, Nina Simone, Howling Wolf, Devo, Screaming Jay Hawkins, Funkadelic, Broun Fellinis, Wu Tang, GZA, Melvins, Smith, Cure, Wire, Coil, Psychic TV, Throbbing Gristle, Muddy Waters, James Brown, P Funk, Dylan, Janis, Hendrix, System of A Down, Tori Amos, Ween, Bauhaus, Butthole Surfers, Love and Rockets, Watts Prophets, Lost Poets, William Burroughs, Hakim Bey, Bill Laswell, and so on

I like it all.

This collection spans years and encapsulates many eras of learning…
Constantly learning.


Thanks for being here!!!

Pickles And Bertha AXJ

ANTHONY XAVIER JACKSON

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