Churn... (take II)

Life went on after our car skidded into the rear end of a buss. A total fuck up, the buss should not have parked in that lane. My Farther wasn't to blame. As irony would have it, Barry had just bought the car and the seat belts were going to be fitted the day after - back then it was only law to have seatbelts in the front for some unknown reason.
My Sister had me on her knee when the buss buried our car. All I remember was distorted glass suspended in time. I don't remember any pain... My mother told me the story when I was 16, before that all I knew was I had scar on my face from a car accident when I was only 3 years old. She told me that Barry walked out in the middle of the duel carriage way screaming for some help. My face was ripped out and my mother was holding my face together putting pressure on the wound which was bleeding badly. Eventually an ice cream van pulled over and Barry went to see if he could call and ambulance. Luckley the guy had a phone and called them. he gave Barry a first aid kit but when he opened it up all there wad were plasters in it. My Dad almost ripped his head off when he saw what the inside of the first aid kit. 
When the ambulance came we were put in the back and drove away, my mom told me I never cried that I was half conscious and kept falling to sleep and every time  I dropped off she woke me up, scared she'd lose me. 
When the nurses and Doctors took me from my Mother I woke  the fuck up and started ripping and punching, tearing and kicking.
 Mom said it was crazy to see me fighting with such strength at only 3 years old.
After the operation the only physical pain I remember feeling was when my mother asked me to smile...

Wendy had  already lost Richard my unborn brother in another car crash when she was walking cross the road, her life spiraled out control ever since - untill she met Barry. 

When she nearly lost me, I think it woke up those emotional traumas again, and she became manic 

My family became dysfunctional and my mother became alcoholic. She never fully destroyed her addictive nature to drugs even though she never took heroin again after she was pregnant with me. I spent my infancy in Heroin Rehabilitation center in Brighton.

My Brother Nathan was born 1992 
a blessing in despise perhaps.
Like all brothers, we fought endlessly, I was a cruel fighter and I hated myself for it. Eventually I became both the appeaser and a the investigator of the family, but that was way after my sister Samantha was taken away by social services. She was being severely beaten by my Mother everyday, since Barry had to leave her. We still saw Barry when ever we could but my mothers violence turned on Ron a family friend (I called him my uncle), myself and my Brother. 

When I was 13 I put a stop to her physical violences towards me when after I got out the bath, she ripped my towel off me and attempted to beat me. I don't even remember why she was angry. I just got a distance away and punched her in the shoulder, like I do to my brother sometimes. She never went for me again, it was the only time I've ever hit a female.

She told me a Men called Wayne Martin AKA Bungy was my genetic farther, a musician who's farther also Wayne AKA Bungy owned a scrapyard in Telford.

I was 18 when I met Wayne at the Vaults in Bishops Castle. Mom went with me. Wayne was playing blues with the Wayne Martin Band. He's  a great musician he played guitar and harmonica really well.
It was wild listening to him play, heart hitting, heavy, upbeat. 
It was supposed to be a happy occasion for us all. 
But I was literally feeling dead inside, 
life keeps getting more and more complicated:
 I always saw Barry as my real farther. I Loved him and in all the confusion lost in my memories, I know he wanted to be a good father.

So this is for Barry









Land Sickness

The Dying Ocean described by the cruel sound the quick retaliation of her rescuers 

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