many in solitude
with or without suffering

many in solitude

if i could see you for a second i know i wouldn't blink

written, produced, mixed & mastered by me
lyrics:
all the time i question everything
and i feel like it's wrong
to pool my thoughts together wishing the list wasn't so long
and you tell me that im selfish
and i know its the truth
for who would sit inside her bedroom wishing that i could be with you
and i tell myself im worthy but i know that i am not
i will isolate myself and my skin will start to rot
and my heart will bust to pieces
they're too small to just pick up
see our lives will flash before my eyes
and my blood will fill the cup

‘cause its so scary 
just the thought of u
and i am married
to the thought of u

see it's 6am and i am half awake and i am lost
i've been up all night and my heart feels like it's about to pop
all the drugs i take will overwhelm me til i am but dust
blowing through the wind wishing that i could find another rush
but the wind will die and i will wish for peace inside my mind
need to get away from hoping all the days will turn to nights
and my thoughts will stray and i will be okay to just get high
excuses i will tell myself until my final night

‘cause its so scary 
just the thought of u
and i am married
to the thought of u

‘cause its so scary 
just the thought of u
and i am married
to the thought of u

the thought of you

lyrics:
and u told me u could see that i was lying thru my eyes
and im surprised that i could try to even hide out from the light
tried to stay between the lines but heaven knows i almost died and now im careful of the heights i couldn't see if i was right
consequences aren't there until the action is perceived by judge the jury they decide if u should stay or roam the streets
crucified over a testimony spoke with brittle teeth eroded by a life of lies that everyone has to believe
we're desensitized to life and life is full of growing learning what will make our leaves turn green but now the cult will clip our wings
we're aware progression isn't the end goal and when we reach the final road we'll see that we are turning cold and growing old

and could u listen in
hear the voices in the wind
they're crying out for nothing more than just a friend
maybe some you'll recognize and want to help but all the ghosts will scream
leaving them to rot and waste in hell

humans focus on mistakes like there has never been a day where someone close to them would say "you hurt me in so many ways"
people hurt and people heal and people never hurt again because they learn and love to love and never want it all to end
people grow and people know that humankind is predisposed to make mistakes and humankind will make one every single day
while we push to mimic god we start to lose the light of day and lives who need a helping hand to let them know that they are safe
life is worth the battle all of us will face but we must stop the spread of hate that's countering the gentle space that we create, recovery and change is something that u shouldn't throw away cos proof is hidden in the page and in between the ace of spades

helping hand (demo)

ALL TRACKS PROD BY AKIO

MIXED BY KICHI LUV, MASTERED BY KIRE NOOMSTAR

@imsokosi @prod_by_akio @kichi_luv @kirenoomstar

Piss

nothing grows here anymore
not much of your heart 
is fruitful
seedless & rigid
not a bit plentiful 
bitter was your best
you could never fill
the hole in my chest
it's okay for forgotten promises
to fall through the gaps
& as delicate as these things are
love is a promise

remember that.

i drew a map from my hand to yours, the distance could swallow the sun & the love that felt infinite

in the dust

dust bowl iii - other lives cover

i need you to unravel this 
before i leave
i know none of this is healthy 
but, i gotta have something 
real love says that i’m deserving 
i’m pretty good at ignoring 
what i love helps me fall down 
i fell down again  
you put a curse on my blood
& our initials were marked on your heart
you thought we brought no harm 
we’ll see
cause while you’re dying to live
im dying from living 
i said 
i’m dying from living

dying to live / dying from living

let’s not waste time
pretending i’m your rock
can’t even help myself
after falling this far
once you’re gone 
you’re gone
& youre not coming back 
& once you’re gone 
these lights im under
they don’t mean shit 
rain makes them look nice
without you beneath them 
& nothing will be left 
but a memory 
& even that will die off, surely
you’re not going anywhere 
i’m full of dead ends
there’s no way out of here
& i know you’re stuck 
in a place of fear
but i cannot help that
i can’t help that

deadends

every cloud
is pouring down
in quiet desolation
you keep me waiting
to bleed my promises
the way we've aligned
like a moth
at my funeral pyre
leave me no higher

to make a funeral pyre

been veined, my love
can’t wash away 
cuts in blood
spend every morning
half wine drunk
wondering 
what went wrong
i’ll build you up
to have you 
break me down
this burning house
will never be my home
redwood
it slowly dies 
this couldn’t get any worse 
& you couldn’t get any better
our poison curse 
its our poison curse

what went wrong?

need 2 - pinegrove cover

i swear i saw you
& you didn’t see me
you left nothing for me here
as if i were 
dying out east 
dead stars
we burnt so faint 
vehemently learned
that how i love
will seal my fate
tear me apart
i’ve been cold at heart 
& i’ll bleed for anything 
if it held me up 
the right way
i’d bleed for anything 
if it held me up
in the right way

we shared the same soul, you left alongside it

every promise
made lukewarm
couldn’t stand on notions
so motionless
drink more rotgut
and pop more pills
like you ever found your focus
on me or my word
so you’ll drive drunk
until you’re dead sober
going slower and slower 
until its all over
i used to pray 
that you hadn’t sold me out
i never had found any answers
you set out on a hunt
i was fucked from the start

deadends

apatheia

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