In The Dark A Rose Bloomed For You (demo)

I'm Becoming Me [demo]

Lyrics 

Foolish In my love and ways of loving you 
Foolish in my heart and what I wanted too 
Foolish in thinkin' that you'd be gentle 
Foolish in thinkin' that you'd be careful 
Foolish in my love and ways of loving you 
Foolish in the dreams that I had of us two
Foolish! 
I was so foolish 
I was so foolish 
I was foolish!

Foolish! (demo)

Collecting Keys (demo)

pretending like I'm not sad and in a rut 
[photo from tumblr - ill add @ when i find again]

I Bought Too Much From Ssense

Crush #68 (demo)

I’m gonna learn to give up 
I’m gonna learn to give u-uh-up 
when I’ve had enough 
head pushed to the brim 
and bow my pride 
under water 
wa wa wa water

too young and bright 
to keep trying 
I’ve tied all my hope in you 
and my love keeps drawing 
circles 
circles 
sa sa circles 
i can’t get out or through 

31 ghosts will haunt me now 
cuz I dared to look you in the eye 

31 ghosts will haunt me now 
cuz I expected you to be better

31 ghosts will haunt me now 
cuz I was the fool for your love 

31 ghosts will haunt me now
cuz I wanted to make sense of all the 
pa pa pa pa pa pain 

somethings got to change!
somethings got to change! 

and and and and and and 
and and and and and and 
and and and and and and  

I’ve gotta hold my hand too 
I’ve gotta hold my hand too
I’ve gotta hold my hand too 
I’ve gotta hold my hand too

31 Circles (demo)

les paroles 

I'm craving chaos tonight 
gonna look you in the eye and say what's on my mind
I'm craving chaos tonight 
gonna look you in the eye and say what's on my mind
that wasn't a conversation 
we're both too drunk to explain shit 
heated in the moment 
I owe this to myself 

I don't got that type of hypervisibility inside of me 
break me down for everything I got 
everything I owe 
I don't got that type of hypervisibility inside of me 
break me down for everything I got
everything I owe 
It's all a front 
It's all a front 
front 
front 
front 
front

AX* (demo)

LYRICS

Angel of my light 
where do I belong? 
Angel of my light 
where do I belong? 

Hope is a frail thing, 
and I've got to move on! 
Take it for granted, 
the moments I am strong 

:||

I know somewhere, 
you're not hurting! 
I know somewhere, 
it's all worth it! 
Give it up to the water! 
When you're breaking
lay it on the air 
when you can't make it!

Gospel Song #5

what do I know? I'm just the intern. 
feel the weight of the world,
beneath my tongue

The Intern (Instrumental)

lyrics?  

neva 2 be known 
neva 2 be known 

it's a gift, to be swallowed 
to be to be known

neva 2 be known 

I ache for the day you say 
I ache for the day you say 
I ache for the day you say 
I ache for the day you say 

I see you 
but I like you 
so I can't get to close to you

Somewhere on 1301 Crossing Place, The Dust Made Me Reconsider Time

working on a longer track, this is the B part of a more fun a part. 

lyrics....

u wrap my heart in shame 
</3

[photo by colin saverpool from shame 2023 collection, Not Everyone Manages To Fail on office mag]

Shame!

L'ETRANGER (A NEW SCENT)

The Trying That Broke 

Composed by me [Deuén] in my childhood home after playing in the snow. I had just traveled back from Texas, after SXSW, where I was playing bass in my friends band. 

At the keyboard--late--1am, pounding, clumsily, body cold from the snow. 

Performed by Vedantini Lakshminarayanan, I add a hand in at the end when there is not enough for 2. 

Thank you so much to Veda for your insight, talent, and ideas, in elevating this score. Like any piece I make there is an element of improv, an element of personality, soul.  It would not be the same without you.

The Trying That Broke

voice memo recording from band practice before my set at Heaven Can Wait back in September. Impromptu, had no idea where were going. 

Shame—_loophole [trio band rehearsal] 8-28

Track leak 💧:P of a song from my album Forged in Fire. I had the chance to record strings during my residency with Mexican Summer x Gary Studio Electric -- unmixed, unpolished, 2 share with you-- as it's become one of my favorites. 

Written, Produced, Performed by Me 
Bass - 13th Law
Viola - Cindy Lan 

LYRICS: 

CHORUS 

Some words are better left 
at the shoreline, where I left my heart 
i’m not gonna tell you what’s on my mind, 
what’s on my mind :||

VERSE 1 

sky parts into a sea of rain 
1000, sorrys, 1000 ways 
my heart did break  
in hindsight, how could I know if it all– 

and i push yah, i push yah just to break 
so that i can, i can justify my pain 
the words on my heart are heavy–heav-y 
fat teardrops to salt the ground 

CHORUS x just once x should be twice 

VERSE 2
 
sky parts selves that I couldn’t change 
1000 cuts from a searing gaze 
in your eyes
i saw your resentment, reflection 
What “us” is there left to save?

and yah push me, and yah push me
for your peace 
and the unhappiness it builds in me 
a ticking kindness—you never cared to—

INSTRUMENTAL BREAK 

OUTRO 
(underneath: some words are better left, on the shoreline) 
I think I need to hide away today 
I think i want to tell you what I think 
I think I need another drink 
I think I need to hide away today 
I think i want to tell you what I think 
I think I’m gonna make a big mistake 
i think i’m gonna say a big mistake 


Shoreline: Unpolished

I made this in college when I was sad all my friends were studying abroad 😭

Berlin

finished watching Katsuhiro Otomo's Akira (1988) been obsessed with the movie and the score. Made a track inspired by the world and what I think Kaneda and his boys might bike too.

Akira

This November I had the pleasure of showcasing my visual artwork with Creative Code Art NYC at Lightbox gallery. The theme of my visuals explored the realms of the physical and the virtual in relation to euphoria - sanctuary - and blackness. 

I have often found that the computer helps connect us to the places we feel most at home - whether that be imaginary - via FaceTime - online forums - images. 

Alongside my projected visuals I performed an experimental ambient set to accompany the changing visuals as they ebbed and flowed. 

I present to you the recording of the live set from my exhibition: Melody's Lullaby. Please enjoy all the little cracks, pops, and transitions. 

This piece was created with a few preset loops, alongside creating loops in real time, and playing different midi instruments. I also stacked my vocals in real time to create different harmonies, and speak lines of poetry as they came to me. 


if you like this track, or felt personally transported, consider supporting it on my Bandcamp <3  https://myboyfriendmiiv.bandcamp.com/track/melodys-lullaby-live

cover art by me

Melody's Lullaby [live]

And It was all water
Easy enough to blame 

And it was all water 
But I still felt the pain
And so I'm growing 
Over under through

Will I ever
See the dark side
Of you?

Split me up 
And down
I think I'm learning when you come around
I know it's over before it's begun
I'll show my face to the other one
Am I just a body in your hand?
And I am heavy, I demand...
Take care of me
And carefully


My heart only holds room for one other lover
My heart only holds room for one other


Tie me up
When I call
And worry seems to take me all 
Tie me up
When I shout
I know why you don't come around
If I lie, is it better? 
If it's fear, is it real?
When my stomach grips
I believe 
And I am heavy, I demand 
Take care of me


My heart only holds room for one other lover
My heart only holds room for one other


Cut into pieces
The divine 
Declares that
You make time to
Make love to me
And to my mind
To not block me
When I'm too bright
but take care of me
carefully
Like porcelain... 


My heart only holds room for one other lover
My heart only holds room for one lover  
My heart....

We are heavy
We demand 
We are heavy 
We demand
We are heavy 
We demand

Umbra

Lovers

Was I on your mind, or did I help you pass the time?
Now my stomach hurts

Was I on your mind, or did I help you pass the time?
Now my stomach hurts

Was I on your mind? Did I help you pass the time?
Now my stomach hurts, because I'm too high!
Too high

And I helped you, I helped you pass the time
I helped you, I helped you pass the time
I helped you, I helped you, I helped you I----

And even after, and even after all this time
And even after, and even after all this time
And even after, and even after all this time

yeah I've had enough, I-I-I've had enough I-'ve done it all
I've had enough, I-I-I-I''ve tried it all.

I've tried it all
(you've tried it all)

I've tried it all
(you've tried it all)

I've tried it all..... I've tried it all!

Was I on your mind or did I help you pass the time? And after all this time you still said?
Was I on your mind, or did I help you? Did I help you?
ooo o o o oh, ah ah ohhhh oh uh

I helped you pass the time
I helped you pass the time
Did I help you pass the time?
I helped you pass the time?
I helped you pass the time?
Did I help you pass the time?
Did I help you pass the time?
Did I help you?
Did I help you?

(background)
bum bum bum sh ah!
bum bum bum

Intermission (I'm High)

If you need me call me
Cuz I just got to go
Bushing boundaries of places that I —
And I want to
pretend anymore

Ten feet under
Trying to catch my breath
Ten feet under
Trying to catch my breath

And if you need me call me
Cuz I just want to go
I’m tired of trying to pretend like I know
And if I let you in
Would you stay the night?
If I say the truth,
Am I begging somehow?

Ten feet under, choking on my breath…..

And I keep asking why I can’t get close?
It’s like there’s nothing to do
Say it and its easy I know the truth
Push back, further from me
A little more of what I thought I could handle
And I tried to make it right a couple of times
And If you call me need me
Cuz I just wanna go
And I’m tired of trying
To make you know
But we’re letting it all fall apart

Ten feet under
Trying to catch my breath
Ten feet under
Trying to catch my breath

And I’m just a little bit scared of myself
I'm just a little bit
I'm just a little bit (this is where MIIV starts to laugh)

Ten feet under
Ten feet under
Ten feet under
Ten!

Fantasy

Take off my bra cause this body
Hasn’t been mine for a minute
Take of mascara that
I put on for you
To dance for you
In a dark room
I’d be a doll
Bend for you

Cheerleading practice
Got no manners
Always landed
Head first
Down and dirty
Too flirty
Fell in love
Feet first

And If I make it through
And If I make it through

Take off this bag 'cause its been to
heavy for a minute
This weight that I put on for you
I held for you
In a crowded room
I'd be a (UHH) undress for you!

Swimming practice
going backwards—
Do I sink or swim
Always trying
Not surviving
Do I learn to forgive?

And If I make it through
And if I make it through
And if I make it through

And If I make it through
And if I make it through
ahhhh
And If I make it through

upcoming shows 

May 8th, Trans Pecos, Brooklyn NYC 
with Lava Gulls, and Facing

dm me ;) <3 or email: ijustfellinlovewithdeuen@gmail.com

Deuén

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