rushmore (voice memo)

ucsb (voice memo)

Calypso

are you fine 
no im elated 
wont go outside 
my own vacation 
sucked me dry 
my soul is vacant 
everyday it feels the same and 

i wake up and then i hate it 
then i get high up in the basement 
tell my parents i’ll be late then 
i come home on time
just to avoid a conversation 

whats it like in that little mind
i ask myself that all the time
disassociated last weekend
so im not sure whose even speaking
right now im just barely tweaking
without rhyme and without reason

i’ll lose basis of all meaning
convince my thoughts their little demons
i’ll destroy my life just fine
but in the mean time i’ll just cry
/
i’ll destroy my life on my own accord
but right now, im just bored

just bored

better be busy
metabolism myths
i read
my head

bet it gets dizzy
with all the rations split
my ribs 
too big

aAaAaaAAaaaaAaaA
AaaAaAAAaAAA

i know you want to
but dont really want to

let me leave myself alone
let me leave myself alone
let me leave myself alone
(let me leave myself alone
let me leave myself alone)

bet im so pretty
chiseling with the pick
i lack
i have

better be empty
the simulation spits
image
digeee
EEEeeeeeeSSST

don’t know the half of
not wanting half of

let me leave myself alone
let me leave myself alone
let me leave myself alone
(let me leave myself alone
let me leave myself alone)

pokin around

i am willing to lie on the floor with you
are you willing to play dead with me too
i am bloody naked and bruised
and you are drinking with your buddies from duluth
hows the weather
is your brother doing any better
wheres your hide out now
heard you moved out from that side of town
and dont get me started
did you hear about brent and marcus
they killed their families in a fit of passion
last thing that i heard theyre in miami with sebastian hes being courteous 
why cant things work out like that
for us

you think love is earned
you think kisses cost dollars
yea whens it my turn
been in this line for hours
waiting to spend my cupholder dimes
waiting to catch up with this life 
that youve been leading
you say i been falling behind
and youre right i been falling behind

got a feeling 
they were never nice to you
on the playground
in your kahkis
tying your shoes
and you were toothless
ruthless confused
swinging like your daddy taught ya
bet he was proud of you
and i am proud of you

you think love is earned
you think kisses cost dollars
yea whens it my turn
been in this line for hours
waiting to spend my cupholder dimes
waiting to catch up with this life 
that youve been leading
you say i been falling behind
and youre right i been falling behind

and when you moved
you took all of me with you
all of me with you 
except the body
you left body
yea sans the body
come get the body
you forgot the body 

i am so willing 
to lie on this floor

(i am still willing to lie on this floor
i am still willing to lie on this floor)

where was i?
in the chalk outline
where was i?
probably falling behind

(where was i?
willing to lie)

mustard

my mirror pouts
shes in the bathroom 
wishing you bad news
hear she wants out
god it moves

i am impressed 
with how your atoms
arranged and compounded
perfect attempt
living proof

on your rooftop
day the earth stops
hoping the heat waves
would drown us

my Freudian slips
knows what she wants since
shes always honest
wont take the hint
won’t you loom

intense detest
with how your cells keep
regenerating
used to know them
gone too soon

on your front lawn
mid conclusion
hoping the loophole
gets exploited

you know i hate
to state the obvious
but youre a spitting image of him
may i remind you
you dont have to take the shape of
whatever youre afraid of

on your rooftop
day the gates lock
praying peter’s 
feeling lenient

were-

lyrics be like:

watch as i right on time lose my luster
patina starting to form
when you left did you miss lady liberty,
statue of just because youre bored?

enlightening other streets somewhere pretty
blowing up julia's head
well i would leave so to speak if you wanted me
fade into oblivion instead

this world spins like a centrifuge
find me in the earths core
you in higher altitudes

still i was dreaming
i mean hoping
i mean joking 
you'd come around
cut me some slack
come make me laugh
build me an ark to sleep on

i went westward
putting my best foot forward
have you left yet
know i can still make space in this twin bed
if you ever came around

this world it spins
just like a roundabout
caught you tryna play tag
lost you tryna play house

i’ll assume i’ll get the news some
[redacted] hours after you 
it wont
leave me feeling like it used to 
you don't
leave me feeling like you used to 

and honestly you said best
the only thing you’ll ever need is in a paycheck (ha!)
but when it all starts waning (ha!)
libertas is waiting
to welcome you 
with open arms
like the prodigal prodigal son you are
let me greet you in the evenings
let me orbit round your being

this world it spins just like a centrifuge
calls for another encore
you're fine just call me back soon

i’ll assume i’ll get the news some
[redacted] hours after you 
it wont
leave me feeling like it used to 
you don't (/wont)
leave me feeling like you used to

this world it spins

mustard

ash tuesday

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