Hey, 

I'm a fear and loathing in las vegas whore.

Cigarette flavoured Astrid.
I'm your last drop of jack daniels.

I don't wanna be adored. I want to be loved.

Don't you want somebody to love? You better find somebody to love,

Astrid Starr.

♥

Here's to the guys who love me. The losers that lost me. And the lucky bastards who get to meet me.


I am an analytical consciousness with a heart. To be honest, it's the little things that make or break my day. 

I don't try as hard as i should so i keep telling myself to work on that and hopefully someday it will just... fall into place. One day i want to achieve something worthwhile but for now i'm just living one day at a time. I am a book-aholic. I am a very sentimental person. I've laughed till I almost pissed my pants. I’ve jumped in huge puddles, having then to walk home totally soaked. I've knocked on random doors and then ran for dear life. I've laid staring at the blue sky for hours. I've made the same mistake twice. I am a perfectionist. I love hanging upside down on monkey bars. I love the beauty of nature. I love the feeling of sand between my toes. 

I live in a world that is not reality. One that is made upon dreams, ideals and romantic innovations. I suffer from introverted fantasies. Subsequently these fantasies lead to bad decision making. Not those that first jump to mind...addiction, isolation, aloofness, judgments. I drift into mind and find beauty, peace, love, a general sense of well being. When faced with reality, I shut you off...I don't return calls, I make plans and cancel. I fear that in the long run statistics prove you to be a terrible disappointment. In these fantasies I am allowed to enjoy you...but life, environment, society forces me to suppress these desires, creating anxiety, a feeling of butterflies in my little belly.

Most days I feel in a hurry...the funny thing being I usually have nowhere of importance to be. I want to believe that as I educate, eliminate, and grow that these fears will slowly dissolve like alkaseltzer dropped in a warm glass of water. But reflections of my youth say that the older I grow, the more value I find, resulting in more fear. Fear of losing all that I have learned to appreciate, to enjoy, to believe in the right. I guess this is early adulthood rants on the meaning of life.. which sums up my current state. The most difficult thing at this current time is the process of discovering my passion. I dibble and dabble in everything, but have yet to hear my calling. But you know what they say, "good things happen over a period of time and great things happen all at once!"

VEGGIE CHEESE & BROCCOLI- its ridiculous, vitamin water- it tastes like armpits and all the bad things in the world liquefied, the fact i can't make math work in my head, how I'm always thirsty, how i can't drink freaking milk anymore, how the music industry these days makes me angry, when i can't find any socks, and when i have to get up in the morning.

I can: hoola-hoop ridiculously well, write fairly well, draw incredibly inane pictures, scream, laugh at myself, laugh at you, remember your birthday for years to come,play guitar, drink and blaze with you & be yo buddy, snap my fingers, whistle (not well), and wash my own clothing without shrinking it- and DUDE, thats an accomplishment.

<3