ⓗ gagu 2022

i always told you you'd get that tiny house one day.
hope this one's cozy.

for mom, first and foremost
special thanks to chris for helping me put all the pieces together

written, produced, recorded, mixed, and mastered in my bedroom
...mostly

call failed produced by @kasimr
lif3drink3r produced by @prodbytoshi & @prodkaito
astralChain, gamzee, and face;Lift produced by @afternoon
cover + insert photography by cortez gainey

sanity by cannabis
joy of life provided by team h and co. IYKYK <3

bandcamp: https://atlas.bandcamp.com/album/grieving-and-growing-up
spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/6QfSUydXrOxyamYNKLQDGL

grieving and growing up

@xainjaya
streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

https://open.spotify.com/album/32Degmbqyk8DIj0k3VgL7s

atlas & xainjaya - pastel figments

@kasimr

happy birthday mom, miss u
sry 4 the wait, much more on the way soon,,

lyrics:

i'm still sorta unsure what happened
still dial mom's number out of habit
call failed
 
week left to do taxes
living room, graveyard, amazon package
old mail
 
same type that stares when i'm outside
late night upstairs on my couch fried
say i don't care much about myself
it's a seperate metric i count by
 
red wine bleed through the grapevine
sip after sip, get sick of the facetime--hello?
i don’t speak like that
need pitch black nails on the decline, stat
 
feelin’ like i wobbled out a wormhole
spent a lot of hours clicking circles
young five digit live from the multi
where violence and snide is compulsory
 
yea yea

call failed (prod. kasim rizvi)

the midwest is a tar pit
it seems like no one ever really finds a way out
indiana is a tar pit
at this point, i can feel it flowing into my mouth

but i won't die here!
i refuse to!
i won't let it steal my youth

i had one thing
keeping me here
and now she's gone, too

i hope she's resting peacefully
i hope she's having better dreams than me

i dial her number without thinking
in the morning as i turn on the tv

but i don't think she's ever answering
i don't think she's ever answering

'cause the midwest is a tar pit
i miss her more like everyday
indiana is a tar pit
why does it take the things that i love away?

tar pit (demo)

they said it feels just like catharsis
but more short-lived and less concise
i guess it could have been my ego
i couldn’t trust that they were right

my youth walked a fine line: she would etch it afternoons
plan a path around the casket she imagined as her doom 
walked so many fine lines, they wove a web—then a cocoon,
then a sheet set so cozy i could never leave my room

i was ebenezer scrooge in the bad mood phase
skipping class just to bask in the bathroom breaks
the panache everlast like tuck, but the tattoo's fake
all's well that turns bad moods great

i don't believe much in actual fate
it's fun to pretend that there's some magical weight
but i don't put much into actual fate
maybe in the back of my brain... sometimes

they said it feels just like catharsis
but more short-lived and less concise
they said it feels just like catharsis
i couldn’t trust that they were right

they said it feels just like catharsis
they said it feels just like catharsis

4 years since i last had medicine
aside from acetaminophen
new day, same question, "what hell is this?"
half-inch-cracked door, let the devil in often
cracked lid, bottle full of options
i fucking hate feeling nauseous
even pre-quarantine, i was inside all the time
need to exchange my jealousy for pride
 
need change
but don't want to
work on
what i need to
change, it's
hopeless
never honest
 
6 years of an uphill battle
same climb, same drudge, same judgment always
new vices, the cup left hollow
wall stained, same spot, puked blood in the hallway
last night, bed is a mess
last night's drink still fresh on my breath
past lives fills my shoes in my stead
i could swear that's not what i said

need change
but don't want to
work on
what i need to
change, it's
hopeless
never honest

mellow/dramatic

it's the galactic escape room champ, i don't need clues
just seafood, weed, brews and a green room
to boast post-success with fresh plates of cheese cubes
and have my whole life eq'd to the theme tune

like, "drop out those highs, please--
i'm tryna take notes on this papa roach livestream"
should've used earplugs, tinnitus gon bite me
they copy my flow off a stop & go price screen

cuz my shit is straight gas
turn minute maid mix into lemonade fast
while you on my ig tryna instigate shit
with yo face ass

i bump jazz and browse obscure indie titles
still huntin down the cure for boredom
floor covered in thousands' worth of empty vials
don't remember which one's right thoo,,,

galactic escape room any% world record holder

[cheers]

i'm so high i can't feel my face head torso arms legs or feet
i'm so high i can't feel my face chin neck thumb shoulder arm stomach elbow hand finger head thigh

4rd eye FULLY open

produced by @afternoon

can't feel my face, wanna peel it off of my skull?
how does it taste?? u drink my blood & it's cold
i wanna know, i wanna know
void for a soul, bottomless hole

caught on the end of ur astral chain
it wasn't that sweet, it's just aspartame
still tryna ascertain
how all this came from a bad first name

u wanna crack my face
new watch, wanna crack my face
you a dog, tryna track my pace
either way, i'ma have my say

what a sad thing!!!!
it's always happening
nothing everlasting

never, if you're asking
KNOW i'll nvr pass
autopilot when i mask it

what a strange dream
i thought everything would change
& it's changing...

for the worse, it's a curse
on the dirt where they lay me
"grass dont grow here lately"

astralChain

produced by @afternoon

i need something stainless
to paint on my face with
bad day, my life's grey
i stay where i stay & pray i cant taste it v___v

so impatient
cant wait to tug at my bracelet
so tired of life i cant stay
settle my pay then schedule my facelift

schedule my facelift

october 1st my new birthday
dirt cheap just words what the clerk say
turncoat lerp faith in a worse way
worst case i was dirt in the first place

u might wake up in a grave but still alive : )
if i have 2stare u in ur face and tell a lie
outta patience one last chance 2 get it right
i cant bare u anyway so nevermind

they call it a deadname
cuz if u call me tht shit ima kill u
put ur blood on th floor ima spill u
everything happens i will 2

drippin wax down my back like an e-nail
but my mirror dont say female :(
got me hidden in my shell like a sea snail
wanna change it in the past feel like luka with the d-mail

face;Lift

i don't know how much i could change
even if i wanted to

even if i wanted

produced by @xainjaya
https://streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

my eyes can't water but i look like i'm ballin
sum hot offa nail got me coughin
tryna b neutral but i got it my pocket
cameras on me like the mf office

high strung i cant stand bein passive
light up in my hand like a matchstick
im so sicc of the cappin
its a mutiny take it or mute me

tab on my tongue like im drinking from a can
we so connected at the crib u would think it was a LAN
gotta teach u not to bite when u feedin out my hand
U comment hella for someone who's not a fan,,, lol

like hahahahaha
i cant help but laugh
my fav punchline ya its trueee
u gettin stabbed right in the back

stabstabstab
love if u went out like that :3
itd Make my year to make u sad
And Id just like laugh Like hahahahahahaha

u know what i prophecized
it's not what my bottom line is
we'll meet on the other side
this home or in one just like it

u know where my problem lies
inside of my awful mind it's
like i've been lobotomized
can't think and there's no use tryin'

atlas & xainjaya - can't help but laugh

produced by @xainjaya
https://streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

temple of null on my speakers
i wanna leave the air for the ether
everything i do's either
blowing up in my face like a creeper

or it's perfect, it's flawless
separated in two columns  
i TOLD u, i called it
kissing heaven or i'm touching rock bottom

so which half of the dichotomy
do u wanna lie on to sleep?
get a taste and bite off a piece
you still leave the light on for me

the type of thing i might not have seen
eyes wide alive in a dream
we look down and can't see our feet
it's all just sky underneath

atlas & xainjaya - two columns

"pastel figments" out now: https://open.spotify.com/album/32Degmbqyk8DIj0k3VgL7s

produced by @xainjaya
streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

every crease, line, fold, mark, flaw
underneath my old parlance
it was easy holding on
WHEN the dream was just to change at all

ballroom mask, i'll wear that
it'll make my vision clearer
when i dance before my mirror

ballroom mask, pink and black
all my feelings just venetian
eschew the paramour beneath it

don't do that, don't do that
don't do that, don't do that
don't do that, it goes too fast
it goes too fast, it you pulls you back

into that habit
into that habit
into that habit
INTO that harsh dull sky

and you can't have it
and you can't grasp it
it's not intuitive enough
to pull the blue from all the fluff

AND seperate the clouds from what
you thought was keeping you so stuck
that wasn't what

atlas & xainjaya - ballroom mask

"pastel figments" out now: https://open.spotify.com/album/32Degmbqyk8DIj0k3VgL7s

produced by @xainjaya
streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

still got a ipod classic
it can only hold five songs--that's it

but what they pump into the airwaves is toxic
there's no future, why not sleep in ?

like a viper or a python wrapping
around your body 'til the mindrot seeps in

they caught me digging through the scrap heap again
one last piece all i need is a lens

one last piece all i need is a lens
one last piece all i need is a lens
i could see through it all, i could reach through it then
one last piece all i need is a lens

i spent a tense amount of time on
crimping down the nylon
wire draped along the pylons
dangling in the pond

behind our house
to keep the lights on
the generator's humming keeps me company
indicators buzzing but i'm stumbling

the sun would be nice
100 new lives all lived at once

you're gonna be fine
or somebody might who wakes up

atlas & xainjaya - ipod classic

"pastel figments" out now: https://open.spotify.com/album/32Degmbqyk8DIj0k3VgL7s

produced by @xainjaya
streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

took down a spoonful of sentiment
not trying to hear the end of it now

choked on your words
spit it all out

yea i spit spit spit spit it all out
opps mid mid mid it's a callout
top 10, locked in whatcha scared of? 
interests fringe fringe fringe like a haircut

rare blood, i'm a type AB
air bud, i bite if u try and play me :3
baby, j biebs w the cherubs
arrow through the heart then it's RIP

arrow through the heart then it's RIP
bad luck from the start yea u know me :/

walking under ladders
i don't listen
superstition
i'm not scared

superposition
i'm not there
but i am
idc

make shards of all my mirrors
black cats gather
'round my path

atlas & xainjaya - sentiment

"pastel figments" out now: https://open.spotify.com/album/32Degmbqyk8DIj0k3VgL7s

produced by me + @xainjaya
streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

this, my favorite potion
transmutation, open wide

stretch my wings, i'm floating
sickle teeth and golden eyes

dim water where i lost my light
in the grotto after dark last night
look around and the stars unwind
it's just void and a sea of eyes

atlas & xainjaya - transmuting myself into a bat

"pastel figments" out now: https://open.spotify.com/album/32Degmbqyk8DIj0k3VgL7s

produced by @xainjaya
streamerlinks.com/xainjaya

lyrics:

sunshine
sometimes rain

unkind
so cruel, your games

one time
learned to play

unwind
change my fate

sometimes
sunshine takes a little longer to come out

i don't mind as much this time around
it's a tranquil and forgiving comedown

sunshine
sometimes rain

unkind
numb my pain

sublime days dissolve to nights before you know
it happens slow

come time
things will change

tongue tied
damaged tape

atlas & xainjaya - damaged tape

thanks to purpan for this lovely beat.
thanks to s for loving me.
thanks to the world for allowing me to function.
:)

loving u (prod. purpan)

thanks to everyone who's ever been there to support me.

i wouldn't be here without you guys.

this was gonna be for 2k, but fuck it, you guys deserve it.

a letter to my freshman self (prod. purpan)

edit/update: the person who this song was originally written about is now essentially devoid of respect and likability in my eyes, so now it's a ballad for all of the lovers out there who aren't fucking each other over.

good riddance, s.

thanks, p.

thanks, world.

[peace.love.happiness]

e[u].logy (prod. purpan)

@tomppabeats

love is a sunset; watch it with me.

to download for free, just go to:

http://www.mediafire.com/download/dw5b5bsyrl6csnb/shells+%28prod.+tomppabeats%29.mp3

shells (prod. tomppabeats)

@tomppabeats

welcome to the beach.

thank you for the continued support.

i love each and every one of you with all of my heart. <3

sand (prod. tomppabeats)

@wushm

a notification tone
echoed around the empty walls
and a smile met my face
because i knew it was you
<3

notifications (prod. wūsh)

self-produced

when i'm gone...

thanks to @spacegirlgemmy for suggesting i drop this as a single

luh u

remember me

if design dictates function, what am i? w/ autumn keys

sincerely (prod. cade swet)

sincerely (prod. cade sweτ)

@tomppabeats

but whatever tho

(also these hats are coming soon)

isn't here (prod. tomppabeats)

much like me, this song is built entirely of metaphors

unscramble them to find the truth

@tomcbumpz

i don't crave death, i just crave peace (prod. tomcbumpz)

@yungestbae <-- everybody check out the homie right this second!

thanks to bennie (http://www.instagram.com/cozylile -- hit him up to buy artwork stuff) for the art!

holding yr hand (prod. yung bae)

@mt-marcy

LYRICS:
i'm sick of trembling in fear at the idea of death
since it's always on my mind i just hide in my bed
"everybody's scared of it" is what my therapist said
but my case seems worse, when i've barely been fed

because the kitchen's too far to desire the steps
it'd take to make it down the stairs and try to find a baguette
or something similar that wouldn't make my stomach upset
it doesn't feel like this is real, yeah, my mind is a mess

the only times it seems clear is when music is played
some relatable creator says i'll soon be okay
or when reading poetry trying to soothe the dismay
and i can lose my insecurities in cute little sayings, like

"why frown when the sun goes down,
if you'll wake in the morning to such nice sounds
when the nighttime creeps, well your eyes might weep
but that's just moonlight tryna find nice people"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, just make it through this"

"why frown when the sun comes 'round
even if you feel shaken or upside down
when the daytime hits, you'll be great, my friend
just make it through this, you can make it through this"

meurte

such nice sounds (prod. mt. marcy)

merry christmas, everyone <3
thank you for an incredible year

shout out to everyone who worked on this:
@yungestbae (thanks for the godly beat <3)
@iamsamsa (if you need track art, hit him up)
@atwoodotj
@ibr
@chriswright53
@toccimc
@hheadhaunter
@boof-radley
@offthejump

merry Bhristmas

no one ever said (feat. samsa & the otj crew) (prod. yung bae)

self-produced; this one's pretty cute 

guitar recorded on my fender tele 
drums from a few different sample packs

this is a sunny sky, this is a starry night 
this is an afternoon i'll spend inside your arms, held tight 
this is a question mark, this is a final thought 
this is a happy ending snuck into the epilogue 
this is a seperate building, this is the journey there 
this is the scenic route, this is your messy hair 
this is a promise kept, an honored lesson, taught it to you 
through the momunental light alive inside your amour suit, and... 
this is the reason i've been shaking when i speak 
always terribly afraid to make mistakes and make you leave 
it's a shame i'm scared of heights, 'cause when you sweep me off my feet 
i feel the ground beneath me start to sink into the sea 
i can feel the clouds above me coming closer to my touch 
i can almost taste the heavens, but compared to you, it's much 
the same as everything else... another book on a shelf 
it's just too hard to explain, so i'm repeating myself, like... 

this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, you'll always know me better 
this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, so i'll be yours forever 

this is the celebration, this is the party hat 
this is the cellophane in which my heart is wrapped 
and i'm peeling it back, 'cause i'm feeling the love 
this is absolute bliss, this can fit like a glove 
this is peace on the earth, this is me, what it's worth 
i'm not a hundred percent sure, but still 
this here, this is a final draft, this is an epitath 
for every negative emotion on a seperate path 
this is the safest feeling ever to be felt 
it's a message in the morning that intends to make you melt 
and honestly, this is my magnum opus, this is a story book 
where all the illustrations have super-friendly sorta look 
a cordial shook hand at an important event 
with stainless steel silverware and a porcelain dish 
it's the weight of the pull inside of a torrent of fish 
a metaphor used precisely to make it more than it is 

this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, you'll always know me better 
this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, so i'll be yours forever 

this is a broken record, this is a broken record 
this is a broken record, you'll always know me better 
this is a broken record, this is a broken record 

art by bennie (www.instagram.com/cozylile)

download <3

broken record

@flayvors

happy valentine's day :)

art by bennie (http://www.instagram.com/cozylile)

this is a thank you for everything
a semi-colon hovering where something once was menacing
a "soon-to-be continued" that exists after the ending screen
the only song i know that i would ever even wish to sing
when the heat is blistering, you're the ice that's glistening
inside my cup of tea, which is also you... interesting
throughout all the seasons, in this transition of winter-spring
you've been here beside me with the sweet nothings you're whispering
you're a lovable, angelic piece of perfect
and anything i do for you is worth it
times a million and a half, we can sit and be resilient and laugh
in between the subtle compliments and billlions of half-
kiss/half-hug/half-cuddle moments we share
i know it's unfair that we could only spend a few days here
but i'm yours, and i think that it's clear
so forget about goodbye, this is "see you soon, my dear"

'cause i love you and i'd like to spend forever
in the sublte warmth inside your arms, like fireplaces' embers
i will try my best to keep you by my side until the weather
turns apocalyptic, and we end up drifting to the nether
but we'd still be wearing sweaters when we got there
'cause we're both too caught up in cuteness to care 'bout hot air
and even if it burnt me alive, i'd have my crosshairs
set up on your heart, making art, 'cause why stop there?
i'll keep on creating for you until my final days
dancing in the living room and smooching while the vinyl plays
i've been losing track of the romantic shit i'm tryna say
but basically i love you and that's kinda gay...
i'ma stay by your side when i can
keep your grip on my hand
'cause we can both hear the compliments coming in from these pals of mine
i've been wondering if you would be my valentine

valentine (prod. flavors)

wake up, it's time for bool

@nosentences

got my eyes on the computer screen, tryna work my digits in
fidget with the lettering but never with the sentences
pause check the clock, and it appears it's six a.m. again
another night wasted or another day finished
and my mind is steady running in place
i don't wanna fall asleep, 'cause i've got so much to say
but i don't wanna stay awake and keep exhaustion at bay
because i presently am dead inside the bed where i lay
i might as well work now, maybe it could suffice
as more a method of confusion than a dip into life
it's like my body parts are planning out an intricate heist
but my mind is logged in on a different device
and my session expired, i'm exceptionally tired
every step is like fire straight from my head to my toes
see, i'm an excellent liar when i've slept the required
8 or 7 hours prior, but at present i'ma go the fuck to sleep and--

*bwoooooooooomp*

okay rise and shine, hello to the ladybugs
insert several other stupid phrases about waking up
rub the sleep out of my eyes and view the clock that hangs above
and hit the snooze a couple times to keep my hours 8 or plus
check my phone once, twice, three times, four
just so i can see the second i'm messaged by mon amour
for a date or a small excursion straight to a donut store
where i'm holding an open door to convey that i'm spoken for
and it's great, it's a total score, it's a wonderful set of things
that exist in my present bubble of love where the petals sing
as they're blooming on every flower, moving to better springs
engulfed in a heavy shower of rain that the weather brings
and... even though my days might be presented slow
they pass before my eyes at higher rates than even jets can go
and the cycle will repeat itself like history and reddit posts
so what's the point in fighting it? i'm staying up and letting go

alarm (prod. no sentences)

@aimless-beats

hey, everyone is someone at least a little bit different online
don't be scared to be honest, okay?
love you
<3

LYRICS:
we all got internet personas
internet personas we hide behind
we hide behind

we all got demons deep inside us
demons deep inside us we try to hide
we try to hide

i forgot who it is i truly am long ago
but i'll keep searching for it while i can

i knew a boy who could outline a shape in a second
that's display was eclectic in a way that was second to none
he had a hand than swam like fish in the seas
and a penstroke that'd bring any critic to his knees
it was beautiful, flowing like the blood inside my artieries
he painted hearts as targets and was practicing his archery
mastering the artistry he carried in his chest
until at best it was a godsend, and worst, it was a part of me
'til suddenly... things began to seem different
moods dissipated into blue and grey pigments
but surface-wise his screen names were never inefficient
as a method to communicate that happiness was with him
so a couple thousand people saw a perfectly inoccuous complexion
while i was tryna talk him through depression
the lesson to be learned is that your heros aren't invincible
just normal folks who often need expression, so pause and leave a message...

if you want; they'd probably appreciate it...

...internet personas
internet personas we hide behind
we hide behind

we all got demons deep inside us
demons deep inside that we try to hide
we try to hide

i forgot who it is i truly am long ago
but i'll keep searching for it while i can

i knew a person who could cultivate the words that they aligned
in a way that could coerce a train to fly
a perfect state of mind in which to learn creative rhymes
until their person was emburdened by the verses they designed
and they began to lose their touch...
the little quirks in all their writing became terse and uninviting
and ingesting any lettering they surgeoned into life
instead of being entertainment was inert and just absurd and all the work was fucking tiring
and suddenly... they were writing less and less
in spite of their success they saw no light and second guessed
the creativity they harbored in their heart
there's only so much fucking artwork you can make 'til you forget the way to start
so a couple million people saw some dipping in the frequency
of music while they fought idiosyncracy
that slept as mental illness... and woke as some peculiar train of thought
that masqueraded as a symptom of a hindering deliquency

i hope that all these words have made you think of me

internet personas, internet personas
we all got internet personas, internet personas (x7)

internet personas (prod. aimlessbeats)

internet personas (prod. aimless)

hey, thanks for 50k <3

lil vocal acting by my homies jake & marcus <3

lyrics:
i think that now i'd call myself a wordsmith
but not because of talent of ability
it's more that i can balance the facilities
of living as a human, while i'm sittin' here decal-ing my sililoquies
and i guess it makes sense, in that regard
i use my brain as a capture card
inhalin' every word i stumble upon
to try to catalog 'em all before the rapture starts

so you can tag along and follow all the wacky antics
like all my stupid problems that relapsing can't fix
"keep your head up out the sand, stop scratching that wrist
before you turn into another anxious ativan kid"
well i guess it's too late... a couple hundred panic states passed
and my broken self ran away fast
feels like i lost my body in a hand grenade blast
with all this absence in my soul, and i can't evade that

so i'm stuck... trapped in a painting of myself
that was made before i changed how i felt
i'm hoping that my other friends can break out and help
but to be honest, it seems like they've greyed out as well
i constantly remember back in high school
sneaking out to kick it with no pay stubs
everything was simpler then, i guess
i only feel free when there's something to escape from

so i'll keep writing songs of longing for the olden
looking to the future for my confidence and boldness
it certainly isn't here, and neither am i
but i think that we've established that enough to decide
that it's time for a change; or, rather, time to revert
'cause we all sorta miss the designs that we were
and maybe nowadays what i write's more diverse
but the patrick years back didn't understand hurt

and that hurts

a wistful remembrance

wordsmith ii (prod. purpan)

ukulele by @imtiffany
art by https://twitter.com/phiIotechnicaI

"you were my earth"

atlas

you're my world

@southvb

more like GAYboy lmao RT

lyrics:
i just want my hand held, i ain't talking gameboys
and i ain't been in magazines, but me and you can play, boy
i'm looking for the same joy, the same touch and smolder
that i get when i lay my head down on your shoulder
that's real... i always wanna know how you feel
you bring me out my great depressions, i think you're the new deal
i'm staring at you in the mirror like fucking blue steel
wide-eyed, smiling, i'm just tryna help your mood heal

so if there's anything that i can do
to help the weaker side of you
just lemme know and i can move
my schedule up and down

i'm sorry if i haven't been
the best at how i'm managing
the problems that i'm handling
my head was in the ground

and truly, it's a miracle
that you are even near me, whether
fruitless or endearing
i'll be happy you're around

and if you're feeling terrible,
your sicknesses unparalled,
your headache is unbearable,
just step into the sound

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

i don't mind at all
my ibuprofen and my tylenol
are yours at the sound of your sirens' call
'cause i ain't letting you hurt tonight at all
tonight at all

handheld (prod. south.vibe)

happy early valentine's day uwu

produced by @byrook1e and @skyhighbeatss 
mixed by @halberd-3000
cover art designed by @landosmusic

lyrics:
it feels like i'm skydiving when i text you 
rose petals on the floor outside your bedroom 
sunshine, whenever you smile, it's the best view 
i was at the bottom waiting for a rescue 

but now it's like a paradise enveloped in light 
everyone's probably aware, but i'ma tell 'em despite 
even telling 'em twice, you're a hella delight 
you've got a smile like a story that i'd tell every night 

and if you're feeling sickly, i'ma break out the campbell's 
and make sure you get your hand held damn well 
if you can't tell, i'm in a bit of a trance 
such a pretty romance, the way it fits in the plans 

it's like a sundress on an early afternoon 
up next, i'm just curling up with you 
no question, i guess that it's the truth 
you're just really fuckin' cute 

sunshine, i'm watching 
through the window 
i can hear the birds outside 

sunshine, there's something 
in the air 
i can feel it when you're there

sunshine

produced by @jhfly
mixed by @halberd-3000

lyrics:

you know it's they/them, as in me and most of mine
some identical identity, i keep 'em close beside
open old wounds just enough to bleed out older lines
'til there's no truths left, and i concede to close my eyes

and even though the sleet and snow are peeking through the blinds
i still meet them on my morning walk, sheepishly surprised
used to think this skittish brain might need to be inside
'til neurosis was a locksmith with a key to where i hide

now i keep ice on me, that shit froze
not like diamonds, though--it's april and we still been gettin' snow
but me and all my friends are 'bouta hit the road
not for tour, tho, i really just enjoyed it when we drove, 'cause

you're way less likely to get stared at
by an old white man in a moving car
and yes, i see that really neat flag on your window
are you quite aware that you guys lost the war?

and, yes, i did use the gender neutral bathroom
what is your concern with what i've got going on?
you can fight me in this walmart if you want to
but when you get your ass beat, don't pull out your AR

yes, my fucking nails are painted! what, you think i didn't know?
yes, i wore a skirt today! what's with all the rigmarole?
yes, i've got some makeup on, and yes, bitch, i look beautiful
so 'fore you ask another question, you can get to getting ghost

flowers ep

they/them (prod. jhfly)

produced by @jhfly

lyrics:

i often sit and wonder how your hand would feel
if we were sitting on my carpet sharing chamomile
keep a lot of little secrets that i can't reveal
until we're high at 3 am just sharing chamomile
(x2)

i guess...

i've got a letters that i've written
a few of them i'm tempted to incinerate
they tend to pile up around my desk
at the frequency of sadness and dinner plates
it's easy to get lost inside of memories
it's harder to pretend that isn't bothersome
you told me 'bout your favorite kinds of flowers
so i went to the market and i got you some

i didn't even break down when i left my house
i didn't even get anxious when i went out
you know the words never sound quite right when they leave my mouth
but, darling, just finish your tea, and we'll go lay down
we can go lay down

i often sit and wonder how your hand would feel
if we were sitting on my carpet sharing chamomile
keep a lot of little secrets that i can't reveal
until we're high at 3 am just sharing chamomile

chamomile (prod. jhfly)

produced by @mt_fujitive

lyrics:

life has got me feeling discombobulated, in place of common phrases
all i say are awkward statements in every conversation
often sitting cautious, pacing, dropping frames in talks with strangers
making observations, in that awful cadence
i've been rather quiet since a sophomore
every time my voice comes out my mouth, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard
saving pieces shattered as my age increases faster
i can make my thesis matter if i learn to fuckin' talk more

but that's just an inkling, small talk is always shrinking
and this ship will always sink until we fill in all the gaps
i've made some dumb decisions and evaded inhibitions
digging graves for my ambitions just to make it on the map
which seems ironic at present, given my title
periodically stepping through this recital
i've practiced a thousand times, messaging with my idols
and definitely sounding like a dumbass when i try tho

i treat a soundcloud page like a diary
and push away all the people who inspire me--sorry
so afraid of the person i should try to be
and it seems, by now, they should kinda be sorry

discombobulated (prod. mt. fujitive)

an ode to escapism

lyrics:
when the dialogue
makes you think you're gonna die soon
i don't listen for the dial tone
i just lay alone and cry

'cause there are such sad songs on the radio
and all my old friends are laying low
trying not to be the people they're afraid of
don't you know?

and the centerpiece
is a little bit of everything
this cacophony is deafening
but no one else can seem to hear

when there are such sad songs on your stereo
and all your old friends don't care at all
trying not to fall apart
they can't take it anymore

when the morning comes
and everything is still amiss
you turn your tv on
and then regret it while you sit

'cause there are such sad stories on the morning news
and every death toll takes more from you
there's an armed gunman in the store with you
it seems, oh, it seems

so you go back to bed
and pretend it's all a dream
if you convince yourself
it's only numbers on a screen

then all the fucked up things that keep happening
will feel much less real than they have to be
much less real than they
actually are

such sad songs

produced by @mt_fujitive
cover photo shot by @chriswrightotj

i have a cold

lyrics:
i'm getting sick of constant negativity, searching for some clarity
try to switch my mind around, reversing the polarity
and scuttle through the undertow, an urgent need for therapy
coercing me to stray from my roots

i've even practiced sacrficing bad news to aphrodite statues
antagonized by past dues, i'm camera shy and fat too
diet plan is snack food, banana pies and cashews
the person that i dream to be, i pantomime with tattoos
but even still, i sense the glimmer of my confidence
hiding under ink i got to mimic my accomplishments
they're few and far between, sort of timid in their promises
drowning subtle whispers with the engine of a rocketship

i can't linger any longer in the past
i'm not the person that i was back then
romanticizing everything, the flowers in the grass
were a stepping stone for expressing my love back then
but now i'm jaded as i cautiously detach
from all the people that i loved back then
drowning every issue via vodka from a flask
to think, the only thing i wanted was a hug back then

sick of constant negativity, searching for some clarity
try to switch my mind around, reversing the polarity
and scuttle through the undertow, an urgent need for therapy
coercing me to stray from my roots

back then (prod. mt. fujitive)

is this really life?

produced/written by me
mastered by biskwiq 
art by skirt

lyrics:
when you're standing at your window in your bathrobe
like you do
like you do

talking to your mother on your cell phone
turning blue
you can't move

she says, "ayla, are you eating like you're supposed to?
tell the truth
i know you"

you wonder if she knows about the old youth
that you knew
what's the use?

i wonder if there's more out there
nothing really feels quite right these days
ayla, if you hear my voice
promise me you'll stay awake
i wonder if there's more out there
nothing really feels quite right these days
ayla, if you hear my voice
promise me you'll stay away

when you're staring at the ceiling in your bedroom
every night
flickering lights

from the broken bulbs in street lamps that surround you
paint you white
seconds at a time

you face the wall you used to put your back to
scatter lines
pass the time

you feel as though you're trapped inside a vacuum
can't be right
is this really life?

i wonder if there's more out there
nothing really feels quite right these days
ayla, if you hear my voice
promise me you'll stay awake
i wonder if there's more out there
nothing really feels quite right these days
ayla, if you hear my voice
promise me you'll stay away

spotify/apple music <3

ayla

happy valentine's day uwu
art by https://twitter.com/KELMIKICo

lyrics:
you hit my line
and say it's alright
i don't ask no questions
just hold on tight

don't wanna know
what keeps you close
what changed your mind
what hurt you most

i'm in your bed
i'm wearing your clothes
it doesn't matter
it's not like you know

that i'm in love
and you're okay
it's way too boring
in this place i stay

change my mind in the morning
break my heart by the time the night ends
said, "it's alright, then?"

i've been waiting for way too long
trying not to break my 0wn heart
break my 0wn heart </3
uwo

right now, i'm so anxious, i'm lightheaded
with my eyes red
it's so cold in my bedroom
i froze solid in my bed
i'm so anxious, i'm lightheaded
can't see straight
i fell out of your headspace
and fell asleep with my knees scraped

i'm so anxious, i'm lightheaded
with my eyes red
it's so cold in my bedroom
i froze solid in my bed
i'm so anxious, i'm lightheaded
i'm lightheaded
i'm lightheaded
i'm so anxious, i'm lightheaded

change my mind in the morning
break my heart by the time the night ends
said, "it's alright, then?"

i've been waiting for way too long
trying not to break my 0wn heart
break my 0wn heart </3
uwo

break my 0wn heart </3

...sleeping on the phone

vocals by lando & i
produced by lando & i
mastered by biskwiq
cover photo shot by ellie

@landosmusic
@biskwiq
https://instagram.com/efffelll/

lyrics:
sunday morning, vacant doorway
wipe the sunlight from your eyes
and trace your favorite constellation
on their skin

overwhelmed by the emotion
watching cogs turn in your mind
you sort of wonder where this wonder
may have been

'cause you're always in between
stuck behind the tv screen
in somebody else's dream
feeling like a ghost

always in between
stuck behind the tv screen
in somebody else's dream
trying to let you know

late night when the lights go out
long stares at an old friend's house
feels just like a cheesy movie scene

scan lines on a crt look like
hd when you're next to me, alright
i can see it so clearly

in between
stuck behind the tv screen
in somebody else's dream
trying to let you know

in between
stuck behind the tv screen
in somebody else's dream
sleeping on the phone

atlas

Pinned to spotlight

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