Emin, 4/4, 138BPM


"oh my god, it's so cold
Every day, it's so cold"
Clean the wound, cauterize
Don't let the others find out
Drink cheap shit, till you black out
Do it again, wake up on the floor
I grieve for shit that has passed
Still I can't move on from the past
Follow suit, just forget
Don't do shit you will regret
I'm not living, I'm just wasting time
My purpose feels so spent
I was stuck doing things I regret

Is this really what you want
Is this really what you want?

Repeat the cycle
Day by day
One to pass
One less to remain
Time will pass
You will pay
The day will come
You meet your grave
This is your life
Get your mind straight
You're counting on
The choices youve made
If you're unsure
You're unwound
You'll spiral deeper
Underground
It's 2 am
You're in your room
You're disgusted by the smell of that perfume
Want it or not it happened to you
But it's only your fault you've made your bed your tomb

Is this really what you want
Is this really what you want?

It's dark outside
You're afraid
But you can't get
What you can't chase

Run in the dark
Mind your step
Don't want to repeat
All the times you bled

I've been going and going in circles, how can I ever go back
Peace has been taken from me, I cannot rewind that
I'm so depressed all the time, I don't even seem to mind that
I'll rot in bed all day, stay up awake all night
There's so much wrong with me, shit I don't even say
It feels like weeks since I've had a good day
Haven't eaten decent in a while, I can't stomach this shit
There's so many people around me, I just can't deal with it

Is this really what you want
Is this really what you want?


Push away your plans again
Push away your friend again
Watch the hairs grow again
Just to shave it all off again
Shaving cuts, razor bumps
Drip your blood on white tile floor
Split the check, walk home alone again
Think about it, is he your friend
Wake up late, wear dirty clothes
Eat at the mall alone
Your childhood room, with spider webs
You won't get to be a kid again
Eat like shit, or not at all
You can only blame yourself after all


Is this really what you want
Is this really what you want?

It's dark outside
You're afraid
But you can't get
What you can't chase

Run in the dark
Mind your step
Don't want to repeat
All the times you bled

Before I die i gotta make my masterpiece
My own blackstar, maybe then I'll achieve some peace


"The black bird is a part of me
Just as much as the white one is
So sad, it is
To see"

Guitar ballad (  blackstar  )

Bb, 4/4, 75BPM

With you breathing right next to me…
The falling leaves dont seem quite as gloomy
Only something else more to be next to me

I dont need it figured out…
Right now it just feels right and thats okay…

Oh how I wish it to be a taaaaaste
My tongue never forgets
I hope you have a naaaaame
I can recite all day

The pine trees singgggg
A different sort of tune...
Can you just hold my hand
Leave me less lonely

When the sun meets your eyes, the dark brown looks so bright and clean…
Under that golden light, anyone can be clean
I dont have to be shy

On my back, watching the northern lights recede
I see the stars in your eyes
For once in my life
I looked up and saw the stars:
A sky so hollow and bleak
Now full with spectres of light


An imaginary friend, a fantasy in my mind
Too good to be true, but I dont mind feeling blue
If I get to think of you
You might not be real
But that will not stop me

Under cloudless skies
Our days fall
To monotony
But I dont mind
Having you with me
Inside my mind

“The sky doesnt seem so bleak tonight… // having your starry eyes by my side…”

Starry eyes

Emin, 6+7+7+9/4; 4/4, BPM

Lyrics:
Hide myself under a jacket showing only half my frame
And i wish to *** I could do the same with my face
I really hate when you look at me, you don’t seem to complain

You claim to be a lover,
But 3 months in you always split up
It’s hard to believe when you say love is a thing
All those ‘ i love you ‘s feel like playing pretend

You’re trying to get to know me
If only you knew how much i’m a fucking phony
How can I put my trust and care in someone again
I now know how much I can be hurt, what then?

I thought i was safe ‘till i saw you doing white lines
As the curtain unveiled I saw throught all the little white lies
I thought I knew you maybe I was naive on my end

I end up getting into bullshit time and time again
You fucked me up and I’m sure you know why
It’s no secret why I’ve been as I am

If I’m not happy I might as well go insane
I’m ashamed of my own name
Don’t look at me, I can’t bear to feel the shame
I disappoint those close to me time and time again

Hedgehogs dilemma cuz in the end I do need a friend
But all I can think about is how it could always end
Just don’t get close enough to hurt yourself on my spikes

We all have something to hide, it’s a big part of being alive
But I wish you could sense how scared I am
Maybe a muzzle might help, you never know

We seemed close but I can tell when you lie
You try to cover it up with shallow words and a smile
It makes me wonder who I really have by my side

I run conversations through my head
Are you aware you scare me when youre around?
I hedge my bets and decide to call it quits for the night
Pretending I have somewhere to go with a frown

If I’m not happy I might as well go insane
I’m ashamed of my own name
Don’t look at me, I can’t bear to feel the shame
I disappoint those close to me time and time again

“The writing’s on the wall”
But do you heed its call?
I tried to get close to you
Too close too fast, it felt like a free-fall

Sorry if I wasted your time
I also regret having wasted mine
You got 2close4comfort, we reached the finish line
Maybe one day we can take comfort again by a pretty skyline

2close4comfort

C#maj, 3/4, 154BPM
art by @ francium420 (twt)

lyrics
every day i wonder if theres any meaning in what i say
is part of being an artist just filling in the blank
i dont say it enough but i hope you understand
i wake up in fear of being seen as fake
if it was that easy there would be so much id trade
things ive been through that were only my mistake
where is the line for what i dare to say
many times i talk but i dont think you understand

i write all my songs with meaning in mind
this piece is beautiful and i wish you understood why
for better or for worse nobody does it like me

Its My imperfect aesthetic, and i wish youd fucking get it 
but you never fucking get it, you never hear a word i say
cramming little meaning
into lyrics of my songs
say something and act as if it was profound
maybe these words arent worth breathing out
I am giving you my best
But you will never understand

i write my songs with meaning in mind
this piece is beautiful and i wish you understood why
for better or for worse nobody does it like me

your melodys overplayed
you ring it out like an open chord
this could be sung, in another song, another motif, another reason to grieve

I dont say it enough
But i wish you’d understand

New jazz

Bbmaj, 4/4, BPM

Lyrics:
I can't tell anyone apart
I'm in a big crowd with a small heart
People terrify me
I can't stand having them beside me

Everything, somehow, feels upside down

I hear that hum and it starts again
Wonder if they're all in on it too
Feels like I need to escape
Doesn't it cross your mind,
how delusional this makes you, look

I don't want your help
Let me do this by myself
Please ignore me
Let me feel sorry for myself

Everything, somehow, feels upside down
Everything, somehow, feels upside down

upsideDown

Bb, 15/4; 4/4, BPM

lyrics:
Sometimes I wish I could cry, let it all out
Sometimes I wish I could die, I'm scared for myself, somehow

I've been sober for a while
Still find things to cry about
Going through shit I hope nobody ever finds out about
I had a dream tonight, I dreamt it was all my fault
I didn't know what to do, should I take the fall
I know it must be what they think but won't say out loud
"will you ever shut up about what you're worried about"

I like to play it safe
But I know that's just something that I say
I'm fragile and fake
in the way I defend myself, trying not to mutilate
I relapse - it's fine though
I know it won't get better if i worry about it
But the feeling stays, no it doesn't go away
I'm so ugly when I cry
My teeth ache from how much I clench
I do it for so long I forget why I was sad in the first place
I'm unhappy and I don't know why
I don't know what I need
I don't know what I want
I don't know why I cry

I'm so depressed I got old friends calling my line
said I'd respond but I only do when I'm at a bar
One day later I saw him parking a car and we shared an awkward smile,
fuck, just pretend I'm a ghost...
I had something to say, but you didn't care to hear it
now I'm walking alone to my room and I only feel defeated

I'm feeling off but don't know why
repeat those affirmations that keep me by
but what if they aren't true this time
But what if they aren't true this time
I look at all the paths ahead of me
but in the moment I'm petrified
I don't know what I'm doing with my life
And I'm losing track of time
And I'm serious I'm not kidding this time
I don't want to be strong
I don't want to win
roll over me
blow me away with wind
I'm in a crowd of people but I've never felt more alone
people talking just sounds like noise to me
Its better if I don't bother the room
I'll make sure i don't linger too much
I’ll be sure to flyAway soon

"the black bird is a part of me just as much as the white one is, how saaaad it isssss to seee, to be meeeee"

I can do it, but I chose not to, cuz I'm weak-willed
and every time I try
It doesn't quite feel right
Every attempt is futile
Going round
A star's cycle again and again
f-f-f-fullCircle again

fullCircle\\flyAway

maj, 4/4, BPM

Lyrics:
Wake me up when it's over
I'll wake up when its done with me, when it's had its way with the body that gave in to it
I'll fix my woes with sleep
Be at peace

Oh how I've been dying to get your taste in my mouth
Rid me from the jaws of life

Guide me to sleep
In the bed I will weep, in
It's bitter but worth it in the end
Bite the bullet, mask the taste
	
Luckily enough, 
When we share my mouth, 
I'll soundly  sleep 
You safely inside my hide (like skin)

I want to be taken to peace 
Like being held up to a comfy bed
Lay in the snow, this is where I'll fit into piece
The comfort of cold sets me to sleep

Drag me under, put me to sleep

D, 4/4, 108BPM

Soft and quiet just like me
Speak, to me, but softly please

I want to feel your breath
I want to feel your warmth

'Being with you needs no sugar coat,
 youre so sweet, i never seem to get cold"

We’re intertwined
Like lines of code
I want to feel your heartbeat in my bloodstream

Being with you needs no sugar coat,
 youre so sweet

The white birds a part of me, just as much as the black one is, its a balance i have to upkeep, it gives me something to believe

sugarCoat

EbMaj

Lyrics:
Don't be afraid of the world, dear 
[we could hold hands in the street]
Maybe this will help you find faith in it 
[like Petting a cat, the back of its head]
So don't be afraid to free-fall 
[falling from the sky]
Because I'll be here to catch you 
['till we’re laying on top of each other on the bed embracing]

"Silent but the Sound of our Breaths Falling, like Petals Accumulating..."

maj, 4/4, BPM

Lyrics:
In order for something to blossom…
You have to have to give it the time it needs
With Crystalline flowers
You can't uproot its weeds
Melting snow, lets the flowers bloom
Even ashen ground, lets flowers bloom
Have a little trust, give yourself a hand…
\\
It's a Reflection of me
I’m crystalline yet soft..
..soft like a delicate flower
So don't me mean to me
I don't want you to depetal me
This one picture of a white flower
I always wanted to make something of it
It Felt so peaceful to me
So Symbolic and pristine

@last

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