Theme Music

Old Amsterdam (banjo)

The Private Meditations of the King on the Night of His Ascension

Before we get this show on the road, I would like to make one thing very clear to the readers. I am OUTRAGED and disgusted with what I experienced this morning. If I didn't have to put some sort of rating on for this, I wouldn't because it doesn't deserve even a one star. Never in my life have I had something from a restaurant (if you can even call this establishment a restaurant) that looked and tasted as bad as my SCRAMBLED egg and cheese sandwich I got from this so called, "Panera Bread", in my 64 years of living. McDonald's has impressed me more, and I hold that to the lowest of standard. 

I got up this morning at approximately 7:45am, as I do every Sunday. No not because I go to church or any of that fairytale nonsense. I am a mystic, and as a mystic we have a natural ability to wake up early. But that isn't what's important right now. That is a story for a different time. Today we're here to discuss the tragedy that is Panera Bread. I am from out of town, obviously, and am passing through on my annual mystic pilgrimage, where I travel back home to New Brunswick. It's how I choose to cleanse my mystic soul. As I was saying, I got up this morning and went to the Panera Bread at the location in which this review is for. I went to the drive thru because I was anxious to hit the road. 

I studied the menu, weighing in all of my options. That's when I saw it. The sandwich that was going to end my craving and satisfy my hunger. The Scrambled Egg and Cheese sandwich. I ordered it and a cheese soufflé. I love cheese soufflés. This is where my annoyance started. "$8.99", the man behind the drive thru speaker said. $8.99, can you believe that? I was shocked that they couldn't just round the total up to $9! But, I was hungry and couldn't let my frustration get in the way of enjoying the delicious sandwich and a comfortably warm cheese soufflé. I pulled up to the window and was greeted with a warm smile from a striking young man. He read my total back to me, which was redundant because there is a digital screen that has your total on it at the drive thru window. Nevertheless, I received my food. Great. I pull over into a parking spot to check and make sure I got my order right. It was right. Another plus. I can't wait any longer, I was sweating in anticipation for this sandwich - I was so hungry. I take it out of it's box. This is where things got hairy. The sandwich was LUKE warm. The egg didn't even look like a scrambled egg. It looked like smashed goo that you would get as a child at an arcade for tokens. the cheese wasn't melted and was cold. The bun it came on was clearly made the day prior. This sandwich was clearly frozen and reheated. I suffered through it because I was hungry and ate the sandwich regardless. 

Hoping the cheese soufflé was freshly made, I took it out of it's box. Again, it had clearly been sitting in the store for awhile and had been reheated. I took my first bite and wasn't impressed in the slightest. It wasn't the worst thing I had ever eaten, but after the egg sandwich mishap I was over this place. I scarfed down the rest of the soufflé and high tailed it out of there! I started down the highway and couldn't get it off my mind so I created this account and am writing this review on the side of the road - angry, confessed, unsatisfied, and disappointed. Disappointed in a restaurant that tends to always pleasure my tastes buds. But today, I am left feeling empty and betrayed.

Autophobe

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