an old song from my cellphone,
for my heart for 2 years,
for my heart for the rest of my life

for you

i like to sing to myself in empty rooms in the sun and play guitar badly 

sunday throwaway

runninginplace

allbark

Lay me down
Tell my dreams
I just yell
All I ever do is scream
I don't mean
To stay so angry
Just lately
I feel so lonely
I miss when
The sun was here
I used to think
I'd never fear
Anything
And I can sing
The same damn thing
Over and over
Lay me down
Kiss my head
There's no place
I'd rather be instead

lay me down

old song.. bad recording....

i think when god started a garden 
he forgot to tell me how to grow 
and when the red sea parted 
he didn't tell me where all the blood would flow.. 
and how can you drink and how can you speak 
with a guantlet so full it's overpouring 
with pools of blood and wine, at your feet 
and an ocean inside your lungs is roaring 
where are you supposed, to lay down low 
when your heart is in the sky 
and it wants to follow heaven 
like when they died 
no one ever taught me how to pray 
told me to get down on my knees 
talk to your god, beg him please 
ask him how to grow 
cause somewhere along the road 
i think i lost my way, and someone cut the rope 
pulled me up from my roots too soon 
i was just a child, wasn't ready to bloom.. 
watered with my tears, anchored to a bed 
fed with all the fears that laid in my head 
where worms grow in my skin 
like all the rotting dead 
i still wish i knew how to grow... 
stuck in an ugly bedroom 
tell me god, why don't i know? 
i wasn't ready to bloom..

god's garden

im not afraid of death
but im afraid
of never seeing you
again
im not afraid to die
im just scared to live
without you
by my side
cords that born
deep in the womb
i hope you call me
when you pick your tomb
wanna lay next to your skeleton
we can compare our bones 
and our skin
and we can take ourselves apart
recreate homes in the form of a heart
but when i tell you this
you only ever say
how you love my pretty lips 
and wish i didnt talk that way

and i promise 
i will only die
if thats what you want too
if thats really what you want

cus when you go
when you leave
i wont know 
how to even breathe
and ill paint new skies 
in the way you did 
when you close your eyes
in the room you hid
you said you hated everyone
but you couldnt ever hate me

so i told you, i could 
enough for the both of us

im not afraid 
of going to hell
but i am afraid 
i wont see you as well
i made you a necklace of rope
but you pick at until it frays
hold my hand, 
and tell me its just one of those days

and i promise i will only die
if thats what you want as well
if thats what you really want

i promise, i'm brave demo

sweet as magnolias
dancing in the breeze
your words
they taste so sweet
in my ear
come a little closer
always need you closer
never enough time
always, you're mine
sweet as a sunrise
when I look into your eyes
green like, green like
all the life
in every breath we take
loving you is easy
when you taste this way
magnolias, growing between us 

sweet as magnolias

I didn't know 
the sun could hit me so hard
used to feel a glow
now the bed, isn't warm
and every day, I drift
but it's not a dream
would, if I could 
be swallowed by green
the stars, they laugh at me
as my tears, as my tears fall
the moon, she circles around me
well, it's my fault
if loving me was easier
well I'd not feel so small
a notch in your stomach
growing pains, that won't cease
a heart's a heavy burden
at least, for me



didn't know the sun

if i stop making sense
would you still, 
would still listen?
would you kiss,
would you kiss me,
like it's the last time?
I dream only of you and me
the sun rises
despite my heart ache
the world, keeps spinning
like, like my mind
would you find,
the time?
would you find, the time?


kiss me until it makes sense

i think i might put out an album soon but i'm shy & just stick 2bad recordings ...

if you really wanted to die
i would gladly join your side
and if youre ready to leave
i'll pack my bags 
and i'll go with you
cus id follow like a shadow in the ground
silent with you
making no sound
cus if you werent here
i think id
disappear
and i cant imagine a life
without you by my side
loyal like a dog without a chain
chasing after your remains
id dig myself up to the bone
just to lay next to you
and no we dont have to breathe
ill understand that you
wanted to leave
and ill love you forever
even after were dead
lay with you forever
in a graveyard bed
and we'll go to sleep
we'll go to sleep
we'll go to sleep

sleepingdog

you don't have
to explain
why you did
What you did to me
I know
Know I'm not the easiest 
To come home to
But I'm glad you come home
To me
And I love
Every moment,
Even if it's not what it seems..
Don't, don't you think that I love 
Every part of you?
Don't you see why I do what I do?
You, you've got me
under your spell
And I fell
In love 

I fell in love
I fell in love
Oh, I fell 

Lift, lift me up
Into the clouds
That's where I'll lay
Won't you love me?
Forever?
That's what I need
What I need
That's what,
that's what I need
I need
All I need 

Count the very last
Breath I take
It'll be for you
For you
Yeah, it'll be for you
That's all I have 

That's all I have
That's all
All that I, all that I have...


all that i have

I don't care
if it's a waste of time
I don't care 
If I've lost my mind
I don't care if it feels like
Everything is falling 

Lie to me if it's easy
Lie to me if it's what it takes
Lie to me if it's easy
I don't care as long as it's
Right here
Right now
By your side
That's all that matters to me
I don't care if it's a lie
I don't care
Cus I'm so happy 

Tell me that it's what you want
I'll give you all the space you need
Tell me that it's what you want
I'll give you all of me 

Take me apart
And tell me that it's better
Tell me that you want my heart
it's forever 

Lie to me 
Lie to me if it's easier
I don't care if it hurts me
Lie to me
Lie to me it's just whatever
Lie to me as long as it can keep you
Right by my side
Just lie lie lie
Lay next to me
Just lie to me


lie to me, lay with me

guitar diary session 

all i have
are vhs tapes
of the words
you used to say
and all i have are broken vcrs
and old broken down cars
i cant go anywhere now
but youre layin 
6 feet in the ground
and i miss you
 so much
im little bit out of touch....
i admit it
and i have no way to tell you
i just wanna hear you say 
you did it
so i could tell you 
i dont think so
i wanted to make you proud
and i wanted to scream it real loud
from the top of my lungs 
on a mountain high
and i wanted to go directly
to god
and ask him why
you had to die
no cures or medicine
could ever be your friend
and i remember the time
i tied your shoes
you were spilling bile and blood
on everyone but i cleaned your puke
and i wish 
i always say this
i wish 
you hadnt got sick
and i wanted to say
i love you
to those vhs tapes



over 6 years, i still have a broken heart

vhs tapes

feel less like a person
These days
Feel more like a burden
Anyway
Falling into old habits 
Once again
Trying to figure out
Which end
I wanna write this time
Don't know half the time
Falling asleep
Next to you
But it feels like I'm drifting 
Like I'm supposed to
Reach out
But I can't figure out
What the right thing is again
Feels like the instructions 
Were hidden from me
Don't know if I can bear it
I want to leave

less [archival]

The chapel is burning 
The children, they cry
I'll always be wondering why 
I don't feel at home
In your arms, it's all i wanna know
Never feeling what the love is
When you look me in my eyes

I'm hollow, I'm shelled out
I don't know what you want me to do
I try to reach out,
but you leave me so empty
I feel like a shadow
Echoing in your mind, all the time
I'll never be on your level
Never be where you want me
On my pedestal 

It breaks me, it breaks me
It breaks me down
It breaks me, it breaks
It breaks
It breaks me
It breaks me


broken pedestal

It's so blinding
Blinding, blind
Watching you
Watching, watching, watching
When it was the truth 
Breaking me down
I crawled across the ground
I was reaching out my hand
Trying to bend,
To every single call
Every single demand
I'm begging you, I'm begging you
I'm begging you
Call out my name
If you decide 
That you want to
Love me
Love me
Love me tonight
Love me all your life
I'll be, I'll be packing,
When you're ready to go
Call out my name
Let me know
Let me,
Let me
Let me
Let me
Let me know
I'm ready to go
With you

I'd give everything 
If you, if you choose
If you choose
If you choose me
If you choose me
Please dont.
Please dont lose me.
Please don't.


plsdont

Can you tell
When you look me in my eyes?
Can you tell,
Tell me more lies?
Before you close the door
Tell me, can you tell me?
What you're hiding
What you're hiding from me
Do you see?
All the broken memories
Breaking me down
It's like a sea
And I just drown
I drown, 
I drown
Don't pull me
Don't pull me out
Don't pull me
Don't pull me out
I'm not ready for you 
I'll never be
I'll never be
I'll never..
You,
You want me to be
Everything, but I can barely stand
You want me to be
Everything you can't 
You can't 
You can't 
You can't 
You can't 
But you are, you are
The thing I love the most
I know, i know
I will surely choke
On your love
I'll drown myself out
I love, I love
You, without a single doubt
A doubt,
a doubt, 
a doubt,
a doubt
I love, I loved you 
always and always and always

kelpie

When you're,
When you're too far
I don't know
I don't,
where do you go? 

Follow me
Follow me
In the dark
And I can't breathe
I don't know
If I can go
On and on and on 

Slam the door shut
And keep my mouth closed
I won't point our your flaws
I won't say what you know
I won't say a word 
I won't say any,
any, anything out of my mouth 

I'll follow you 
If that's what you want
I'll give you everything
That i, that i got
I'll be the one 
In your shadow
When you talk
I'll be right there
Through it all 

Threw it all
Threw it all
Threw it all
Threw it all
Threw, Threw, Threw 

When i'm in the back
Of the room
Do your eyes follow,
Do they, do they, do they
Do they see?
What I see?
Do you know,
What you need?
I don't know
What i've got
But you can have it all
That's what I want you to know 

Oh, I don't 
I don't, I don't 
I, oh
I'll be your
I'll be your
I'll be your shadow 

I'll be your shadow
In the wind
When you need me
I'll be the one in Your heart
When you bleed
I'll be, I'll be, I'll be
I'll be


peterpan

Love, love, love
Do you really
Do you really see?
Every time
You dream
Come now and take my hand
Don't play, play, play
Pretend with my heart and soul
No, you don't have to
Have to let go
You have to go
Love me now, Love me like you do
Don't play, play with me
I need you, you see
I'm not playing
With your heart 

Chromeheart
Chromeheart
Chromeheart
Don't you know? 

Open up your chest
I know you best
Don't you love me
Love me?
Like you do?
I know, I know, I know you
Love me now, love me then
Don't you love me when your heart
Is beating in my hand?
Love me like you do
Don't you, don't you, don't you
Play, pretend, pretend
No, oh don't you, don't you
Play with my heart
Don't you play, don't you play
Won't you stay, won't you?
Won't you stay?
Won't you stay with me? 

Chrome, 
Chrome
Chromeheart

chromeheart

Can you feel it?
Its always, its always rain
Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Do you, feel, feel it?
Rain down on me
Rain down on me
Rain 

Rain on me
I feel your heart beat
With mine
I know, you're mine
Rain on me
Rain on me
I feel your heart beat 

Rain down on me
I feel you close
I know you're there
Need you the most 

Rain down on me
Rain down on me
I feel your heart, 
your heart beat
Beating, beating
I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding I'm 
Rain
I feel, I feel the Rain

raindance


Life's unfair
Constantly pulling me down
I don't care
Pull my hair out
I just watch you stare
Stare and stare
Until there's nothing 
There's nothing left
Close the door
Tell me
That you feel pretty
Rejected,
From the love
You give to me
and say that there's nothing above
Every vow, every word
Everything that you spoke
You tell me that you love me
Then you tell me to choke
What do you wanna do
You say you hate me too
I don't know why you stay here
If you're gonna, gonna lose
You lose it
Precious time, precious time
Don't you waste your precious time
Love, lure me
back in
With your fidelity 
Say you love me,
It's a pill
I say it's heaven
But really this is hell
Hell,
but there's nowhere
I wanna be
Wanna be, 
you pull me right back
You pull me
You pull me
Pull me
You pull you pull you pull 




lighthouse, like teeth

Living in the world
With all these ghosts
I know, I know
I still get
Down on my knees
To pray, like you would teach
Oh god can you hear me
When i'm tryna speak?
I don't think you know
What you say to me
Its sounds like silent
Like radio silence
I try to get to you
But i feel like I knew
A silent room 
Trying to bend
And my tears look the same
And I always blame myself
For every mistake
That everybody's allowed to make
But i can't, I can't, I can't wait
To be so perfect 
Like you thought you made me
I'm deserving
Shine me up on the light
Like i, on the cross,
a martyr tonight
I'll be everything that you
That you, that you need
You need you need you need

Paint me as your martyr tonight 
I'll be your god, your life
Everyone needs to stand there
In the shadow, I can be
Tonight tonight tonight
I'll be I'll be I'll be
The light
I'll be I'll be I'll be

Count me out
When you think I'm all alone
And you don't know when
You're doubting on your own
No, and all the walls look the same
Everybody else to blame
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself
But yourself 

But yourself 

Blame me if it's easier
I still remember every word




solo

If there's something watching
If there's something climbing
If there's something wrong
I don't know
Would you love me
If i was gone?
Would you be loyal to one?
Beating heart, i'll give you mine
If that's what you want this time
I'll rip it from out of my chest
I'll hand it to you on a plate
Is it love, or is it fate?
Or is it fate?

Crawling in my skin 
I feel your skeleton
Walking me over to you
In the next room 
Is it a courage wall, that you love?
To keep me hung above
Your mantle
The pedestal
You keep me, keep me

Throw away the key
Bury me
Throw away everything 
I love you so much
I abandon myself

Who am I, without you?
I guess I'll never know
I used to be a light 
Now im nothing more than a shadow
I love you so much It hurts
I dont know what I deserve
I love you, 
But you do the worst
The worst

Hang me up in your room
Make a shrine to me
You love me
You hate me
But what do you really see?
I love you, I love you
So much i abandon myself
I love you, I love you
But i think i need some help

I don't think you know what you do
When you walk out the room
And you tell me you do 
Everything for me 


abandon

Save me, save
Save me the trouble 
If you don't know what you want
Save me the trouble
If it ain't what you
I don't need
A broken, a broken promise
It's not right

Don't take my hand
Oh no, no no
If you don't plan
If you don't get down on your knee
If you're not gonna take me
To where I wanna be
Don't lie to me
Don't lay with me
If it's not what you need
I don't wanna be option A or B
I just wanna see, wanna see white

If I'm not the light of your life
Then you can sit alone in the dark
I don't need you to be right here
If you can't cure me of a broken heart
Don't you tell me anything you
"Can't fail" to do, to do, to do

If you can't put a ring on my hand
If you don't know what your plan
What your plan is, what your plan is
Where you standing?
Don't be next to me
If it ain't whatcha see

I just want everything 
The way I want it to be
I won't apologize 
No apology, no apologies 
Imma get what I want 
I'm the queen 
You might not see it that way
And that's okay
But if you can't be my king
The go away, go away
Go away, go go go
You can go









is there a king in your hand?


can you hear me?
can you hear me?
It's so disconnected from reality
I can't hear you
When you call my name
It doesn't feel
Feel the same
When you call my voice
Over to you
I don't know
what you want me to do
When you walk away
I don't wanna be
The one standing here
While you're just in reality
And I'm in a fantasy 
Where you used to love me
Love me
Love me
Love love love love love 
La la la la la love
La la la luring me in 
Every time you say my name
I don't know why I can't quit
It's like a drug I just need
I need you every night 
I want you by my side
I want you in my veins
If i could be that way
I want in you in my heart
I don't wanna part
But if you don't 
If you don't 
Pick up the phone
When i call you, call you
It's always dialtone
I feel so alone 
I feel so alone 
I feel so alone
Why can't you just come home?







dialtone

You're shaking in front of me
Do you want me?
Do you want me?
Do you want me?
The way i want you?
I love you like an obsession
Without question, without doubt
I want you all to myself 
I want you, I'm just selfish
I want you, I can't help it
I want you for just me, just me, just me
I want you every night
And every day, in every way
I gotta have it
I know it's my worst habit
Falling in love with you
I want you the way I do
I want what I want
I won't apologize 
I'll get what i want
Give me everything you've got
Give me everything I crave
I want you in the worst way
Make me, make me misbehave 
Have me sitting on your lap
Give me anything I ask
Give me anything I ask
I want you in the worst way
I want you every night and day
You're my worst habit
My worst addiction
Give me everything I need
I want you baby
I want you baby
Baby, baby, baby
My worst addiction 
My worst affliction 
I want you, I want you, I want you



Habit

16 years and i still miss you just as much..

momma

You never think
It's that serious
You never think
You're delirious 
Keep on dreaming
It's what you do
But when I
Leave the room
You never see
What I do
You never think
Anything through 
You've got a plan
God will do
What he can
Cus that's what we do
Well if we pray, I do
Try to pray
Like it's true
Well is one knee,
Good enough for me?
Is it too late to be saved?
Do we wait?
Do we wait?
Is it too late? 

You never think
That it's what we do
But somehow
We see it through 
But I think,
It's me and You
It's me and You
It's me and You

Afterthought

sorry... i'm experimenting....

i can still hear your laughter
but i cant remember your voice
and i cant remember much after
i dont think my heart had a choice
and i know i write a thousand songs
about how much i hurt
but i always get it wrong
cant put a broken heart into words

and i can cry i can chase those dreams
where i can still feel you next to me
and i can smell the magnolias, 
so sweet, so sweet so sweet
and i hope that they plant some, 
right next to where you sleep

rest angel, i know youre without pain
but i live with it all the same
cus i know i'll never hear you say
my name my name my name

i can still feel your warmth
and i can still see you crying
and you didnt wanna close the door
that opened when you were dying
i know you didn't wanna leave
and i remember kissing your cold cheek
you wrote all those letters, for us to read

and i still feel like something's missing

and i can cry i can chase those dreams
where i can still feel you next to me
and i can smell the magnolias, 
so sweet so sweet so sweet
and i hope that they plant some, 
right next to where you sleep

rest angel, i know youre without pain
but i live with it all the same
cus i know i'll never hear you say
my name my name my name

hear my hurt, heal my heart

the hounds are after me again,
and the hunt is on
and the hunters are after me,
with their loaded shot guns
target's centered on my back,
do i look beautiful in this light?
i'll bend anyway you need,
i'll be anyone that you like

i'll be dancing in a field
i'll take all the pain
anything to feel,
i'll do anything

like a fucking arrow,
you shoot right through me..
heart's splayed out in the open,
i just wanna bleed..
let me bleed right out,
i don't really mind
just as long as you're around
and you find the time..

feed my bones to the dogs,
that you lay with
be gentle with my body, 
and my skin

dig up a grave for me to fit in,
just dump me in..
you don't have to say another word,
i already did

the hounds after me again,
and the hunt is on
the hunters are after me,
with their loaded shot guns
target's centered on my back,
do i look beautiful in this light?
i'll bend anyway you need
i'll be anyone you like..
the hounds are after me again,
and the hunt is on
the hunters are after me,
with their loaded shot guns
target's centered on my back
do i look beautiful in this light?
i'll bend anyway you need 
i'll be anyone that you like..



https://soundcloud.com/rrarebearbeats

babywings ☤

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