(lead guitar by mack trenka)

well, the first time that i met you i thought ‘jesus, what an asshole’
and boy, did i not know how right i was

oh but you had a nice jawline and the bearing of a rockstar
and god knows sadly i ain’t made of stone

so next time that i saw you there was very little talking 
it was the grimmest deed i ever done

it was fast but you moved in even faster
i didn’t even have time to react

oooooooh what an asshole 
oooooooh what an asshole

and before i even knew you had me doin’ all your laundry
cookin’ all your meals and cleanin’ your mess

i don’t know how it happened ‘cos my momma didn’t raise me
to be anything other than free

she’d say honey, baby, darlin’, why you put up with his bullshit
this is as good as being dead
(and much more if he ain’t no good in bed)
oooooooh what an asshole 
oooooooh what an asshole

so when we had thanksgiving at your parents’ with your sister
i knew i had somethin’ else in mind

so when you and your mom and dad went upstairs to set your room up
me and her, we got to talkin’

your sister and i, we rode off into the sunset
i promise we’ll treat each other well
and this was the end of my hell

oooooooh what an asshole 
oooooooh what an asshole

i know running off with her probably wasn’t really fair
but well i had interests of my own
i told you god knows i ain’t made of stone

asshole

wouldn’t life be so much easier if it was like the movies?
the bad guys would be awful
and the good guys flawless
and they would win in the 
end and everybody would be glad

oh but life’s nothing like that
everybody’s kinda gray
and i don’t know who to hate
or who to root for

but i’ll take what i can get
i didn’t hate you when we met
just to fall in love with you
by the end of the movie
and when i am mad at you
you won’t kiss me while i talk
because that’s rude

you didn’t have to rescue me from anything
and i didn’t have have to save you from yourself
i’d like to think that we’re both adults
nuanced, complicated, mature
i mean, we’re not, but we’re also not 

movie characters
with one goal in life 
and one personality trait
and the emotional complexity of a teaspoon

but i’ll take what i can get
i didn’t hate you when we met
just to fall in love with you
by the end of the movie
and when i am mad at you
you won’t kiss me while i talk
because that’s rude

and when i am on a plane
i hope you don’t run to the airport 
and try to stop it
because i'll wanna go even more
than before
i paid for the ticket
just don’t be such a creeper

wouldn’t life oh so boring if it was like the movies
like the movies

like the movies

well i never knew that i could feel like this
the sun is setting over there behind the bridge
and I can’t stop thinking 
oh, I can’t stop wondering
when will it end whatever this is

well i always thought that i would be the last 
to be completely fair I never took that much care of myself
but wishful thinking is a powerful thing
i could never really grasp the pain that it would bring me

and i’m sitting here on the stairs 
of a house that’s not my house
and all of my limbs are titillating
and i wish that I could breathe slower
but i can’t

well you always said that if it happened you would be there
but you never told me what would happened if i wasn’t
but it matters not now because i am away
and you are back home or whatever it’s called

but i think i’m handling fine,
ask anyone who knows me
they probably don’t know
unless i’ve told them
and i haven’t

and i’m sitting here on the stairs 
of a house that’s not my house
and all of my limbs are titillating
and i wish that I could breathe slower
but i can’t

well i never thought that i would feel like this
hope it goes away sooner or later
better sooner than later 
‘cause it just kind of sucks
and i wanna do stuff
and I need my breath back

breathe

i know i don’t look tough
but i ain’t scared of a lot of stuff
violent crimes, cheesy rhymes
walking home alone sometimes

but there is one thing 
one concept if you will
over which i’ll lose sleep
it’ll make you go “girl that’s deep”
but now you have to listen
to this whole thing that i’ve written
and please don’t be fazed when i start spitting

this will bring me no glory but in my head it’s been persistent
now here’s a true story about my fear of commitment
if you’ve ever met me you probably know a few things:
i love free alcohol, and i am kinda small
and at relationships, well, i am no good at all

now ladies and gents i’ll give you a map of my head
telling you this is my goal and i don’t wanna stall, 

i always buy the smallest possible amount of bread
the simple thought of committing to eating just one kind
it makes me feel like crying, it fills my mind with dread
it really makes me wish that i was already dead

you can deem me flawed, this wasn’t planned
if this seems odd to you, i assure you, i understand
i mean i would ask god if i believed in the man
to relieve me please of this damned shebang 

oh oooh oooh i’m afraid of commitment
i probably need treatment
this prevents my fulfillment
i know these rhymes ain0t brilliant
have you tried to find rhymes for commitment?
easy it isn’t

now this is true, i promise
i almost never buy hummus 
it is not or not just because i ain’t good for my stomach
i have no idea what the creators were consuming
those containers are way too big for one human

i could give you a lot more of examples of this
for instance (don’t boo me) i almost never watch films
you see, two hours of my time is too much to commit
i prefer shows cos if i find a better one i can just quit

here comes the part that fills me with remorse:
this applies to people as well of course

i can like someone, be like damn you fine
but if you like me more than i like you and i see a sign
i'll have a sinking feeling creeping up my spine
but most unfortunately the control’s not mine
i hate this as much as the next girl or guy

oh oooh oooh i’m afraid of commitment
i probably need treatment
this prevents my fulfillment
i know these rhymes ain’t brilliant
have you tried to find rhymes for commitment?
easy it isn’t

commitment

this is not a love song
but a like song
it's not a big deal
but i do kinda like you
i kinda like you

i don't wanna be by your side all the time
but my belly does ache when i know i'm gonna see you
and i pretend i know what to do 
but i really don't

you are funny but not mean
well, sometimes you are but not to me
and you are re clever in all the right ways
and you have a really nice face
and iii like you
it's not a big deal, but i like you

sometimes something that you do or say
make me feel someway that i don't understand
and i think it's my liking you growing
god, how annoying

this might be a mistake 
because we all know how the saying goes:
you never tell someone you like them
it makes you look like an idiot
oh but i am

because how else would you explain the fact that i have a huge crush on you
when i know that you don't reciprocate
but really, it's not a big deal that i like you

so if you ever find yourself at a loss for a date
i really wouldn't mind
but if you never do
then that's fine too
precisely because i like you

i like you

sings about feelings, dislikes caps, will take any opportunity to get on a stage

beatrist