Missing

November/December

butterfly

fake

https://twitter.com/Vyok_V
https://www.instagram.com/vyok_/

John Doe

Taken from the album Ratrose


its like i'm trying to swim with broken bones
you say i know i feel the same
you don't know my name, i'm gonna get known
you had to know i had to change

trying to make sense of this sick soul
you said that you have just been maimed
i tried to fix you, but you had to go
it makes me sad to see your face

struggle down down deep, i'm loosing sleep
restless eyes cant find any peace
pulled left to right, until i'm two
a painting, memories burnt straight through

try to carve me down but it dosn't work that way
scrapped art left abandoned, cast downed now decayed
i'm hanging by a thread, but i'm still here
playing shows with broken bones just to get my name known

cus i wanna be something, just someone,
to nobody else but just me
you wanna cut at my throat, leave me undone
it feels like your just gonna leave

repetition, my obsession, messes up everything 
intermission, my decision, i just cant bear to see
sitting in a shallow grave, forgot to pray i lost my faith
in friendships and best friends, no it doesn't end

shattered glass, cut feet, on my knees, bleeding, 
conscious leaving, brother screaming
constant fights with death i guess i'm lucky that i left
things wont work out the again, your know i always second guess

which is the real one and what is fake
whats the difference with dreams when all they do is just take
different parts of me, i'm sinking all between
i'm left with  suicidal thoughts and an emptiness to just flee

again, again, again, and again, repetition, on itself, look at me, it doesn't end  
sinking with a self made anxiety, casket closed, so lie to me,
would to take a look inside, and say its just alright to me

no you wouldn't, its all lies, nothing new, these scars no, no they wont hide
should i be honest for once in my life and say ye i'm just fine.

i'm glad

blessed with stress, am I’m doing fine,
won’t you say that  your here for me
won’t you say you'll always be mine

thinking you will leave me this time
it’s not that I just don’t trust you
it’s more that I have my own issues to

obsessed with not coping, 
cus I feel like I’m just hoping
that you will message me again
say that we’re all fine in the end

but you won’t, cus I’m drowning on every word that I’ve tried to say
pushing them back and forth, everything is making my brain go insane
shaking on the daily, breaking down everything's just changing
don’t feel much lately anymore because  you have my fucking soul

and I’m  sick of this, constant back and forth between this
emotion that ins my chest, it’s hardening, I feel like I’m just crumbling
but I don’t feel like I have a choice, 
cus I’m justing fading in the background everything around me is making to much noise

I just need to to find some space,  
I just need to change the pace
of everything
cus its moves to fast 

at this point, I don’t ill ever grow up,
I think I’ve passed the point of no return
waking up everything hurts

so ill just stay alone again in my room
cus I don’t feel like I need to leave, I don’t think I should talk to you

23;anxiety

Im lost in the way where I don’t care 
fading now I zone in and out
I zone in and out 
theirs no forgiveness in this hell

my vision gets blurred when I look down, 
im sitting on this edge as my mind fills with doubt
my mind fills with doubt
in this hell, I know im alone

my mother gets scared ye she calls me
always wondering if im home
yeah im always home
I just  don’t wanna make you cry

im losing track of medication
is what I see real is it all in my head
is it all in my head
it circles back it starts again

HOW TO STOP CARING

you’re going out of your way to put me down
yeah im used to it, hateful comments always surrounding my emotions
im always looking for the ways you come around
try to fix my mental state when you say it’s intact but I know that its

my sorrow that’s just repeating the cycle
when you hook your string into my back and try to hang me up like a puppet
my  emotions got me confused, like why am I looking for you
the only thing I gained from this is depression

so what do you say you want
you have a tendency to want to cut me down all again
this was a mistake cus you’re gone
your so predictable when you come looking for more

skinny piece of shit what do you want from me
i have these dire scenes flash in front of me it’s just so disappointing
to always be left on hold when I wanna call
truth be told it doesn’t matter anymore just hang me up with the cord


drug-addicted piece of shit yeah that’s what I am
I can’t begin to fabricate the emptiness within so ill just pretend
that im not a burden to my family, 
obviously, my mother doesn’t think so but you know its really true
 
cus I filled the psychiatrist’s pockets with empty money
to put a debt on my family so I could be happy
but you know some things never really go to plan,  
cus our family fell apart, it fucked me up from the start

for a year a half I was fucking homeless, 
living on my nans’ couch yeah this family’s broken
yeah my mother was in hospital, I didn’t know how to discard
the anger I found in me, it’s tearing at the seems

TENDANCIES

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin
check my homie 
https://soundcloud.com/skylar_allen

looking down im not used to this
yeah under my feet into the black abyss
cus   ill stare at it as it stares through me
yeah its   under my skin yeah it yearns to be free 

cus i became the problem i never meant to be
cus i linger in the forest weighed down by the leaves
cus my mental capacity is over the limit 
if i stay anymore you know im gonna relapse

cus you always stare at me like a freak
no i never understood social interactions
i try to be numb for just one damn secound
so i hide in the daylight always under a disguise

driving around our old neighborhood
memories come back and the tears start to swell
yeah back then i still remember you
if i could come back yeah i would

most days im know not coping
im a piece of shit you know it to be true
you spend to much time just hoping
that if you pray maybe he will come back to you

if i could tell me lost friend something
i hope your listening, i really just miss you
i spend all my time loathing
the fact i let you go i cant accept its true

-- SKYLARALLEN

Tell me it’s all a game 
Cause you don’t feel the same 
Wont let you seal my fate
I been lost but I’m finally on the right page 
Wrong time I been caught up in the wrong place
won’t lie I was always tryna find ways
To get by all alone it’s a damn shame 
Never listen when they tryna get to my brain

Living in a battle perpetuating regret
I been thinking bout escaping instead of making amends
Everybody saying something but they just wanna pretend 
Looking round I cannot tell who’s an enemy or a friend 
Take it all away 
Til I know what’s meant for me 
I won’t go til I know it’s meant to be
Looking in the mirror wonder what is left of me 
Take a breath like I know it’s destiny 

Look around 
Fall back 
Feel the world in my hand like that
Take a breath 
Wont last
Monsters in my head I’m trapped

Water;Liar Ft. skylarallen

https://linktr.ee/Rivilin

foggy streets don’t remember a thing yeah
silence just blast in my ears I can’t think yeah
aimless wandering around  just to make sense
of my mental state yeah I am fucked

constantly chased by manifestations of my past
it’s like you have my organs mixed up yeah it’s wrong
so where do I go yeah where do I see
I don’t really know much yeah about me

hearing rusted bearings yeah squeak in the fan frame
two new pair of wires wrapped in my ribcage
feel a bit shit yeah don’t know how to cope man
don’t make sense how I ended up this way

feel the wires cutting my back and it’s not fair
hospital beds just push till I break yeah
theirs a smile on your face when you lock that door man
push me to the floor and  you say ill get better

now im just fucked up lost trust in my own head
in an apartment with dark thoughts yeah they’re closing in
1996 with a mouth full of lead yeah
who the fuck am I yeah I don’t know who I am

wake up cold sweats take a few more meds
lockdown lose touch yeah your not my friend
till I find peace 
in my own hell

im shaking im changing am I the one who’s dead
lost reality when I sit in my head
I’ve been flailing down falling in is no end
if I sink any lower ill lose my chance

lost my way no im not gonna mend
push me away yeah maybe it is for the best
yeah truth be told I already hate myself
til you find out I don’t exist

yeah so hang me up with the noose yeah ill kick me off
it doesn’t really matter cus I wake up lost
strapped to a bed where I can’t really breathe
life’s just mundane yeah its fucking bleak

rusty fences trap me like a birdcage
looking after me cus I break like sticks yeah
waking up in another location not free
I don’t really know much yeah about me

November/December

♡before you fall asleep♡

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