Back when I was 17 I had a big crush on Tidus - the lead character from the video game Final Fantasy X. At the time it was a big awakening for me and it made me question a lot of things about myself. Reflecting on this now, it seems so whimsical and adolescent, but like with so many strong feelings and past events in my life it's become a part of who I am today and I wouldn't be the same without it. So this song is dedicated to the boy I was, the boy I wanted to be with, and that aching longing that comes with a teenage crush.

Hopes and Dreams

Above the Clouds

Near the house where I grew up, these days the sky is always filled with majestic Red Kites, sometimes 20 or 30 at a time soaring and circling overhead, calling out to each other. It's beautiful to see as they float and glide through the air at will so gracefully, like I have only ever done in my dreams.

Kites

In summer 2012 I travelled to Southern California with some friends and we spent some time in Laguna Beach. I remember it was just so chilled out, with perfect palm trees and sun-kissed days by the water, sunsets over the rocky shoreline, and hot, humid nights playing gigs in the town. It was an amazing time, but there's always been hint of regret that maybe I didn't make the most of my time there.

Back then I hadn't come out and there was one particular sweltering night when I was on my own trying to pluck up the courage to go and check out some of the other bars. In the end I was too shy, but I always wonder "what if". This track imagines that scenario: I was brave enough to head out alone and as a result I meet the guy of my dreams. We get talking and a holiday romance ensues...but it's so much more than that - it's a first time, a liberating emergence and that pure, crushing longing fulfilled. The end of the track in particular, I close my eyes and I picture waking up next to him with the sun streaming in through the window and the sound of the waves outside, just pure bliss and a joyous optimism for the future. What if, eh?

Laguna Heat

I've always wanted a beautiful garden at home, filled with colourful flowers and plants with bees and butterflies all over, just like I remember my Grandpa had when I was little. I finally achieved this recently and now I appreciate so much the effort that he used to put into its creation and upkeep - it's hard work! But when you see it glowing in the sunset on a peaceful summer's evening, it makes it so worthwhile.

Sunset in the Garden

The title for this song popped into my head one time I was watching Stranger Things. They were driving down a long road towards the horizon and I just remember thinking "but you'll never get there, it just keeps on going". It's such an obvious notion but I'd never really pondered it before - that no matter where you are you're always only halfway to the horizon whichever way you go, it will never get any closer. The more I thought about it, the more it became a metaphor drawing parallels with life and the choices we make - we can choose to stop and stay where we are or keep going, forever onward; there is no end but a continuous journey ahead and an adventure to be had along the way.

Halfway to the Horizon

There's a phrase, "mono no aware", that I became aware of some years ago via a popular LA band (you know who I'm talking about!). It refers to the awareness of the impermanence of things and the wistful, gentle sadness we often feel at the passing of time, growing deeper when we realise this is the reality of life. I had a wonderful, happy childhood that I am so thankful for, but to look back on it now is so melancholy knowing that these times are gone forever. All things change, all things pass, we all grow up and grow old. It’s sad yet there is an innate beauty like it's somehow all been designed this way.

I have tried to capture these feelings while reflecting on my past up to this point. I'm so lucky that I have an audio-visual archive of my early life, right back to 1991 when I was six years old. It's all thanks to my dear, departed Dad who always had the video camera out for every Christmas, birthday, holiday, and even just when my little Sister and I were playing around the house. I've used the sounds from many of these memories to try and paint a picture of all the happy times we shared as we grew up together. Then at the end, after nearly 35 years have flown by, we arrive in the present with the sound of my dear little Niece and Nephew enjoying their childhood.

We Were Little Once

This is the first song I wrote in years, maybe the first proper song I've ever written, about something that's always on my mind - love. I've been single and lived alone for nearly all of my adult life. There have been a couple of brief relationships, but in my heart I knew they weren't quite what I was looking for. As I get older, the fear grows that I may never find it, but I hold out hope that it's still waiting for me somewhere, and until then I'll keep moving forward.

Is Love Still Waiting?

Every year as the end of August comes around I usually get a bit sad and wistful as the summer draws to a close. It always feels like it was way too short and I miss the long, hot, carefree days that have passed. Recently it's been affecting me more and more, and in the cold, dark autumn mornings I often find it hard just to try and get up and get on with things. This song tries to capture these feelings.

The Last Day of Summer

This was the final track written for the album, which I wrote on the cusp of turning 40 after finally emerging out of over 10 years of debilitating headaches and hearing issues.

Throughout my 30s I suffered from low-pressure headaches practically everyday, which in turn caused me all sorts of hearing problems (voices sounding like robots, music sounding like a discordant mush, frequent bursts of tinnitus that would sometimes dull my ears for days). Thankfully my hearing did mostly recover and later in spring 2025 I was also able to undergo a specialist procedure that greatly reduced my headaches and finally gave me a sense of normality again.

It felt like I'd turned a corner at last and as I slowly approached my 40th birthday in the summer it really felt like a new beginning to me. So, I wrote this track with the feeling of finally being able to turn over a new leaf and make a start on the next chapter of my life; something with a really uplifting sound that evokes a feeling of hope for the future but also nods to the past and the hardships that have been endured.

New Beginnings

This track represents the darker side of my dreams. More often than I would like I find myself in really aggressive and violent scenarios where I'm fighting people or engaged in some kind of vicious battle to the death with an unknown assailant. There have been times when I've woken up so distraught about what I've done or what's happened to me that it's affected me deeply for days after. I know it's all just a subconscious illusion, but it's still unnerving falling asleep every night not knowing if this dark and vengeful reflection will throw me into another brutal fight.

Dreamwars

This song is about that feeling you get when you find someone who flips your mind and changes your world. It could take time or happen suddenly, be completely by chance or by design, but when it happens...it's one of the moments and the feelings that makes life worth living.

Overworld

As a kid I was fascinated by space travel and the moon. I used to build spaceship dens with my little sister filled with bits of old computers that were lying around the house as a makeshift flight deck, and I recorded the music from the SNES game Starwing onto cassette with a little ghetto blaster next to the TV to provide the soundtrack to our adventures. This track is in homage to these times.

Corneria Capcom

Hopes and Dreams Limited Edition CD available now on Bandcamp! (Link below)

Born right in the middle of the 80s, Benji Rage is a music producer from Yorkshire, UK; heavily influenced by 80s synth sounds and video game soundtracks.

Benji Rage

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