All music proceeds to benefit Childhaven’s Music Therapy Program, donate directly here: https://benzaidi.ffm.to/childhaven
(Enter ‘Music Therapy Program’ in the donation memo line.)
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Childhaven’s mission is to partner with parents and the community to strengthen families, prevent childhood trauma, and prepare children for a lifetime of well-being. Since 1909, Childhaven has been a safe and caring place for young children and families in the Puget Sound.

Childhaven’s Music Therapy Program gives children a creative outlet through which they can explore and express their sometimes-difficult feelings. The youths in the program learn emotional regulation and cognitive skills that help them develop healthy, nurturing relationships and prepare them for success in life.
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Lyrics: 
My friend Chris taught me how to survive
When the loneliness would eat me alive
I was hiding in the corner of the night
When he came along

His words made a light in the cold
And by his flame I found fire of my own
And I could see I wasn’t alone
With those dark thoughts

And I was freed
So freed
All we need
Is someone else who sees
Someone else who believes

Chris saw the best in you
When you weren’t sure if you’d ever get through
He showed you what a song could do
That It could say it all

So tell me why’d you leave me here
With all your black words ringing in my ears
You were crying out for years
And no one saw

But we grieved
And we grieved
Did you need
Somebody else to see
Somebody else who believed

My friend Chris, how’d you fall in that void
When I got out only following your voice
How could you not see the choice
That you showed me

And even if I couldn’t save you
I’ll spend my life tryna help them get through
I'll pick up the pen you knew
And you can sleep

Cause you’re free
You’re free
Now I see
I’ve got a life to lead
I’ll be the one who believes

You held the light for me
That's all I hope to be

IG: www.instagram.com/benzaidi
FB: www.facebook.com/benzaidimusic
TW: twitter.com/benjaminzaidi
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@benzaidi
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgyJ4VqWcOkyu8DK7QGRPag

My Friend Chris. - Single

My Friend Chris.

Lyrics:

my blood burns like diet soda
fizzing out on the ground
i wish it was my name on the hospital door
but that's not the kinda thing you can say out loud
the bank's foreclosing on grandpa's house
while a stroke peels the last bit of life from his brain
so we go to florida, me & my dad
to load up the car with anything worth saving

a mug & a lamp & a childhood map
my grandma is crying as we pull away
then drive up the coast & halfway thru georgia
i remember that i left the the home video tapes
what will the bank do
with the camcorder-caught childhood that ain't theirs
someone in a tie will look at it, say it’s worthless
then eat their dinner & say their prayers

but the truth is––
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure

i wish i wrote landslide by fleetwood mac
it scarcely left me with nothing to say
all i got here is this army of questions
leaving their bootprints all over my face
like, which war machine will i vote for ?
the one with the cross or the rainbow flag ?
which phone made by slave labor will i use
to call my manager & make sure i'm paid fair ?
we're never paid fair…

which killer cops will i pay with my taxes ?
which prison will i pave riding the bus ?
which drone bomb will kill which parent's child,
while bearing the names of all of us ?
& are there tides on our plastic island
will it someday wash on our shores ?
& when is it time to think about the sea ?
when it's up to our necks, & not a moment before ?

& you told me––
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
the longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live

two ben's left home in 2011
one went to harvard, one went to heaven
first one got cold so he came inside
second one stayed true to his hill & died
i wanna throw my body into the river
i wanna build my house on an acre of salt
& hear no news, talk only religion
& forget that i’m human whenever i want

& i'll say––
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
the longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
the longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live

Ben Zaidi's Blues.

Follow Ben Zaidi:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/benzaidi
Twitter: twitter.com/benjaminzaidi
Facebook: www.facebook.com/benzaidimusic
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@benzaidi

Lyrics:
daydreams got the best of me again
i saw my body lying in the waves
tall light out in chesapeake today
all the greens are turning into grey

& i say...

love me with my headphones on
i can't come when i can hear you crying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

i don't wanna live too long
seems like every thing of beauty's dying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

day drunk in st augustine again
i'd trade my body to the wind
this life will be the death of me someday
but that ain't much of a thing to say

anyway...

will you love me with my headphones on
i can't come if i can hear you crying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

i don't wanna live too long
seems like every thing of beauty's dying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

love me with my headphones on
don't nobody wanna hear me crying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

i don't wanna live too long
every summer now the sea keeps rising
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

Acre of Salt.

Going On Gone.

2013.

#SCFIRST

Follow Ben Zaidi:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/benzaidi
Twitter: twitter.com/benjaminzaidi
Facebook: www.facebook.com/benzaidimusic
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@benzaidi

Younger with Time.

Listless.

Listless. (Edit)

I Don’t Feel Like Going Home for Christmas.

Daedalus.

Tampa.

Gen Zero.

Shoulder Season.

Ricochet.

Thoughts & Prayers.

20/20.

Google Maps.

Glass Jaw.

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo

Lyrics:

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would

I would sit up on my bed alone, thinking that I never won't try
But the city gets hard and I feel it on my heart sometimes
That the world's so tall it could probably leave us all behind
But I swing back around when I think of my town
And the nights made warm by the love of my friends
We were all trying to be something back then
The tune we were humming got stuck in my head
I believed and then all of a sudden I left
I was burning down the highway windows open
Screaming at the night till my voice was broken
Thinking that I might make something of this
And that hope’s still the only thing I’m holding

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would
I didn't know if you would love me but I hoped you could
I hoped you could

I like the way that you talk
Feels like something I ain't know but I sought
That's the feeling you've got
Like a lyric that you know once you hear it you'd thought
I like the way that you think
Feels like a song no one else could sing
But what if you ain't love me back
I thought that you could love me back that night
When I laid with you and I played for you my life
When it came down to it I felt like I knew if I tried
There was a hope you’d see who I hoped I’d be inside
And that hope was the song that kept me going

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would
I didn't know if you would love me but I hoped you could
I hoped you could

Lately, I've been a little off track
All of these years like a weight on my back
All of these fears I won't make it, I'm faking
I'm afraid I should throw away the faith that I had
But when I finally fall to pieces
Will you tell me I don't need this
Or will you show me to the youth I'd left
Where the hope was the only thing I'd known and

I didn't know if I could do it but I hoped I would
I hoped I would
I didn't know if you would love me but I hoped you could
I hoped you could

Free Download

Hope.

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo

Lyrics:

Foolish of me to stick around
With the purple colored flowers, in my hair, on the ground…
But I did it

Foolish of her to play dumb
When she knew what she had done, she was doin all along…
Yeah I said it

Never goin back, never goin back
Never goin back, never goin back
Foolish of me to stick around
With the purple colored flowers, in my hair, on the ground…
Yeah I said it

Foolish of her to hold fast, with the feelings that I had
When she knew a hundred years were going past
Foolish of me to keep time, when a thousand other miracles
Were moving in her mind, look up
Look at all my words how they run
Like a million rubber bullets in the air, in the sun
Where I’d put em but she couldn’t seem to care, she was numb
She was looking at the mirror, she had barely begun

And I would watch over your field
Like a shadow in the orchard
And you would look back, and I’d fear
It wasn’t ever goin forward

But I would fall on my knees
For a little bit of your affection
And all of my pleas
Still wouldn’t get it

Foolish.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Seattle, WA and Cambridge, MA.
Mastered by Matthew Wolk.
Special thanks to the Euyang family for the use of their Grand Piano.

Lyrics:

Take me back to that field
I know that what I felt was real
You lay by my side
Dappled in the sunday light

I thought it would never end
But now we’re coming round the bend
And we’re so much older now
I feel the time is running out

In the halfway light
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’
‘I’d choose you twice’
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’

You said ‘if we had one more night
I’d be spending it by your side’
I’d choose you twice
You know baby I’d choose you twice

In the kitchen there
Your arm extended in the air
What was I to say
When we could see the end of days

All the places we never went
And all the books we never read
Isn’t it much too soon
I can’t believe I’m losing you

But in the halfway light
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’
I'd choose you twice
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’

You said ‘if we had one more life
I’d be spending it by your side’
Kissed me one last time
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’

Choose You Twice.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Ben's bedroom in Seattle, WA (some additional sounds in Monticello, MS).
Mastered by Matthew Wolk.
Painting by Andy Denzler.

Lyrics:

You were all I had on saturday
I was coming home to love you love you down
And now I still forget on sadder days
That you're not at home, that you're not around

Living with your pain all autumn
Ain't a soul who could solve em
But I could've been more there for you
I could've told you that I cared for you
I should've said something that night
When you looked me in the eye and
Told me bout the time when
You were eighteen and you wanted to die
So you went and laid down in the dark on the highway
You said you were there just laying
But no cars ever came and
After half an hour you got up and you went back home
Cause you got sick of waiting
You laughed when you told me that story
And so I did too, but
I should've been more worried
I should've known what you would do

In my mind I'll always keep it close
One more time, before I let you go

You were all I had on saturday
I was coming home to love you love you down
And now I still forget on sadder days
That you're not at home, that you're not around

In my mind I'll always keep it close
One more time, before I let you go
In my mind I'll always keep it close
One more time, so I could let you know

That you were all I had on saturday
I just wasn't home in time to love you down
And now I still forget on sadder days
Which of us is gone, and which is still around

Our August.

'Our August.'

On Saturday.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet and Additional Synths by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Ben's bedroom in Seattle, WA.
Mastered by Matthew Wolk.
Painting by Andy Denzler.

Lyrics:

I made a refuge of you
When the storm came through
And now I don't know what to do
I made a refuge of you

I made a refuge of you
Because you told me to
So now tell me what to do
I need the refuge of you

I don't know what you wanted
I guess I didn't have it
But you laid with me all august
And I still can't understand it

I made a refuge of you
Because you told me to
So now tell me what to do
I need the refuge of you

Refuge.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Seattle, WA and Brooklyn, NY.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.

Lyrics:

With a gesture I could make it all come down
With a gesture I could make you look away
With a gesture I could fault you for it all
With a gesture I could play

Ivory... Ivory...

In attempt to make you laugh I dropped my glass
In attempt to slow it down I went too fast
In a tempting tone of voice you said alright
What a temporary choice we made that night

You told me I don't know much but when it comes down
I ain't sleeping on the ground
I don't know what you thought you were saying
But I ain't sticking around
You said there ain't nothing you could do for me baby
That I couldn't live without

And I agree... Ivory...

I didn't know how to say it to you...

Ivory.

spotify

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet performed by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Seattle, WA, Brooklyn, NY, and Boston, MA.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Artwork by Yunhan Xu.
Thank you to Andrei Matorin, Tree Palmedo, Alex Graff, Jerome Blumstein, and Madeline Holland.

Lyrics:

Oh Irene I've been your neighbor
For forty years or more
Oh I used to see you get the paper
Or standing at the door
I didn't know you very well
But I saw it on the news
Oh Irene, Irene
What is there to do?

Oh the people hear the gunshots
But they don't do a thing
And somehow the songbirds above us
Still find a voice to sing
I wish I was a swallow
So I could fly away
Oh Irene, Irene
What is there to say?

~

Oh Irene I met your daughter
At the memorial today
Oh you know she was so gracious
I bet you raised her that way
I'll try to be a better man
Than the one you knew
Oh Irene, Irene
What am I to do?

Irene.

who is irene?

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington; Brooklyn, New York; and Havana, Cuba.

Lyrics:

Did I fuck up? I walked off on you
Thought I could do better––better than who
Better than you, or better than me
& what would better even mean

Did I lie out? I walked off on you
& you kiss my mouth––last thing we do
Walk in your head over to me
You let me leave, you let me be

One thing I can't ever forgive
You let me leave, you let me live
One thing I can't ever forgive
You let me leave, you let me live

Lyric Video

I Walked Off On You.

Written, Produced, Mixed & Mastered by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.
Thanks to Josh Karp for your help.
Photo by Jeff Rose (www.jeffreyrose.net)

Lyrics:

famous for being too quiet
famous for being so bad at deciding
famous for being too late & for taking for granted
all the people that i can confide in
famous for running up mileage
instead of coming home to you
& i've been on the road whippin
but i promise when i get it i'ma spend it all on you
high school i was famous for trying
something that none of you would
tried to kill it by going to college
guess that didn't do any good
cause i'm still right here in the lab
making songs by myself and i'ma be here all night
live room looking like a fuckin bedroom
sleeping in the stu yeah i'm living on sight

uproar, uproar on em
when i'm on stage shake the floor on em
let the subs go put some more on em
uproar, uproar, uproar, uproar

famous for leaving the party
famous for buyin the shots
i used to be famous for nothing
i've worked for all that i got
this ain't a day in the life no
more like a life in a day
i feel i've been sleeping for hours
& now i'm finally awake
& i've been too busy with the shows to show up
too busy writing hits to hit you
so busy i was looking through your photos yesterday
& i wasn't in a single picture
so busy with the mask & makeup
too busy with my dreams to wake up
when will i see that it's all in my head
& i've become what i was afraid of

but it's still...
uproar, uproar on em
when i'm on stage shake the floor on em
let the subs go put some more on em
uproar, uproar, uproar, uproar

Uproar, Uproar.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by @oshi
Additional Production by @ragelogic
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios Mastering.
Recorded in Fairlee, Vermont & Los Angeles, California.
Photo by Jeffrey Rose.

--

there’s a storm outside I can’t look away from
& every time I try to stay I run
she said I’ve got problems with commitment
& we all try to change, but nothing’s ever different

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

but I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
no time for delay no room for discussion
I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
like it was nothing

look at me, I’m a restless soul
trying to leave, whenever I’m close
& now I’m so far away
chewing up a couple xan in the bathroom hallway
& she keeps calling
guess I was lying when I said that I would be there always

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

but I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
no time for delay no room for discussion
I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
you think that I’m playing, think that I’m bluffing
but I’ll walk away just like it was nothing

it’ll never be never be
like it was like it was
it'll never be never be
like it was like it was nothing

--

Special thank you to Julian MacMillan & the Leach family.

other places

Like It Was Nothing. (prod. oshi)

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Bass & Electric Guitar by Connor Schultze.
Recorded in Seattle, WA & New York, NY.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.

Lyrics:

i nearly fell apart in london
but then i fell in love with you
& i don't think you saw it coming
but somehow i knew
i would make you breakfast
& we lay side by side
& watched the cranes outside my window
tearing at the sky

& for the first time
i didn't want nothing to change
for the first time
i didn't want nothing to change

i met you at the station
i was waiting for your train
& i looked at all the thousand faces
coming through the gate
& i got to thinking
maybe after all it's true
that out of all the people
there's one waiting there for you

& from that first time
i'm not walking away
from that first time
i'm not walking away

lyric video & more

London.

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios Mastering.
Recorded in Brooklyn, New York & Boston, Massachusetts.
Photograph by Kelsey Ayres.

--

how bout the way i felt
how bout that first night
how bout the way the rain was
spilling through the headlights
how bout the way i look
am i good enough for you
maybe i drank too much
cause i see a double you

hop out the house party
onto the balcony
you said that you’d soon be leaving
with or without me
how bout another drink but
i got the last one
you were gon take me home
& we would never go back but

we were always battling
it was always happening
if you said i was sacharrine its true
& as the sky was blackening
i saw your car beckoning
running towards the reckoning with you
with you...

how bout the tall light
coming in thru the window
you said it's one night
i said i wont forget you
how bout the stage whispers
when you were telling me
that it was fun to talk
but you knew we’d never be

how bout the sweet life
with all the ones you love
how bout the way they fall
into the bitter dust
is it just one second
is that all it ever was
thought i could hold it
but we can never go back cause

we were always battling
it would get so maddening
if you said i was sacharrine its true
& as the sky was blackening
i saw your car beckoning
running towards the reckoning with you

madrona, madrona
when i tell you to come over
madrona, madrona
i wont beg you to come over

Madrona.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi, Additional Production by Myles Avery.
Mixed by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Thank you to Josh Karp & Alex Graff for your invaluable help.
Photograph by Jeffrey Rose.

--

i don’t check my phone in the morning
i don’t need to know what’s going on
up in the sky another hurricane is forming
& soon enough we’ll all be gone

so i don’t check my phone in the morning
i know everything its gonna say
another wildfire out in california
while they write songs about the rain

& everyday it's repeating
i’m getting too numb to feel it
am i old before my time
& you know i believe it
if you think i sound conceited
it just feels so crowded in my mind

i guess i got tired of performing
tired of singing all the same songs
of looking out at all those faces there before me, wondering
why they look to me at all

cause i don’t have the answer that they wanted
i can’t say that it’ll all be fine
that we’ll just all keep walking on and on and on
until the clouds fall out the sky

i hate it, delete it
but at the same time i need it
it feels so crowded in my mind
i’m tired, depleted
too young to feel this defeated
i guess i’m old before my time

i’ve still got the cigarettes you bought me
but i can’t bear to smoke them now
you might have been the only one who ever called me
cause now there’s no one left around

so i don’t check my phone in the morning
i just try to think of what you’d say
& that breakfast in manhattan when you told me
that nothing good gets away
that nothing good gets away

Breakfast In Manhattan.

listen everywhere

the unheard versions of breakfast in manhattan by @alldayrecess @budo @ragelogic and @alex-graff-3

Breakfast In Manhattan. - Budo Version

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Mixed by Myles Avery.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY.
Photograph by Omar Harbi.

--

cherry piccing, i’m getting
so sick and tired of this lie living
all of the time sitting here flipping
by for the right image, try and get it
cherry piccing

cherry piccing, time’s slipping
by as i’m pic-posting, like-getting
tell me you want this and i’ll listen
it’s just the time that i, i live in
i live in

but you don’t know the half of it
no you only see half of it
so how could you know…
no you don’t know the half of it

they say that i’ve got it
so good i’m so gifted, then why is it
i feel my head splitting, hard liquor
i’m sipping till i got no liver
go figure

why is it like this i
know life would be better if i didn’t
if i didn’t say what i just did when
i did it, i did it, but all summer
i did it

but you don’t know the half of it
no you only see half of it
how could you know…
i’m unhappy

cherry piccing, cold water
i see the life that i’m, i’m missing
try but there’s no winning fighting the
time that i, i live in
i live in cherry piccing

Cherrypiccing.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mastered by John Webber.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:
Throw my hopes all in the sky
Nobody cares if I die
There’s no features in my face
But I wear it just the same
Wear it gracefully

I guess I washed up on the shore
All I owned was what I wore
I took a breath and I was fine
And counted all those yellow signs
Swinging gracefully

And when that bus takes us away
We’ll watch the streetlights fade to grey
And where we head we’ll never know
All we can hope is when we go
We go gracefully
We go gracefully

Gracefully.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Mastered by John Webber.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:
When we were young we wanted
To be our own fortress
And anyone we held was held at bay
But twenty makes you forfeit
The dreams you were afforded
And we all set aside the plans we made

When the cops came
‘011 I was revvin on the causeway
I would pick you up, half an hour, took the long way
You were low and I know I said the wrong thing, wrong thing yeah
I’d take it right back
On the lake that night I got my sight back
And you told me I could see you and I liked that
And when the cops came I didn’t even fight back, fight back yeah

And they all say that any day
The tidalwave is going to take us down
But we’ll find a way to ride away
When the tidalwave comes around, comes around

And I’ll tell them like—
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh

And I know one day we stop
Remembering our dreams
But I thank my stars that they ain’t got to me
But if it’s just one night
And one last sleep
I pray to god your face is what I see

Cause you had it
Funny how you ain’t want it when you had it
But then it goes and you’re sorry trying to grab it
Bet you wish you ain’t taken it for granted, granted yeah
Cause you had me
Sweat you ain’t ever want me when you had me
When I would’ve crawled across the city for you gladly
But even then you were always looking past me, past me yeah

And they all say that any day
The tidalwave is going to take us down
But we’ll find a way to ride away
When the tidalwave comes around, comes around

And I’ll tell them like—
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh

Tidalwave. (All / Alone)

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Mastered by John Webber.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Salt Spring Island, BC.

Lyrics:

Heavy morning and the sun comes down
We been running but it’s always around
Wake first and I'm wondering what to do
You’re still asleep and you slumber enough for two
Funny just the sight of you makes me want to keep trying
It’s better than any life I knew

Said, promise I’ll never put my faith away
Hmm, and if I slip I won’t be ashamed
'Cause, you never get what you never chased
Yeah, ready to go I’m, ready to go, yeah
I'm 'bout as sure as I’ll ever be
I've been running away, fuck the apathy
'Cause I see your smile there’s heaven on earth no
There’s heaven on earth no, no

I’ll put it up if you want it
I ain’t nothing but honest
And I ain’t bleaching no carpet no

Remember how you lay on my mattress
And how the spring came with a sadness
And it took the place of all the snow
But it’s funny how you put it in focus
When it’s all grey and it’s hopeless
And you can take me anywhere you go

And I, promise I’ll never put my faith away
Hmm, and if I slip I won’t be ashamed
'Cause, you never get what you never chased
I'm ready to go, I’m ready to go yeah
I'm 'bout as sure as I’ll ever be
I've been, running away fuck the apathy
'Cause I see your smile there’s heaven on earth no
There’s heaven on earth no, no

I’ll put it up if you want it
I ain’t nothing but honest
And I ain’t bleaching no carpet no
You came up to my apartment
And told me I’m what you wanted
And I'd follow you to the farthest pole

Yeah, remember how you lay on my mattress
And how the spring came with a sadness
And it took the place of all the snow
But it’s funny how you put it in focus
When it’s all grey and it’s hopeless
And you can take me anywhere you go

I know, there is a chance I won’t make it back
I've been, coming to grips with the truth of that
But if I’m going down then i’m going fast yeah
Ready to go I’m, ready to go yeah

I’m bout as sure as I’ll ever be
I've been running away, fuck the apathy
'Cause i see you smile and there’s heaven on earth no
There’s heaven on earth no, no

Heaven On Earthh.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mastered by John Webber.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:
When we got to the place
Where we scattered that ash
And the water turned black
And my heart was all glass
And the fields were brown
And I felt like that––
No color to my name
All sour in my brain

I said I don’t care
If you’re even there
'Cause you can’t dig me from this pit I’m in
And your hazard lights
Shone like satelites
And I spat out the words, saying "I don’t need you"

I wasn’t in my right mind

I’ve been walking around
In this wooden mask
Where I never look back
Wrap your head around that
But to tell you the truth
Think I’ve got it bad
I wanna shake myself crying "why’d I leave you"

I wasn’t in my right mind

Fuck was I doing
Fuck was i thinking
Why do I ruin everything precious I’m given
I know it’s too late now
And I should keep moving
But I can’t fall asleep 'cause I still need you

I wasn’t in my right mind

How could I be so blind?
I wasn't in my right mind
And I was wrong
Thought I could make it on my own
But I was so blind
I wasn't in my right mind

I was wrong
I thought leaving would make me strong
But I was so blind
I wasn't in my right mind
Now you're gone
I can't make it on my own
Will you please come home
'Cause I wasn't in my right mind

Right Mind.

Written, Performed & Produced by Ben Zaidi & @Budo.
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Mastering.
Recorded in New York, NY & Seattle, WA.
Released by AntiFragile Music.

Lyrics:
you said i gotta get my shit together
huh you should talk
funny i ain't ever felt better
then since you walked
i saw you at the show, are you proud of me
or are you still doubting me
you thought i'd turn it in for a salary
but you misunderstood

and if my life is in shambles
why do i feel so good ?
you said i was such a gamble
but you misunderstood
can i do it on my own ?
will they try to break my bones ?
shambles !

spring st up to twenty second
sniffing chalk
sleep at 6 waking up at 7
just to walk it off
i don’t own, no suit, no linen
i ain’t shaved in 2 weeks, i’m too driven
y'all gave me 2 years, and i'm finished ?
but you misunderstood

and if my life is in shambles
why do i feel so good ?
you said i was such a gamble
but you misunderstood
can i do it on my own ?
will they try to break my bones ?
shambles !

i’ll give up when i’ve had enough
i’ll give up when i’ve had enough
i’ll give up when i’ve had enough
i’ll give up when i’ve had enough

and if my life is in shambles
why do i feel so good ?
you said i was such a gamble
but you misunderstood
can i do it on my own ?
will they try to break my bones ?
shambles !

Shambles. (prod. Budo)

my new album ABANDONISM is coming june 7th ! pre-save it now: http://hyperurl.co/abandonism

Written & performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by @Budo.
Saxophone by Daniel Leong.
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Photo by Camilla Gibson.

Follow Ben Zaidi:

Instagram – https://instagram.com/benzaidi
Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/artist/5gpdr2m2nOvvKrEgtbD16W

Lyrics:

I don’t want all your money
I don’t want all your money
They’re gonna have to take me alive
‘Cause I ain’t ever gonna die
I don’t want all your money
I don’t want all your money
They’re gonna have to take me alive
‘Cause I ain’t ever gonna
I ain’t ever gonna
I ain’t ever gonna die

I walked out in the pouring rain
I feel like a hurricane
I got nothing else to say to you
Guess you said enough to me
You got one way of seeing things
But I know that this life ain’t everything
And I, I ain’t gonna spend it on my knees

I don’t want all your money
I don’t want all your money
They’re gonna have to take me alive
‘Cause I ain’t ever gonna die
I don’t want all your money
I don’t want all your money
They’re gonna have to take me alive
‘Cause I ain’t ever gonna
I ain’t ever gonna
I ain’t ever gonna die

And don’t tell me your my friend
You don’t even know who I am
You don’t even know who I am
And don’t say you understand
You don’t even know who I am
You don’t even know who I am

I don’t want all your money
I don’t want all your money
They’re gonna have to take me alive
‘Cause I ain’t ever gonna die
I don’t want all your money
I don’t want all your money
They’re gonna have to take me alive
‘Cause I ain’t ever gonna
I ain’t ever gonna
I ain’t ever gonna die

I Ain't Ever Gonna Die. (prod. Budo)

my new album ABANDONISM is coming june 7th ! pre-save it now: http://hyperurl.co/abandonism

Written & performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by @Budo.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Photo by Camilla Gibson.

Follow Ben Zaidi:

Instagram – https://instagram.com/benzaidi
Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/artist/5gpdr2m2nOvvKrEgtbD16W
Facebook – https://facebook.com/benzaidimusic
Twitter – https://twitter.com/benjaminzaidi

Lyrics:
So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from your help
Trying to write this song
But I’m never enough for myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all break
It’s in the air…

So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from my health
You don’t wanna walk in my shoes
I can’t even do it myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all fade
I can read it in the smoke
This is our independence day

Independence day

I wish I was staying
I don’t like leaving
But I’ve just been waiting
For the right reason

It’s our independence day

So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from your help
Trying to write this song
But I’m never enough for myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all break
It’s in the air…

So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from my health
You don’t wanna walk in my shoes
I can’t even do it myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all fade
I can read it in the smoke
This is our independence day

Independence Day. (prod. Budo)

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Budo.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.

Lyrics:

two weeks to the day that
we up and walked away
scratched words in a paper plate
turned over in the yard

i saw a burning light and
planes turning air to flight
throwing ocean on the night
where flames stood like a scar

all i wanna say is
you'll come for me someday
when the streets have all been paved
and the heirlooms come around

you wanna be my friend then
tell me why your face descends
when i go buy and you pretend
that we're all happy now

but i lie on you
just like i always do
but it's the smallness
i can't take the smallness
of it all
of it all
of it all

LA is burning wild
the superficial's back in style
all that glow got me beguiled
but i was younger then

you came and ate it up
but i couldn't take the stuff
and they took me away in cuffs
as the light was coming in

and the crowds part on you
and they all long for the truth
i think i'm the smallest
i think i'm the smallest
of them all
of them all
of them all

Smallness. (prod. Budo)

Written and Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios Mastering.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA

The crisis is inside us
And all around
Everyone's got a friend on drugs
In this fucking town
Tell me where's that future
That they keep talking about
My life just ricochets, yeah
It still ain't hit the ground

I just want to know
If it's going to change
The faces at the bus stop
Just waiting on the rain
And music's just like makeup
Painted on the day
I know it don't mean nothing
But I just want to say

The crisis is inside us
And all around
Went to school and spent all that money
But I might as well have dropped out
By twenty-five I thought I'd have
Figured it out
But the truth just ricochets, yeah
It still ain't hit the ground

The cops rolled by
And I wrote my name
In the cold blue light
That the sirens sprayed
On the ground

Who we'll be
And where we'll stay
No one knows
But we're on our way

The crisis is inside us
And all around
The sky opens up every night
And the rain keeps falling out
All I hear is doomsday
But it won't take us down
We might ricochet, but
We still ain't hit the ground

Ricochet. (The Crisis Is Inside Us)

Written, Performed & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY.

Lyrics:

what if i took your place
& cut a little heart
in the middle of his face
(yeah)
what if i said to you
he ain't gonna change
no matter what you do
(do)

& you told me
it's nothing but a scratch
(yeah)
& the wisdom is
that you ain't coming back
(huh)
but if you ain't buying what he advertise
why you let him by with those alibis ?
why you keep running to him every night
you keep coming round like a satellite, but...

what if i took your place
& cut a little heart
in the middle of his face
(yeah)
what if i said to you
he ain't gonna change
no matter what you do
(do)

What If I Took Your Place..?

Written by Ben Zaidi & Joshua Karp.
Produced by Budo.
Recorded in Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:

March weather coming in now like a hangover
Seven years since I left town & I ain't getting older
Can't feel the days go by on I-95
Just a glance in the mirror, let me make sure I'm alive
Tryna find confidence, tryna clear my head
Number one apologist, last place friend
At least I can steer as I'm falling away
Look at the years, now they're falling in place
The sun on the way

Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way)
And I'm gonna drive (drive)
Till I feel sun on my face

March weather coming in now like a false start
Spelling out you ain't quite the man that you thought you are
On I-301 east you could spend your life depressed
Watching those geese flying north, drawing right to left
Drawing those V's up in the sky
Saying "less than, less than"
Steering wheel by my side
Like my best man, best man
At least I can steer as I'm falling away
Look at the years, now they're falling in place
The sun on the way

Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way)
And I'm gonna drive (drive)
Till I feel sun on my face

Sun On The Way. (No Pretty Shit)

poet songmaker writing music out of bedrooms in seattle and brooklyn

mgmt ~ zael.ellenhorn@ymugroup.com
booking ~ jgillette@apa-agency.com

Ben Zaidi

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