All music proceeds to benefit Childhaven’s Music Therapy Program, donate directly here: https://benzaidi.ffm.to/childhaven
(Enter ‘Music Therapy Program’ in the donation memo line.)
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Childhaven’s mission is to partner with parents and the community to strengthen families, prevent childhood trauma, and prepare children for a lifetime of well-being. Since 1909, Childhaven has been a safe and caring place for young children and families in the Puget Sound.

Childhaven’s Music Therapy Program gives children a creative outlet through which they can explore and express their sometimes-difficult feelings. The youths in the program learn emotional regulation and cognitive skills that help them develop healthy, nurturing relationships and prepare them for success in life.
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Lyrics: 
My friend Chris taught me how to survive
When the loneliness would eat me alive
I was hiding in the corner of the night
When he came along

His words made a light in the cold
And by his flame I found fire of my own
And I could see I wasn’t alone
With those dark thoughts

And I was freed
So freed
All we need
Is someone else who sees
Someone else who believes

Chris saw the best in you
When you weren’t sure if you’d ever get through
He showed you what a song could do
That It could say it all

So tell me why’d you leave me here
With all your black words ringing in my ears
You were crying out for years
And no one saw

But we grieved
And we grieved
Did you need
Somebody else to see
Somebody else who believed

My friend Chris, how’d you fall in that void
When I got out only following your voice
How could you not see the choice
That you showed me

And even if I couldn’t save you
I’ll spend my life tryna help them get through
I'll pick up the pen you knew
And you can sleep

Cause you’re free
You’re free
Now I see
I’ve got a life to lead
I’ll be the one who believes

You held the light for me
That's all I hope to be

IG: www.instagram.com/benzaidi
FB: www.facebook.com/benzaidimusic
TW: twitter.com/benjaminzaidi
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@benzaidi
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgyJ4VqWcOkyu8DK7QGRPag

My Friend Chris. - Single

My Friend Chris.

Lyrics:

my blood burns like diet soda
fizzing out on the ground
i wish it was my name on the hospital door
but that's not the kinda thing you can say out loud
the bank's foreclosing on grandpa's house
while a stroke peels the last bit of life from his brain
so we go to florida, me & my dad
to load up the car with anything worth saving

a mug & a lamp & a childhood map
my grandma is crying as we pull away
then drive up the coast & halfway thru georgia
i remember that i left the the home video tapes
what will the bank do
with the camcorder-caught childhood that ain't theirs
someone in a tie will look at it, say it’s worthless
then eat their dinner & say their prayers

but the truth is––
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure

i wish i wrote landslide by fleetwood mac
it scarcely left me with nothing to say
all i got here is this army of questions
leaving their bootprints all over my face
like, which war machine will i vote for ?
the one with the cross or the rainbow flag ?
which phone made by slave labor will i use
to call my manager & make sure i'm paid fair ?
we're never paid fair…

which killer cops will i pay with my taxes ?
which prison will i pave riding the bus ?
which drone bomb will kill which parent's child,
while bearing the names of all of us ?
& are there tides on our plastic island
will it someday wash on our shores ?
& when is it time to think about the sea ?
when it's up to our necks, & not a moment before ?

& you told me––
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
the longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live

two ben's left home in 2011
one went to harvard, one went to heaven
first one got cold so he came inside
second one stayed true to his hill & died
i wanna throw my body into the river
i wanna build my house on an acre of salt
& hear no news, talk only religion
& forget that i’m human whenever i want

& i'll say––
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
the longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live
the longer you live, the harder it is to stay pure
the longer you stay pure, the harder it is to live

Ben Zaidi's Blues.

Follow Ben Zaidi:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/benzaidi
Twitter: twitter.com/benjaminzaidi
Facebook: www.facebook.com/benzaidimusic
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@benzaidi

Lyrics:
daydreams got the best of me again
i saw my body lying in the waves
tall light out in chesapeake today
all the greens are turning into grey

& i say...

love me with my headphones on
i can't come when i can hear you crying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

i don't wanna live too long
seems like every thing of beauty's dying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

day drunk in st augustine again
i'd trade my body to the wind
this life will be the death of me someday
but that ain't much of a thing to say

anyway...

will you love me with my headphones on
i can't come if i can hear you crying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

i don't wanna live too long
seems like every thing of beauty's dying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

love me with my headphones on
don't nobody wanna hear me crying
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

i don't wanna live too long
every summer now the sea keeps rising
keep going going gone, we're going on gone

Acre of Salt.

Going On Gone.

2013.

#SCFIRST

Follow Ben Zaidi:
Instagram: www.instagram.com/benzaidi
Twitter: twitter.com/benjaminzaidi
Facebook: www.facebook.com/benzaidimusic
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@benzaidi

Younger with Time.

Scripture in the Sand.

Listless.

Listless. (Edit)

I Don’t Feel Like Going Home for Christmas.

Daedalus.

Tampa.

Gen Zero.

Shoulder Season.

Ricochet.

Thoughts & Prayers.

20/20.

Google Maps.

Glass Jaw.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Seattle, WA and Cambridge, MA.
Mastered by Matthew Wolk.
Special thanks to the Euyang family for the use of their Grand Piano.

Lyrics:

Take me back to that field
I know that what I felt was real
You lay by my side
Dappled in the sunday light

I thought it would never end
But now we’re coming round the bend
And we’re so much older now
I feel the time is running out

In the halfway light
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’
‘I’d choose you twice’
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’

You said ‘if we had one more night
I’d be spending it by your side’
I’d choose you twice
You know baby I’d choose you twice

In the kitchen there
Your arm extended in the air
What was I to say
When we could see the end of days

All the places we never went
And all the books we never read
Isn’t it much too soon
I can’t believe I’m losing you

But in the halfway light
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’
I'd choose you twice
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’

You said ‘if we had one more life
I’d be spending it by your side’
Kissed me one last time
You said ‘baby I’d choose you twice’

Free Download

Choose You Twice.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Ben's bedroom in Seattle, WA (some additional sounds in Monticello, MS).
Mastered by Matthew Wolk.
Painting by Andy Denzler.

Lyrics:

You were all I had on saturday
I was coming home to love you love you down
And now I still forget on sadder days
That you're not at home, that you're not around

Living with your pain all autumn
Ain't a soul who could solve em
But I could've been more there for you
I could've told you that I cared for you
I should've said something that night
When you looked me in the eye and
Told me bout the time when
You were eighteen and you wanted to die
So you went and laid down in the dark on the highway
You said you were there just laying
But no cars ever came and
After half an hour you got up and you went back home
Cause you got sick of waiting
You laughed when you told me that story
And so I did too, but
I should've been more worried
I should've known what you would do

In my mind I'll always keep it close
One more time, before I let you go

You were all I had on saturday
I was coming home to love you love you down
And now I still forget on sadder days
That you're not at home, that you're not around

In my mind I'll always keep it close
One more time, before I let you go
In my mind I'll always keep it close
One more time, so I could let you know

That you were all I had on saturday
I just wasn't home in time to love you down
And now I still forget on sadder days
Which of us is gone, and which is still around

Our August.

'Our August.'

On Saturday.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet and Additional Synths by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Ben's bedroom in Seattle, WA.
Mastered by Matthew Wolk.
Painting by Andy Denzler.

Lyrics:

I made a refuge of you
When the storm came through
And now I don't know what to do
I made a refuge of you

I made a refuge of you
Because you told me to
So now tell me what to do
I need the refuge of you

I don't know what you wanted
I guess I didn't have it
But you laid with me all august
And I still can't understand it

I made a refuge of you
Because you told me to
So now tell me what to do
I need the refuge of you

Refuge.

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Seattle, WA and Brooklyn, NY.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.

Lyrics:

With a gesture I could make it all come down
With a gesture I could make you look away
With a gesture I could fault you for it all
With a gesture I could play

Ivory... Ivory...

In attempt to make you laugh I dropped my glass
In attempt to slow it down I went too fast
In a tempting tone of voice you said alright
What a temporary choice we made that night

You told me I don't know much but when it comes down
I ain't sleeping on the ground
I don't know what you thought you were saying
But I ain't sticking around
You said there ain't nothing you could do for me baby
That I couldn't live without

And I agree... Ivory...

I didn't know how to say it to you...

Ivory.

spotify

Written, Produced, and Mixed by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet performed by Tree Palmedo.
Recorded in Seattle, WA, Brooklyn, NY, and Boston, MA.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Artwork by Yunhan Xu.
Thank you to Andrei Matorin, Tree Palmedo, Alex Graff, Jerome Blumstein, and Madeline Holland.

Lyrics:

Oh Irene I've been your neighbor
For forty years or more
Oh I used to see you get the paper
Or standing at the door
I didn't know you very well
But I saw it on the news
Oh Irene, Irene
What is there to do?

Oh the people hear the gunshots
But they don't do a thing
And somehow the songbirds above us
Still find a voice to sing
I wish I was a swallow
So I could fly away
Oh Irene, Irene
What is there to say?

~

Oh Irene I met your daughter
At the memorial today
Oh you know she was so gracious
I bet you raised her that way
I'll try to be a better man
Than the one you knew
Oh Irene, Irene
What am I to do?

Irene.

who is irene?

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington; Brooklyn, New York; and Havana, Cuba.

Lyrics:

Did I fuck up? I walked off on you
Thought I could do better––better than who
Better than you, or better than me
& what would better even mean

Did I lie out? I walked off on you
& you kiss my mouth––last thing we do
Walk in your head over to me
You let me leave, you let me be

One thing I can't ever forgive
You let me leave, you let me live
One thing I can't ever forgive
You let me leave, you let me live

Lyric Video

I Walked Off On You.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Joshua "Budo" Karp (@budo).
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington & at Blast Off Studios in New York, New York.
Mastered by Bruce Templeton for Microphonic Mastering.
Artwork by nic supa. (www.nicsupa.tumblr.com)

Lyrics:

I think I wanna die at seventeen
so they put my face in a magazine
& everyone I know would show me love
& they'd all say why did he go so young
soon I know the day will come
cause I know I can't ever grow up
I think I wanna die at seventeen

I think I wanna die at seventeen
so all my friends would remember me
& they will always see me the way I was
with my eyes in the light of the highway sun
soon I know the day will come
cause if you don't die you'll never be loved
I think I wanna die at seventeen

oh seventeen...

I wish that I'd died at seventeen
when I still had dreams inside of me
but when you get old you give those up
and you taste the truth that you're not enough
remember me the way I was
before I let my colors run
I think that I died at seventeen...

ohh seventeen...

Die At Seventeen. (prod. Budo)

Written, Produced, Mixed & Mastered by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.
Thanks to Josh Karp for your help.
Photo by Jeff Rose (www.jeffreyrose.net)

Lyrics:

famous for being too quiet
famous for being so bad at deciding
famous for being too late & for taking for granted
all the people that i can confide in
famous for running up mileage
instead of coming home to you
& i've been on the road whippin
but i promise when i get it i'ma spend it all on you
high school i was famous for trying
something that none of you would
tried to kill it by going to college
guess that didn't do any good
cause i'm still right here in the lab
making songs by myself and i'ma be here all night
live room looking like a fuckin bedroom
sleeping in the stu yeah i'm living on sight

uproar, uproar on em
when i'm on stage shake the floor on em
let the subs go put some more on em
uproar, uproar, uproar, uproar

famous for leaving the party
famous for buyin the shots
i used to be famous for nothing
i've worked for all that i got
this ain't a day in the life no
more like a life in a day
i feel i've been sleeping for hours
& now i'm finally awake
& i've been too busy with the shows to show up
too busy writing hits to hit you
so busy i was looking through your photos yesterday
& i wasn't in a single picture
so busy with the mask & makeup
too busy with my dreams to wake up
when will i see that it's all in my head
& i've become what i was afraid of

but it's still...
uproar, uproar on em
when i'm on stage shake the floor on em
let the subs go put some more on em
uproar, uproar, uproar, uproar

Uproar, Uproar.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by @oshi
Additional Production by @ragelogic
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios Mastering.
Recorded in Fairlee, Vermont & Los Angeles, California.
Photo by Jeffrey Rose.

--

there’s a storm outside I can’t look away from
& every time I try to stay I run
she said I’ve got problems with commitment
& we all try to change, but nothing’s ever different

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

but I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
no time for delay no room for discussion
I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
like it was nothing

look at me, I’m a restless soul
trying to leave, whenever I’m close
& now I’m so far away
chewing up a couple xan in the bathroom hallway
& she keeps calling
guess I was lying when I said that I would be there always

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

we were in my bed but now we’re in the cold
I was in my head, yeah I was all alone
I just spent twenty-four hours on the road

but I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
no time for delay no room for discussion
I’ll walk away just like it was nothing
you think that I’m playing, think that I’m bluffing
but I’ll walk away just like it was nothing

it’ll never be never be
like it was like it was
it'll never be never be
like it was like it was nothing

--

Special thank you to Julian MacMillan & the Leach family.

other places

Like It Was Nothing. (prod. oshi)

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Bass & Electric Guitar by Connor Schultze.
Recorded in Seattle, WA & New York, NY.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.

Lyrics:

i nearly fell apart in london
but then i fell in love with you
& i don't think you saw it coming
but somehow i knew
i would make you breakfast
& we lay side by side
& watched the cranes outside my window
tearing at the sky

& for the first time
i didn't want nothing to change
for the first time
i didn't want nothing to change

i met you at the station
i was waiting for your train
& i looked at all the thousand faces
coming through the gate
& i got to thinking
maybe after all it's true
that out of all the people
there's one waiting there for you

& from that first time
i'm not walking away
from that first time
i'm not walking away

lyric video & more

London.

Written & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios Mastering.
Recorded in Brooklyn, New York & Boston, Massachusetts.
Photograph by Kelsey Ayres.

--

how bout the way i felt
how bout that first night
how bout the way the rain was
spilling through the headlights
how bout the way i look
am i good enough for you
maybe i drank too much
cause i see a double you

hop out the house party
onto the balcony
you said that you’d soon be leaving
with or without me
how bout another drink but
i got the last one
you were gon take me home
& we would never go back but

we were always battling
it was always happening
if you said i was sacharrine its true
& as the sky was blackening
i saw your car beckoning
running towards the reckoning with you
with you...

how bout the tall light
coming in thru the window
you said it's one night
i said i wont forget you
how bout the stage whispers
when you were telling me
that it was fun to talk
but you knew we’d never be

how bout the sweet life
with all the ones you love
how bout the way they fall
into the bitter dust
is it just one second
is that all it ever was
thought i could hold it
but we can never go back cause

we were always battling
it would get so maddening
if you said i was sacharrine its true
& as the sky was blackening
i saw your car beckoning
running towards the reckoning with you

madrona, madrona
when i tell you to come over
madrona, madrona
i wont beg you to come over

Madrona.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi, Additional Production by A.Graff.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY.
Photograph by Mackenna Paige.

--

all summer / we would fall in
the lake water / now its frozen

all that ice / shining in the moonlight
i can’t see through
and it's so quiet / i’m leaving when the crow flies
but they’re waiting on the sunrise
and i’m waiting on you

funny how our plans all break / on the moment
funny how we run to the gate / as it closes
what if i faded away / would you notice
swimming in words that’ll stay / unspoken

i guess i won’t have the chance to say it
i’ll just carry all the words away
and i believe you had the best intentions
but it's too late
and it's so quiet / i can hear the minutes go by
i can’t see em in the low light / but i know that they do

and i’ve been here standing in the waves / for the longest
tell me would it kill you to say / that you noticed
it's funny how tryna keep it safe / you broke it
now think of all the words that’ll stay / unspoken

funny how everything can change / in a moment
funny how i swam in the lake / when it was snowing
funny how you can only break / what’s unbroken
but it's still hardest to say / what's unspoken

that i loved you / more than i knew

spotify etc.

Lake Morey.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi, Additional Production by Myles Avery.
Mixed by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Thank you to Josh Karp & Alex Graff for your invaluable help.
Photograph by Jeffrey Rose.

--

i don’t check my phone in the morning
i don’t need to know what’s going on
up in the sky another hurricane is forming
& soon enough we’ll all be gone

so i don’t check my phone in the morning
i know everything its gonna say
another wildfire out in california
while they write songs about the rain

& everyday it's repeating
i’m getting too numb to feel it
am i old before my time
& you know i believe it
if you think i sound conceited
it just feels so crowded in my mind

i guess i got tired of performing
tired of singing all the same songs
of looking out at all those faces there before me, wondering
why they look to me at all

cause i don’t have the answer that they wanted
i can’t say that it’ll all be fine
that we’ll just all keep walking on and on and on
until the clouds fall out the sky

i hate it, delete it
but at the same time i need it
it feels so crowded in my mind
i’m tired, depleted
too young to feel this defeated
i guess i’m old before my time

i’ve still got the cigarettes you bought me
but i can’t bear to smoke them now
you might have been the only one who ever called me
cause now there’s no one left around

so i don’t check my phone in the morning
i just try to think of what you’d say
& that breakfast in manhattan when you told me
that nothing good gets away
that nothing good gets away

Breakfast In Manhattan.

listen everywhere

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Mixed by Myles Avery.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY.
Photograph by Omar Harbi.

--

cherry piccing, i’m getting
so sick and tired of this lie living
all of the time sitting here flipping
by for the right image, try and get it
cherry piccing

cherry piccing, time’s slipping
by as i’m pic-posting, like-getting
tell me you want this and i’ll listen
it’s just the time that i, i live in
i live in

but you don’t know the half of it
no you only see half of it
so how could you know…
no you don’t know the half of it

they say that i’ve got it
so good i’m so gifted, then why is it
i feel my head splitting, hard liquor
i’m sipping till i got no liver
go figure

why is it like this i
know life would be better if i didn’t
if i didn’t say what i just did when
i did it, i did it, but all summer
i did it

but you don’t know the half of it
no you only see half of it
how could you know…
i’m unhappy

cherry piccing, cold water
i see the life that i’m, i’m missing
try but there’s no winning fighting the
time that i, i live in
i live in cherry piccing

Cherrypiccing.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Mastered by John Webber.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:
When we were young we wanted
To be our own fortress
And anyone we held was held at bay
But twenty makes you forfeit
The dreams you were afforded
And we all set aside the plans we made

When the cops came
‘011 I was revvin on the causeway
I would pick you up, half an hour, took the long way
You were low and I know I said the wrong thing, wrong thing yeah
I’d take it right back
On the lake that night I got my sight back
And you told me I could see you and I liked that
And when the cops came I didn’t even fight back, fight back yeah

And they all say that any day
The tidalwave is going to take us down
But we’ll find a way to ride away
When the tidalwave comes around, comes around

And I’ll tell them like—
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh

And I know one day we stop
Remembering our dreams
But I thank my stars that they ain’t got to me
But if it’s just one night
And one last sleep
I pray to god your face is what I see

Cause you had it
Funny how you ain’t want it when you had it
But then it goes and you’re sorry trying to grab it
Bet you wish you ain’t taken it for granted, granted yeah
Cause you had me
Sweat you ain’t ever want me when you had me
When I would’ve crawled across the city for you gladly
But even then you were always looking past me, past me yeah

And they all say that any day
The tidalwave is going to take us down
But we’ll find a way to ride away
When the tidalwave comes around, comes around

And I’ll tell them like—
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh
O-oh o-oh o-oh

Tidalwave. (All / Alone)

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Ben Zaidi & Myles Avery.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mastered by John Webber.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:
When we got to the place
Where we scattered that ash
And the water turned black
And my heart was all glass
And the fields were brown
And I felt like that––
No color to my name
All sour in my brain

I said I don’t care
If you’re even there
'Cause you can’t dig me from this pit I’m in
And your hazard lights
Shone like satelites
And I spat out the words, saying "I don’t need you"

I wasn’t in my right mind

I’ve been walking around
In this wooden mask
Where I never look back
Wrap your head around that
But to tell you the truth
Think I’ve got it bad
I wanna shake myself crying "why’d I leave you"

I wasn’t in my right mind

Fuck was I doing
Fuck was i thinking
Why do I ruin everything precious I’m given
I know it’s too late now
And I should keep moving
But I can’t fall asleep 'cause I still need you

I wasn’t in my right mind

How could I be so blind?
I wasn't in my right mind
And I was wrong
Thought I could make it on my own
But I was so blind
I wasn't in my right mind

I was wrong
I thought leaving would make me strong
But I was so blind
I wasn't in my right mind
Now you're gone
I can't make it on my own
Will you please come home
'Cause I wasn't in my right mind

Right Mind.

Written, Performed & Produced by Ben Zaidi & @Budo.
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Mastering.
Recorded in New York, NY & Seattle, WA.
Released by AntiFragile Music.

Lyrics:
you said i gotta get my shit together
huh you should talk
funny i ain't ever felt better
then since you walked
i saw you at the show, are you proud of me
or are you still doubting me
you thought i'd turn it in for a salary
but you misunderstood

and if my life is in shambles
why do i feel so good ?
you said i was such a gamble
but you misunderstood
can i do it on my own ?
will they try to break my bones ?
shambles !

spring st up to twenty second
sniffing chalk
sleep at 6 waking up at 7
just to walk it off
i don’t own, no suit, no linen
i ain’t shaved in 2 weeks, i’m too driven
y'all gave me 2 years, and i'm finished ?
but you misunderstood

and if my life is in shambles
why do i feel so good ?
you said i was such a gamble
but you misunderstood
can i do it on my own ?
will they try to break my bones ?
shambles !

i’ll give up when i’ve had enough
i’ll give up when i’ve had enough
i’ll give up when i’ve had enough
i’ll give up when i’ve had enough

and if my life is in shambles
why do i feel so good ?
you said i was such a gamble
but you misunderstood
can i do it on my own ?
will they try to break my bones ?
shambles !

Shambles. (prod. Budo)

my new album ABANDONISM is coming june 7th ! pre-save it now: http://hyperurl.co/abandonism

Written & performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by @Budo.
Trumpet by Tree Palmedo.
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.
Photo by Camilla Gibson.

Follow Ben Zaidi:

Instagram – https://instagram.com/benzaidi
Spotify – https://open.spotify.com/artist/5gpdr2m2nOvvKrEgtbD16W
Facebook – https://facebook.com/benzaidimusic
Twitter – https://twitter.com/benjaminzaidi

Lyrics:
So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from your help
Trying to write this song
But I’m never enough for myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all break
It’s in the air…

So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from my health
You don’t wanna walk in my shoes
I can’t even do it myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all fade
I can read it in the smoke
This is our independence day

Independence day

I wish I was staying
I don’t like leaving
But I’ve just been waiting
For the right reason

It’s our independence day

So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from your help
Trying to write this song
But I’m never enough for myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all break
It’s in the air…

So many years I’ve been gone
Running away from my health
You don’t wanna walk in my shoes
I can’t even do it myself
Now I’m out in the field
And I see the lights all fade
I can read it in the smoke
This is our independence day

Independence Day. (prod. Budo)

my new album ABANDONISM is coming june 7th ! pre-save it now: hyperurl.co/abandonism

Written & performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by @Budo.
Mixed by Tyler Dopps.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios.

Follow Ben Zaidi:

Instagram – instagram.com/benzaidi
Spotify – open.spotify.com/artist/5gpdr2m2nOvvKrEgtbD16W
Facebook – facebook.com/benzaidimusic
Twitter – twitter.com/benjaminzaidi

Lyrics:

When I was alone
When I was alone
When I was alone
I was free
I was free
Born, at once I was ashamed
Co-opting my mother’s name
We’ve come, we’ve come too far to change

Nobody’s gonna save me, from myself
She said you’ll never find what you’re looking for (looking for)
Anywhere you are, you’re trying to leave
If you spend your life standing by the door (by the door)
Only means you’ll be the first to freeze

I saw you back in autumn
You said I looked exhausted, that I looked half dead
And I just laughed it off, but I wish that I had said
I used to think that I just wanted more (wanted more)
But now I think it’s my disease
And I can’t live with it anymore…

When I was alone
When I was alone
When I was alone
I was free
I was free
Born, at once I was ashamed
Co-opting my mother’s name
We’ve come, we’ve come too far to change

Nobody’s gonna save me (from myself )
I used to think that I just wanted more (wanted more)
But now I think it’s my disease
And I can’t live with it anymore…

When I Was Alone. (prod. Budo)

motherfuckers looking lame right now
tryna throw dirt on my name right now
one weekend and you change like clouds
365 and it all falls down

motherfuckers looking lame right now
tryna throw dirt on my name right now
360 and you came right round
365 and it all falls down

trouble gone and i’m gettin on, i’m forgetting on you
been at sea since 17 but what you gone do
red-eye flight and i’m calling you on the way back down
running straight to your voicemail, i hate that sound

tell me to my face if you think i changed
speaking ain't just tweakin on a twitter page
i wanna give it a year, you wanna give it a day
what am i sposed to say ?

motherfuckers looking lame right now
tryna throw dirt on my name right now
one weekend and you change like clouds
365 and it all falls down

motherfuckers looking lame right now
tryna throw dirt on my name right now
360 and you came right round
365 and it all falls down

can i sleep on your couch w/o a whole discussion
i’m barely ever at home i promise it means nothing
why i need a bandaid like every other week
you sprout new issues like every time we speak

with these kinda friends who needs enemies
i got melodies, they got maladies
i wanna give it a year, they wanna give it a day
what am i sposed to say ?

motherfuckers looking lame right now
tryna throw dirt on my name right now
one weekend and you change like clouds
365 and it all falls down

motherfuckers looking lame right now
tryna throw dirt on my name right now
360 and you came right round
365 and it all falls down

365.

Written & Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Budo.
Recorded in Seattle, Washington.

Lyrics:

two weeks to the day that
we up and walked away
scratched words in a paper plate
turned over in the yard

i saw a burning light and
planes turning air to flight
throwing ocean on the night
where flames stood like a scar

all i wanna say is
you'll come for me someday
when the streets have all been paved
and the heirlooms come around

you wanna be my friend then
tell me why your face descends
when i go buy and you pretend
that we're all happy now

but i lie on you
just like i always do
but it's the smallness
i can't take the smallness
of it all
of it all
of it all

LA is burning wild
the superficial's back in style
all that glow got me beguiled
but i was younger then

you came and ate it up
but i couldn't take the stuff
and they took me away in cuffs
as the light was coming in

and the crowds part on you
and they all long for the truth
i think i'm the smallest
i think i'm the smallest
of them all
of them all
of them all

Smallness. (prod. Budo)

Written and Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Mastered by John Webber for AIR Studios Mastering.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Seattle, WA

The crisis is inside us
And all around
Everyone's got a friend on drugs
In this fucking town
Tell me where's that future
That they keep talking about
My life just ricochets, yeah
It still ain't hit the ground

I just want to know
If it's going to change
The faces at the bus stop
Just waiting on the rain
And music's just like makeup
Painted on the day
I know it don't mean nothing
But I just want to say

The crisis is inside us
And all around
Went to school and spent all that money
But I might as well have dropped out
By twenty-five I thought I'd have
Figured it out
But the truth just ricochets, yeah
It still ain't hit the ground

The cops rolled by
And I wrote my name
In the cold blue light
That the sirens sprayed
On the ground

Who we'll be
And where we'll stay
No one knows
But we're on our way

The crisis is inside us
And all around
The sky opens up every night
And the rain keeps falling out
All I hear is doomsday
But it won't take us down
We might ricochet, but
We still ain't hit the ground

Ricochet. (The Crisis Is Inside Us)

Written, Performed & Produced by Ben Zaidi.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY.

Lyrics:

what if i took your place
& cut a little heart
in the middle of his face
(yeah)
what if i said to you
he ain't gonna change
no matter what you do
(do)

& you told me
it's nothing but a scratch
(yeah)
& the wisdom is
that you ain't coming back
(huh)
but if you ain't buying what he advertise
why you let him by with those alibis ?
why you keep running to him every night
you keep coming round like a satellite, but...

what if i took your place
& cut a little heart
in the middle of his face
(yeah)
what if i said to you
he ain't gonna change
no matter what you do
(do)

What If I Took Your Place..?

3,000 Miles From Home.
Ben Zaidi
Written and Performed by Ben Zaidi.
Produced by Myles Avery.
Recorded in Brooklyn, NY & Los Angeles, CA.
Mastered by Ed Brooks for Resonant Mastering in Seattle, WA.
Photograph by Jeffrey Rose
Artwork attached.

Lyrics:

I’m 3,000 miles from home
But I can smell it when it rains
Or when I walk thru a pine tree’s shade
From any angle the sun hits the same
Falling across my face

I’m done with telling lies
Just to make a turn of phrase
There’s no word for a heart when it breaks
Just tears in mascara, like a black motorcade
Falling across her face

I’m 3,000 miles from home
But I can smell it just the same
When the clouds hang around all day
But i told you a lie when I said it was rain
Falling across my face

3,000 Miles From Home.

Written by Ben Zaidi & Joshua Karp.
Produced by Budo.
Recorded in Seattle, WA.

Lyrics:

March weather coming in now like a hangover
Seven years since I left town & I ain't getting older
Can't feel the days go by on I-95
Just a glance in the mirror, let me make sure I'm alive
Tryna find confidence, tryna clear my head
Number one apologist, last place friend
At least I can steer as I'm falling away
Look at the years, now they're falling in place
The sun on the way

Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way)
And I'm gonna drive (drive)
Till I feel sun on my face

March weather coming in now like a false start
Spelling out you ain't quite the man that you thought you are
On I-301 east you could spend your life depressed
Watching those geese flying north, drawing right to left
Drawing those V's up in the sky
Saying "less than, less than"
Steering wheel by my side
Like my best man, best man
At least I can steer as I'm falling away
Look at the years, now they're falling in place
The sun on the way

Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way yeah)
Sun on the way (sun on the way)
And I'm gonna drive (drive)
Till I feel sun on my face

Sun On The Way. (No Pretty Shit)

poet songmaker writing music out of bedrooms in seattle and brooklyn

mgmt ~ zael.ellenhorn@ymugroup.com
booking ~ jgillette@apa-agency.com

Ben Zaidi

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