God Why

BigJohnShow Fan

A Synesthesia connection

Reframe My Me God

HollyHarmonyStar

angel baby

Your future will never be what it's meant to be.
So move on to the Happy moments in your life leave the bad memories aside.
God has something better for you.
Our life was planned from birth when were just a seed and as you grow up lots of weeds grow up next to you to try to slow your growth. Sometimes you just have to pull them all up and throw them away and never think about it again.
It's one of the hardest things that we have to do.
Tring to living Our Lives trying to move on trying to leave past relationships where they're supposed to be but sometimes.
God puts the right people in your path but, if all you're doing is dwelling on your past you might lose out on your future

For those who have a past

he loves to entertain writing poetry is his thing everybody watching him express his life with each word that goes by so often misunderstood the ability to feel each other's pain sometimes is's a sacrifice waiting for answers from the bug guy upstairs trying to recover from losing his sister hearts can be repaired what is a normal day anyway for him is letting his feelings release going in live and broadcasting all night he makes people laugh sometimes you see him cry as resilience shines through the true man he is and he stronger than he knows i believe in his ability the writer of this song is that of a friend sharing poem and laughs all the time in words we say yes you're more popular than me and people look to you for so much because you have the ability to feel someone' touch has god ever than you for many things that you do we all see all the you going through hide behind that forever this

He loves To Entertain

**Verse 1**  
Sitting on the pier, watching waves collide,  
Listening to the ocean, feeling peace inside.  
The sun dips low, painting skies in gold,  
In this moment with Josie, my heart’s story unfolds.  

**Chorus**  
Oh, Josie, you’re my light, my sweet serenade,  
In the morning glow, your smile won't fade.  
Every whisper and laugh, every touch, every glance,  
With you by my side, I just want to dance.  

**Verse 2**  
I’m a night person, but you shine so bright,  
Your laughter’s the melody that carries me through the night.  
As the stars come alive, I hold you near,  
With every breath taken, I wish you were here.  

**Chorus**  
Oh, Josie, you’re my light, my sweet serenade,  
In the morning glow, your smile won't fade.  
Every whisper and laugh, every touch, every glance,  
With you by my side, I just want to dance.  

**Bridge**  
Underneath the moonlight, we’ll make our dreams soar,  
Hand in hand forever, who could ask for more?  
In the quiet of twilight, I’ll always be near,  
With you as my anchor, I have nothing to fear.  

**Chorus**  
Oh, Josie, you’re my light, my sweet serenade,  
In the morning glow, your smile won't fade.  
Every whisper and laugh, every touch, every glance,  
With you by my side, I just want to dance.  

**Outro**  
So here on the pier, as the waves roll and swell,  
With Josie by my side, everything's just swell.  
In every moment shared, love’s gentle embrace,  
Forever in this dream, we’ve found our place.  

Watching Waves

🎵 Title: “Eyes in My Dreams”

[Verse 1]
(Oh no, oh no)
Every night I close my eyes, you're there again
Like a whisper in the dark, like a long-lost friend
You sing a song that stirs my soul
Every word, it makes me whole

In that quiet room, you said God's name
Said, “I was born for love, not shame”
You always knew the truth somehow
And I just wanted to tell you now

[Pre-Chorus]
Is there something that you see in me?
Something buried deep beneath the need?
I feel it rising, can’t let go
Your voice, it wraps around my soul

[Chorus]
Do you love, do you need, do you want me near?
Every lyric that you sing, girl, I hear so clear
In my dreams, I see your eyes
Like lightning dancing in the skies
You're the fire, you’re the light
Pulling me back to life tonight

[Verse 2]
You opened up a world I never knew
Said, “There’s more in you than what you’ve been through”
Now I’m reaching past the pain
Trying to find my peace again

And every line I write, I write for you
Hoping you feel the meaning too
Would you wear my words just like a crown?
Would you lift me when I’m falling down?

[Pre-Chorus]
Is there something that you’re hiding still?
Something I was always meant to feel?
I see it burning in your stare
Like a song that’s hanging in the air

[Chorus]
Do you love, do you need, do you want me near?
Every lyric that you sing, girl, I hear so clear
In my dreams, I see your eyes
Like lightning dancing in the skies
You're the fire, you’re the light
Pulling me back to life tonight

[Bridge]
In the storm, you're standing strong
Like a melody I’ve chased too long
If I could hold you in that gaze
I’d never look away — not one day

[Final Chorus]
Do you love, do you need, can you feel me close?
Every heartbeat in this song, girl, it’s yours the most
In my dreams, you’re all I find
Running wild inside my mind
You're the fire, you’re the light
You're my reason, you're my fight tonight

Eyes In My Dreams

[Spoken Word – “I See the World in a Different Way”]

A message—
You hear a lot of those these days.
But I never thought much about ‘em…
Till one came to me.
Now it won’t stop.
It just keeps on rollin’.
And I gotta speak it.

This message?
It’s for everyone.
Every woman, every man,
Every soul just tryin’ to stand.

Listen—
To the words comin’ straight from my mind.

Eight months ago,
I thought I was crazy…
Loco.
But then I woke up—
And now I see the world
In a whole different way.

I see the pain.
I see the scars.
I see the paths where people stray.
I see reflections full of shadows,
Regret hangin’ on like chains.

I see the past that haunts you,
The glory you’re still chasin’.
I see the hunger for something real—
But most don’t even know what they need.

I see the darkness you hide.
I see the secrets you bury.
I see demons in disguise,
Floatin’ like smoke through the ordinary.

I even see gravity.
I see the air we breathe.
And every tree I pass by
Got a story in every branch,
Every leaf, every vine.

Even the silence in the woods
Got a voice.
Even love—
It’s rare now.
Tastes like food we can't afford.

Yeah—
Even pickles…
(That part made me laugh too.)

But the world?
It acts like a toxin.
Reveals things you never knew were inside you.

If you could truly see your life,
It might just cross your mind—
That there’s more.

If I could read the soul of this earth,
I’d tell you this:
Everything’s alive.
Every shape, every sound,
Every tear, every need—
It’s all beautiful.

And I see you
In a different way.

So thank you—
To all of y’all who’ve been followin’ me.
I didn’t even know I could do this…
But your love?
Your support?

Man... you’re showin’ me that I am this.
And for that—
I thank you.

To All My Fans I Love You Thank You

[Spoken Word]

I'm bound to broken—you know the saving of my time.
I've seen the chains holding me… so many times.
Things I could say, things that I can't—
So many things been pushin’ on my brain, you know the monster wants to bleed.

A dream across… a motion that you don't know,
Yeah, the chains hold me down, they hold me back in everything I know.
Hold me in the moment—yeah, into the time,
I come a-talkin’, I'm part of even a time.

Lost in space—you know, I drifted alone,
My destiny? You know, I'm driftin’ past my knowns.
Absolutely disappear… yeah, to an eternity.
Yeah, the chains—they're wrapped around my arms, my neck, my face… even my feet.

I've seen the chains down in hell—you know, they're tryin’ to pull me in.
Every temptation, every tug—oh my God, the chains are tryin’ to break.
Chains inside of me… moments that I know
The monsters were takin’ over me—
But I try not to give in to everything they ever need.

But then I sit here, lookin’ on my side—
Every single chain, yeah, every single part
Connected to hell… and even parts in heaven.
Locked in two places—you know, I belong.
A soul in heaven, and a soul that's lost inside of hell.

I'm tryin’ to find the place in the medium…
Can I get there too?
Can I find a happiness—
You know, where heaven just dwells upon me?

Am I resting inside of hell, that I know even I was born in?
The chains… you know, they were deep down inside of my soul—
They pull me deeper… deeper… deeper…
Into the pits I don't even know.

Try to control everything that I want—
Oh my God, you gotta let me go.

Chains of what?
A moment in my life, yeah, that I'm supposed to… yeah, what? Contained.
And still—another chain drivin’ me today.

I know I can't give in.
I know I can't even shake.
And I can't even give in to the things that I want today.

I know the chains you bound me with, you know…
I know they’re strong.
And every single time I try to break them—
You show me where I was wrong.

Break my hands, give me an axe, and take out my sister—
Whatever you want—
You control me every moment.
Yeah, I know you got…

Is it your chains, or the hell I was bound to from the moment I was born?
You knew what I was gonna be,
But you still let it come past…

But you didn’t ever let me become the monster
That was confined inside of me.

I know the pressure.
I know the chains.
I know the things that dest me.
The things that I need.
The things that please.
The things I always wanted to be.

But I give up—
No.
No, I can't give in to everything that I need…
Because I’ve become
The monster
That was fed
Upon me.

Chains of Me

Man: “Slow it up, Lord have mercy…”
Woman: “Can’t just say words… listen to the message.”
Both: “We’ve been broken, but the fight’s not over.”

Verse 1 (Man – scars & battle)

“Every scar, every broken bone,
Every battle I’ve stood in alone.
Even my pain shines radiant on me,
Crying to the Lord, one more time, set me free.”

Verse 2 (Woman – wounds & hope)

“I’ve been unbroken, I’ve been dismayed,
But I’ve seen Your power in the battles I’ve faced.
So many nights I was drowning in tears,
But I know You’ve held me through all these years.”

Chorus (Both – warrior call)

Both:
“Why me, Lord? Why the soldier?
Why the scars across our shoulders?
Father God, send out the message tonight—
Calling every warrior, rise up, join the fight.”

Verse 3 (Man – confession)

“I thought I was stronger, but I fell down low,
Cried out to heaven, let Your mercy show.
Father, You’ve heard me through every cry,
Lift me again, Lord, don’t pass me by.”

Verse 4 (Woman – encouragement)

“I see the fire still burning inside,
Even in pain, Your glory won’t hide.
We’re not forsaken, we’re not undone,
Through every battle, the victory’s won.”

Bridge (Call to others – spoken/sung)

Man: “Hey everyone, Father God in my voice—”
Woman: “If you hear these words, you still have a choice.”
Both:
“Walk away from the pain, leave it behind,
He’s calling your soul, your heart, your mind.”

Final Chorus (Both – victory cry, powerful)

“God is calling you—take up, rise, and know,
Every battle scar is a sign you’ll grow.
We’ve been broken, but together we stand,
Warriors of heaven, in the palm of His hand.”

Warriors Call

[Verse 1]
I’m on my knees, I can barely pray,
Another battle, another cross, another dream fades away.
God, why do I face this pain each day?
Tell me what to say,
Your word cuts like a double-edged sword,
Straight to my heart, straight to my core.
Spirit broken, Lord, I can’t take no more,
You whisper softly, “It’s okay.”

[Chorus]
I feel the pain already,
God, I’m so mad, I’m bruised inside my soul—oh God.
Every wound, every scar, I carry heavy,
But I know You’re the only one who makes me whole.

[Verse 2]
They say remember the pain, but I don’t want the past,
Don’t wanna be trapped where the shadows cast.
You say I’m strong, You say I’m free,
You say there’s nothing left to fear in me.
Every storm I survived still lingers deep inside,
But You lift me up, You don’t let me hide.
Now I see the freedom, my son will be alright,
I’m not afraid, Lord, You’re my light.

[Chorus]
I feel the pain already,
God, I’m so mad, I’m bruised inside my soul—oh God.
Every wound, every scar, I carry heavy,
But I know You’re the only one who makes me whole.

[Bridge]
Take me away, I’m on the deep end,
Still remember, still remember—but I won’t live there again.
Chains are falling, the past won’t define me,
I’m broken, but You’re the one who refines me.

[Final Chorus]
I feel the pain already,
God, I’m so mad, I’m bruised inside my soul—oh God.
But in the fire, You steady,
And I know You’re the one who makes me whole.

Bruised Inside My Soul



Ive been buried deep in shadows,
covered in dust of years
Every step drags heavy chains, my skin
Still soaked in tears
The ground remembers secrets, the soil
remembers shame
I try to wash it off, but the dirt still knows my name

Chorus
Pain is real, it clings to me
Like ashes on my skin
I scream to heaven, "Are You listening?
Will this torment ever end?"
I'm dirty, broken. humiliated inside
But I'm still reaching, still I cry

Verse 2
I carried knives against my chest
Unsure if i wanted it in my flesh
The echoes of their voices still stain me
From the past
Hands sweat, heart races, can't escape
this cage of flesh
Fear like fire in my veins, I cant find rest

chorus
Pain is real, it clings to me
like ashes pressed to my skin
I scream to heaven, "Are You listening?
Will this torment ever end?"
I'm dirty, I'm broken, humiliated inside
But still I'm searching, still I cry

Verse 3
Every morning wakes the nightmare
every night I pray for peace
but humiliation shackles me, won't grant release
People look right through me, they can't feel my scars
I wonder if the Lord is near, or if He's still afar

verse 4 The soil holds my footprints, my body holds my pain
but somewhere in this wilderness, I'm calling out Your name
Lord, if You are with me, if You see my shame-stained face
lift me from this dirt, show me mercy, show me grace

bridge
coverednin ashes, covered in fear
buried in secrets I don't want to hear
But even in the dirt, even in disgrace
I'm reaching for Your hand, I'm reaching for Your face

chorus
pain is real, it clings to me
like ashes pressed into my skin
I scream to heaven, "Are You Listening? will this torment ever end?"
I'm dirty, I'm broken, humiliated inside
but still I'm searching, still I cry

Pain

“Still I Cry”

Verse 1
They called the place The Vines
Where broken hearts could rest their minds
A quiet room, a listening ear
A place to face the weight of fear

Every step inside those halls
Echoed pain against the walls
But hands reached out, they heard my plea
And showed there’s still some hope for me

Chorus
At The Vines, we gather near
Broken voices, trembling fear
Still we hope, still we pray
“Lord, don’t turn Your face away”

Verse 2
I’ve been buried deep in shadows
Covered in the dust of years
Every step drags heavy chains
My skin still soaked in tears

The ground remembers secrets
The soil remembers shame
I try to wash it from me
But the dirt still knows my name

Chorus
Pain is real, it clings to me
Like ashes pressed into my skin
I scream to heaven, “Are You listening?
Will this torment ever end?”
I’m dirty, broken, humiliated inside
But still I’m reaching, still I cry

Verse 3
I carried knives against my chest
Unsure if I wanted it in my flesh
The echoes of their voices stain me
Whispers from the past remain

Hands sweat, heart races fast
This cage of flesh still holds me trapped
Fear like fire in my veins
No rest in night, no peace in day

Chorus
Pain is real, it clings to me
Like ashes pressed into my skin
I scream to heaven, “Are You listening?
Will this torment ever end?”
I’m dirty, broken, humiliated inside
But still I’m searching, still I cry

Verse 4
Every morning wakes the nightmare
Every night I pray for peace
But humiliation shackles me
And will not grant release

People look straight through me
They can’t feel my scars
I wonder if the Lord is near
Or if He’s wandered far

Bridge
Covered in ashes, covered in fear
Buried in secrets I don’t want to hear
But even in disgrace, even in night
I’m reaching for Your hand, holding for Your light

Final Chorus
At The Vines, we gather near
Broken voices, trembling fear
Pain is real, it clings to me
Like ashes pressed into my skin
Still we hope, still we pray
“Lord, don’t turn Your face away”
I’m dirty, broken, humiliated inside
But still I’m searching, still I cry

Still I Cry

A — Polished first-person testimony (blog/short memoir)

It began as a very dark night — everything in my life felt like it was coming apart. I started drinking more than I ever had. Somebody hurt me deeper than anyone had before. For a moment I saw the woman of my dreams, true love right in front of me — and in an instant it was ripped away. I lost myself in that one moment.

One thing led to another until the past exploded back into my present. I fell into a place my worst nightmares could only hold and was pulled into a cold, toxic place I couldn’t escape. I woke up in a hospital with five men holding me down, trying to strap me to a table. I was in my underwear, losing my mind as memories I’d buried came rushing back. I’d blocked that time of my life for years, but there it was, vivid and cruel.

Chained to the bed, I still told them everything — what happened, why it happened. Most of those men were musicians; they even gave me their numbers. I began to talk about my journey with God and how I wanted musicians who were as hurt as I was — people who’d been broken and needed Jesus. Everywhere I went I found hurt souls that needed help, and I wanted to be that man for them.

The watch on the bed was relentless. I had to endure being watched in the most humbling, dehumanizing ways — even having someone watch me use the restroom — for days. Fourteen days of hell. Three days before they finally released me from the chains; still, I couldn’t leave the room or see visitors. I was terrified of hospitals — even once when I was fighting kidney stones I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t stand being around people because I felt their emotions so deeply; mirror-touch made everything worse. I’d attach to others’ feelings until I was overwhelmed.

It felt like a lock, a block — maybe even a lie to keep me from getting well. But through all of it I had to check the things I’d been told I couldn’t do. I had to reinvestigate the words that said “you can’t” and transform them into reasons I could. Fourteen days of hell — and fourteen days that revealed something beautiful and resolute from God. Now I’m home.

It began as a very dark night

[Intro — vocal hums / ambient pads]
(Ooh) (Ooh) (Yeah)

[Verse 1]
I was in a place where people spoke in quiet lines,
Telling me advice, slipping me their time.
There was one lonely lady, crying out for God,
Three weeks or four — I lost the count, lost the plot.
When I touched her pain my music lit her soul,
But I couldn’t keep the piece; the pieces wouldn’t hold.

[Verse 2]
I sat with a girl while the police stood ‘round,
Nights blurred into lights and my feet left the ground.
Docs asked me, “Son, what happened here?” — I stopped to explain,
Locked in the vibe, felt my life drain.
So many pills, they pushed them down my throat,
Adrift on prescriptions, like a sinking boat.
I was addicted to the rhythm, addicted to the words,
My soul was thin — I could barely be heard.
I tried to fly but the sun slipped from my hands,
No music in my head, no colors in the bands.

[Chorus]
In the courtyard of yesterday the songs went quiet,
Pills on the tray, and my heart turned to ice.
I looked up at heaven and I prayed for a sign,
But the music was gone and I lost the line.
In the courtyard of yesterday I lost my sound —
Help me find the color, help me stand my ground.

[Verse 3]
I saw her standing there, tears down her face,
Children gone, the world displaced.
Medication dulled the pain inside of me,
Took away the feelings that made me real and free.
I needed to feel — just to know who’s true,
To find the people who would hold me through.
I found a little light, a way to get out,
But I left too early, still filled with doubt.

[Bridge]
(Spoken, then swelling choir)
Jesus, don’t let the music die, don’t let the colors fade —
Give me back the words you placed inside the grave.
I’ll carry every scar, every hymn, every name —
Let the rhythm rise and break these chains.

[Chorus — repeat, with harmony]
In the courtyard of yesterday the songs went quiet,
Pills on the tray, and my heart turned to ice.
I looked up at heaven and I prayed for a sign,
But the music was gone and I lost the line.
In the courtyard of yesterday I lost my sound —
Help me find the color, help me stand my ground.

[Outro — sparse piano / vocal whistle]
(Ooh) (Ooh) — I’ll find the color, I’ll find the sound.

Courtyard of Yesterday

(Verse 1)
It was a dark night, everything broke down,
Bottle in my hand, the city wore my frown.
Saw a woman, my true love in the light,
In one breath she vanished into night.

(Pre-Chorus)
Past came knocking, opened every door,
Cold hands of memory on my floor.
I screamed the names I’d locked away,
They heard my soul and took my pain.

(Chorus)
Strapped to a table, holding on so tight,
Five men in the shadows keeping me from flight.
Fourteen days of hell, but a dawn I couldn’t see —
I found a quiet whisper saying, “child, come home to Me.”

(Verse 2)
Chains on my wrists, chains on my mind,
They watched me break, refused to be kind.
Musicians passing numbers in the hall,
Broken voices answering my call.

(Pre-Chorus)
Mirror-touch burning every face,
Couldn’t bear the crowds, couldn’t stand the place.
But every wounded heart I passed along,
Became the chorus of my song.

(Chorus)
Strapped to a table, holding on so tight,
Five men in the shadows keeping me from flight.
Fourteen days of hell, but a dawn I couldn’t see —
I found a quiet whisper saying, “child, come home to Me.”

(Bridge)
They tried to lock me in what I’d become,
But faith kept calling louder than the drums.
Re-investigate the “can’t” and say the name,
Turn the ash to fire and the loss to flame.

(Final Chorus / Outro)
Chains fell slow and the cold gave way,
Fourteen days of night, but morning broke today.
I came back home, with scars that shout and sing —
God made beauty out of every suffering.

Strapped to a table

[Verse 1]
I'm calling out
For your angel, God
Yeah, one of your people are missing
I'm addicted to so much now
See, I went into that place and just drank a little bit, yeah, when I was hanging out with my friends, you know
Yeah, now they got me on the diazepam, 5 milligrams, you know, two times a day, yeah
On that, I feel like a zombie, they got even, they got some other stuff that they want for me to take, yeah
Adabilify, Ativan, Lorazepam, Risperdal — all these pills they hand me like candy in my palm
They asked me to take whatever, I don't even know, this Adderall, little bit, you never know
Yeah, but there's a time, you know, I fruited all up, I told you what my strength in jail was even devolved, yeah
Anesthesia took me to another place, yeah, I felt the pain of every face, every single person's complaint
Their backs, their pressure, all their sighs, yeah, the thing that they—one guy had a black eye, yeah
I couldn't see out of my eye for a day, yeah
It wasn't puffy, but I could feel his pain

See, every person that I've seen in that place, I knew even if they were writers or what they needed, yeah
Father God was telling me everything that everybody needed, every word, every phrase, everything that I said, yeah, was a part of me
I know there was an angel inside of me, that's how I got out of that place, I know
You gave me the calmness, Father God, I thank you, but now I need something even stronger than love
See, I took it that, I took their poison, I'm addicted to it, I know it's destroying me
But I'm trying to fight off all the things that I need with something else, it's going to drive me insane
I know this beast has been a part of me a long time ago, 14 days, I was free again, yeah
Gave up the alcohol, but now they got me addicted to something else that I can't contain
How do I even feel? How do I even go?
Yeah, Father God, I need your love, I need your guiding love
Yeah, see the light, yeah, show me your way, show me another path to get off the poison today

[Verse 2]
See, I didn't even realize that I was making a story of my life, yeah, even The Vines didn't know, I see how they treat people
Get you hooked on something, then when they release you, you sit in there wishing you had something even new, yeah
You're addicted to something, that's how they got you
They got you crazy, now they're going to get you right back, they don't give you your medication, and then they got to monitor it, yeah
Your blood shot, blood sugar, and that
And if it doesn't go right, then you break, you know, you won't see something even looking for
There's a moment in your life, you know, now you're addicted to so much stuff that they've (I lost it)

Addicted

I’ve been praying for this so long,
Then a moment came, it was all gone.
A look in your eyes, the storm in my mind,
Searching for shelter, some peace to find.

Your eyes were stars in a midnight sky,
Every wish I made was just to survive.
Then I saw you standing right there in front of me,
Like a gift straight from heaven, set my soul free.

[Pre-Chorus]

But Father God, I feel the ache,
Every time I give, it breaks.
You show me love, then tear it away,
I’m left here screaming, asking why today.

[Chorus]

Why, Father God, do you give, then take?
Why show me a life that I can’t embrace?
You know my pain, you know my scars,
Why keep dealing me a broken deck of cards?
Why, Father God, I don’t understand,
Was this all part of your greater plan?
I’m crying out, don’t leave me blind,
I need your light, I need a sign.

[Verse 2]

You took my childhood, innocence too,
Things I never chose, but they cut right through.
Day after day, the pain wouldn’t stop,
I asked you to lift me, but I still dropped.

Every love I give, it fades away,
Every joy I find, it don’t stay.
Am I just the game? Am I just the test?
Are you trying to see if I’ll stand the rest?

[Chorus]

Why, Father God, do you give, then take?
Why show me a life that I can’t embrace?
You know my pain, you know my scars,
Why keep dealing me a broken deck of cards?
Why, Father God, I don’t understand,
Was this all part of your greater plan?
I’m crying out, don’t leave me blind,
I need your light, I need a sign.

[Bridge]

I’m on my knees, torn apart,
You’re the only healer of this heart.
Through the storms and endless night,
I’m still reaching for your light.

Even when I don’t know why,
Even when my tears still cry,
I’ll hold on, though I’m weak inside,
Father God, don’t let me die.

[Final Chorus]

Why, Father God, do you give, then take?
Why show me a life that I can’t embrace?
You know my pain, you know my scars,
Why keep dealing me a broken deck of cards?
Why, Father God, I don’t understand,
But I’ll keep walking, holding your hand.
Through all the pain, through all the cries,
I’ll keep on searching for your eyes.

Why, Father God


I have fought, I never laid it down,
Through the fire, through the battleground.
I’ve loved with all I had inside,
But you give, you take, you break, you hide.

What kind of God just sits and sees,
The broken hearts brought to their knees?
One day beauty, the next it’s gone,
Tell me, Father, where did I go wrong?

[Pre-Chorus]

I’m holding these cards, no straights, no flush,
Nothing but pain and a faith I can’t trust.
Tired of bluffing, tired of disguise,
I just want truth when I look in her eyes.

[Chorus]

What kind of God are you?
Do you watch us break, then make us new?
Seven weeks of heaven turned to stone,
Now I’m standing here all alone.
If it’s your will, let this love survive,
If it’s not, then take it from my life.
What kind of God are you?
Tell me what I’m supposed to do.

[Verse 2]

She was bliss, she was breath, she was light,
You told me “treat her like your wife.”
Now I’m left with silence, left with pain,
Crying out your holy name.

I see the man she loved before,
But every tear cuts me to the core.
I’m begging, God, for just one sign,
Is this her heart, or never mine?

[Chorus]

What kind of God are you?
Do you watch us break, then make us new?
Seven weeks of heaven turned to stone,
Now I’m standing here all alone.
If it’s your will, let this love survive,
If it’s not, then take it from my life.
What kind of God are you?
Tell me what I’m supposed to do.

[Bridge]

Do I disappear into twilight skies?
Do I fade away where the stars collide?
Is there a place for a soul like me,
Or just a mess of memories?

[Final Chorus]

What kind of God are you?
Do you hear my cry, do you see me through?
Take this pain, take this heavy load,
Guide my steps down the narrow road.
If it’s your will, let her love remain,
If it’s not, then take away the pain.
What kind of God are you?
Father, I’m still reaching for you.

What Kind of God Are You?

Verse 1:
From Newcastle to Las Vegas,
Spanning coast to coast,
We’re twelve strong, united,
Each bringing what we love most.
MonkeyCat jams in Newcastle’s night,
Catherine’s voice lights the Vegas lights,
Live Fire Andrea in Cali dreams,
Nancy’s melody in Finland gleams.

Chorus:
To all the fans and friends worldwide,
You lift us up, you’re why we strive.
Twelve voices linked in harmony,
Our music’s home, our family.

Verse 2:
Chantelle sings from Africa’s heart,
Freddie O’s got a Naija spark.
Crystal in Wisconsin stands,
Tracy’s tunes across UK lands.
Tim the Tiger’s picking strings
Down in Nashville, music rings.
Holly Harmony—angel’s sound,
Me and her, Florida-bound.

Bridge:
Every voice tells a different story,
Every pain turns into glory,
And with every line, every song,
We’re showing the world where we belong.

Chorus:
To all the fans and friends worldwide,
You lift us up, you’re why we strive.
Twelve voices linked in harmony,
Our music’s home, our family.

Outro:
Thank you for the love, your open heart and hand,
This journey’s just beginning—I’m proud of where we stand.
We’re working hard each day,
BigJohnShow family, here to stay..
Title: "This is Our Sound (BigJohnShow Anthem)"

Verse 1:
Hey, BigJohnShow fans, let’s gather ‘round,
We’re a family talking through music and sound.
From Newcastle’s beat to the Vegas glow,
Here’s the crew you’re diggin’ at every show.

MonkeyCat’s jamming, strumming through the night,
Newcastle upon Tyne shining bright.
Catherine sings in Vegas, stage lights in her eyes,
Crystal on mandolin, guitar—Wisconsin vibes.

Chorus:
Every note and every line,
We play for you, our friends, our tribe.
Around the world, through every land,
This is our story, this is our band.

Verse 2:
Live Fire Andrea, California in her hands,
Plays piano that’ll heal and help you stand.
Nancy sends a melody from Finland’s shore,
Chantelle in Africa brings the spirit roar.

Freddie O in Nigeria with rhythm deep and real,
Tracy from the UK—songwriting with zeal.
Tim the Tiger in Nashville picks and streams,
Strings telling stories, chasing wild dreams.

Bridge:
Holly Harmony, vocals divine,
Florida sun, her voice will shine.
And Big John—me—well, what don’t I do?
Sax, clarinet, piano, and guitar too.
Cello, violin, viola, harmonica’s tune,
Drums, piccolo, flute—music fills the room!

Chorus:
Every note and every line,
We play for you, our friends, our tribe.
No matter where you’re listening from,
BigJohnShow’s where you belong.

Outro:
From every corner of the world we send our song,
Thanks for the love—you keep us strong.
With every beat and every bandmate’s hand,
We are your family—your BigJohnShow band.

BigJohnShow Anthem

BigJohnShow Fan

Verse 1:
I’ve been spinning these records, laying down the sound
Thirteen stories of struggle, trying not to drown
From Africa to Cali, from London to the sun
Eleven voices strong, together we are one

Pre-Chorus:
Yeah, I know what it feels like
To run on repeat, living in rewind
But I see in you the hope I seek
So I keep on fighting, chasing what I need

Chorus:
This one’s for my BigJohnShow fan
You lift me up, even when I can’t stand
Through the chaos and the cries
Thank you for riding this wild ride
Yeah, this one’s for my BigJohnShow fan

Verse 2:
Had my moments, lost my mind, it’s true
I stumbled right in front of you
But I’m back on the mic, I’m telling my truth
Writing my pain, sharing with you

Pre-Chorus:
All the world in a broken tune
But together we can heal the wounds
If you’re out there looking for a sign
Join our song, let’s cross that line

Chorus:
This one’s for my BigJohnShow fan
You lift me up, even when I can’t stand
Through the chaos and the cries
Thank you for riding this wild ride
Yeah, this one’s for my BigJohnShow fan

Bridge:
No money in the way, just a piece of the pie
Any story, any struggle, come and testify
If you’ve got a voice, you’ve got a place
Eleven strong, every heart, every face

Chorus/Outro:
This one’s for my BigJohnShow fan
You lift me up, even when I can’t stand
We’re stronger now, and I hold out my hand
Come join the song and ride with the band
Yeah, this one’s for my BigJohnShow fan

[Verse 1]
I first met John through Starmaker,
Don’t ask me the dates, I can’t remember.
At the time I was Monkitty,
Not so long after changed to Moonkitty.

We had an instant light, a spark inside,
Working together, side by side.
Creating music, a holy trust,
A song we called Jesus Is the Face of Us.

[Chorus]
And I found more than just a man,
A caregiver with guiding hands.
Giving knowledge of scripture, truth so deep,
Awakening the music inside of me.
Yes, thanks to John, I can sing, I can say,
Why I am the way I am today.

[Verse 2]
He told me of his synesthesia,
Colors, sounds, and holy features.
And I realized in me there’s fire,
Sexual synesthesia, a hidden desire.

I’ve seen so many colors in him too,
Every gift God gave comes shining through.
Before I met John, my life was too quiet,
Now my words are alive, my soul can’t deny it.

[Chorus]
And I found more than just a man,
A caregiver with guiding hands.
Giving knowledge of scripture, truth so deep,
Awakening the music inside of me.
Yes, thanks to John, I can sing, I can say,
Why I am the way I am today.

[Bridge]
I struggled to explain,
Why my world was painted strange.
But through his love, his voice, his art,
I found a way to share my heart.

[Chorus – repeat]
And I found more than just a man,
A caregiver with guiding hands.
Giving knowledge of scripture, truth so deep,
Awakening the music inside of me.
Yes, thanks to John, I can sing, I can say,
Why I am the way I am today.

[Outro]
It’s thanks to John Philibert, I know,
That my words and my spirit now freely flow.

Thanks to John

[Verse 1]
I've been battered, I've been broken, I've been beaten
Been left out, you know, so many times
I didn't realize my life was so, so surprised
I think about you, didn't realize
One more story, that's what you got now
I've been searching, I've been lost, I've been fighting
Been a jillion, with so many things in my mind
Yeah, your happiness to see
Regret so many things that I've seen
So many broken-hearted, I don't believe it
I'm pain, yeah, I'm down, but I deal with it

Yeah, every soul I meet, part of me
Yeah, it goes out to heal the need, the greed
I take it slowly
Find out what they need, yeah
Take the part of them that they're missing
We take out the heal, we heal them within

Every bullet, every fragment, every need
Even the pleas, even the seas, even the disease
Created back, you know, from a childhood, a past life, yeah
Suddenly it explodes
And don't even realize, you know, the pain within inside of you, yeah, hiding
Hiding inside

[Chorus]
One moment, one person, they know how to open you up
Yeah, they crack you up like a sardine can
You can't close it, you can't do nothing, you know
That's a big stink, you know, once it's opened up, you know
Yeah, I guess if you like canned sardines, you won't like this one, but that's okay
Keep on eating them in your dreams

[Verse 2]
I don't know, I sit there and look at so many things in my life, you know
The impure things, the unclean
But I asked God, you know, a long time ago
To take away everything that I wanted, I craved
Two years he kept me, you know, clean, everything
I didn't do nothing, I didn't hurt nobody these days

Then all of a sudden, someone cracked me open
And I felt the flesh upon my skin like you wouldn't even realize
Wouldn't contain, wouldn't even cluster
Times that I thought I was going to lose it, you know, go crazy
But somehow God held me in a place that I could get help
Find somebody that was going to understand my
Need, my desire

[Bridge]
But what happens when you don't
When you're still out there searching for the things that you need
The things that you plead
Is there someone out there that can take away that need?

(That's all I do)
(Most of the time it's random)
(But sometimes it's something important)

[Outro]
I’ve been battered, I’ve been broken, I’ve been beaten…
Still searching, still healing, still standing.

Cracked Open

two entities entwined, thriving in each other’s presence. Let’s weave this into something sensual, charged with intimacy and desire.

She was a storm, unruly and infinite, and he was the tide, pulled inexorably toward her. Their dance was gravitational, a force beyond choice. They met in quiet touches and lingering glances, a silent agreement that neither would exist fully without the other.

He traced the constellations on her skin with his lips, mapping the galaxies they had formed together. Every whisper between them was a thread, binding them closer, a conversation only their bodies understood. He was her breath, and she, the pulse beneath his fingertips.

She felt him not as an outsider, but an extension—his presence seeping into every inch of her being. Like ivy climbing a stone wall, like roots entwining underground. They were a single entity split into two, feeding from the same fire, consuming each other in slow, deliberate hunger.

To be apart would be impossible. Their worlds were no longer singular; their souls no longer solitary. Their need was symbiotic, and their surrender was inevitable.

A symbiotic connection

*Verse 1**  
Whispers in the moonlight, hearts beating slow,  
Skin on skin, where the passion flows.  
Kissing her softly, from her head to her toes,  
In this moment together, let our love grow.  

**Chorus**  
Making love, lost in each other,  
Every touch feels like no other.  
Hot and sweet, we dance through the night,  
Wrapped in dreams, everything feels right.  

**Verse 2**  
Fingers trace the secrets, igniting the fire,  
Her breath on my neck takes me higher and higher.  
In the heat of the moment, we lose control,  
With every single kiss, I’m giving my soul.  

**Chorus**  
Making love, lost in each other,  
Every touch feels like no other.  
Hot and sweet, we dance through the night,  
Wrapped in dreams, everything feels right.  

**Bridge**  
In a world just for us, nothing else remains,  
Just the rhythm of our hearts, releasing all our pains.  
With her body close to mine, we find our way,  
In the art of love, we’ll forever stay.  

**Chorus**  
Making love, lost in each other,  
Every touch feels like no other.  
Hot and sweet, we dance through the night,  
Wrapped in dreams, everything feels right.  

**Outro**  
So here we are, in this beautiful trance,  
With a kiss so deep, we’ll forever dance.  
Making love under stars, two souls intertwined,  
In this magical moment, love’s what we find.

Whispers in the moonlight

[Verse 1 – Him]
Been away for long now, felt like I was lost in time,
But then I saw you — girl, you made the stars align.
Every time you touch my face,
My mind escapes to some silly place.
That’s my soft spot — you’re my home,
Even when I’m far, I’m never alone.
And every girl might think they know,
But you — you make me glow.
You make me want to stay awhile,
So I’ll take my time, caught in your smile.

[Verse 1 – Her]
You look at me, and my nose crinkles shy,
But deep in my heart, I’m floating sky high.
Your hands, they tremble just to touch my skin,
Amber-pale and silkless — you're drawn in.
You speak no words, but your breath says enough,
Like poetry hiding inside of love.
So take your time, no need to rush,
This kind of love don’t crumble or crush.
You’ve found your safe place here in me —
Your silly, trembling, lost-in-a-dream fantasy.

[Chorus – Together]
We freeze in time when our eyes align,
Our words get lost, but our souls entwine.
Every crinkle, every glance,
Feels like an old-world, fated romance.
That’s our soft spot, that’s our flame,
Two lovers lost with no one to blame.
Take my hand, let’s never let go,
Wherever it leads, we’ll follow slow.

[Verse 2 – Him]
Falling in pain, but in you, I’m safe —
Wrapped beneath covers, your warm embrace.
You give me feelings I’ve never known,
With just one kiss, I’ve found my home.
My speech is trapped inside your eyes,
A language made from starry skies.
That’s my soft spot — the place I land,
Every time I touch your hand.

[Verse 2 – Her]
You say so much when you say nothing,
The tremble in your jaw is everything.
My earlobes burn with your silent desire,
Your longing voice, a trembling choir.
Each touch, a spark that starts a blaze,
We’re caught in our own fairytale maze.
Say it slow or say it not —
I already know, I feel your thought.

[Bridge – Together]
Time forgets us, and we don’t mind.
In your soul, it’s me I find.
Every inch, every breath,
We dance on the edge of life and death.
Trembling lips, the silent vow —
“I love you” echoes in the now.
Cradled in this sacred storm,
We keep each other safe and warm.

[Outro – Together]
I never feel the same thing twice —
With you, it’s a new paradise.
(Yeah, yeah…)
(Mmm…)
That’s our soft spot, that’s our home,
Even when we’re lost — we’re never alone.

We freeze in time

[Verse 1 – Him]
I’ve been gone too long, baby, now I’m burning inside,
One look from you, and I forget how to hide.
Every time your fingers trail down my face,
I slip into a fantasy, a filthy grace.
That’s my toe, that’s my spot, that’s my home,
You touch it slow — I moan, I groan.
Every girl, they never came close,
But you? You taste like something I crave most.
So don’t rush, baby, don’t let go —
Take your time, ride it nice and slow.

[Verse 1 – Her]
Your stare? It undresses my bones,
I feel it in my earlobes, in my moans.
Amber-pale, silkless skin — you ache for it,
You tremble, baby, with every kiss I give.
You got no words now, but I feel your hunger,
The way you breathe on me, it pulls me under.
Take your time, love, this heat won’t fade,
We’re writing a fairytale, naked, unafraid.
Your hands don’t lie — they worship me right,
Let’s lose track of time, all through the night.

[Chorus – Together]
We melt in the flame, no names, no shame,
Your tongue on my skin drives me insane.
Crinkled nose, bitten lip —
I ride your rhythm, you grip my hips.
That’s our soft spot, that’s our need,
Lust dressed in love, we both feed.
So slow, so wild, no holding back —
I want your voice, your breath, your sweat on my back.

[Verse 2 – Him]
Under covers, warm and soaked,
You pull me close, girl, I’m choked —
By the scent of your skin, the taste of your lips,
The sway of your hips, the bite, the slips.
I worship you with trembling hands,
Tracing your curves, obeying your demands.
You’re my safe place and my storm,
Both fire and womb — wild and warm.

[Verse 2 – Her]
You speak in silence, but your body screams,
You bend for me inside your dreams.
My thighs around you, you lose control,
That deep growl — baby, I know your soul.
My love, my tease, my breathless muse,
You press your lips like you’ve got nothing to lose.
I feel it building, the rush, the quake,
The way we make love, we both break.

[Bridge – Together]
We freeze, then ignite,
No rules, just delight.
You're in my mouth, I’m in your flame,
We don’t just kiss — we claim.
Each stroke, a spell, each gasp, a prayer,
We make love like gods, like we don’t care.

[Outro – Together]
Soft spot, hot spot — baby, take me whole,
I’ll stay in your fire, you’ll burn through my soul.
(Ah, yeah, yeah)
(Mmm)
Every time you touch me, I lose my name,
We’re not just in love — we’re playing the game.
(Mmm)
Don’t stop. Don’t slow.
Wherever we go — we go.




Soft Spot

[Verse 1]
Nobody in this world knows
Girl, how I feel
Much as you do
Can I take you to a place you've never seen?
Dreamed of — only there for me
For my mind, it's you
Would you see my mind? Just me, girl
Would you see my mind?
See the places that I call home time
Can you see my gravity?
Could I cross the line?

[Chorus]
Just to be in my dream place and know
When you look at me, can you see it?
Can you see how you know?
And I know the full pain of your life
And it's just me, girl
Can you see it? I know that you know

[Verse 2]
After what happened, you gave
Thinking about it, you know
Would it be a fantasy?
Would it be a reality?
It's certain for your life
The time unfolds before your eyes
And you know that you will live your dreams
Will they all come to reality?
Just for a moment of your life
Just stop — still for that moment

[Chorus]
When you jump in, I was born by
Would you even notice?
That you're classified — what do you need to know?
And I'm everywhere, just in the way
Would you read it everywhere?
I was born for this purpose
Never seen no other way

[Bridge]
Could you see no other way?

[Final Chorus]
Girl, I'll be true to those eyes that they see
You are my blessing
And every other piece of us
Makes us stand forever
Can you see my father's time?
All of the galaxy — just for me, one for you

[Outro]
I want to think in your presence, every star
Every star is you — someone more
God, I know I'm broken
I know I have your eyes
Man and the moon
For the soul

Can You See My Mind

(Verse 1)
Steam curling up, you slip under the foam,
Candlelight flickers, we’re finally alone.
Your wet skin glistens, your lips whisper my name,
Every brush, every kiss, it’s like fuel for a flame.

(Chorus)
Under hot bubbles, with nothing to hide,
Hands on your body, just let me slide.
Kissing you slowly, tasting your sigh,
Heat rises higher—forget the world outside.

(Verse 2)
My mouth finds your neck, you shiver, you moan,
A trail of soft kisses, you arch and you groan.
I linger, I wander, explore every curve,
Each gasp that you give me is what I deserve.

(Pre-Chorus)
Let the water dance down while I take my time,
Trace my name on your skin in a steamy rhyme.
Whispers and laughter, dripping with want,
Tonight in this tub, you’re all that I want.

(Chorus)
Under hot bubbles, with nothing to hide,
Hands on your body, just let me slide.
Kissing you slowly, tasting your sigh,
Heat rises higher—forget the world outside.

(Bridge)
Lay back, baby, let the bubbles caress,
I’ll worship you, darling, every inch, every breath.
Your fingers in my hair, your legs drawing me near,
All our senses lit up—nothing else could compare.

(Final Chorus)
Under hot bubbles, lost in your touch,
Skin slick and shivering, wanting so much.
Mouth on your softness, hearts beating in time,
This bubble bath bliss—your body with mine.

(Outro, whispered)
The water grows cool, but we’re just getting warm,
Entwined in this tub, let’s weather the storm.




Bubble Bath Temptation Part 2

You firYou fire your soul,
Burning everything you once adored.
I tear you apart from the inside out—
Your screams, no longer hesitant,
Now born of need.

Your body quakes.
The urge devours.
She trembles in silence,
Yearning for what she can’t reach—
But it’s close.
So close.

Time drips like honey from trembling lips,
Hungering for the touch that never comes,
For the feeling that cannot be named.

She wants.
They want.
The craving twists the mind,
Seduces the soul.

How do you reach across the void
And feel the heat of what’s not there?
You give yourself.
Completely.
Your mind knows—
When you surrender,
You feel.

Your flesh is mine.
Your mind is mine.
I'll take you where time has no mercy.
To the final gasp,
The climax of your time.

No fear.
No doubt.
Open your mind—
Let me flow.
Let me in.
Let your brain be mine.e your soul,




Fire your soul

Verse 1]
My child, you cry to Me in your pain,
but I’ve watched you walk through the fire you made.
You opened doors I told you to close,
you touched sin and called it love,
you fed the flesh and starved your soul.
I saw the nights you traded My Spirit for desire,
and I called your name in the storm,
but you turned away to the noise of the world.
You said you were broken, but I saw rebellion;
you said you were lost, but you ran from the light.

[Pre-Chorus]
Still, I never left you.
I hovered over your ruin, waiting for your cry.
I whispered, “Come home, before the grave takes what’s Mine.”

[Chorus]
I am the Lord your God—
the fire that burns sin from the bones.
You will not find peace in the arms of flesh.
You will not find healing in the bed of lust.
Repent, and I will clothe you in white again.
Turn, and I will breathe new life within.
For I am Holy—
and I will have no rival inside your heart.

[Verse 2]
You say, “Where are You, Father?”
I am here—
in the silence after your sin,
in the ache that won’t fade,
in the voice that says, “This isn’t who you are.”
I built you for purity, for purpose, for power,
not for the chains of pleasure that rot the spirit.
Every time you touch what’s forbidden,
you hand the enemy your authority.
But when you kneel, when you confess,
I tear the covenant of darkness in two.

[Bridge]
The world calls sin freedom—
but I call it death.
The world calls lust love—
but I call it fire that consumes the soul.
Choose this day who you will serve.
If you are Mine, then rise up and fight.
Break the bed of iniquity,
burn the idols of your flesh,
and I will pour out My Spirit upon you again.

[Outro]
I am the Power that raised the dead.
I am the Mercy that forgives the fallen.
I am the Voice that shakes the heavens and earth.
You are not trash—
you are chosen.
But sin cannot stay where My glory dwells.
Return to Me, and I will make you whole.

Letter from God (Power of God Version)

[Verse 1]
My child, I have seen you through the storms and rain
I never threw you out, never called you trash, never mocked your pain
Every tear you cried has been caught within My hand
Every time you felt alone, I was standing where you stand
The years you gave in love are not wasted in the dark
I am close to the broken, I heal the shattered heart
I know you’re hurting, I know you’ve been betrayed
But trust is not gone forever, I’m still here to stay

[Chorus]
I will hold you when you’re breaking
I will heal the trust you’re aching
I will take your loss and turn it into grace
You’re not thrown away, you’re not displaced
My child, you are loved
My child, you are mine
I’ve been with you through the night
I will not leave you behind

[Verse 2]
When you’re weak, I’m your strength, when you’re poor, I’m your store
When you’re sick, I am healing, when you’re tired, I’m your door
I never disappeared, even when you couldn’t see
I’ve been walking in the shadows, holding you close to Me
The pain you feel inside, I felt it on the cross
Every loss you’ve suffered, I’ve counted as My loss
I’m preparing you a dwelling where no sorrow can remain
Where trust is never broken and love erases pain

[Bridge]
So call Me when you’re crying out
I’m nearer than your breath, nearer than your doubt
I will lift you, I will guide you, I will show you who you are
Not forgotten, not discarded, My beloved shining star

[Outro]
I see you now
I hear you now
I love you now

Letter From God

[Verse 1]
I’m sitting here now, looking at my life,
So many things I’ve been doing, I know —
Some are wrong, some are right, it’s always hard,
Everything that feels so good carries a scar.

If it tastes good, yeah, they say it’s no good,
If it feels great, then it’s probably no good, no…
That’s what they tell us, that’s what they put in,
Trying to make us feel like we don’t deserve love again.

But I’m here now, Father God, on my knees,
Praying to You, begging, “Father, please…”
Why does everything in my life hurt so bad?
Even going live, God, I feel the pain they all have.

So much need, so much greed, so many “please, Father God,”
I’m tired of feeling the pain that I feel inside.
Lock it down, stop it, God, put it away —
I know I need to feel some things to be okay.

But too much is too much, these days grow longer,
No man is free, Father God, I’m still in slumber.
Nightmares attacking my rest and my sleep,
Father God, there’s gotta be another way for me to see.

Every person I meet, I see their passion,
I feel everything they need, every wound, every action.
Their pain, their greed — Father God, can You see?
How can one man take on a whole world’s plea?

You tell me lift them up, You tell me take their pain,
You tell me, Father God, “Just be there, remain.”
I’m sitting on a promise, Father God, can You see it through?
Can You see all the things that I need from You?

All the pain that I fall through in my life, God, I know
There’s gotta be a better way to carry this load.
Maybe just find us, maybe some barricades,
Walk with me in these darker days.

See me through the pain every single day,
Make me stronger, make me understand each weight.
Father God, just ease my mind, set it free —
Let me be who You’ve called me to be.

See Their Pain

[Verse 1]
Father God, trust me, I’ve seen them again
All the demons in the back of my mind, they descend
Every single one, yeah, I’ve seen their eyes
I could see them in my dreams and my daytime
Every dream, Father God, it’s been in my eyes
Everything I’ve seen, everything I’m trying to be
But now I look at the demons that were haunting me
I’m on the back again, He gave me free
Empty bottles of Jack Daniels sitting on the floor
Even black beer, Father God — pain I can’t ignore
Teardrops falling from my face
Demons inside trying to drag me down in this place
I’m down in the pit, Father God, trying to get out
I’ve been dwelling here, Father, hear my shout
One shot of alcohol, then five, then twelve, sixteen shots in
Father God, what am I doing here again?
Self-destruction’s the only thing I know
Killing pain inside my heart, God — I’m trying to let go
Nothing but monsters, like a DVD on repeat
Everywhere I turn another face, another defeat
Father God, why are demons always haunting me?
Why are they always chasing me? Why are they in every dream?

[Verse 2]
Why are they in every dream?
Father God, I’m trying to break out of this destiny
Nothing but bottles on the floor, Father God
Emptying my kid’s pocketbook, Father God
Whiskey on the shelf, whiskey everywhere
Reels spinning on the floor, I’m lost in despair
Never know when another one’s gonna come across
Another victory run — but here there’s no victory, only loss
Demons in my face everywhere, God
In the trees, in the people I see, they nod
I see them lingering over me
I see them in the distance, I see them right on me
Father God, the night just surprised me
I see them in my dreams
I see them in the shadows
And I feel so alone, like I have no friends

[Verse 3]
Now I’m looking, I’m asking You for the answer, Father God
Take me to that place, I know You can, Father God
To the dreams where You reside, Father God
Find a way, bring me to that paradise

Father God, Set Me Free


[Verse 1]
Father God, Father God, I’m struggling with this monster on my back
Every time I swear I’ll stop, but I fall into the trap
Sixteen, sixty shots a day, won’t even make it fade
I’m going lower, drifting further, drowning in my pain
Monsters in my head, they won’t even subside
Every drink I pour, I know I’m numbing life
I should be finding You, but I’m staring at the world’s side
Red lights flashing, temptation laughing — I’m on a path of self-destruction
Father God, I know I need Your healing now
So many things going on inside of me, show me how
Reframe the words You’ve spoken over my life
You’ve used me before, but I’m drowning tonight
All the pain inside me deeper than they realize
How do I get help? I’ve tried to heal but it’s all lies
Each battle, each shot takes me closer to the grave
Father God, take me out of this hell, I’m enslaved
I’m locked inside this pier, trying to crawl out of here
Grabbing at any leaf, any branch, Father, hear my prayer
The monster’s screaming in my head, torment every day
Father God, take away the thing I hate, take it away

[Verse 2]
Soon enough, Father God, I’m screaming out for myself
Father God, my skin’s on fire, I need Your help
Burning from the inside, can’t fight this alone
I’m on my knees crying, Father bring me home

[Verse 3]
Yeah, God, send Your power here, break all the chains
The chains of the monster that’s been riding my frame
Every shot that takes me back, You call me back to You
I remember Your voice, Father God, I know it’s true
You see me too, You see me through, You’re the only way
Break the chains, Lord, break them today

[Outro]
Father God, this is my cry, this is my plea
Break the chains that bind me, set me free
The monster’s been loud but Your mercy is greater
Father God, take me now, make me whole forever

Father God, Break These Chains

[Verse 1]
This speaks so loudly, not just for me.
In their eyes, everything they are —
I see the words falling down on me.

One shot takes me to another place,
Two shots numb the pain, erase.
Three shots — I’m drifting far away,
Rambling down a galaxy, lost in space.

Twisted sisters, out of my mind,
Jumping from one world to the one behind.
You look at me, I look at you —
Do you have sorrow in your eyes too?

Pain is dripping from your eyes,
I see it there, but can I deny?
Do I care, do I run away,
Do I refrain from what my soul wants to say?

[Pre-Chorus]
How can I escape, how can I care,
In a universe that feels unaware?
I’m losing my mind, losing control,
The distance between my heart and soul.

[Chorus]
Father God, refrain my mind.
Take the sin, reverse the time.
Refresh my heart, restore my soul.
Pull me back before I lose control.

[Verse 2]
Flesh and skin burning like gasoline,
You set the dynamite, lit the scene.
Death trap’s down at heaven’s gate —
Walk away, demons in disguise await.

Questions echo, drinking all the time,
Answers whispered when I’m all alone inside.
Addiction dragging me where I shouldn’t go,
But I need a heavenly grace to break the hold.

Fourteen days free, then I fell again,
Gave in willingly to the monster within.
Torment rising, secrets I hide,
The distance between the words and my life.

[Chorus]
Father God, refrain my mind.
Take the sin, reverse the time.
Refresh my heart, restore my soul.
Pull me back before I lose control.

[Bridge]
I’m addicted to pain, it drives me insane.
But Your mercy remains,
Even in shame.

[Outro]
Father God, you know what I need.
Take the sin in me, plant a new seed.
Refrain my mind, refrain.
Refrain my mind, refrain.

Questions echo, drinking all the time

[Verse 1]
Why is it God that only my bad memories seem to be at my front[Verse 1]
Why is it, God, that only my bad memories
Stand at the front of my mind?
No good ones rise, just drifting fantasies—
I know the fairy-tale ending, but it’s not mine.

Father God, tell me,
“Watch out, be careful on this ride.”
I build the roadblocks,
I stack my fears high,
Yet still I’m not getting anywhere.

The pull inside is deeper than I need,
Voices that breed, that feed, that plead.
So many reasons, so many things inside me—
Father God, I ask for Your compassion here.

If it’s not meant to be, break it away,
Make it go, take the pain, drive it out.
I don’t need the drinking;
I know that’s not Your call.

Father God, I see the only thing I’ve got
Is the medication in front of me—
But even that could own me.
Two pieces left when the music ends;
Is this what You want, Father God,
For me to do?

I know You don’t want me drowning in alcohol
Just to stay here.
What’s my purpose, what’s my need,
What have You got for me now?
I’m laying my heart and soul on the table.

So many addictions—Father God, I need help.
You need the man I was to Your Son, Father God;
I need to be stronger than I am now.

[Outro]
Stronger than I am now—
See it in my eyes.
God, I need a way to be free
Of the torment inside of me.




Stronger than I am now


[Verse 1]
Father God, I come to the place again
That you torment my brain every moment of my life
You know you told me everything that everybody needs
Everybody, everybody’s sin, everybody doesn’t need
You told me, you reveal
You told me where they’ve been, where they felt
Where every single pain that they every moment of their life

And no, I know what you wonder—
Their uncles, their cousins, their nephews, their dads
Their nephews, their brothers, their cousins, their next door neighbor
You know the one that abused you
I remember every single one like it was yesterday
The pain in my mind, you know, flourishes every day
There’s not a moment that I don’t go without pain

Father God, is this my life that I’m supposed to be refrained from?
Oh my God—You told me that I’m supposed to be loved
And I show everybody about your love
But I know no matter what, deep down inside of me
Is a love that confessed inside of me
Moments in my life that I realize I’m starving
I’m starving for love, I’m starving for this caressness

Father God, the faith that you said you gave me
Father God, where are you? Where do you remain?
You see me hurting? Are you just lost inside of everything else
That you’re trying to do to just control the world?
Control everything that we do and say
Everything that we speak

Even take out our sisters because you know what,
You wanted to wake us up, mind up, yeah
You wanted us to feel
Yeah, I know how your mind works
Yeah, you lose so much pain, yeah, to get us to what?
To follow you?

But you let us suffer so much endurance
And I know and whatever mind, oh my God, I’m mad at you
Yeah, yeah, I am, I am
Let so much pain happen to this earth
And you sit back and cry and not even do nothing
Then you send people like me to go out there and feel so much pain
To change, why?
So you can continue to hurt this world
The way that you do every single day of your life

Yeah, I’m talking to you straight up, God
What are you trying to do? What are you trying to prove?
A world hurting and broken, yeah, and distressed and yeah
Yeah, you’re sitting there telling us to love your name

[Chorus (Hook)]
Straight up, God, I’m crying out to You
This pain is heavy, but I’m still speaking truth
Straight up, God, what are You trying to do?
I’m standing here broken, still reaching for You

[Verse 2]
Jesus
That name supposed to change the way that I think
The way that I frame, the way that I am, the way that I feel?
You let me go through so much pain
Yeah, you take away all my sins, but yet again
Let me just suffer in the same moments of my life
When I was such a child, yeah, from moments of begin

[Chorus (Hook)]
Straight up, God, I’m crying out to You
This pain is heavy, but I’m still speaking truth
Straight up, God, what are You trying to do?
I’m standing here broken, still reaching for You

[Outro / Bridge idea]
I’m starving for love, I’m starving for faith
Father God, show me where You remain
In the hurt and the pain, in the moments I bleed
I’m still crying out, Lord, come rescue me

Straight Up, God

[Verse 1]
Somebody else to be (oh)
Been down another road, yeah, for so long (yeah)
Another road, yeah, even potholes
In my life it seems these days
Bills, work, yeah — school is not enough
So many things that got me on my own
Yeah, I'm living now these lives
But I tell you what, I'm in doubt today
Better life than I ever knew, yeah, I live now

See everybody around me happy
Why am I so miserable?
Yeah, dealt the cards that I was dealt
I've been loved all my life
Now love’s dying inside of me
Trying to find a way to set it all free

[Pre-Chorus]
Yeah, looking at me, yeah, see it now
Yeah, smile on my face but pain’s underground
Yeah, take your time, yeah, you will realize
Now living, yeah, you're living to survive

Looking all the places, yeah,
Things in your mind, yeah, can’t be pleased
So matter of fact, yeah, you got so much beauty inside of you, yeah
Look at the words you say, yeah

[Chorus]
Even though you're crying in the back of your mind
You know the things that you’ve got to see, what’s on your mind
Things you love, things you hate, things you need to face
But you threw it in a box — now you’re lost in space

But the moment you live for, just to live
Yeah, you know I'm dying to live, yeah
Moment to live, yeah, take it, take every moment
Try to find a way — sin and salvation

[Verse 2]
I'm stuck in my own body, yeah, I know
I'm stuck in your own body, feeling your soul
I'm sorry girl but you got to find a way,
Find a way, son, yeah, to live in these days, yeah

Is it your music? Can you write a song?
Can you find a way to talk to other people?
There’s something inside of you, you realize, yeah
Yeah, it's gonna come right through

What’s up Travis D, how you doing there man?
So many times, you know, I'm lost
A moment of space and time, you realize
Yeah, I'm going to see you for you
I can feel your pain inside of you, yes
I feel everybody’s pain, that’s how I write what I write
Watch what I do with that piece that I'm going with it
I feel everybody’s everything
That’s my life, my purpose

[Bridge]
I’m dying to live, not living to die
Finding the truth in every tear I cry
All of these roads, all these scars I bear
I write them down so the world can share

[Chorus – Repeat, strong with harmonies]
Even though you're crying in the back of your mind
You know the things that you’ve got to see, what’s on your mind
Things you love, things you hate, things you need to face
But you threw it in a box — now you’re lost in space

But the moment you live for, just to live
Yeah, you know I'm dying to live, yeah
Moment to live, yeah, take it, take every moment
Try to find a way — sin and salvation




Dying to Live

"Road of Bottles"

[Verse 1]
They’ve been down the same old road,
So many times, I know.
So many places on the road, you see.

[Verse 2]
One road takes you to destiny,
Another one takes you to a place you’re supposed to be free,
Other ones will take you to a place you don’t even know yet.

[Verse 3]
One place will shine some gold, yeah,
Until you get your fool’s gold.
You think you’re gonna get somewhere,
But you just fall even deeper into despair.

[Verse 4]
Look at me — I’m serving moments,
My eyes even know the war’s raging on.
Yeah, I’m in the middle of a disaster, feel down, I know.
Destruction to the right, destruction to the left,
On the road, yeah, down the pathway, I don’t even know.
But hurt is on my way — it’s stopping there.

[Verse 5]
Just a fallen man,
Even got my feelings in the way.
I don’t even know where I’m going these days.
In my path, yeah, my feelings are like —
Everyone’s just another shot glass waiting, yeah.
Take it off, I know, I can see my life, you know.

[Verse 6]
So many places bottles go, yeah,
I see them down every road.
Every place I go, there’s another bottle, yeah, I go be.

[Verse 7]
One shot, yeah, take me away.
Two shots take me to destiny,
Three shots, yeah, I’m numb to the pain, I see.
Everything in my life, yeah, coming that way, I know, yeah, this one’s fading me.
Strong, yeah, but I know I’m not gonna give up.
Yeah, the fight is on, but I tell you what —
I let the demons out my soul, right back there.
Seems like the things in my life…

[Verse 8]
Christmas clear as it was,
Too many shot glasses, I know, they’re shattered now.

[Verse 9]
Soon, yeah, I’m in the desert now,
Yeah, I’m in your rearview mirror now.
Yeah, the further that you go, yeah, you’re gonna see me.

[Verse 10]
Three shots, yeah, you disappear.
Four shots, I’m now on beer.
Fearless on the fifth one, yeah,
Sixth one, yeah, I know now I’m starting to lose it, yeah.

[Verse 11]
Seven shots, yeah, I feel the power.
I know that there’s nothing more
Than the desperate calls of the fear inside of me, yeah — monster, you.

[Verse 12]
Soul empty.
Lost away.
Alcohol is staying away.
Alcohol is staying away.

"Road of Bottles"

The silence is alive—it follows my tread,
Whispering secrets inside my head.
It crawls through the shadows, it breathes through the walls,
Every echo it sends, every whisper enthralls.


Every heartbeat warns me of ghosts I’ve known,
Every flicker of light feels carved in stone.
The fear’s a river that floods my veins,
No refuge in sleep, no breaking these chains.


The silence hunts me, it calls my name,
Dragging me deeper in its cruel game.
I’m bleeding, I’m fading, no one can see,
Why did they break me instead of free me?


I dream of fire and faces erased,
The air is heavy with all I’ve faced.
I scream in the dark, but no one will hear,
Alone with my terror, my shame, my fear.

God, if You’re there, why do You hide?
Why do You watch from the other side?
I’m a storm, a ghost, a scar in the dark,
A shadow of life without a spark.


The silence hunts me, it knows my name,
A cruel reminder, I’m not the same.
I’m broken, I’m hollow, lost at sea—
The silence still hunts the soul of me.

Still hunted…
Still broken…
Still alone…

THE SILENCE HUNTS ME

[Verse 1]
I walk among them, but I’m not their kind,
An alien in skin that refuses to bind.
I mimic their laughter, I mirror their face,
But inside I’m hollow, lost in empty space.

[Verse 2]
Every word I speak feels borrowed, not mine,
Every smile a mask, a desperate sign.
The shame seeps deep, it burrows in bone,
I’m haunted by a body that’s never my own.

[Pre-Chorus]
So I whisper in the dark, afraid to be known,
Afraid that the pain will carve me in stone.

[Chorus – Desperate Plea]
God, why am I still buried in this pain?
Why does my healing take so long, why this chain?
Did You watch me bleed while You stayed above?
Why couldn’t You reach down and take all this love?

[Verse 3]
I am flesh and shadow, I am splintered and torn,
A puppet rehearsing a life I was never born.
Every glance feels judgment, every breath a lie,
I am screaming inside, while the world passes by.

[Verse 4 – Imagery Build]
If You could touch me, take this sorrow away,
I’d let go of the fear that wakes me every day.
But the pain is stitched deep into my flesh,
Every scar a testament to being enmeshed.

[Bridge – Anguished Pleading]
Was it Your plan to watch me break so slow?
To let my spirit drown in a tide I can’t row?
Couldn’t You have reached, lifted the weight,
Erased every wound, healed every hate?

[Chorus – Full Cry]
God, why am I still buried in this pain?
Why does my healing take so long, why this chain?
Did You watch me bleed while You stayed above?
Why couldn’t You reach down and take all this love?

[Verse 5 – Whispered Broken]
I am alien, I am hollow, I am shame,
I play their game, but I never claim my name.
I am begging, I am trembling, I am here,
Take this agony, Father, make it disappear.

[Outro – Echoing Fading]
Take it…
All of it…
I am Yours…
If You hear me…




ALIEN SKIN

(Verse 1)
I was a child with shadows in my bed
Hands I feared, words I bled
Every morning woke to chains I couldn’t see
The shame they gave me, now it lives in me
(and I still feel it — breathing in my bones, whispering I’m not free)

(Pre-Chorus)
I begged for light, but the night wouldn’t break
Carried their sins like a cross I didn’t make
(the weight still on my shoulders, even when I pray)

(Chorus)
Where are You, God? Why did You turn away?
I’m screaming Your name, but You don’t say a thing
I’m hurt, I’m broken, I’m drowning in the blame
Why me, why me — did You forget my name?
(echo: did You forget… did You forget my name?)

(Verse 2)
My body shakes, my hands still sweat
My heart won’t slow, it remembers yet
Every room I walk, I feel the dread
A stranger in my skin, alive but half-dead
(every mirror shows the ghost I used to be)

(Pre-Chorus)
I wrote my pain, I burned my past
But the echoes inside, they never let me rest
(still I write, still I breathe, still I fight the silence)

(Chorus)
Where are You, God? Why did You turn away?
I’m screaming Your name, but You don’t say a thing
I’m chained, I’m shattered, the wounds still remain
Why me, why me — did You forget my name?

(Bridge – build, raw and powerful)
Do You see me crying in my sleep?
Do You hear the silence when I can’t breathe?
Did You watch them tear me apart?
Did You turn Your face when they broke my heart?
(and still I bleed, still I reach, still I want to believe)

(Chorus – full scream)
Where are You, God? Why did You turn away?
I’m screaming Your name, but You don’t say a thing
I’m hurt, I’m broken, I’m drowning in the blame
Why me, why me — did You forget my name?
(but maybe You’re still there, buried in the pain…)

(Outro – whispered/haunting)
I’m in chains…
I’m destroyed…
I’m still waiting…
For You.
(And somehow… I’m still alive.)

WHERE ARE YOU, GOD?

Verse 1
I never said the road would be easy, My child,
But I made you strong under every trial.
I placed you in pressure so you would shine bright,
A diamond born from struggle, glowing with My light.

Verse 2
You were beaten, buried, and bruised by pain,
But every tear you cried, I kept and named.
You thought the weight would take your breath,
But it was My hands shaping you through death.

Pre-Chorus
I saw your heart when you thought I was gone,
I whispered softly, “You were never alone.”
I turned your ashes into something divine —
You are My treasure, My holy design.

Chorus
You are My diamonds in the rough,
You shine when the world gets tough.
I took what was dirty, made it pure,
My light in you will always endure.

Verse 3
You feel the pain of others because you share My heart,
You carry compassion as My finest art.
The sadness you bear, the hope you feel,
Are proof that My Spirit in you is real.

Bridge
The world called your pain a weakness,
But I call it the key to meekness.
I used your wounds to make you whole,
Refined by fire, cleansed in your soul.

Chorus (Reprise)
You are My diamonds in the rough,
Precious and chosen, that’s enough.
You shine with the light I placed inside,
No darkness can dim My bride.

Outro
So when you wonder why you’ve cried so long,
Remember, I’ve been with you all along.
Every scar is a verse in your song —
My diamonds in the rough, forever strong.

My Diamonds in the Rough

Every day I wonder where I am
Im lost, I cant find my way
Winding maze that blocks every direction
I haven't even moved by the end of the day

I'm clawing, grasping, trying to make sense
Of the world in front of me, my body is tense 
People look at me like Im not human
Thing is, they're right. I feel like I dont exist

Im outside my body watching me act
I cant control my movements 
I'm not watching my back
I'm too trusting and I give it away for free
No one appreciates the amount I give of me
And it doesn't matter, it never did.
I'll never know my worth because it ran away and hid.
My worth was fleeting, I could never find it
I searched and longed for it
But there was nothing behind it
How can people live?
How can they just rise and awaken?
I feel like im on a different planet
The moment I open my eyes
Even before that, my heart pounds 
Shame and humiliation had me found

Lost in a sea of humans, I am not human
I am lost
Lost to the dark, Lost to any spark

Every day I wonder where I am

A raw and soulful reflection on healing through music — “And Holding On Now My Love” is a song about turning pain into purpose. Big John reaches out to every broken heart, offering light, hope, and freedom through melody and truth. It’s a testimony of love, compassion, and transformation.

Pure Healing

“We Are the Chain” is a powerful spoken-word and musical testimony about unity, struggle, and divine strength. Big John speaks from the heart, confronting fear and pain while reminding us that we are all connected — each person a vital link in the chain of healing. The song celebrates empathy, synesthesia, faith, and perseverance. It’s about finding hope in the pit, pulling one another toward light, and embracing the beauty of feeling deeply. This song embodies the mission of the Big John Show: turning pain into power, and connection into healing.

We Are the Chain

“What’s Your Testimony?” is a powerful spoken-word piece from Big John Show, capturing the transformation of pain into purpose. It’s about people from across the world—broken, healed, and reborn—coming together under God’s light to share their stories. The song expresses how darkness can enter our lives, but through faith and love, it can leave as music, beauty, and testimony. Every note is a cry, a praise, and a declaration that God turns the ugly into something divine.

What’s Your Testimony

Words That Mend is a deeply personal journey of empathy, pain, and divine healing. Through the eyes of a man with synesthesia, it paints the unseen connection between souls — the weight of others’ emotions, and the grace found in understanding that pain can become purpose. The song is a musical prayer of release — where words transform into healing light, and brokenness turns to beauty.

These aren’t just songs I write.

“Carry Me, Current” is an emotional ballad of survival and spiritual rebirth — a poetic journey from childhood trauma to divine restoration. With haunting piano chords, cinematic strings, and a rhythmic heartbeat that mirrors trembling fear and hard-won peace, the song captures the pain of innocence lost and the miracle of endurance. Each verse unfolds like a confession whispered to God, blending vulnerability with strength. The chorus becomes a prayer of surrender — a plea to be carried beyond pain into peace.
This song is a testimony of faith, healing, and the power of God’s love to turn storms into songs.

Carry Me

I See You” is a soul-stirring journey through pain, empathy, and rebirth. It tells the story of recognizing someone’s suffering — because you’ve lived it too. With raw emotion and haunting honesty, it’s a mirror for anyone who’s fought their own darkness and begun to heal.

So deep, yeah, pain deep

A soul-driven gospel ballad about endurance, faith, and unity through trials. Written from pain, sung with purpose — a testimony of survival, healing, and divine strength.

We’re Gonna Get There

This song is a soulful anthem of renewal and resilience. “Don’t Compare Today to Yesterday” reminds us that healing starts with small steps — sweeping the floor, letting sunlight in, breathing again. It’s about faith, grace, and rising together after the storm. Big John Show and Holly Harmony Star deliver an uplifting blend of gospel soul, country warmth, and heartfelt truth that speaks to everyone walking out of their past into a brighter tomorrow.

Don’t Compare Today to Yesterday

“True to the Core” is a raw, faith-driven anthem about survival, truth, and divine purpose. Big John pours his soul into every line, reflecting on years of struggle, loss, and resilience. From building his life out of nothing to learning how to live in honesty after a lifetime of lies, this song is both a confession and a declaration of spiritual awakening.

Guided by God’s light, John stands as a man reborn — no longer hiding behind the masks he once wore to survive. Every lyric testifies to the strength it takes to face pain with love, to speak truth even when it hurts, and to recognize God’s plan in every twist of fate.

With a voice that carries both grit and grace, “True to the Core” isn’t just a song — it’s a testimony of faith through fire. It reminds listeners that God’s light doesn’t just expose the truth… it heals it.


“True to the Core” is a raw, faith-driven anthem about survival, truth, and divine purpose. Big John pours his soul into every line, reflecting on years of struggle, loss, and resilience. From building his life out of nothing to learning how to live in honesty after a lifetime of lies, this song is both a confession and a declaration of spiritual awakening.

Guided by God’s light, John stands as a man reborn — no longer hiding behind the masks he once wore to survive. Every lyric testifies to the strength it takes to face pain with love, to speak truth even when it hurts, and to recognize God’s plan in every twist of fate.

With a voice that carries both grit and grace, “True to the Core” isn’t just a song — it’s a testimony of faith through fire. It reminds listeners that God’s light doesn’t just expose the truth… it heals it.

Truth in My Core

“Father God, Lead Me” is a raw and soul-stirring cry for divine direction. Big John Show opens his heart to God, revealing both human frailty and spiritual strength. The lyrics reflect surrender, faith, and love born through trials—showing how pain becomes purpose when transformed by God’s hands.

Father God, Lead Me

My name is John. I have been a broadcaster for five years and have been writing music and poetry for twenty years. I didn’t even realize I could read and write until I discovered I have mirror-touch synesthesia. I perceive everything from right to left: my poetry, words, and compassion. My childhood was challenging, to put it mildly. However, God showed me a way to help others through the words I share. Every song I write serves as a ministry. By addressing various issues, I hope to assist those with troubled pasts find healing through my words. I am a pastor, and this is how I spread God’s message—by feeling the emotions around me and understanding the feelings of the people I encounter, because I have experienced similar struggles. God allows me to see you in ways that others cannot.

BigjohnShow

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