After many years of having others around
No I live alone, no pets, downtown

Most days I never make a sound
Til I greet the staff at my favorite place downtown

They all turn and say “Hi Bill!” (makes me smile)
And I say Hey Hopi, Hi Gracie, Erin, Shea and Gwen!
Cayleana, Allen, Maya, Michael, Alex

What --- no Jessicas? Wasn't Jessica the new Heather?

I like that I can walk almost everywhere I need to go
I used to take the sun-link tram
To visit David at the University --- but he's not there anymore...
most folks I know these days work on either side of a bar
I like when I'm recognized as I come into the bar

I miss the sounds of family and the pettiness of pets
Now I live alone, no pets, downtown
Most days I never make a sound
Til I greet the staff at my favorite place downtown

They all turn and say “Hi Bill!” (makes me smile)
And I say Hey Britney, Hayley, Allanah, Shea, ZZ, Katie too!

Downtown (Ode to Elliott's)

Thanks for your note!
I've been thinking of you too
My heart leaps a little every time I see your name on my screen
I like that you choose to spend so much free time with me
To eat and drink and laugh and cry and spend time between the sheets

Call it sex, Call it lust
Call it anything you must
Call it sex, call it lust
just let's not call it love
Let's not call it love

There's danger in the way you breathe your air
Adventure in the way you make your hair
Come close and let me hold you tight
Let's see what happens when we get it right

I have a predilection for all the things you do
It feels just like my birthday most days when I'm with you
I don't know what we call it --- a crush?
I have this deep well of good feelings for you

Call It Sex

Whispering madness, wondering aloud
Tragedy, sadness, hangs like a shroud

Screaming catastrophe's through green paper walls
Running quite aimlessly through black, bloodstained halls

Tooth grinning idiot, always quite pleased
Copper head harlot, ripe to be squeezed

And whispering madness, rising quite tall
Gold-plated badness to answer the call

Raging now fearlessly, always insane
Crying so tearlessly, always in vain

Slightly and possibly, my mask is my name
Cold, broken dreams far better to blame

Whispering madness, finality near
False happy gladness, outrageously clear

Whispering Madness

So now I’m left just standing here with nothing but my name, again
Been through this before
And it always feels the same
Maybe this will someday be my only claim to fame?

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend, 
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

I took a sad song today, tried to make it better
But things don't always work that way
I heard some sad talk today, that winter's here to stay
And there's no such thing as a month called May

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you'll get you've gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend, 
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

Learned a few new games I never thought I'd have to play
Thought my time of leisure was here to stay
Ignorance is bliss, I'm told --- that's probably so
Maybe I'll never be happy

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend, 
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

My Best Friend

There's not much difference between 
a hero and one who simply survives
I can't be a hero all the time
Sometimes it's nice to be alone

Privacy is my religion
I've kept my faith in it
Finding comfort in anonymity
Seeking solace in silence

I'm finding most heroes as common as me
Looking glass pictures of what we could be
Everyday people who rise to a moment
Looking glass pictures of what we could be

My history repeats itself each day
Sometimes I can even make it rhyme
I can't be a hero all the time
Sometimes it's nice to be alone

Privacy is my religion
I've kept my faith in it
Finding comfort in anonymity
Seeking solace in silence

I'm finding most heroes as common as me
Looking glass pictures of what we could be
Everyday people who rise to a moment
Looking glass pictures of what we could be

Looking Glass Heroes

I'm learning to love
The sound of my feet
Walking away from
Troubles I don't need
I'm not gonna do it any more

All I have to give is love
And I'm not sure that's ever enough
All I have to do is walk away
From things that look too tough
I'm not gonna do it any more

I don't like the way things are headed
Complication setting in, need to simplify my life
I don't want to be told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I've built a pile of stuff
I never needed in the first place
I guess I won!
I never even knew the score

Everyone acts to protect 
the things they have
Until they find there was
So much more to be had
I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm fed up with the way things are
Complications setting in, need to simplify my life
I'm sick and tired of being told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm Not Going to Do It Any More

I don't know the things you know
I can't do the things you do
I don't hope for the same things you hope for
But I like spending time with you

A diagram reveals 
that we share a lot of common space
Rather be with you than without
Let's enjoy the ride together
See where it takes us
I like spending time with you

I can't see the things you see
I don't hear the things you hear
I don't celebrate the same things as you
I know we share some fears

A diagram reveals 
that we share a lot of common space
Rather be with you than without
Let's enjoy the ride together
See where it takes us
I like spending time with you

Time With You

Life is getting harder
Magnifies the pains and aches
Seems like every month lasts longer
Than the money I'm paid

We're all watching
We're all waiting
For the the storm to break
Everything's so difficult these days

I keep looking for the magic
For the trick that ends the fight
But by the end of every evening
Nothing's ever right

We're all watching
We're all waiting
For the the storm to break
Everything's so difficult these days

At the end of my dark alley
the charred remains of someone's life
Nothing left to claim but ashes
It's not nearly right

Difficult

All things considered, 
doing ok is ok by me
Good enough 
is good enough for me

We're human
Humans make mistakes
Often paid in grief...

Dangers facing us
No one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

And even when we win
The memory of a close call
Casts a shadow
on every choice we make

Dangers facing us
That no one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

Dangers facing us
That no one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

Loud Silence

It is possible to be kind to anyone
Given enough space
Even the most foolish ones
Can be mitigated by distance

The universe has no obligation 
to be satisfying or comprehensible
You either live til something matters
Or you don;t, and nothing does

The foolhardy and adventurers
Will try almost anything
And do it with a misplaced 
sense of confidence

The universe has no obligation 
to be satisfying or comprehensible
You either live til something matters
Or you don't, and nothing does

No Obligation



You say the world's left you behind, and it's hurt you so
And it shows, and it shows
You say that nothing's any good, and you want no part no more
You should know, you should know...

How could they know?
All of the things you've kept hidden for all these years
How Could They Know?
The reasons behind all your wide-eyed fears
How Could They Know
The nights you spent crying your shameless tears
How Could they know
All the things they've said wrong to one that hears

Well, it's always what we could be that we never really are
You're not a star, not a star
And you think you've had enough of it and you're wishing for an end
It's not far, it's not far...

How could they know...?


How Could They Know

I expect nothing anymore
I'm rarely disappointed
And sometimes even surprised
I take things as they come these days
They're coming whether
I'm ready or not...

I'm not smart enough for so many people
To be dumber than me
But we're all just doing our best

The sky and ocean share the same colors today
There is no horizon to be seen
I already know what I need to do
But it's nice to hear it from someone else

I'm not smart enough for so many people
To be dumber than me
But we're all just doing our best


No Horizon

Sometimes I'm surprised
At the things I think I remember
I'm certain that some of those things
Never happened at all
Just a product of my evolution
Since that memory was made

Sometimes you just have to limp away
Fold your hand and live to play another day

Words, pointed and sharp
Can soon turn into arrows and swords
Repeating the past
Just like rewind on a movie
Expecting something new to happen
When nothing else has changed

Sometimes you just have to limp away
Fold your hand and live to play another day



Another Day

Some days I can't recall
If I just said what I was thinking
Some days I can't tell where my body ends
and the outside universe begins

When it's gray I always think it's cold outside
I'm always surprised when it's not
Things are just beyond my fingertips
No amount of stretching gets me what I want

Some days I can't be called
By methods, tested and true
Some days I can't tell where I begin and end
Some days not connected to anything at all...

When it's gray I always think it's cold outside
I'm always surprised when it's not
Things are just beyond my fingertips
No amount of stretching gets me what I want

Some Days

I drew a line around a space
A circle formed to take it's place
When I turned around to flee
The circle had encompassed me

Walking on a tightrope with my head in a noose
Dancing on the tension, trying to shake loose
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Ain't it cold how things get old
And fade away before their due
Ain't it sad when things got mad
To find I couldn't depend on you

People ask me, “Bill, how does it feel
to be under the wheels of a moving train?”
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Everybody Wants To Be Me

Nothing's perfect
Things are rarely personal
Nothing is permanent

Where does a thought go
Once it's passed 
through your head?
A silence bruised by friction
Of any moving parts

Never make permanent decisions
Out of temporary emotions

I can do anything
But I can't do everything
Please don't feed this animal inside
Will I be tortured for information
I don't have?

In relationships
I've begun to be certain
I'm the crazy one
At work 
I've been equally certain
To be the lazy one

I can do anything
But I can't do everything
Please don't feed this animal inside
Will I be tortured for information
I don't have?

Anything/Everything

Maybe I said too many things
Too soon before the facts
And if I promised you the world
I was joking --- it's not mine
Guess I showed my hand too soon 
there's no encore for my act
And if you think that life's too cruel
Please don't blame me - it's for you

I'll write you into my history
But that's the only place you'll hold with me
I'll be on my way
Time to say goodbye

I'd love to have you in my world
But there's not enough to share
And if I promised you the world
I was joking, I take it back
Guess I showed my hand too soon 
there's no encore for my act
And if you think that life's too cruel
Please don't blame me - it's for you

I'll write you into my history
But that's the only place you'll hold with me
I'll be on my way
Time to say goodbye

Time To Say Goodbye

I can't look after myself
Can't imagine looking after someone else
Though I've done it, it's not easy
You learn things you probably should know

It's ok to be selfish
It's ok to be alone
It's ok to want what you want
It's ok to stay at home

Got a case of black hole vertigo
Leaning over an edge too far
I can feel gravity tugging at me
The allure of falling weightlessly

It's ok to be selfish
It's ok to be alone
It's ok to want what you want
It's ok to stay at home

Its OK

Disappointments

Walking in the darkness
My shadow hiding inside
The face in the mirror looks the same
But the pictures don't lie

Just another setback
In a string of disappointments
Each of them more daunting

In the end, we're only what we've done
Not what we thought
Not what we said
What we've done is our truth

Just another setback
In a string of disappointments
Each of them more haunting...


Disappointments

A good day in the sky today
Takeoffs equaled landings
The only thing between me and my future self
Is time – will I have enough?

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself

Suicide seems so deliberate
Things might magically improve
Hoping to sleep each night, rising every morning 
Hanging around, expecting nothing better...

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself


Praying to Myself

I've tried to always think the best
But I am often disappointed
When I am feeling charitable
I'll sometimes admit I've made mistakes

Things I've done that I regret
And all those things I never did
I regret those too
Things I can't unbreak
I'm reaching the edge of what I think I know
I'm approaching the point
Where there is no point anymore...

I've done things I never should have done
Either stupid or hazardous, or some mixture of both
But sometimes I learned
And mostly won't do it again

Things I've done that I regret
And all those things I never did
I regret those too
Things I can't unbreak
I'm reaching the edge of what I think I know
I'm approaching the point
Where there is no point anymore...

Regrets

Sometimes I reminisce
About a past that never happened
Maybe it's a glimpse into the future?
I write about the things I see
Even if the things I see aren't there

I'm often shocked at how my memory betrays me
Makes me wonder if it really happened at all
Frightened into vigilance
When what I crave is numb

I find most wounds are self-inflicted
Voluntary – a choice we make
If I could get a moment
When all my thoughts are my own


Memories

I know how long the night is
I've watched it pass, restlessly
A thousand times or more
No matter how little you have
Seems there's always something more to lose

I've spent my whole life 
being somebody's something
First a son, then a cousin, a brother,
a friend, an enemy, a lover
A husband, a father
An elder, soon to be late

A promise is only a promise once fulfilled
And if it never happens, it was just another lie
No one can test the difference today
Another case of “time will tell”


Somebody's Something

What is a weed?
Something that grows where it's not welcome
Unintended and unwanted
I've been there before

A harsh place
In a world over-run with hard places
The world is not kind
Remember that
And you'll never be disappointed

A weed may be an innocent plant
That strayed into the wrong neighborhood
A corn plant in a bean field is a weed
Grass, in a garden, is out of place

A harsh place
In a world over-run with hard places
The world is not kind
Remember that
And you'll never be disappointed

Weeds

Words are convenient containers 
to carry bits of thought
Devoid of meaning until invested with emotion
And ordered in a particular way

Now I want to say some words out loud
Things I've read, but never said
I know what they mean and how they're spelled
Just don't know how they sound

We mask our thoughts in politeness
At the risk of being pointless

Words are often too precise to describe emotions
Often too clumsy, not adequate for how I feel
Or they're too precise
And betray what I'm concealing

Now I want to say some words out loud
Things I've read, but never said
I know what they mean and how they're spelled
Just don't know how they sound

Words

Don't watch me through a window
I'll smash it in your face
Don't let me see you out of line
I'll put you back in place

I'll push you down and kick your head
if that will make you hear
This is the 20th century
It's time we knew some fear

Well you can be afraid of me
I'll pound you til your eye can see
I'll show you what it means to be
alive in the 20th century

the bible's empty pages
tell me what I'm doing wrong
survivors and we're raging
and we can't wait here too long

And I don't wanna, I really don't wanna
I really don't want to hurt you
I just wanna, really just wanna
Just wanna affect you

20th Century Live

I don't know how to grieve anymore, 
I've forgotten how to cry 

Everybody's weary, and now too numb to fight 
Impossible things become du jour --- How is that a life? 

Mistakes were made - somebody got it wrong 
Everybody's watching everything go wrong

Rules and order breaking down 
We'll wait another day to take the kids to town 

And now we've held our breath collectively 
At the edge of a future we can't escape 

Time to exhale, time to breathe 
We have a lot of work to do 

Though I'm still breathing, and my heart's still beating 
At least a piece of me has died 

We stand by watching, stupefied at what we see 
The past has passed, we're here right now 

The only answers now that count 
are the ones that shape tomorrow 
We have a lot of work to do 
if we wanna keep tomorrow

Tomorrow V.2

I Like You
I want to hold your hand
I want to be your man
I want to twist and shout 

I just had a hard day in the life
with a little help from my friends

I've got a feeling
Do you want to know a secret?
I want to tell you
Got to get you into my life

I'll be on my way
I'll follow the sun
I'll be back, it won't be long
Anytime at all

I want you
For now, I'm happy just to dance with you
Across the Universe
Here Comes the Sun!


I Want You V.2

When we talk, we don't talk
We just throw words past each other
I would, if I could 
But I can't get it done...

Part of me is now part of you
and part of you, is me
I hope that I can bear that weight
How can “empty” weigh so much?

I've been alone
Alone on a beach, alone in a crowd
But lonely's not the same as alone
Lonely's so much different than alone...

I know I'm a little broken
Endings often happen fast
Despite all plans and expectations
Sometimes nothing goes as planned

And then it came --- the day before it rained!
My hero cape retired, my regal robes in dust
Now I live alone, Now I sleep alone --- 
I'll likely that I'll pass from this life alone

I've been alone --- I can choose to be alone
on a beach, in a crowd
But lonely's not the same as alone
Lonely's so much different than alone...

Lonely's Not The Same As Alone V2

So now I’m left just standing here with nothing but my name, again
Been through this before
And it always feels the same
Maybe this will someday be my only claim to fame?

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend,
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

I took a sad song today, tried to make it better
But things don't always work that way
I heard some sad talk today, that winter's here to stay
And there's no more month called May

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you'll get you've gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend,
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

Learned a few new games I never thought I'd have to play
Thought my time of leisure was here to stay
Ignorance is bliss, I'm told --- that's probably so
Maybe I'll never be happy

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend,
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

My Best Friend V2

Toxic Barista I

Time is for memories
One way to realize it's moving past
Those who don't respect it
Just fritter it away
Like sand running through the glass

We mark time with videos and photographs
And smells and sounds and visions of the past
Things that we've experienced 
in some way once before

I'm not waiting anymore
I've had so much time
And now there's none to waste

The passage of time is invisible to most
One moment to the next, and then it's gone
Life sometimes turns on the smallest of decisions
Time is often measured by the things we've left behind

We know time by the things we most remember
And sometimes those things we'd rather forget
Life often changes in quite ordinary ways
Makes it easy to forget

I'm not waiting anymore
I've had so much time
And now there's none to waste

Time V2

I'm ok with rules
All I ask is that those who make the rules
Practice what that preach
Not what they fear

Rules are good when order is required
But order has a border that including 
Those who make the rules

They should abide by the rules they make
Consequence should  be something that hurts
Rules aren't made to be broken
They're made to make things work

I've been scared for awhile
But now I just don't care anymore
I played the part of someone else so long
That now I don't know which one is me

I follow the rules
Even when it doesn't suit me
But the folks who make them don't follow them the same way
And there should be an appropriate price to pay

Rules are good when order is required
But order has a border that including 
Those who make the rules

They should follow the rules they make
Consequence should  be something that hurts
Rules aren't made to be broken
They're made to make things work

I've been scared for awhile
But now I just don't care anymore
I played the part of someone else so long
That now I don't know which one is me

Rules V2

Flammable and inflammable 
mean exactly the same thing
Something that ignites easily
And burns itself out rapidly

Oxygen is in the air
Heat is furnished by desire
Fuel is the unspent passion
My skin on yours
A chemical reaction
Oxygen, heat, and fuel
The chemistry of fire

Oxygen in the air we share
Proximity builds the heat 
Fueled by desire
The chemistry of fire

Combustion is another name for burning
Flame throws off both heat and light
My skin on yours
A chemical reaction
Oxygen, heat, and fuel
The chemistry of fire


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