Poem by Talth MaeDWillow - Read by The Guther

Twas the night before christmas and all through Owyn's house
not a creature was stiring, only the clicking of his mouse
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
with hope that St. Nicholas would soon loot their lair


The children were nestled all snug in their beds
pretending to sleep but listening to 'Comms Chat' instead
And Mama in her negligee and leather 'Christmas Wrap'
had just settled in to entice Owyn to 'Nap'


When out in the livingroom there arose such a clatter
that Owyn found a safe spot to see what was the matter
Away to the kitchen he flew like a flash!
grabbed a blunt object for the brains he would bash!


The moon on the twinkling tree all a-glow
made out the impression of a zombie below!
When what to his wondering eye should appear,
an intruder with his presents! (and smelling of beer)!


The guy hadn't aggro'd so Owyn was quick
and dashed in to brain him real hard with his stick.
More rapid than eagles the drunk man became
and ran around calling his buddies by name!


“Now Jenkins! Now Steven!
Now, Barry and Nixon!
On, Melvin! Out, Stupid!
Run, Oscar and Clinton!
To the top of the porch! 
To the top of the wall!
Now run away! Run away! 
RUN AWAY ALL!!


As roaches that scatter when lights glow they fly,
out of the house and who knows where they lie!
So away from presents of Owyn's family they flew
with only a few bundles pilfered, too. 


And then, from the basement, he heard a large poof
and the presence of the Boss was revealed. Oh, forsooth! 
As Owyn drew back from the door and was turning around
“WHAP!” Was the crack on his face! What a sound! 


The Boss, he was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
and his clothes were all tarnished from ashes and soot.
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back
and he looked like a Pimp that was strung out on crack! 


His eyes – they were sunken! His dimples, how eerie!
His cheeks were like copies of a creepy Dennis Leary!
His foreboding mouth was twisted up in a grin,
that made you think he would eat you, but damn, was he thin!
The bit of a joint he held tight in his teeth,
and the reefer smell circled his body like a wreath.
He had a thick gold chain that went down to his belly,
that twinkled when he laughed, like KY Jelly.


He was holding his Pimp stick, a mean, Rumplestiltskinesque elf,
and Owyn cringed when he saw him, in spite of himself. 
A flick of his wrist and a twist of his head
soon gave him know he had lots to dread. 


He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
took all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his Pimp stick above Owyn's nose,
he poked him right good, making bloody his clothes!


Owyn lunged at the Crack Pimp, (made his bloody mouth whistle!)
and away flew the Pimp Boss like a thin SCUD missle. 
But Owyn heard him proclaim, as he fainted to black.
“Happy Christmas to all, and kids, don't do Crack!”


- By Talth

billie.d.kidd