small self sings small song, remember wanting to write a really melodramatic ballad so I wrote this around the walk down heard in the verse , about a couple different friends of mine I'd gotten tangled up with and I sort of just made them into this person to sing about. p much a rip of that blonde redhead song that became a meme after  rick n morty came out

i had started smoking pretty heavily at this point and began to lose my range

late end demo 10/17

version interrupted-- small self sings big sorrow
this recording was better at first and then my stepdad's brother-in-law randomly barged into our home  right before the end . recorded fall 2017


got up early today to watch the sun come out
but the haze paints a shadow through my window
I am not like that

when I fall out of bed I will crumble

& when I wake it's hard to breathe I'm in a fishbowl
glassed in &
I'm alone and I can swim alone and wallow
I am not let down

when I see you again I will grow up

and I left the light on at night
catching bugs to keep inside
the family home will keep my pride
to remain here is to diiiieieieeeieiee hmm

I will hurry up when I get back in my body
& I will get to know the fire that surrounds me
the quiet life is short 

the heat outside laying down by the garden
leaves are yellow all around won't last forever
if it's all that I can do I'll go wherever, 
anywhere you go

you will let me know when it's over. .  .  .    .    .

special version interrupted part: 
motherfuckers coming into my house
comin inside without even knocking i didn't even know you were here 
pain in the ass what are you doing in my house 
I'm trying to work this is all I can dooOoooooo ahhhhhhhh 😭😒

fishbowl/bug hunt ver. interrupted (2017)

a demo over a demo for songwriting workshop 2022:
another song born in the trenches of 2017 
for this demo I decided that instead of making a brand new recording I would record with the original demo as backing , or more as a collaboration with my small self. a lot has happened in five years.

I can't do everything right
but I know that if I want to I might
& I don't know who I am
& I don't have a plan

I'm way too old to be this afraid
I hate the cruel way I was made
but there's not much to be done about it yet
& I know I won't be soon to forget

I stay up late I want to dream
I need my friends I miss my team
across the sea in a darkened room
I know I'll mess it all up again too soon

bbbbm

on our way to your new place
fit the key in the door

see you standing on your own
all along , all along

I hold your hands in mine love
say goodbye, say goodbye again
cos you are following a star
and this was never mine
nevermind

never mine (feat. FISH TRICKS)

bird song bird song
made with Eric & Simon, Eric's house 2022. miss my friends dearly.

Bird Song

the first long song I tried to make i used a cello, my grandma's piano, my stepdad's drums, electric bass through water-damaged guitar amp that stopped worker after this cursed track was recorded lmao
recorded on iphone garageband

Merrick Johnson's Album

my first bake

homestar runnin back home

all i want is in my room
I'll sleep there in the morning
and into the afternoon
and I'll get up when I want to

bored with notoriety
just to gaze at what I've done (to you)
too much of a ride for me 
I'd much rather lay alone

all of my life 
frightening tendencies
no, but not I
you can stay here with me

talk for a while
find out just what you know
then I'll be on my way home

faithfully you'll talk me down
with a voice that's just like honey ™ 
but oh, I knew it all along
you're not the same without me

fear of loss
a fear of change
you've worked so hard to win it

now begin to rearrange 
cos I'm no longer in it

oh, count me out
reckless endangerment 
what it's about
if i could remember it all

alright 
you let me down today
put up a fight
or say what you want to  go away


or walk with meEEeEEeEe 🐴
back to where you come from
all I need is right here when I come home
let me be, now that you've won
or put me out, if you want me out
do you want me out???????

let me go home i feel so low

I just want to hide away
I'll meet you here tomorrow 
if I'm the same as yesterday
then you'll be here to follow.

homestar

i could go
out in the yard
and I'd find something
to look at
and I'm all alone

the battery is dying
i can't change the channel
but I can watch what's already on

never been caught lying
hide my teeth and swallow
but I can feel it coming on

see another place
will you forget my face?
lying on the ground
turn it all around

you were a friend to me
that was all that I could see

so long to my brothers,
just too much to keep me
hanging on

he can't see in colors
same as all the others
but does he know
what color is blood?

ready, set, erase
find kaspar in my place
can't look back again
I am no one's friend

but they were friends to me
they were all that I could see

please don't turn your back on me
you were a friend to me 

xx see you again

friend to me

im gonna rerecord this one for sure

far away
the interstate
it's not too late

go along
but not for long
cos it's all wrong, yeah

keep it quiet now
(it's not the real thing)
it's not the real thing
anyhow
you're gonna let yourself down again

patience pays
but not today
i hate the way

it all works out
but what's it all about
you gotta go without

soft as ever, and
(you know you got it)
you know you're clever

but you're running out of time
you better make up your mind
cos now you're on your own

easy hour

big bad bastard ballad

oh, flowers in your hand won't do no good now
though they can't do harm I guess
lay your body next to mine & float on down to
the place where you were before & shut the door

say you were there back then
crunching numbers, 
i made a guilty friend
break & mend & then
for another, i made a lousy bet, 
don't forget

so, i misunderstood the nuances of
friendship &  love it's not impossible to see
things fall apart just when you've picked them up
it's not enough

words and dollars lost too soon
you're still dreaming in the afternoon
daysee's pinned up on your wall
in a couple of years this will mean nothing at all
not at all

so come on
it's not enough

last lap, baby,  around the bend
but you're not yet done

help me return to hopeless 
the fear stays on

late end

compatible with most 1999-2001 honda civic stereo systems......

birthday boy

on my little walk
i saw your face
in a pile  of dirty snow
so i kicked it hard
but i froze up
& headed home

cos I can let it go
I don't wanna know

everybody talk so much
it makes me feel
a little out of the loop
everybody wants 
to go to lunch but
I've got a strong aversion to food

& it's no problem,
smoke em if you've got em

((bella: OOF! BOOF! )) r.i.p. cheeky girl

billywitch

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